So.....would this be considered the friend zone?

[Slapcrunk]

Maybe this guy did in the past have a romantic interest but has moved on.

To me, this doesn't automatically signify that this guy is looking for a pity date or is even still wanting to go on a date with her. This girl is labeling guys as "doing none of the shit" and is acting like decent guys don't exist (to date) like a lot of girls do on Facebook. So this guy mentions all the stuff guys like him do as friends for girls to make her have a better view about guys, and people think that he is just looking for a relationship?

[Blindkarevik]

Feb 16, 2013 9:19:32 GMT -5 HMARK Center said:

Feb 16, 2013 9:04:24 GMT -5 Blindkarevik said:

In some instances, yes. I would definitely toss this instance in that scenario as he's blatantly saying, "Oh, you want a guy like me? I'M a guy like me!"

However, I also consider the friend-zone to be a point where you have feelings for someone, they can't reciprocate... but you'd rather have them as a friend than not at all. Of course, love is equal to crazy but less rational, so you always figure you're gonna eventually break through and she'll "come around." It doesn't happen... but, again... by realizing that, you're expecting rational thinking from an irrational emotion.

Bottom line, it IS possible to just be comfortable with the friend zone. It can suck at times, but at other times... it can be the next best thing. The only time when it causes problems is if you start trying to blame her for not having feelings for you, or you lose sight and don't have her best interests at heart... even if they don't include you.

You're right that the term can be subjective: we don't have a Webster's Dictionary, straight-up and clear definition of it.

The issue from that vantage point, however, is that however you want to slice it, "zone" is a qualifier to simply being a "friend". That's not a very positive thing, at least in my opinion. Part of growing up is being able to sort of compartmentalize your emotions, in a manner of speaking: it's totally OK to feel attracted to somebody, yet make peace with not pursuing them romantically, not even in a passive way. Most definitions of the "friend zone" you see tend to come off as passive-aggressive attempts at romance.

Plus the whole "zone" concept (again, recognizing we don't have a set definition for it), can actually be a major psychological burden a guy heaps on himself. Living in wistful desire for an unattainable love, which the guy has no doubt built up in his mind as the greatest thing he could ever "win", can absolutely break a person.

Always liked how ROH used this whole concept to explain Jimmy Jacobs snapping and forming Age of the Fall.

I definitely agree. However, a person can only judge humanity from their own perspective and experiences. In my own, I fully realized that what I wanted isn't what she wanted.. and while she may have been everything I wanted, I couldn't be what she needed. In that, I was never to a point where it was destroying me.. sure, some heartache, sure some pain, but it was never to the point where I'd feel completely effed.

However, I have seen a few instances where guys have had the "If you can't be happy with me, you can't be happy at all." Thing.. the self-righteous rants, playing the blame game, attempting to sever ties and manipulate the girl afterward. I mean, that's the immature crap that really gives the friendzone a bad name. I mean, it sucks to be a part of it, but it isn't always negative. At least to a point where the negatives outweight the positives. Generally, the point has always been to have her as a friend rather than not at all... in that, you man the f*** up and accept the friendship and not bitch when things don't progress further.... or you cut all ties and go somewhere else. Otherwise, you really have nobody but yourself to blame.

[Deleted]

Feb 16, 2013 11:27:10 GMT -5 Slapcrunk said:

Maybe this guy did in the past have a romantic interest but has moved on.

To me, this doesn't automatically signify that this guy is looking for a pity date or is even still wanting to go on a date with her. This girl is labeling guys as "doing none of the s***" and is acting like decent guys don't exist (to date) like a lot of girls do on Facebook. So this guy mentions all the stuff guys like him do as friends for girls to make her have a better view about guys, and people think that he is just looking for a relationship?

She's talking about relationships in particular though. You'd have to be pretty awkward to bring up platonic issues when someone's ranting about a crappy romantic life.

That said...the girl's response was cartoonishly hilarious.

[Slapcrunk]

Feb 16, 2013 14:31:52 GMT -5 @jackiechan said:

Feb 16, 2013 11:27:10 GMT -5 Slapcrunk said:

Maybe this guy did in the past have a romantic interest but has moved on.

To me, this doesn't automatically signify that this guy is looking for a pity date or is even still wanting to go on a date with her. This girl is labeling guys as "doing none of the s***" and is acting like decent guys don't exist (to date) like a lot of girls do on Facebook. So this guy mentions all the stuff guys like him do as friends for girls to make her have a better view about guys, and people think that he is just looking for a relationship?

She's talking about relationships in particular though. You'd have to be pretty awkward to bring up platonic issues when someone's ranting about a crappy romantic life.

That said...the girl's response was cartoonishly hilarious.

Also hilarious is:

Girl: "I want to be treated amazing"

Boy: "But...but I gave you Taco Bell."

[riseofsetian1981]

Lord knows I have been rejected plenty of times. And yes, it is a bad feeling and yes it does suck. But in the end I look back on it and find myself thinking "Oh well. No biggie."

In reality it's not even a big deal. Either she says yes or she says no, either way it's not the end of the world. But then again I can full on admit that I am kind of a jerk. Probably why I am still single.

[riseofsetian1981]

I also wanted to add to my original post. Sometimes and granted it can be pretty rare, however, from personal experience I have had girls "friend zone" me if you will and in the process have moved on. You have to remember that when you meet someone else sometimes those same girls who told you no, "friend zoned you", or hurt your feelings in some fashion try to show interest in you when it happens.

I've had it to happen to me a multitude of times and it's happened a lot more since I simply just stopped caring about being single, having a relationship, etc. It's really all about having confidence in yourself and not appearing desperate.

[HMARK Center]

That's not an exception. Most American women will take advantage of the friend zone.

I trust you have solid data, research, and statistics on hand to verify such a hefty generalization, right?

Feb 16, 2013 11:12:59 GMT -5 Munkie91087 said:

Someone else on here wrote this. (I cannot remember who at the moment and yes I saved it because I absolutely loved it.) It's a beautifully written critique of the friendzone and I will post it as my response to this thread:

The “friendzone” concept is something people should really grow out of once they’ve reached adulthood, or so one would hope. Granted that’s very easy to just say, not quite as simple in reality, but in general it’s a problem that people encounter less and less in life as they grow more mature and comfortable in their own skin.

It’s very simple: if you intend to take a girl out and show romantic interest in her, do it immediately. Don’t just BS, don’t ask to do over the top favors for her, don’t act like you’re trying to “earn” a date, just freaking ask for the date, make it known you have an interest and would like to see if it can be a romantic interest. Men fear rejection, and thus we often settle for the cold comfort of just being on speaking terms with the “girl of our dreams”, all the while pining for her love while she either remains oblivious or fearful of things getting weird. This isn’t a good thing, it’s silly and masochistic, and it isn’t right to do to a woman, either.

This isn’t to say a guy can never ask a “girl-who-is-a-friend” out, but in order for that to work she must ACTUALLY BE YOUR REAL FRIEND TO BEGIN WITH, a friend who you have an established friendly rapport and comfort level with. This means being around her and not trying to make romantic gestures, and being comfortable with just talking to her like you would anybody else, not the “friendship” some people start because the guy’s just looking for an opening to get with her.

The funny thing about having a friendship with a woman, though? You’re TOTALLY ALLOWED TO FEEL ATTRACTED TOWARDS HER. It’s not weird: you’re a guy, she’s a gal, and if she’s your friend odds are there are things about her you enjoy getting the chance to interact with (personality, sense of humor, intelligence, looks, style, whatever). It’s just that there’s a gigantic freaking difference between “she’s really cool, it’s fun to hang around with her” and “I’m hanging around her in the vain hope that she’ll finally demonstrate that she loves me/is sexually attracted to me”.

It’s growing up: you can be attracted to a woman but still treat her the way you’d treat your buddies, and not like some goddess on a pedestal or some unattainable figure from Poe’s “Annabelle Lee”.

D'aww, you're making me blush.