My poetry thread

[Deleted]

I started writing poetry again after slacking off for years. I have a creative writing concentration to my English degree but I've never really thought of myself as someone who writes poetry. Anyway, here you go, it's about suicide girls. Dunno if it's good, don't really care, just glad to have written it down. Hoping to write a poem every night (wrote another yesterday), good or bad, for a while anyway.

Suicides

Dusky skin like packed heroin or
powder-pale ash poured on cemetery stones,
The girls writhe as spiders prodded, scolded by
hollow bones.
Shorn hair sharpened to thistles,
bleached, knotted, bruised or
long and heraldic, a thing alive
wrapped around a gorgeous lure apt to spring.
The precise violence of a metal rod, the
affirmation of an art deco
brand, somber quotes and pop culture
explosions make leopards out of models named Somora,
Rubixx, and Treeze.
Sprawled on an unmade bed, bound in a misty forest,
Unable to escape the suffocating photo, they gaze upon you.
Some of them even smile.

[Deleted]

Being a unprofessional lyricist, I had to check this out. I'm always interested in reading poetry. This is really good man, considering you wrote it in a day. I always write whatever comes into my head and make a song out of it. And maybe edit it later on. Suicide is a touchy subject but you did it well and I'm impressed.

[seth86]

Hi there! I'm not really into poetry but I like what you've did. It's really good.

[Deleted]

Thanks Moonie and Seth86, I appreciate the feedback. It didn't take me that long to write but the revision should take some time. Ha, didn't get no-sold, that's a great feeling.

[Deleted]

Another poem, based on the alligator/weed story found here:
officialfan.proboards.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=offtopic&thread=462646&page=1

Mister Teeth: A poem

He raised that alligator to guard his weed,
Wanted a dragon with all that smoke.
Sentry, deterrent,
The reptile lurked in a $100,000 swamp.
Pitbulls are warm blooded, handguns jam, but
Mister Teeth darts and rolls inside a
plexiglass tank, a monster
bigger than the biggest ever seen.
He bought that alligator because of Tupac.
It seemed a thing to do.
California knows how to party with its alligators.

[Deleted]

Dunno why exactly but I wrote a poem about a witch and the dead. This time, I tried a constant ABAB end rhyme with descending meter, Iambic pentameter to iambic tetrameter, iambic trimeter, dimeter, and monometer. I don't think the iambs are consistent throughout but I'm pleased with what I got.

Return

The moon is full, a child fresh from the womb,
The sky with clouds sews dark swaddling bands
A witch waits beside a somber tomb
Watching as the tide reaches lonesome sands.

She sets three tributes on the ground:
Raven’s black feather, oyster’s pearl,
Heart of a maiden never found:
A chant and the winds start to whirl

Toads turn within their stones
Mice dart upon the loam
Rain worms throughout her bones
Mermaids tread on the foam:

Midnight arrives.
Feather the sky meets
As the pearl dives
and the heart beats.

Ground breaks
Dead rise
Breath shakes
Witch cries

“Live!”

[Deleted]

I tried to write a poem using a complicated poetic form known as a villanelle, it's form explained here: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Villanelle

Essentially, it uses a fixed rhyme pattern and repeats the 1st and 3rd lines in the poem to create tension. This was difficult for me to do. Contemporary forms tend to be written in iambic pentameter; I wrote this in iambic tetrameter, as was common in the 19th century. This made it quite a bit more difficult, so I might rewrite this using iambic pentameter later.

It's about the choice Neo has to make between taking the red pill and blue pill in the Matrix as well as various themes that are universal.

Two Pills
I hold two pills within my hand,
Take the blue and the story ends…
Swallow red, stay in Wonderland.

All that I dreamed, all that I planned,
Each and every one of my friends…
I hold two pills within my hand.

Choose the blue pill, accept the brand,
Live the life the computer sends…
Swallow red, stay in Wonderland.

Take the red pill and make my stand,
Stay strong as reality bends…
I hold two pills within my hand.

Use the blue pill, don’t walk the sand,
Ignore the Desert, just pretend…
Swallow red, stay in Wonderland.

Make the choice. But, do I understand
Just how far the rabbit hole descends…
I hold two pills within my hand,
Swallow red, stay in Wonderland.