Why does this have to happen to me?

[Heartbreaker]

For about three years I have been good friends with a guy and more than a year ago we confessed our love for each other and became a couple. He's just the greatest, sweetest and loving person ever. He has been very busy recently but no matter how busy either of us were, we always continued our long distance relationship. I emailed him twice within the past two weeks and he replies on Wednesday saying he wants to end it.. or he's unsure about it. Being hysterically crying, I sent him about maybe two or three emails during the day telling him we can't give up on what we have. Then he replies, I can tell he's just confused about it and I think I sent about two more emails explaining that we can't give up and there's more ways to make it work.

Then later that night I wrote a really long letter (2600+ words) in a more mature way explaining how we can make it work with exchanging phone numbers and addresses, a better way to save up for a trip to meet each other, apologizing about the times when I seemed like a bad girlfriend, telling him how serious I am about our relationship and how serious I am about doing a study overseas. I think it was a very convincing letter and even told him to show it to his parents. I sent it on Thursday night and it's now Saturday night. I understand how busy he is but I just want him to read it.

The past couple of days have just been some of the worst for me. My rubbish bin is just full of used tissues/toilet paper because of my non-stop crying. Every single thing reminds me of him and if I lose him, I don't know what the hell I would do. He is one of the only few people in my life who make me feel appreciated and has always been there for me. I am legit scared...

[Deleted]

I don't really know how to say this without sounding offensive, but it sounds like you're not giving him any place to breathe. In the end, it's his decision no matter how many e-mails you send him. Long distant relationships never seem to turn out the best. I really do understand how you are deeply in love with him but like I said, he's his decision whether he wants to break up with you are though. But it is nice that you are showing him affection and compassion.

[King Ghidorah]

Seeing 2600+ words would scare the hell out of me. You need to chill out

[tibbo]

Feb 16, 2013 6:52:53 GMT -5 Heartbreaker said:

Then later that night I wrote a really long letter (2600+ words) in a more mature way explaining how we can make it work with exchanging phone numbers and addresses

You've been in a relationship with a guy for a year and you dont know his phone number or address?

["I'm Batman..."]

Don't worry about him. You can come and visit me overseas.

[mjolnir]

Yeah, I don't mean to sound harsh, but it does sound like you need to give him some space to breathe. It isn't easy, but if he's confused and trying to think things over, you have to let him come to his own conclusions and at his own pace & time. Regardless of how painful the outcome might be for either of you. Doing otherwise could only increase the chances of there being an outcome you'd prefer to not see play out.

I understand that love is an irrational emotion and you don't want to lose him, but I doubt you want to unintentionally push him away either. I'd say the 2600+ word letter, while intimidating, wasn't a bad idea on it's own. Though you likely should've tried to take some time away, clear your head and write it and only send it. Or, something similar to give both of you time to think & breathe and write perhaps a more condensed letter. Sometimes, in situations like these, it is best to make things as short as possible, getting straight to your points without any dilly dallying or turning it into an essay.

In the end, I hope things work out for you, you're in a sucky situation that I don't envy in the slightest.

[Bone Daddy]

If you've known him for this long without knowing his address or phone number he's likely not at all who he says he is, and maybe he's starting to feel guilty

[tibbo]

that's exactly what i was thinking

[Munkie91087]

Internets relationships are not real. Don't get me wrong, a relationship can start online, but eventually you have to physically have some contact with the person for the relationship to be real. Otherwise it's just a pretend back and forth over impersonal emails. He's your boyfriend, but you don't know his phone number or address? I am sorry, but he was never your boyfriend, he was a dude you emailed. You need a better grasp on reality. I am not trying to be insensitive, but damn. You can't get this bent out of shape over a relationship that's entirely online. He's basically a penpal to you.

[bogey316]

Then later that night I wrote a really long letter (2600+ words) in a more mature way explaining how we can make it work with exchanging phone numbers and addresses

Manti Te'o?

[emoney3265]

Yeah, sorry but I immediately thought Manti Te'o and catfishing when I read this you haven't exchanged phone numbers or addresses and have never physically met in 3+ years. You live in Melbourne, Australia which from what I hear is a great place to live. You just have to go out and talk to people, you'll find something real. This just doesn't sound like a real relationship, more like a penpal like someone said.

I'm not going to lie, I just had my heart broken a few days ago and I know how it is. You feel like your life is crashing but there's no fairy tale relationships as much as you want to think about it. You've become dependent on this person for happiness which hey, I'm in the same boat. You need to find other stuff in your life to make you happy with or without someone. It sucks to hear believe me but you can't depend on someone for all of your happiness especially someone you've never met or even talked to on the phone. Hope you feel better but maybe it is time to rethink your situation and what your desires are.

[Piccolo]

I agree with everyone else... if this is an online relationship, which it sounds like it is, you are in for SUCH a treat when you start having relationships in real life. There's kissing! There's going out and doing things! There's cuddling on the couch! Listen. This woman is you:

"Moving through a mirror clear
That hangs before her all the year
Shadows of the world appear
There she sees the highway near
Winding down to Camelot."

You are in your tower and all you have is shadows of boyfriends! And then this will happen!

"Or when the moon is overhead
Come two young lovers, lately wed,
'I am half-sick of shadows,' said
The Lady of Shalott."

And then you will see this man!

"A bowshot from her bower eaves
He rode between the barley sheaves
The sun came dazzling through the leaves
And flamed upon the brazen greaves
Of bold Sir Lancelot."

And unlike the pretty lady and her mirror, you won't have to die if you venture away from the internet, you'll just have to have a real relationship and it will be AMAZING and you'll forget all about this dude. Do it! You're young! You're hot! The world is your oyster!

(There are few of life's problems that cannot be solved by poetry.)

[Toxik916]

Feb 16, 2013 10:29:06 GMT -5 Munkie91087 said:

Internets relationships are not real. Don't get me wrong, a relationship can start online, but eventually you have to physically have some contact with the person for the relationship to be real. Otherwise it's just a pretend back and forth over impersonal emails. He's your boyfriend, but you don't know his phone number or address? I am sorry, but he was never your boyfriend, he was a dude you emailed. You need a better grasp on reality. I am not trying to be insensitive, but damn. You can't get this bent out of shape over a relationship that's entirely online. He's basically a penpal to you.

f***ing this!

How have you never even spoken on the phone? This isn't what a relationship is, you had a glorified pen pal.

[Heartbreaker]

Ha. I like how people here just make assumptions about my relationship when I only mentioned a few things in the original post that had to do with how down I was feeling. A lot of you didn't know that we were planning to meet up and of course before that exchange numbers and addresses. So what if we didn't do it right away at the first time? We wanted to wait a while but unfortunately this situation happened. Oh and by the way, we always talked on MSN. Usually it was for hours almost every night or couple of times a week. I don't care what anybody thinks anyway.

After exchanging a few more emails, we finally got to talk about everything. Unfortunately our relationship has ended. He's just too busy with working and helping out his parents. It really hurts and breaks my heart but I am just happy we got to say goodbye properly and have closure. We thanked each other for the great memories, said we loved each other then goodbye. It's awful that this happened... I really loved him and he gave me amazing things: a reason to smile and look forward to the next day, respect, care and love. I never feel appreciated and a lot of people I know just love to criticize me no matter how hard I try which connects to my anxiety issues and is a reason why I am so lonely.

One of the last things he said to me was "I know you will make something of your life and you'll end up laughing in the face of everyone who ever doubted you. I never doubted you for even one second because I know you're capable of doing amazing things." What he said was really beautiful and he was one of the very few people who have believed in me. It makes me more determined to become something successful. I hope there is a chance for us to be together again in the future though...

[Deleted]

We only assumed because that was the information that was given, we can't really guess what happens in your relationship.

I wouldn't be hanging onto him, 18 years old is pretty much at that peak of a boyfriend this day and a boyfriend another. Really, the fact that you guys never met in real life is kind of edgy at the point of it being a continous relationship. There's all the signs that it would fail. Long distance, never meeting up, he's busy with his life, etc.

There's plenty more fish in the sea, as they say.

[Heartbreaker]

I know I am eight-teen years old but I'm not the kind of teenage girl who goes crazy over any guy she sees or wants a new boyfriend every month. This was going on for about three years and we always grew closer every time we talked. We were very serious about each other and he was always there for me when I needed him such as when my grandmother was battling cancer and eventually passed away.

I am hoping that we can be together again one day when things are easier. Although I can't keep relying on that because I might get more hurt.

[Optimax]

The thing is heartbreaker in three years I would imagine (and I'd say the rest too), that at the very least you'd spoken to him on the phone, or Skype, whatever.

Msn is all well and good, but it's also a very easy way to hide one's identity.

Take this "break up" as a positive, get out there and meet someone in real life. Melbourne is a great city (it's my home and always will be) best you get into and start enjoying it

[Heartbreaker]

I do understand what you are saying but we were going to Skype eventually. I told him to wait until I was ready (I wanted to lose a bit of weight first which is what I am currently doing) and he understood and agreed. Plus we have each other on Twitter and he always talked to his brother on there. Also, we do share some of the same online friends. If he was some kind of creep he would have been begging for pictures the first time we talked. I can tell, especially as I have been using the internet for a long time.

I do love Melbourne but a lot of the guys in my area (northern suburbs) are jerks. I don't want to meet anyone, especially after losing somebody I really loved. I'm just going to wait and see what happens.

[Deleted]

I'm trying to say these things in the nicest way possible, but it's most likely not going to happen. But I think I've hinted that. If you haven't even seen his face (that's not an image). It can't be THAT serious.

[Optimax]

I quite like te northern suburbs, at least my area. I have (understandably) been called a jerk a number of times though