Post by The OP on Dec 24, 2012 20:00:13 GMT -5
I hate to say it but I'm having a hard time not feeling depressed this Christmas. I started this thread to vent and see if anybody else is having the same experience, I don't know maybe we can make each other feel better or something.
Anyways, I don't wanna bore people with every little detail, but it's just been a really unpredictable and confusing year. Not everything is bad, and there are some good things in my life that I appreciate, but more than ever I have no idea what the future holds. I feel like I'm under a lot of pressure all the time. I'm always playing peacekeeper in my household, and that's starting to wear me down. My dad sent me what I like to call a "f*** you card" for Christmas, so that was nice. It was basically to tell me what a terrible son I am for not keeping in touch with him even though any time we've spoken since I was a kid it's been like 99% me calling him and having to do all the work to try to have a father/son relationship, which is totally backwards in the first place. All this has my nerves frazzled right when I have a big event coming up right up after Christmas where I'm gonna have to talk in front of a lot of people, and it's something I'm helping promote so I'm financially invested as well. All these things piled up are starting to make me anxious, irritable, and depressed. I hope this doesn't come off like I'm looking for a bunch of back patting and sympathy, but I have to get this off my chest and I don't know who I'm supposed to say this stuff to. It's times like this where I kind of start to understand how people could start thinking really dark thoughts and making plans to do crazy things. I'm not saying I'm doing that, I just mean I can understand how some people start to feel like they just can't handle it all and start to trying to think of a way out. Last time I had a show like the one I have coming up I kind of felt like this but not as bad, but then I ended up having a great time and feeling a lot better for a while after that, so hopefully that will happen again this time.
Anyways, I don't wanna bore people with every little detail, but it's just been a really unpredictable and confusing year. Not everything is bad, and there are some good things in my life that I appreciate, but more than ever I have no idea what the future holds. I feel like I'm under a lot of pressure all the time. I'm always playing peacekeeper in my household, and that's starting to wear me down. My dad sent me what I like to call a "f*** you card" for Christmas, so that was nice. It was basically to tell me what a terrible son I am for not keeping in touch with him even though any time we've spoken since I was a kid it's been like 99% me calling him and having to do all the work to try to have a father/son relationship, which is totally backwards in the first place. All this has my nerves frazzled right when I have a big event coming up right up after Christmas where I'm gonna have to talk in front of a lot of people, and it's something I'm helping promote so I'm financially invested as well. All these things piled up are starting to make me anxious, irritable, and depressed. I hope this doesn't come off like I'm looking for a bunch of back patting and sympathy, but I have to get this off my chest and I don't know who I'm supposed to say this stuff to. It's times like this where I kind of start to understand how people could start thinking really dark thoughts and making plans to do crazy things. I'm not saying I'm doing that, I just mean I can understand how some people start to feel like they just can't handle it all and start to trying to think of a way out. Last time I had a show like the one I have coming up I kind of felt like this but not as bad, but then I ended up having a great time and feeling a lot better for a while after that, so hopefully that will happen again this time.
