A concern of mine

[aka Cthulhu]

I don't know if this is serious or not, but oh well here goes. Well, I've mentioned a lot of times that I'm Filipino - born there, raised there, lived there and it seems that it's not going to change. It's pretty much a given here that I only write in English, and frankly I think I speak the language well enough.

The concern is a bit on my identity as, you know, a Filipino. Off-line, I speak Filipino, or half the time its Taglish (pretty much a mix of using both Filipino and English). One of my hobbies is writing, and one of the things I like to do is write. In my opinion, I'm still a long way away from being able to do that full-time, but one of the thinks I tend to think about is this: my ideas are heavily influenced on things from other places. Western books, Japanese animation, mythologies from all over the world and whatnot. A whole lot more, making the influences from where I am seem so small.

Hell, even my thoughts are in English. It just seems so strange to me, and frankly I kind of call myself out on it a lot. Like, you should dig in deeper to find more influences from where you are, stuff like that. I try, but often I get interested in more things and it becomes even harder.

It may be nothing, who knows? In this age where the internet has become so common, it's easier to connect to other cultures, other ideas, and learn more and more. At the same time, it makes my feelings seem a bit alien to me. I do most of my writing in English too... I have to admit that in writing I am more at ease using English as well.

I don't know if I have to ask myself if this is my identity. I suppose the best course of action is to dig deeper into my own culture, yet at the same time I can't just shut the door on other areas of influence. I don't know why, but it feels like there's often a conflict when I want to write.

[Deleted]

I'm half-filipino, raised in the U.S., and my identity has always been a bit strange because of that. I don't know Tagalog outside of a few words and phrases and I've only visited the Philippines when I was five. I know some aspects about Filipino culture and history but, if I'm honest with myself, there is a lot more I should know.

I've never been completely comfortable in large gatherings of my mother's friends and extended family. The language barrier is always there. The religious aspect has also been an issue.

That said, if you think it would help, I would look up a few authors that share a similar background. Jorge Luis Borges, the Argentine fabulist, grew up surrounded by English books and considered them his first literary influence. He talks about thinking things in English first, despite it being a secondary language. I know there is/was a Filipino science fiction movement in the early 2000s, so that might be something to check out, to see if other writers shared the same experience you do.

[hassanchop]

I am full blooded Filipino but I am an American citizen and for that I consider myself American because I never really do what Filipinos do, and I am still lousy at the language, and I don't really eat much of the food neither, nothing against it though.

[Glitch]

Being a creature of incomprehensible horror isn't enough of an identity for you?

[Zombie Mod]

if it's any consolation, you write better in english than most native english people i know personally.

[aka Cthulhu]

Jan 26, 2013 18:53:06 GMT -5 Zombie Mod said:

if it's any consolation, you write better in english than most native english people i know personally.

In a way, it's one of the things that often nag me whenever I contemplate this matter. In writing, I'm often much better in English than my own native language. I joked about how video games and cartoons helped me grasp the language better when I was a kid, but perhaps that's the problem. I've immersed myself in English that in writing my Filipino suffers. In some ways, it sometimes become a cultural barrier that makes it harder for me to connect from where I am. Hell, now that's a damn laugh.

I do try, but it can become hard. Many times I see it in some form around here. The younger generation from my extended family, when I see them I notice that they also usually speak in English. One of the local comic stories I recently read, a kind of steampunk set during the Spanish occupation in the Philippines, is also written in English. It's everywhere. It's not a horrible thing, but it does stick my mind.

Maybe it is nothing in the end. I should just write, and let my own thoughts guide me to wherever they lead to. It's just that somewhere along the line I think of the culture I'm born in, and wonder if I should try harder and strive to be much better at it.

[El Cokehead del Knife Fight]

I still struggle to wrap my head around you not being a native english speaker. I always thought you were a bloke from south cali or something until you told me.

[milkomania]

I'm Russian by birth. I was adopted when I was 6 and although I have some memories of living in Russia, I don't remember a lot. I used to try to speak and read and write, but I grew up in a tiny American town void of any culture other than hunting and fishing and drinking. I dated a Russian guy in college, and I realized (primarily because he was a grade A ass) that I was so far removed from Russian culture that anything I do is in vain. I've accepted that I am American, and there's no sadness to it. There can't be, because I have no other alternative.

[CATCH_US IS the Conversation]

You're better off than me. I'm half Filipino, and barely know any Tagalog at all. My mom who is a native speaker never bothered to teach me, and her siblings never bothered to teach their children either, so me, my brother, and all my cousins only speak English. All of my Filipino friends and co-workers only speak Ilocano, so I can't identify with them too much either. And Filipino food doesn't appeal to me much either.

[Unaffiliated]

I share the same concern. Ethnically Chinese but my command of the language is barely adequate, at best. Now that I'm in America, I feel a greater pressure to improve on my Chinese. It's like because I have a foreign accent, I should be fluent in a foreign language as well.

[Koda, Master Crunchyroller]

Is it possible that English is slowly usurping Tagalog as the primary language of the Philippines?

Actually in the course of writing this post I decided to swing by Wikipedia just to check and English is listed alongside Tagalog as the official languages of the Philippines, so....I guess that's a yes. Basically what I'm saying is maybe this is....normal? Maybe?

[Urethra Franklin]

I'm French Canadian by descent, but 100% Anglo. My French is barely passable and nobody in my family, other than me, speaks any French.

What I've always been fascinated by is how a bilingual person's mind operates. For example, if Tagalog is your first language and you're having a conversation in English, what language are you thinking in?

[SHAKEMASTER TV9 is Don Knotts]

I'm Filipino, born in US from Filipino immigrants. I don't speak tagalog and don't understand it anymore. Now when my parents say something to me in tagalog, I ask for a translation. I only went there once 2 years ago.

[aka Cthulhu]

Jan 28, 2013 19:44:08 GMT -5 Urethra Franklin said:

I'm French Canadian by descent, but 100% Anglo. My French is barely passable and nobody in my family, other than me, speaks any French.

What I've always been fascinated by is how a bilingual person's mind operates. For example, if Tagalog is your first language and you're having a conversation in English, what language are you thinking in?

English. Pretty much all my thoughts are in English. Outside, conversations are in Filipino but my inner thoughts are English. While my grasp on the native language is okay, in some ways I'm much better when using my second.

Case in point: my first job revolved around writing English, talking about stuff and talking to other English speakers. On a daily basis, I did three to four (and sometimes five) times the amount of the usual workload compared to the rest of the team. No one else reached the amount of writing that I made, even when I only had half a day of work while the others had a full day. For me, I didn't even had to put much effort - I just listened to music while writing the whole day, sometimes taking several trips to drink some water and go to the toilet.

In comparison, back then when I was still in school I had a hard time trying to get a passing grade in Filipino. Kinda shameful, when I think about it. Part of it was lack of interest, but the point remains that in school I was better at grasping the second language to the point where I have to keep up with my first.

And yeah, Koda, English is quite widely used here. Methinks it's one of the major subjects in school, and perhaps due to Taglish it has integrated quite easily to daily life.