Post by angryfan on Apr 29, 2006 1:13:29 GMT -5
Here ya go guys, the latest episode.
Wooo’s the Boss (self-help groups)
(scene opens with the gang on the bus)
HHH: Where are we going? I’m missing Survivor.
Steph: You can Tivo it, and besides, this is more important. As part of the wellness program, we’ve instituting several self-help groups. I thought it would be nice if we stopped by to show we care.
HHH: But, I’m missing Survivor.
Steph: I told you to Tivo it, and you’re not getting out of this. We need them to know we care.
HHH: But I don’t care. I’m fine, everyone I know is fine, so why do I have to go?
Steph: Look at it this way, it’s this or the pull out sofa in the attic again.
HHH: Damn it. What’s taking so long anyway? It’s not that far of a drive.
GoldDust: (from the driver’s seat of the bus) It’s not my fault, we’ve got some idiot in a Civic doing about 30 in front of us. (he honks the horn again)
Flair: (perking up) Woooooooooo! (he begins to strut to the front of the bus)
Steph: Naitch, what are you doing?
Flair: (oblivious to her) Woooo! Wooooooooo!
Gold Dust: (stopping the bus) Whatever you say Naitch.
Steph; No, don’t stop the bus!
(the bus stops and Flair jumps out and begins strutting towards the Civic, which has now come to a stop at a red light. He struts to the driver’s side and Flair Flops into the door. A very nervous looking Funaki climbs out)
Funaki: You have a problem?
Flair: Wooooooooooo!
Funaki: Listen, I am Smackdown number one announcer, and I am doing the speed limit!
Flair: Woooooooo!
Funaki: Why should I run the red light?
Flair: Woooooooooooooo! (he chops Funaki, who falls, and then begins stomping on him)
HHH: (running from the bus) Naitch, relax man, it’s ok. (he grabs Flair and begins dragging him back to the bus. He shoves him onboard and goes back to the Civic)
Funaki: Thank you, thank you, he’s crazy.
HHH: (says nothing just stares at Funaki, Sledgie slung over his shoulder)
Funaki: (quietly) Chikushou
(HHH smacks him in the head with Sledgie, then Pedigrees him on the hood of the car. He then returns to the bus, which is soon back on the road)
Steph: Well, I hope you’re both proud of yourselves.
Flair: Woooooooo!
Steph: Yes, we are going faster now, but –
HHH: And what did you want me to do? I helped the guy out.
Steph: Well…yes, you did help in a way.
HHH: If you mean me hitting him, well, he wanted me to.
Steph: He did?
HHH: Yep.
Steph: I don’t see how –
Gold Dust: (cutting her off) We’re here.
(the bus has pulled up outside a smaller building at the Titan Towers complex. The gange exits and heads inside)
HHH: So how many groups are there?
Steph: Well, we’ve got three going so far.
HHH: Three? What are they for?
Steph: They’re for a variety of issues we feel the employees may need help with. Now, we’re going inside, so we need to be professional while we’re in here, ok?
HHH: I’m always professional.
Steph: Just don’t make a scene.
HHH: When have I ever?
Steph: Hunter, behave, these people are trying to get help, and we should be supportive.
HHH: Fine.
(the group goes in the first room, finding Umaga at a podium)
Umaga: Hi everyone, my name is Jam – (he is cut off by a tap on the shoulder from Johnny Ace) – I mean Umaga, and I have a problem.
Room: (in unison) Hi Umaga.
HHH: (whispering to Flair in the back of the room) This should be interesting.
Flair: Woooo.
Steph: (glaring) quiet.
Umaga: My problem is, I have a bad finisher.
Viscera: Is it humping your opponent?
Umaga: No. (beginning to shake)
Masters: Is it a full nelson?
Umaga: No, no, it’s worse. It’s so much worse. (he begins to sob)
Group: (begins to shout encouragement and supportive things to Umaga)
Johnny: (nodding) Go on, you can tell them.
Umaga: It’s…the Asiatic Spike.
(there is a collective gasp from the room)
Farooq: (popping his head into the room) Damn! (he departs)
Umaga: I know, it’s just…sometimes I don’t even want to go out there. I try to make everything look menacing; I try so hard, but then I feel like Mr Spock or something and – (his voice gives out and he walks from the podium and collapses into a seat)
Johnny: Alright, who would like to be next?
Scotty: Can I be next?
Johnny: No.
Scotty: Why not? I do the worm, and that should count for something, right?
Johnny: It would.
Scotty: Why doesn’t it?
Johnny: Well, see, you need to actually use it to win matches with it for it to count.
Scotty: Damn it! (he runs out of the room in tears)
Glacier: (sitting in the back of the room taking notes) I still don’t see what’s wrong with the Asiatic spike.
(at this point, the group turns on Glacier and begins pummeling him in unison, as Trips, Steph, Flair and Sledgie all slip out of the room)
HHH: (burst out laughing as soon as the door to the conference room closes and they are alone in the hallway) The Asiatic Spike? That’s great.
Flair: Wooooooo!
HHH: No, how could it be worse?
Fliar: Wooooooooooo!
HHH: Yeah, it could be the Garvin Stomp, you’re right about that.
Steph: Thank you for at least containing yourselves until we got outside. Can we go to the next room yet?
HHH: Fine, what’s this one?
Steph: It’s a self-esteem work shop. We use it to build peoples’ confidence with a microphone.
(the group enters the room, to find Mark Henry, Kali, John Cena, Candice Michelle, and Lashley all sitting in a semi-circle)
HHH: (whispering) Cena’s here? But I thought you guys liked his stuff.
Steph: We do, but we’re trying to get him more used to our style.
Regal: (standing to one side of the room) Alright, first things first, we would like you to all remember, there is no criticism here. I want everyone to remember that we are here to support each other. Now, for our first exercise, the writers would like you to try (he looks at his sheet) oh dear lord, this must be a joke!
Gerwitz: (standing in the corner of the room) No, we think it’s a good start.
Regal: The balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet? Have you lost your bloody minds? Have you been drinking?
Gerwitz: Just do it.
Regal: Fine, but I shall say first of all, this is bloody ridiculous. How can we possibly expect this to go well?
Gerwitz: We know what we’re doing.
Regal: Right, I’m sure you do. Alright, if we must, let’s have…oh who the hell cares? Candice, you’ll be Juliet since you’re the only one that would fit the part, and who would like to be Romeo?
Kali: (stands and growls something unintelligible)
Regal: Oh, this should be fantastic. Knock yourself out, sunshine, go ahead. (he sits to watch)
Kali: (clears his throat and screams another unrecognizable few seconds, then stops and, taking a napkin, spits several caramels into it and sets it aside) Terribly sorry, old boy, it’s the sweets.
Regal: (stunned at the perfect English) The what?
Kali: These caramels, they calm my nerves, but make it hard to speak properly. Shall I continue the scene now?
Regal: (still reeling from the development) By all means.
Kali: Oh speak again, bright angel, for thou art as glorious to this night, being over my head, as is a winged messenger of heaven unto the white-upturned wondering eyes
of mortals that fall back to gaze on him when he bestrides the lazy puffing clouds
and sails upon the bosom of the air. (he then looks to Regal, who sits open-mouthed in his chair) How was that?
Gerwitz: That won’t do at all!
Kali: Was there a problem in my delivery?
Gerwitz: We’re paying you to be a monster, not an actor. From now on, when you speak, keep the caramels in your mouth.
Kali: But I thought –
Regal: Can we continue this later? We are in mid-scene?
Gerwitz: Fine. Go ahead Candice.
Candice: (standing and doing her Go Daddy dance)
Regal: He meant read the lines you bloody tart.
Candice: I’m getting to that.
Regal: Fine:
Candice: (clears her throat) Romeo, Romeo, where are you at Romeo? Like, deny your daddy (she stops and dances) and refuse your name. That’s funny, why would he refuse his name? Couldn’t someone just give him a new one?
Regal: Just read the damn lines.
Candice: Fine. So like, if you won’t do that, then say that you love me or something, and I won’t be a capsule anymore.
Regal: That’s Capulet.
Candice: That’s the jell-coated ones, right?
Regal: Damn, this is frustrating. Alright, sit down Candice. That was certainly unique. Who would like to be next?
Gerwitz: John, I think it’s your turn.
Cena: Why am I even here? I have no problem with a microphone. I like talking, and have always been comfortable.
Gerwitz: Your scene is – (he is cut off by Regal)
Regal: Am I running this workshop or not?
Gerwitz: Fine, proceed.
Regal: Alright, John, it says here your scene is to show frustration.
John: Alright. (he stands) Look, I don’t see what the problem is, haven’t I done enough? I try very hard to –
Gerwitz: John. (he points to the cue card he is holding)
John: What the hell is that?
Gerwitz: Listen, we pay you good money to go out there, right? So we expect you to remember your lines. We want you to do things our way.
John: (looking over at the cue card) Yo, yo, yo, listen up, ya’ll are a bunch of punks, ya’ll are always fronting on – (he stops) Man this isn’t working. Why can’t I just use regular words?
Gerwitz: You’re a rapper, and the kids want to hear the lingo. Now read!
John: So the chaingang is – (he is cut off by the rest of the group booing loudly) Man, this is stupid, I’m leaving. (he departs)
(in the back of the room, Steph, Trips, Flair, and Sledgie slip outside)
HHH: Ok, I’ve sat through two of your little groups. If we leave now, I can catch the vote. Can we leave now?
Steph: Well, I was hoping we could see the last group.
HHH: You go ahead, I’m going back to the bus. (he departs)
Steph: Well, I suppose it is time to go, shame we can’t see the last one though.
Flair: Woooooooooo!
Steph: Oh, it’s a group for some of the Divas to see how they’re adjusting.
Flair: Wooooooooooo!
Steph: Well, yes, you certainly can, I think they’d appreciate someone like you stopping in to encourage them.
Flair: Woooooooooo! (he then struts down the hallway, removing clothes as he goes)
(scene ends)
Wooo’s the Boss (self-help groups)
(scene opens with the gang on the bus)
HHH: Where are we going? I’m missing Survivor.
Steph: You can Tivo it, and besides, this is more important. As part of the wellness program, we’ve instituting several self-help groups. I thought it would be nice if we stopped by to show we care.
HHH: But, I’m missing Survivor.
Steph: I told you to Tivo it, and you’re not getting out of this. We need them to know we care.
HHH: But I don’t care. I’m fine, everyone I know is fine, so why do I have to go?
Steph: Look at it this way, it’s this or the pull out sofa in the attic again.
HHH: Damn it. What’s taking so long anyway? It’s not that far of a drive.
GoldDust: (from the driver’s seat of the bus) It’s not my fault, we’ve got some idiot in a Civic doing about 30 in front of us. (he honks the horn again)
Flair: (perking up) Woooooooooo! (he begins to strut to the front of the bus)
Steph: Naitch, what are you doing?
Flair: (oblivious to her) Woooo! Wooooooooo!
Gold Dust: (stopping the bus) Whatever you say Naitch.
Steph; No, don’t stop the bus!
(the bus stops and Flair jumps out and begins strutting towards the Civic, which has now come to a stop at a red light. He struts to the driver’s side and Flair Flops into the door. A very nervous looking Funaki climbs out)
Funaki: You have a problem?
Flair: Wooooooooooo!
Funaki: Listen, I am Smackdown number one announcer, and I am doing the speed limit!
Flair: Woooooooo!
Funaki: Why should I run the red light?
Flair: Woooooooooooooo! (he chops Funaki, who falls, and then begins stomping on him)
HHH: (running from the bus) Naitch, relax man, it’s ok. (he grabs Flair and begins dragging him back to the bus. He shoves him onboard and goes back to the Civic)
Funaki: Thank you, thank you, he’s crazy.
HHH: (says nothing just stares at Funaki, Sledgie slung over his shoulder)
Funaki: (quietly) Chikushou
(HHH smacks him in the head with Sledgie, then Pedigrees him on the hood of the car. He then returns to the bus, which is soon back on the road)
Steph: Well, I hope you’re both proud of yourselves.
Flair: Woooooooo!
Steph: Yes, we are going faster now, but –
HHH: And what did you want me to do? I helped the guy out.
Steph: Well…yes, you did help in a way.
HHH: If you mean me hitting him, well, he wanted me to.
Steph: He did?
HHH: Yep.
Steph: I don’t see how –
Gold Dust: (cutting her off) We’re here.
(the bus has pulled up outside a smaller building at the Titan Towers complex. The gange exits and heads inside)
HHH: So how many groups are there?
Steph: Well, we’ve got three going so far.
HHH: Three? What are they for?
Steph: They’re for a variety of issues we feel the employees may need help with. Now, we’re going inside, so we need to be professional while we’re in here, ok?
HHH: I’m always professional.
Steph: Just don’t make a scene.
HHH: When have I ever?
Steph: Hunter, behave, these people are trying to get help, and we should be supportive.
HHH: Fine.
(the group goes in the first room, finding Umaga at a podium)
Umaga: Hi everyone, my name is Jam – (he is cut off by a tap on the shoulder from Johnny Ace) – I mean Umaga, and I have a problem.
Room: (in unison) Hi Umaga.
HHH: (whispering to Flair in the back of the room) This should be interesting.
Flair: Woooo.
Steph: (glaring) quiet.
Umaga: My problem is, I have a bad finisher.
Viscera: Is it humping your opponent?
Umaga: No. (beginning to shake)
Masters: Is it a full nelson?
Umaga: No, no, it’s worse. It’s so much worse. (he begins to sob)
Group: (begins to shout encouragement and supportive things to Umaga)
Johnny: (nodding) Go on, you can tell them.
Umaga: It’s…the Asiatic Spike.
(there is a collective gasp from the room)
Farooq: (popping his head into the room) Damn! (he departs)
Umaga: I know, it’s just…sometimes I don’t even want to go out there. I try to make everything look menacing; I try so hard, but then I feel like Mr Spock or something and – (his voice gives out and he walks from the podium and collapses into a seat)
Johnny: Alright, who would like to be next?
Scotty: Can I be next?
Johnny: No.
Scotty: Why not? I do the worm, and that should count for something, right?
Johnny: It would.
Scotty: Why doesn’t it?
Johnny: Well, see, you need to actually use it to win matches with it for it to count.
Scotty: Damn it! (he runs out of the room in tears)
Glacier: (sitting in the back of the room taking notes) I still don’t see what’s wrong with the Asiatic spike.
(at this point, the group turns on Glacier and begins pummeling him in unison, as Trips, Steph, Flair and Sledgie all slip out of the room)
HHH: (burst out laughing as soon as the door to the conference room closes and they are alone in the hallway) The Asiatic Spike? That’s great.
Flair: Wooooooo!
HHH: No, how could it be worse?
Fliar: Wooooooooooo!
HHH: Yeah, it could be the Garvin Stomp, you’re right about that.
Steph: Thank you for at least containing yourselves until we got outside. Can we go to the next room yet?
HHH: Fine, what’s this one?
Steph: It’s a self-esteem work shop. We use it to build peoples’ confidence with a microphone.
(the group enters the room, to find Mark Henry, Kali, John Cena, Candice Michelle, and Lashley all sitting in a semi-circle)
HHH: (whispering) Cena’s here? But I thought you guys liked his stuff.
Steph: We do, but we’re trying to get him more used to our style.
Regal: (standing to one side of the room) Alright, first things first, we would like you to all remember, there is no criticism here. I want everyone to remember that we are here to support each other. Now, for our first exercise, the writers would like you to try (he looks at his sheet) oh dear lord, this must be a joke!
Gerwitz: (standing in the corner of the room) No, we think it’s a good start.
Regal: The balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet? Have you lost your bloody minds? Have you been drinking?
Gerwitz: Just do it.
Regal: Fine, but I shall say first of all, this is bloody ridiculous. How can we possibly expect this to go well?
Gerwitz: We know what we’re doing.
Regal: Right, I’m sure you do. Alright, if we must, let’s have…oh who the hell cares? Candice, you’ll be Juliet since you’re the only one that would fit the part, and who would like to be Romeo?
Kali: (stands and growls something unintelligible)
Regal: Oh, this should be fantastic. Knock yourself out, sunshine, go ahead. (he sits to watch)
Kali: (clears his throat and screams another unrecognizable few seconds, then stops and, taking a napkin, spits several caramels into it and sets it aside) Terribly sorry, old boy, it’s the sweets.
Regal: (stunned at the perfect English) The what?
Kali: These caramels, they calm my nerves, but make it hard to speak properly. Shall I continue the scene now?
Regal: (still reeling from the development) By all means.
Kali: Oh speak again, bright angel, for thou art as glorious to this night, being over my head, as is a winged messenger of heaven unto the white-upturned wondering eyes
of mortals that fall back to gaze on him when he bestrides the lazy puffing clouds
and sails upon the bosom of the air. (he then looks to Regal, who sits open-mouthed in his chair) How was that?
Gerwitz: That won’t do at all!
Kali: Was there a problem in my delivery?
Gerwitz: We’re paying you to be a monster, not an actor. From now on, when you speak, keep the caramels in your mouth.
Kali: But I thought –
Regal: Can we continue this later? We are in mid-scene?
Gerwitz: Fine. Go ahead Candice.
Candice: (standing and doing her Go Daddy dance)
Regal: He meant read the lines you bloody tart.
Candice: I’m getting to that.
Regal: Fine:
Candice: (clears her throat) Romeo, Romeo, where are you at Romeo? Like, deny your daddy (she stops and dances) and refuse your name. That’s funny, why would he refuse his name? Couldn’t someone just give him a new one?
Regal: Just read the damn lines.
Candice: Fine. So like, if you won’t do that, then say that you love me or something, and I won’t be a capsule anymore.
Regal: That’s Capulet.
Candice: That’s the jell-coated ones, right?
Regal: Damn, this is frustrating. Alright, sit down Candice. That was certainly unique. Who would like to be next?
Gerwitz: John, I think it’s your turn.
Cena: Why am I even here? I have no problem with a microphone. I like talking, and have always been comfortable.
Gerwitz: Your scene is – (he is cut off by Regal)
Regal: Am I running this workshop or not?
Gerwitz: Fine, proceed.
Regal: Alright, John, it says here your scene is to show frustration.
John: Alright. (he stands) Look, I don’t see what the problem is, haven’t I done enough? I try very hard to –
Gerwitz: John. (he points to the cue card he is holding)
John: What the hell is that?
Gerwitz: Listen, we pay you good money to go out there, right? So we expect you to remember your lines. We want you to do things our way.
John: (looking over at the cue card) Yo, yo, yo, listen up, ya’ll are a bunch of punks, ya’ll are always fronting on – (he stops) Man this isn’t working. Why can’t I just use regular words?
Gerwitz: You’re a rapper, and the kids want to hear the lingo. Now read!
John: So the chaingang is – (he is cut off by the rest of the group booing loudly) Man, this is stupid, I’m leaving. (he departs)
(in the back of the room, Steph, Trips, Flair, and Sledgie slip outside)
HHH: Ok, I’ve sat through two of your little groups. If we leave now, I can catch the vote. Can we leave now?
Steph: Well, I was hoping we could see the last group.
HHH: You go ahead, I’m going back to the bus. (he departs)
Steph: Well, I suppose it is time to go, shame we can’t see the last one though.
Flair: Woooooooooo!
Steph: Oh, it’s a group for some of the Divas to see how they’re adjusting.
Flair: Wooooooooooo!
Steph: Well, yes, you certainly can, I think they’d appreciate someone like you stopping in to encourage them.
Flair: Woooooooooo! (he then struts down the hallway, removing clothes as he goes)
(scene ends)
