King Ghidorah
El Dandy
On Probation for Charges of two counts of Saxual Music.
How Absurd
Posts: 8,330
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Post by King Ghidorah on Feb 16, 2013 1:53:37 GMT -5
Language {Spoiler} What would a man's options be at this point.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2013 1:56:51 GMT -5
Definitely. However, King, you should put a spoiler tag and a language warning because it's unedited. I doubt anyone really gives a f*** but rules are rules.
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Post by A Platypus Rave is Correct on Feb 16, 2013 2:08:09 GMT -5
I guess... but she does set him up to respond that he does have feelings for her that way... or if he doesn't want to get shot down on facebook at least tell her someway.
If he doesn't that's on him not her.
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Post by mjolnir on Feb 16, 2013 2:08:23 GMT -5
Ouch.
Guy's likely doing it to himself, but if this is legit, that girl is also really oblivious to the obvious.
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Futureraven: Beelzebruv
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
The Ultimate Arbiter of Right And Wrong
Spent half my life here, God help me
Posts: 15,444
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Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on Feb 16, 2013 2:42:08 GMT -5
It is, but then she's oblivious, so he's got to take the risk of ruining the friendship and asking her.
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Mochi Lone Wolf
Fry's dog Seymour
Development through Destruction.
Posts: 24,153
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Post by Mochi Lone Wolf on Feb 16, 2013 2:43:19 GMT -5
"We don't see each other like that all." You don't, but you might want to take that up with him.
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Post by slappy on Feb 16, 2013 2:49:53 GMT -5
The option would be to stop. If you are buying a ton of stuff for a girl in the hopes that she will become your girlfriend and she is showing no interest you have to realize it and stop.
Guys in the "friend zone" do it to themselves. They aren't owed anything by the girl but they'll keep doing stuff in the unlikely event the girl will "see the light" and go out with them.
Sure, a girl here or there might take advantage of a guy, know what he is doing and lead him on to get stuff but that is another instance of the guy needing to realize the situation he is in and stop.
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Glitch
Grimlock
Not Going To Die; Childs, we're goin' out to give Blair the test. If he tries to make it back here and we're not with him... burn him.
Watching you.
Posts: 12,787
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Post by Glitch on Feb 16, 2013 3:22:39 GMT -5
Friendzone is just a fancy word for "denial of rejection".
I remembering first hearing that word here on the forums a few years ago. Somebody said something a long the lines of "make it clear you want to date her, or else you'll be stuck in the friendzone" I thought sounded only a little weird then but after a while I realized how much BS it really is.
If it's a bother to be her friend because your romantic feelings for her make it painful, then your not really a friend to begin with. She doesn't like you, get over it.
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Post by Cela on Feb 16, 2013 4:45:39 GMT -5
It's already started, oh well, better just join in the backlash that comes every time this subject is made into a thread for any reason.
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Toxik916
Hank Scorpio
Sacramento Proud
Posts: 6,208
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Post by Toxik916 on Feb 16, 2013 4:59:42 GMT -5
Ouch that was painful to read, but homeboy only has himself to blame if he never made his intent known. Based on her post she isn't stringing the poor sap along, she made it crystal clear that they're only friends.
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Futureraven: Beelzebruv
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
The Ultimate Arbiter of Right And Wrong
Spent half my life here, God help me
Posts: 15,444
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Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on Feb 16, 2013 5:00:14 GMT -5
Yeah, might be best to head this off at the pass and
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Post by "I'm Batman..." on Feb 16, 2013 8:58:26 GMT -5
That girl is dense.
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Blindkarevik
Grimlock
Rock... Paper... Straight-edge!
I Like To <blank>
Posts: 14,343
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Post by Blindkarevik on Feb 16, 2013 9:04:24 GMT -5
Friendzone is just a fancy word for "denial of rejection". I remembering first hearing that word here on the forums a few years ago. Somebody said something a long the lines of "make it clear you want to date her, or else you'll be stuck in the friendzone" I thought sounded only a little weird then but after a while I realized how much BS it really is. If it's a bother to be her friend because your romantic feelings for her make it painful, then your not really a friend to begin with. She doesn't like you, get over it. In some instances, yes. I would definitely toss this instance in that scenario as he's blatantly saying, "Oh, you want a guy like me? I'M a guy like me!" However, I also consider the friend-zone to be a point where you have feelings for someone, they can't reciprocate... but you'd rather have them as a friend than not at all. Of course, love is equal to crazy but less rational, so you always figure you're gonna eventually break through and she'll "come around." It doesn't happen... but, again... by realizing that, you're expecting rational thinking from an irrational emotion. Bottom line, it IS possible to just be comfortable with the friend zone. It can suck at times, but at other times... it can be the next best thing. The only time when it causes problems is if you start trying to blame her for not having feelings for you, or you lose sight and don't have her best interests at heart... even if they don't include you.
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Post by HMARK Center on Feb 16, 2013 9:19:32 GMT -5
Friendzone is just a fancy word for "denial of rejection". I remembering first hearing that word here on the forums a few years ago. Somebody said something a long the lines of "make it clear you want to date her, or else you'll be stuck in the friendzone" I thought sounded only a little weird then but after a while I realized how much BS it really is. If it's a bother to be her friend because your romantic feelings for her make it painful, then your not really a friend to begin with. She doesn't like you, get over it. In some instances, yes. I would definitely toss this instance in that scenario as he's blatantly saying, "Oh, you want a guy like me? I'M a guy like me!" However, I also consider the friend-zone to be a point where you have feelings for someone, they can't reciprocate... but you'd rather have them as a friend than not at all. Of course, love is equal to crazy but less rational, so you always figure you're gonna eventually break through and she'll "come around." It doesn't happen... but, again... by realizing that, you're expecting rational thinking from an irrational emotion. Bottom line, it IS possible to just be comfortable with the friend zone. It can suck at times, but at other times... it can be the next best thing. The only time when it causes problems is if you start trying to blame her for not having feelings for you, or you lose sight and don't have her best interests at heart... even if they don't include you. You're right that the term can be subjective: we don't have a Webster's Dictionary, straight-up and clear definition of it. The issue from that vantage point, however, is that however you want to slice it, "zone" is a qualifier to simply being a "friend". That's not a very positive thing, at least in my opinion. Part of growing up is being able to sort of compartmentalize your emotions, in a manner of speaking: it's totally OK to feel attracted to somebody, yet make peace with not pursuing them romantically, not even in a passive way. Most definitions of the "friend zone" you see tend to come off as passive-aggressive attempts at romance. Plus the whole "zone" concept (again, recognizing we don't have a set definition for it), can actually be a major psychological burden a guy heaps on himself. Living in wistful desire for an unattainable love, which the guy has no doubt built up in his mind as the greatest thing he could ever "win", can absolutely break a person. Always liked how ROH used this whole concept to explain Jimmy Jacobs snapping and forming Age of the Fall.
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Banecat
Don Corleone
Speak of the devil and he shall appear
Posts: 1,455
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Post by Banecat on Feb 16, 2013 9:49:46 GMT -5
Sure, a girl here or there might take advantage of a guy, know what he is doing and lead him on to get stuff but that is another instance of the guy needing to realize the situation he is in and stop. That's not an exception. Most American women will take advantage of the friend zone.
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Post by Bone Daddy on Feb 16, 2013 9:57:37 GMT -5
If it looks like a friendzone and it feels like a friendzone...
Also, that's some low level white knighting going on there, which in my experience is absolutely the worst way to get a girl to like you
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Sam Punk
Hank Scorpio
Own Nothing, Be Happy
Posts: 6,321
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Post by Sam Punk on Feb 16, 2013 10:08:11 GMT -5
exactly
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Post by Piccolo on Feb 16, 2013 10:48:23 GMT -5
I have to admit, that made me laugh.
The dude needs to be brave and ask her out on a date. Don't ask her out as friends because you're a coward and then be all bitter when she thinks you're going out as friends. She's either dense or she never would've done all those things with him if he'd made it clear that he wanted them to be seen romantically. I'm sure he knows exactly which one it is.
I'd guess, looking at the two of them, that it's a trade-off for him. Not a frank one; he probably would tell you he's been tragically friendzoned and it's so unfair. But it's not. No, he doesn't get to have a romantic relationship with her. However, he wouldn't have that under any circumstances, because she's not into him that way. So if he never voices his feelings aloud, he never has to be faced with the reality of that rejection, and he gets to cultivate a certain amount of intimacy with a woman who's out of his league romantically. By initiating this friendzone relationship, he's ensured that he won't get his feelings hurt by hearing that he's not attractive to a woman he finds attractive, but he still gets to pretend that someday she'll realize she's "been a fool" and the right guy was "there all along."
It's pathetic, but it's what happens when someone is too scared and weak to face up to rejection.
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Post by Pervy Stone Cold on Feb 16, 2013 11:06:53 GMT -5
That's a lot to assume about what's going through the mind of a stranger on Facebook based on a single comment.
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Post by Munkie91087 on Feb 16, 2013 11:12:59 GMT -5
Someone else on here wrote this. (I cannot remember who at the moment and yes I saved it because I absolutely loved it.) It's a beautifully written critique of the friendzone and I will post it as my response to this thread: The “friendzone” concept is something people should really grow out of once they’ve reached adulthood, or so one would hope. Granted that’s very easy to just say, not quite as simple in reality, but in general it’s a problem that people encounter less and less in life as they grow more mature and comfortable in their own skin.
It’s very simple: if you intend to take a girl out and show romantic interest in her, do it immediately. Don’t just BS, don’t ask to do over the top favors for her, don’t act like you’re trying to “earn” a date, just freaking ask for the date, make it known you have an interest and would like to see if it can be a romantic interest. Men fear rejection, and thus we often settle for the cold comfort of just being on speaking terms with the “girl of our dreams”, all the while pining for her love while she either remains oblivious or fearful of things getting weird. This isn’t a good thing, it’s silly and masochistic, and it isn’t right to do to a woman, either.
This isn’t to say a guy can never ask a “girl-who-is-a-friend” out, but in order for that to work she must ACTUALLY BE YOUR REAL FRIEND TO BEGIN WITH, a friend who you have an established friendly rapport and comfort level with. This means being around her and not trying to make romantic gestures, and being comfortable with just talking to her like you would anybody else, not the “friendship” some people start because the guy’s just looking for an opening to get with her.
The funny thing about having a friendship with a woman, though? You’re TOTALLY ALLOWED TO FEEL ATTRACTED TOWARDS HER. It’s not weird: you’re a guy, she’s a gal, and if she’s your friend odds are there are things about her you enjoy getting the chance to interact with (personality, sense of humor, intelligence, looks, style, whatever). It’s just that there’s a gigantic freaking difference between “she’s really cool, it’s fun to hang around with her” and “I’m hanging around her in the vain hope that she’ll finally demonstrate that she loves me/is sexually attracted to me”.
It’s growing up: you can be attracted to a woman but still treat her the way you’d treat your buddies, and not like some goddess on a pedestal or some unattainable figure from Poe’s “Annabelle Lee”.
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