Russoize Summerslam

[thegame415]

A PPV Tradition:

Pre-Show: Rob Van Dam vs Dean Ambrose

After a ref bump, The Shield interferes. RVD takes advantage, knocking Ambrose and Reigns out of the ring. He gives Seth Rollins a 5 Star Frog Splash and pins him. Somehow, pinning Rollins makes him the new US Champ.

1. World Heavyweight Championship: Christian defeats Alberto Del Rio when SWERVE Ricardo costs Del Rio the match.

Ricardo raises Christians hand when SWERVE, he low blows Christian. Randy Orton comes out and successfully cashes in a briefcase. He reveals he traded his cases with Sandow.

2. Brie Bella defeats Natalya. Before the match, Tyson Kidd is announced as special referee. They recreate the Montreal Screw job, with Brie in place of Bret. After the match, Kidd berates Natalya, calling her a loser. This starts the gimmick of Tyson Kidd, verbally abusive husband.

Kane walks out in street clothes. He tells everyone he's Glen Jacobs, formerly known as Issac Yankem and Diesel, to name a few. He says for 15 years he's been saddled with being Kane, but he's tired of the fire. He can't live up to the hype of being Kane, he's just Glen, a big guy from Tennessee who has overwelcomed his stay. He drops the mic and walks to the back.

3. Bray Wyatt defeats Kofi Kingston in a Ring of Fire match. Kofi wears Kane's mask. He acts like Kane throughout. He tries to chokeslam Wyatt, but ends up being pinned.

4. Cody Rhodes vs Damien Sandow never finishes. During the middle of the match, a camera cuts to video of Randy Orton and Christian brawling near the giant Hollywood sign. Christian ties Orton to the giant Y and asks him "Y are you always screwing with me". He leaves him there and takes the world title.

When the cameras return to the arena, Rhodes and Sandow are gone.

5. Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn vs Big E Langston and AJ ends in a no contest after Ziggler and Big E bump heads and the ref stops the match. They begin to think they are one another.

6. Brock Lesnar defeats CM Punk after 10 men and women wearing green jumpsuits and Michael Myers' masks abduct Punk.

7. John Cena vs Daniel Bryan is cut to black after they first lockup. Vince McMahon appears on screen and asks " You really thought we'd give you Daniel Bryan in a main event?" He laughs as women in blue jumpsuits with Jason Vorhees masks massage his feet.

[Emmet Russell]

Put HHH in the main event so he can suck all the heat from it ... wait ...

[Deleted]

We may be wishing for Russo after Summerslam.

[corndog]

Is it bad that I think Tyson Kidd as the verbally abusive husband is something I would want to see and I somehow could see it working? As long as he wears a wifebeater covered in beer and bbq stains.

[thegame415]

Aug 13, 2013 1:41:55 GMT -5 corndog said:

Is it bad that I think Tyson Kidd as the verbally abusive husband is something I would want to see and I somehow could see it working? As long as he wears a wifebeater covered in beer and bbq stains.

Ha. I got the idea from the Total Divas ad.

[BigBadZ]

Bryan vs Cena is called off just before the opening bell rings. Since we see how they can be friends on Total Divas, the main event will be changed to a Live Sex Celebration with Cena, Bryan, and the Bella twins.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}Spoiler

[hassanchop]

The cast of Blair Witch Project Heather, Josh and Michael interfere in the match between Kane and Wyatt, and they attack Kane and reveal that the movie was real and they were taken in and "saved" by Bray Wyatt and became his followers. Bray then preaches there is no witch, only what is real and in front of you. The cast of Blair Witch then raise up torches in a ritualistic manner over the unconscious Kane as Bray spreads his arms around and looks up to the sky triumphantly.

[vivix]

pre show:
dean beats rvd clean in under five minutes

opener: ziggler/kaitlyn vs E/aj becomes another end up kaitlyn being embarrassed because ziggler gives her a zigzag after tagging her in
cody/sandow ends with a finger poke and sandow retains the briefcase
christian vs. adr ends after a 30 minute draw and sandow cashes in before the extra five minutes is added
Cena comes out for his match and Bryan lays down, Cena is then fired and leaves, Bryan/Barrett for the belt is added
the 6 diva match becomes a mudfight match and natalya wins
Wade/Bryan is interrupted by Cena from the crowd who lays out both men, Orton comes to cash in and is awarded the belt since no one is currently champ
Bray sets Kane one fire and wins then the wyatts along with more sheep carry a burnt kane out of the arena
Brock demolishes Punk but Punk scores a roll up win

[Greer]

Aug 13, 2013 1:32:33 GMT -5 Emmet Russell said:

Put HHH in the main event so he can suck all the heat from it ... wait ...

Darn.

I hate being beaten to the punch.

[CM Parish]

Remove HHH from the match and disappoint every man woman and child in attendance.

They all turn their backs Bo Dallas NXT crowd style and the company goes out of business.

[Deleted]

Every match has a clean finish.

[Deleted]

Aug 13, 2013 1:32:33 GMT -5 Emmet Russell said:

Put HHH in the main event so he can suck all the heat from it ... wait ...

Right....?

I feel like they're well on their way to Russoizing it already.

[Stone Coke Miami Watson 🥃]

SummerSlam is held in January in Anchorage, Alaska.

Swerve!

[Mesousa287793]

Aug 13, 2013 1:44:14 GMT -5 BigBadZ said:

Bryan vs Cena is called off just before the opening bell rings. Since we see how they can be friends on Total Divas, the main event will be changed to a Live Sex Celebration with Cena, Bryan, and the Bella twins.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}{Spoiler}

That gif is ****ing creepy, man.

[Deleted]

The Ring of Fire Match becomes "Preparation H on a Pole."

[Deleted]

Pre-Show: Rob Van Dam vs Dean Ambrose

After 5 minutes of action RVD connects with a stiff kick to Ambrose's nose which begins to bleed, Ambrose yells "I'm a hemophiliac" and collapses as trainers, medics, and EMT's hit the ring to help. The announcers put on their Owen Hart voice to sell it.

1. World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio wins when Zeb Colter hits the ring and reveals that Christian is in the US illegally and Alberto shows his newfound aggression(again). After the match Christian falls to his knees mid-ring crying and admits that he has been living a lie and not only is he a border jumper but he is also a crossdresser and wants to be known as Christina from now on.

2. Brie Bella defeats Natalya when Tyson Kidd shows up arm in arm with Christina.

3. Bray Wyatt defeats Kane. Afterwards Irwin R. Schyster hits the ring and accuses the Wyatt's of being tax cheats and tells Bray to go to his room and think about what he's done.

4. Cody Rhodes and Damien Sandow ends in a no contest when Cody breaks into the MITB briefcase and removes the contract, during the struggle for the contract it rips in half with each guy holding a half. Now we have two potential cash in guys!

5. Big E. Langston and Kaitlyn defeat Dolph Ziggler and AJ when the ladies switch sides mid-match. Kaitlyn gets the pin when Hornswoggle runs in with a pair of AJ's panties on his head like a lucha mask and starts humping her leg.

6. CM Punk defeats Brock Lesnar after Brock lays down and allows Punk to pin him, after the match Brock gets on the mic and asks "Did I do a good JOB for you, Russo? Get it JOB?" Russo comes out and an impromptu tuxedo match erupts between he and Paul E. Paul is stripped down to reveal lingerie beneath his suit.

7. Vince McMahon defeats Daniel Bryan and John Cena when John Cena's ex-wife runs in to attack him only to be thwarted by Nikki Bella. As the ref tries to break up the catfight Vince runs in and low blows both men before putting both men in a double stack Camel Clutch and getting the submission victory. Orton, Sandow, and Rhodes all hit the ring and it looks like they're going to cash in but they all just lay down and let Vince pin them. Suddenly Stone Cold's music hits and he comes down and celebrates with Vince by drinking wine coolers.

[Joe Laracuente WAS WRONG]

John Cena vs Daniel Bryan- Triple H fasts counts Cena to the win. Out comes Orton who cashes in his Money in the bank. Triple H and Orton cut a 15 minute promo about reforming the NWO and Evolution. Out comes Kevin Nash while Nash is about to enter the ring he tears his quad. Fade to Black.

[Deleted]

Cena vs. Bryan turns into a mixed tag match between Cena/Nikki and Bryan/Brie, with the person scoring the decisive pinfall (or submission) winning the WWE Championship. Nikki wins. New boob period.

[PKO]

Pre-Show: RVD vs Dean Ambrose
The two men get ready to lock up when RVD gets a spliff out from his tights, lights it up and blows the smoke in Ambrose's face. Ambrose sells it like he's been hit with a canon and falls to the ground, allowing RVD to pin him and become the new champ. The Shield then all celebrate with the new champ as its revealed RVD has been their leader the whole time.

JoJo gets ready to sing the national anthem when Layla comes out, revealing herself to be JoJo's mother, and says she is grounded and has to go backstage immediately for a spanking..before deciding to do it right there in the middle of the ring.

1. Cody Rhodes vs Damien Sandow
The two have a regular back and forth match for about 2 minutes before Hornswoggle comes out from under the ring and steals the MITB briefcase, distracting Sandow and allowing Cody to roll him up for the win.

2. Bray Wyatt vs Kane
Bray and Kane face off in the ring surrounded by fire before Kane takes off his mask...revealing himself to be Eric Rowen. The two men embrace as the commentators question where the real Kane is (he is never seen again).

3. Brie Bella vs Natalya
Nikki tries to swap places with Brie but the referee immediately notices her larger breasts and argues with her. All the surrounding divas then brawl, so Brad Maddox turns it into a six diva tag match but the Funkadactyls refuse to take part...because they're pregnant! The commentators question who the father is (the pregnancy is never mentioned again).

4. World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio vs Christian
The two have a normal match, for about three minutes, before a ref bump. Ricardo comes down to get some retribution on Alberto but *SWERVE* he's actually there to attack Christian. Christian gets the upper hand and knocks the two men out, with Ricardo landing on top of Alberto. The ref makes the count and Ricardo is the new champ.

Suddenly, out comes Hornswoggle with the MITB contract. He cashes in on Ricardo to become the new champ.

5. Dolph Ziggler and Kaitlyn vs Big E Langston and AJ
As the match is due to start, Vickie Guerrero comes out and says the match cannot take place...because AJ Lee is actually a man! She strips her of the Diva's title and declares herself the new champion.
Big E then tells Dolph he is in love with him and the two agree to get married.

6. Brock Lesnar defeats CM Punk
The match is turned into a "Paul Heyman on a forklift" match. If Punk reaches him he can beat him up, if Brock reaches him he gets a mystery box. After a match that consists solely of one man trying to climb only to get pulled down over and over again (for about 10 minutes) Brock reaches Heyman and gets the box. Inside is a pink slip, and Brock is frogmarched out of the building.

7. John Cena vs Daniel Bryan
After several minutes of action, Cena locks in the STFU and HHH calls for the bell straight away. As everyone is confused Vince comes down with Randy Orton's MITB briefcase and he hits Cena over the head with it, before handing it to HHH. HHH then pins Cena, and Vince makes the count. HHH is your new WWE Champion, as Stephanie comes out for the McMahon family to celebrate as the show goes off the air.

[Bub (BLM)]

*checks the WWE Whiteboard*




Hey, they already did it for me!