Worst promo transcripts?

[WoodStoner1]

I was revisiting a thread from last year for the best ones, has a similar one been done for the WORST ones? Could be fun...

[wallabylikeyou]

"Folks here's Jumpin' Jeff Farmer. Jeff, a while back, what a match you had with Motley!"

"Yep! Probably the hardest match I've ever had in my life...but I don't like it when...things aren't my-going my way. Motley Crews, you turned the tables on me, you turned the tables in a wrong way, you got me...mad now. I've stood around, I've listened to everything you had to say...I did everything necessary but when you turn around and when you back stab me onewayoranother and treat-CHEAT me out of what's rightfully mine, that's when I get angry. Now I'M the one doing the challenging, I'm issuing a challenge to YOU Motley Crews, get...in the ring with me, this time I'm...going...full...force!

"Jumpin' Jeff Farmer. Now let's go to the ring."

[Deleted]

Matt Hardy: "Well I guess I should thank Vince McMahon for officially bringing me back to RAWL. But actually, Vince McMahon didn't bring me back to RAWL. The people, each and every one of you brought me back to RAWL! And unlike Vince McMahon, I too thank all of you. And for any of you who may not know my story, I wanna catch everyone to speed. I was involved in a 6-year relationship with Amy Duma, better known as Lita."

*crowd boos*

"And although Lita was *married* to Kane on TV, Amy Duma came home every night to ME! While I was out of action with a serous knee injury, I discovered that Amy was having an affair with Adam Copeland, better known as Edge".

*crowd boos again*

"A guy who was supposedly one of my closest friends on this planet."

*Matt pauses for a moment, then continues.*

"Once the story broke out and became public, my world turned upside down, you guys know the deal. And each and every one of you let Lita, you let Edge, you let the WWE know how you felt!"

*crowd mildy cheers*

"And I'll never forget sitting at home in my couch, watching RAWL from Madison Square Garden that there were 20,000 people chanting "WE WANT MATT!" and "YOU SCREWED MATT!"

*crowd chants We want Matt*

"And it was on that very day that the Matt Hardy movement began. And from that point on, I took matters into my own hands. But now, MATT HARDY IS BACK!"

*crowd loudly cheers*

"And Edge, you ruined my dream of one day having a family. You destroyed my dream of one day having children. And you came this close, THIS close, of destroying my dream of becoming a WWE superstar, something that I had worked my entire life for! And Edge, now you're mad. You're upset because your personal life is miserable and that's terrible. Because if you could live through this ordeal, I am gonna put you through your personal life and professional life will be so miserable that you'll wish you were DEAD. And the only thing that would make me more happy than permanently injuring you, Edge, or ending your career, is if you were killed in a car accident before I had the chance!"

*crowd doesn't know how to react*

"So when we step into the ring at Summerslam, IT'S EITHER KILLED OR BE KILLED, ADAM! And Matt Hardy WILL NOT DIE!!!"

*crowd mildy cheers as Matt walks to the back*

- RAW 2005, Matt Hardy returns.

[Joe Neglia]

Jimmy Snuka, Polynesian Pro Wrestling, 1985 (interviewed by Ripper Collins):

RIPPER COLLINS: OK wrestling fans, this is Ripper Collins. And in the 6000 years there has been wrestling around the world, every country has known its great

(long pause)

and its greatest. We've had people like Lou Thesz to represent the world's heavyweight championship; we've had Harley Race; great people, great wrestlers go all the way back centuries ago. And we're very lucky now to have among us probably the greatest wrestling star ever, because when you mention his name anywhere in the world---and I do mean anywhere in the world---they all come up with one fantastic person: the one, the only, the Superfly, Jimmy Snuka. The fantastic star

(long pause)

of the world of wrestling. The man who flies through the air

(pause)

from the top rope

(pause)

from 15 feet atop a cage onto his opponent. This is the one, the only, the great, Jimmy Superfly Snuka. It's my honor.

SNUKA: Thank you Ripper, ladies and gentlemen, you wonderful people out there in TV-land. Ripper, I appreciate the compliments you just gave to these people out there. Now you know Ripper, as we go along, and standing here before you ladies and gentlemen, all you people out there: the Hawaiians, the Samoans, the Fijans, the Tongans, the Filipinos and you name it as we go along down the line.

You know, Ripper, I've just been standing out here brother, listenin' to you mentioning about all these greatest wrestlers in the past, but nowadays we talkin' about today, tomorrow, and further on. You know, Ripper, there's a lot of people that comes out and stands before this camera and talk.

(EXTREMELY long pause)

You have to realize and know exactly and put it down to a point, to a view, to make sure that you people out there understand exactly what we pointing exactly to you.

Now Ripper...now I know brother, there's a lot of things in everybody's mind wondering what's going on in this world. Well, ladies and gentlemen, only you people can realize and understand one thing, to be paying attention is the only way to know what's going on. Now, Ripper Collins, you know there's a lot of things going on in this world, but there's a lot going on in professional wrestling! And professional wrestling is the name of the sport, there it is only one of its kind.

Now Ripper, there's been a lot of men that's been coming out of the United States, come flying into Honolulu, Hawaii. Why? Because all the professional wrestlers around the world, you name it, around San Francisco---which I'm looking forward to come there---even down all over the coast. Man, you name it, everybody is looking forward to come right here to Hawaii because they know Hawaii is the beautiful paradise of one of the South Pacific islands. You don't even name the Samoan islands, which is one of the prettiest of the South Pacific; the Tongan islands which is the South Pacific; the Fijan islands, which is another paradise of all the South Pacific islands. You name all these wrestlers that come here from all over the world; you name it we got it. And standing here right before you I am one of the Polynesians that represents all the Polynesian islands.

Ripper Collins, we go back in your time brother, that you are one of the greatest and still is. But ladies and gentlemen, you name it, we got it; but there is only one thing that I just like to know deep down in my heart: what is going on here? I want to know. I have to know. Because that's the only way to find out who's got what and who's got who.

Now the most important thing to everyone in professional wrestling, Ripper Collins, is challenging and getting into the ringcircle. Because for one thing everybody is challenging each other for one thing...for one thing, and what that one thing is Ripper Collins, and that's titles. Titles are all over the world, you name the titles that's 'round the world, it might be too much. But let me tell you one thing, it only take faith and confidence to get inside to that ringcircle wherever you at and fight. If it's here in Hawaii, which is so important and so special to me. Hawaiian Islands is what we represent; I represent the Polynesian islands, and if anybody think in their mind that they could come from the mainland, here to my part of my country, and think that they can come and try to demolish the Polynesian islands and and try to take away what they think that does not belong to them---what belongs to us is what we gotta keep in the Hawaiian Islands. Ho-hano, brother.

(about two minutes later, during the next match):

RIPPER COLLINS (attempting the save): I wanna tell the fans, Snuka was talking on his interview there, and in plain simple English what he was telling the whole world is: Jerry Lawler, you're coming to my Hawaii, to my Polynesian land, and I'm going to kick you from post to post and pillar to pillar and take that belt back.

[molson5]

Ken Patera (responding to Mene Gene's question about Patera's feud with the Heenan family): That's right. The Weasel has come to the point, this conspiracy is completely out of hand. He turned his gang of henchmen on me. His goon squad. King Kong Bundy, King Harley Race, Hercules Hernandez, Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff. You know, I've been humiliated before. But I'm so humiliated right now I'm afraid to turn my back. I don't want the people to see what happened to me. They whipped me like a dirty yard dog. But I'm gonna tell you something Weasel. And the goon squad. I can take pain. I can recover it, eh, recover, I can recuperate. Well I'm beyond that. I am so upset at the, the, actions that are going on in the World Wrestling Federation, especially from your so-called family, that it's just a matter of time. Like I said before and I said it to you Mene Gene, I said it to everybody, it's just a matter of time when Ken Patera gets in full gear and runs the World Wrestling Federation, or rids the World Wrestling Federation of the likes of you Weasel, and King Kong Bundy, Race, Hercules, Worn-eh-Orndorff, all of ya, you're all going to go down one by one, and I'm gonna make sure of that. For the whipping that you gave me, whipped me like a red-setted, red-headed stepson, I'm sick and tired of that type of treatment. And when I get ready, when I'm in full gear, Heenan, Weasel, whatever you guys want to do, just bring it on, because I'm not going anywhere. Like I say, I'm gonna carry these scars for a while, but I do heal, and I heal well.

[tms]

Aug 24, 2013 20:10:07 GMT -5 Joe Neglia said:

Jimmy Snuka, Polynesian Pro Wrestling, 1985 (interviewed by Ripper Collins):

RIPPER COLLINS: OK wrestling fans, this is Ripper Collins. And in the 6000 years there has been wrestling around the world, every country has known its great

(long pause)

and its greatest. We've had people like Lou Thesz to represent the world's heavyweight championship; we've had Harley Race; great people, great wrestlers go all the way back centuries ago. And we're very lucky now to have among us probably the greatest wrestling star ever, because when you mention his name anywhere in the world---and I do mean anywhere in the world---they all come up with one fantastic person: the one, the only, the Superfly, Jimmy Snuka. The fantastic star

(long pause)

of the world of wrestling. The man who flies through the air

(pause)

from the top rope

(pause)

from 15 feet atop a cage onto his opponent. This is the one, the only, the great, Jimmy Superfly Snuka. It's my honor.

SNUKA: Thank you Ripper, ladies and gentlemen, you wonderful people out there in TV-land. Ripper, I appreciate the compliments you just gave to these people out there. Now you know Ripper, as we go along, and standing here before you ladies and gentlemen, all you people out there: the Hawaiians, the Samoans, the Fijans, the Tongans, the Filipinos and you name it as we go along down the line.

You know, Ripper, I've just been standing out here brother, listenin' to you mentioning about all these greatest wrestlers in the past, but nowadays we talkin' about today, tomorrow, and further on. You know, Ripper, there's a lot of people that comes out and stands before this camera and talk.

(EXTREMELY long pause)

You have to realize and know exactly and put it down to a point, to a view, to make sure that you people out there understand exactly what we pointing exactly to you.

Now Ripper...now I know brother, there's a lot of things in everybody's mind wondering what's going on in this world. Well, ladies and gentlemen, only you people can realize and understand one thing, to be paying attention is the only way to know what's going on. Now, Ripper Collins, you know there's a lot of things going on in this world, but there's a lot going on in professional wrestling! And professional wrestling is the name of the sport, there it is only one of its kind.

Now Ripper, there's been a lot of men that's been coming out of the United States, come flying into Honolulu, Hawaii. Why? Because all the professional wrestlers around the world, you name it, around San Francisco---which I'm looking forward to come there---even down all over the coast. Man, you name it, everybody is looking forward to come right here to Hawaii because they know Hawaii is the beautiful paradise of one of the South Pacific islands. You don't even name the Samoan islands, which is one of the prettiest of the South Pacific; the Tongan islands which is the South Pacific; the Fijan islands, which is another paradise of all the South Pacific islands. You name all these wrestlers that come here from all over the world; you name it we got it. And standing here right before you I am one of the Polynesians that represents all the Polynesian islands.

Ripper Collins, we go back in your time brother, that you are one of the greatest and still is. But ladies and gentlemen, you name it, we got it; but there is only one thing that I just like to know deep down in my heart: what is going on here? I want to know. I have to know. Because that's the only way to find out who's got what and who's got who.

Now the most important thing to everyone in professional wrestling, Ripper Collins, is challenging and getting into the ringcircle. Because for one thing everybody is challenging each other for one thing...for one thing, and what that one thing is Ripper Collins, and that's titles. Titles are all over the world, you name the titles that's 'round the world, it might be too much. But let me tell you one thing, it only take faith and confidence to get inside to that ringcircle wherever you at and fight. If it's here in Hawaii, which is so important and so special to me. Hawaiian Islands is what we represent; I represent the Polynesian islands, and if anybody think in their mind that they could come from the mainland, here to my part of my country, and think that they can come and try to demolish the Polynesian islands and and try to take away what they think that does not belong to them---what belongs to us is what we gotta keep in the Hawaiian Islands. Ho-hano, brother.

(about two minutes later, during the next match):

RIPPER COLLINS (attempting the save): I wanna tell the fans, Snuka was talking on his interview there, and in plain simple English what he was telling the whole world is: Jerry Lawler, you're coming to my Hawaii, to my Polynesian land, and I'm going to kick you from post to post and pillar to pillar and take that belt back.

I lost about 50 IQ points reading that. This winz.

[Hit Girl]

Based on that promo, I assumed that Snuka was going to fight Ripper.

["I'm Batman..."]

"The right gay..."

[Shark]

Aug 24, 2013 15:58:30 GMT -5 @blazinman5 said:

Matt Hardy: "Well I guess I should thank Vince McMahon for officially bringing me back to RAWL. But actually, Vince McMahon didn't bring me back to RAWL. The people, each and every one of you brought me back to RAWL! And unlike Vince McMahon, I too thank all of you. And for any of you who may not know my story, I wanna catch everyone to speed. I was involved in a 6-year relationship with Amy Duma, better known as Lita."

*crowd boos*

"And although Lita was *married* to Kane on TV, Amy Duma came home every night to ME! While I was out of action with a serous knee injury, I discovered that Amy was having an affair with Adam Copeland, better known as Edge".

*crowd boos again*

"A guy who was supposedly one of my closest friends on this planet."

*Matt pauses for a moment, then continues.*

"Once the story broke out and became public, my world turned upside down, you guys know the deal. And each and every one of you let Lita, you let Edge, you let the WWE know how you felt!"

*crowd mildy cheers*

"And I'll never forget sitting at home in my couch, watching RAWL from Madison Square Garden that there were 20,000 people chanting "WE WANT MATT!" and "YOU SCREWED MATT!"

*crowd chants We want Matt*

"And it was on that very day that the Matt Hardy movement began. And from that point on, I took matters into my own hands. But now, MATT HARDY IS BACK!"

*crowd loudly cheers*

"And Edge, you ruined my dream of one day having a family. You destroyed my dream of one day having children. And you came this close, THIS close, of destroying my dream of becoming a WWE superstar, something that I had worked my entire life for! And Edge, now you're mad. You're upset because your personal life is miserable and that's terrible. Because if you could live through this ordeal, I am gonna put you through your personal life and professional life will be so miserable that you'll wish you were DEAD. And the only thing that would make me more happy than permanently injuring you, Edge, or ending your career, is if you were killed in a car accident before I had the chance!"

*crowd doesn't know how to react*

"So when we step into the ring at Summerslam, IT'S EITHER KILLED OR BE KILLED, ADAM! And Matt Hardy WILL NOT DIE!!!"

*crowd mildy cheers as Matt walks to the back*

- RAW 2005, Matt Hardy returns.

I remember watching that and hearing JR say, "Ohhh" over his mic after Matt said he wanted Edge to die in a car accident and it was clear he knew Matt had pissed it down his leg.