F.A.N. Rumored to Be Interested in Buying TNA

[bob]

Rumors have emerged from wrestletaint.gov that F.A.N. is interested in purchasing TNA Wrestling from the Carters. The reasons for this are unknown, but early reports indicate that they are interested in doing this for a sole purpose of making talent use mufflers to prevent anal bleeding.

[Magic knows Black Lives Matter]

Ya'll can keep all the rings and shit. I just want free access into Universal Studios.

[Lancers]

I'm looking all over Wrestletaint.gov right now and I don't see that story. The closest to what you're saying is this one...

CARTER FAMILY SELLING TNA TO BUY TRAMPOLINE WRESTLING PROMOTION



After years of financial hardships and endless disappointed, Panda Energy ownership has decided to sever ties with Total Nonstop Action as soon as possible. The belief is they would like to sell TNA before the start of 2014. However, it appears that relinquishing their ownership of TNA does not sour them on the wrestling business as a whole. The plan is to buy a trampoline-based wrestling promotion immediately after their sale of TNA and attempt to revolutionize the wrestling business.

"Trampoline wrestling is the future of sports entertainment, ya'll," said a milquetoast Dixie Carter this weekend. "Everybody I know loves wrestling, but hates how fake it all looks. But when two people wrestling on a trampoline, your belief suspends as long as the wrestlers do in the air. It's really a game changer."

The trampoline fed will likely start with a modest investment. The plan is to do smaller shows with cheap talent, possibly illegal immigrants.

"We want to start with shows at children's birthday parties. The kids will love the theatrics," continued Mrs. Carter. "Then they'll want to grow up to be trampoline wrestlers. Then in about 20 years, we will have an entire generation of adults who were raised on the legacy of the first generation of famous trampoline wrestlers like the ones we hire for $7/hour."

However, this idea is not a new concept.

"My brother and I have had a trampoline fed for years and nobody cares," said a bitter Matt Hardy. "Our company peaked in the early 90s during the Zubaz fad. We didn't have the startup money to go global. Then we got into the WWE and just kinda forgot about it."

Matt Hardy is consulting with attorneys over a possible lawsuit. The attorneys have yet to answer any of Matt's calls.


wrestletaint.gov

[Deleted]

I have a premium subscription to wrestletaint.gov and this isn't showing up on the site, actually for some reason nothing but hardcore porn is showing up on wrestletaint.gov today, not sure how that relates to wrestling but I'm going to renew my subscription for sure!