(From Ulysses, which takes place during one long-ass day)
As the five remaining would-be Idols awaited the results for
Round 38: A Day in the Life Of..., some used the time to relax and reflect on what has occurred this Season and what was to come, while others attempted to add to their musical repertory.
At the FAN Beach, Honolulu, Hawaii:
Cher Horowitz, for example, decided to take a note from her sometime friend/friendly rival, 3-Time Idol Winner Anonymous GM, and try her hand at the ukulele.
Cher (strumming, twang twang): HEE! This is pretty fun. No wonder she was so happy. Maybe I'll get a mask too
.
suave (smiling back): Sure, why not? Let's have a song.
Cher (blushing ever so slightly): Oh, ok. Here goes. (Starts playing really fast and violently)
"I'll cut you with my knife/ I'll drag ya around town/ I'll add some spice to your life/ and I'll do it while wearing a gown!"
Cher then stuck out her tongue, said something about "this one's for you Knailsic" and stomped away to the ocean, likely to yell at the fish.
suave yawned, stretched out on a beach chair, and drank some coca-cola from a coconut shell. He took a nap in the summer sun and awoke as the last sun rays danced on his face. Dancing. Hmmm, that gave him an idea. He looked out at the beach again to find Cher Horowitz serenade the waves with her ukulele, her movements light and precise, the notes beautiful and slightly melancholy, a new sound that he had never quite heard before.
Still, club time! Time to wake up the blood.
The Mambo Room, Honolulu.
suave knew the Mambo Room, just like he seemingly knew every club around the world. Under the hot club lights, which made the sweltering Hawaiian night even hotter and the dancing that much more liberating, suave drank complementary glasses of ice water and mambo'd with every available woman in the room.
suave started with the conventional RazzM'Tazz, mimicking the steps the locals used with ease. His motions were smooth and complicated, studied as it were. suave shifted and incorporated steps from the New York Mamba style, "Mambo on 2", switching it up on the second step and turning. The musicians at their instruments slacked their pace when they noticed his dance steps, then quickened when they realized that he was the real deal. suave realized that all eyes were on him and, not so much reveling in this attention as dancing with an easy step much as an old jazzman finds himself in familiar notes, the would-be Idol channeled Perez Prado, inventor of the mambo, and relished in the merging of the music with the free steps that he demonstrated.
He made sure to dance with every woman in the room, young and old, single and married, those on vacation and those from the Island. Each dance helped him reconnect with his own body and the bodies of others, something that he has been neglecting as of late with this Season of FAN Idol. Still, he thought of the current Round with every step, every movement of his partner's hips, every hand hold and embrace. suave lost himself in the music, in the dance, in the heat and the sounds of joy from those around him. In time, the ideas came to him, the music flowed through his blood, and he knew what music he had to use.
Wang Chung's. Honolulu.
Gus Richlen, Inuyasha Mark and the Orangeutan found themselves at the legendary karaoke bar after a night of frantic drinking, Orangeutan enjoying some of the perks of his new simian form (dude, you're totally an orangutang until you change your user name
) by getting complimentary banana daiquiris from bar patrons incredulous at the fact that this orangutang can talk. And, with a little coaxing from Gus, sing.
The two Idol veterans blended in easily with the regulars, Richlen thrilling them with tales of fighting demons from sunless realms and impressing with old folk songs from Meiji-era Japan, while the Orangeutan's novelty spoke for itself. Listening to two nihonjins from Osaka sing Ramones songs, Gus and Orangeutan applauded and whistled, shrugging their shoulders when told that they were next up.
With the eyes of the drunken karaoke goers upon them, Gus Richlen and Orangeutan tip-toed into a blistering roller coaster of a set list: John Legend's All of Me, Lover of the Light by Mumford and Sons, Alabama's Fallin' Again, and a medley of Moonie's greatest hits. The crowd showered them with bananas and coupons for 2 for 1 drink specials.
Gus (eating a fairly unimpressive Salmon Poke, a hawaiian raw fish dish): Bunch of bananas. Well, that was a lot of fun, just hope that my risks pay off. I figured I should use a couple of musicians, have to fit them in somewhere and, hey (looking at a banana near his plate), want this?
The Orangeutan: No no, I'm fine. Can't get that beat out of my head. Bump...Bump...Bump......Bump. That last one sort of hovers there. I like that.
Gus (leaning back, tired and a little tipsy): Love this place. Sigh, I don't want to leave. Why do we have to again?
The Orangeutan: Music. FAN Idol. Tried to convince that goof to finish this thing in Honolulu but he said it wasn't in the budget. We have to get up early tomorrow. Going on a road trip.
Gus: Sigh. Would like to just stay here and relax. Heard suave went dancing. Wouldn't mind checking out that scene.... yeah, yeah, ok! (addressing The Orangeutan) Looks like we're up again.
The Orangeutan: How about Jungle Love?
Gus: Heh. Jungle Love.
At the beach. A few minutes before sunrise.
Road trip time. Pegasus Warrior finished loading up the FAN Van:
Gus, the Orangeutan, and suave were sleeping soundlessly in the back of the Van, Gus and the Orangeutan with a kitschy trophey of a hula dancer with the inscription "Wang Bang" upon it, suave with a woman's shoe near his head.
Pegasus Warrior waved to Cher Horowitz, who played her ukulele the whole night through. She called shotgun, got into the van, and continued to play. Gus stirred a few times, smiled, and fell back asleep. The Orangeutan kept talking about bananas and KISS in his sleep, saying that Peter Criss wasn't a real cat but he was a real orangutan and this damn genetics accident better wear off soon. Pegasus Warrior started the van, put on an Outlaw Country station on Sirius Radio, and drove until daybreak to the next gig, ukulele music in his ears.
And now here are the results of
Round 38: A Day in the Life of... The winner will have the option of sending in an additional song for
Round 39: Another Day in the Life Of... provided that five categories are represented.
In fifth place, taking to the dance floor with 151 points, is a contestant who has the moves and the swagger to catch your eye from across the room...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
The Orangeutan!!! who lost his ego but kept the id, moonwalking with Losing My Ego by throwback rock band ASTRA (56 pts, 7th), did the Monkey with Philip Sayce's The Bull (29 pts, 15th), made our hearts do the samba with Belgian dance group DHT featuring Edmee's cover of Roxette's Listen to Your Heart (48 pts, T-10th), and restored our faith in musical royalty by cha-chaing to the one and the only Cher's mega hit Believe (18 pts, 16th)!!!
No butterflies in the stomach here for the contestant in fourth place. Taking to the stage and belting out the mega hits to a drum beat, with 186 points is...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
suave!!! who added pop, soul, rock but apparently not disco to his play list with Everclear's A.M. Radio (63 pts, 6th), who was super friendly to all the the drunk people in the room with Placebo's Pure Morning (48 pts, T-10th), charmed his way through our weak resistance with the Network's cover of the Misfits' b-movie hit Teenagers from Mars (42 pts, 13th), and ended his set with the crowd pleasing Maliblue by former Broadway wunderkind Darius (33 pts, 14th)!!!
Taking home the blue ribbon and 222 outstanding points is a contestant that went on a quest for that special sound, listening to the wind and the rain, the laughter and the clang of metal...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Gus Richlen, Inuyasha Mark!!! who awoke with an urge to smash some heads in with God himself via Motorhead's raucous Hellraiser (44 pts, 12th), sung to himself in the shower with Phil Collin's jazzy take on Cindy Lauper's introspective True Colors (50 pts, 8th), took his eggs and toast and felt blessed with all the songs he was hearing from the Deftones' and their Minerva (49 pts, 9th), and was out the front door and ready to start the day even as the world turned with The Cult's She Sells Sanctuary (79 pts, T-2nd)!!!
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Cher Horowitz.
Pegasus Warrior.
Please Step Forward.
You two are the highest scoring contestants for
Round 38: A Day in the Life Of.... While we have been chugging along this Season, celebrating the highs and dealing with the lows, the contestant pool has whittled down to just five contestants. Simply put, this is likely the most talented final five in Idol history and any remaining contestant would make a fit FAN Idol. You two have done a marvelous job of setting yourselves up for future success and one will enjoy the crucial advantage of a bonus song for the next Round. Anything can happen but there is a degree of safety to be given to you two, as well as opportunities to take risks, to embrace challenges. Every Round from this point on is of vital importance and one of you has taken the next step to the Finale.
With 261 points and first place, is a contestant that dazzled us with their music and sent us all home happy...
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
Cher Horowitz!!! Congratulations!!! You wowed us with alt. rock heroes Garbage and their harrowing tale of bad romance with Bad Boyfriend (64 pts, 5th), got us talking by taking a gamble with Canadian rockers April Wine and their Roller (69 pts, T-4th), made the wait for heaven and love worth it with Letters to Cleo's Veda Very Shining (82 pts, 1st), and sent us home happy with the incomparable Mama Cass Elliot's bedtime Dream a Little Dream of Me!!! Well Done!!!
On the fast track to success, in second place with 230 pts, is Pegasus Warrior!!! who started his road trip in a cheap motel room filled with crazy shenanigans with the irascible Butthole Surfer's Who Was in My Room Last Night? (12 pts, 17th), went to the desert and did some acid and found enlightenment with Bleachers' I Wanna Get Better (79 pts, T-2nd), sailed the Seven Seas with Grouplove's Shark Attack (69 pts, T-4th), and went on a journey with a girl, maybe holding hands with Blues Travelers' But Anyway (70 pts, 3rd)!!!
Congratulations you two!!!
Judges' Rankings:
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
1. Cher Horowitz- 261 pts
Bad Boyfriend- Garbage (Signature Sound)
FW-10, LM-10, RR-6, W-20, ZA-18= 64 (5th)
Roller- April Wine (Road Trip)
FW-18, LM-17, RR-14, W-6, ZA-14= 69 (T-4th)
Veda Very Shining- Letters to Cleo (Send Fans Home Happy)
FW-19, LM-13, RR-19, W-12, ZA-19= 82 (1st)
Dream a Little Dream of Me- Mama Cass Elliot (Sleep)
FW-11, LM-5, RR-13, W-10, ZA-7= 46 (11th)
2. Pegasus Warrior- 230 pts
Who Was in My Room Last Night?- Butthole Surfers (Wake-up)
FW-4, LM-1, RR-3, W-1, ZA-3= 12 (17th)
I Wanna Get Better- Bleachers (Inspiration)
FW-17, LM-19, RR-15, W-18, ZA-10= 79 (T-2nd)
Shark Attack- Grouplove (Signature Sound)
FW- 15, LM-14, RR-20, W-15, ZA-5= 69 (T-4th)
But Anyway- Blues Traveler (Send Them Home Happy)
FW- 20, LM-12, RR-5, W-16, ZA-17= 70 (3rd)
3. Gus Richlen, Inuyasha Mark- 222 pts
Hellraiser- Motorhead (Wake-Up)
FW-16, LM-8, RR-9, W-9, ZA-2= 44 (12th)
True Colors- Phil Collins (Karaoke Song)
FW-2, LM-7, RR-4, W-17, ZA-20= 50 (8th)
Minerva- Deftones (Closer)
FW-8, LM-9, RR-10, W-13, ZA-9= 49 (9th)
She Sells Sanctuary- The Cult (Inspiration)
FW-12, LM-20, RR-17, W-14, ZA-16= 79 (T-2nd)
4. Suave- 186 pts
AM Radio- Everclear (Send Them Home Happy)
FW-14, LM-16, RR-1, W-19, ZA-13= 63 (6th)
Pure Morning- Placebo (Karaoke Song)
FW-13, LM-4, RR-8, W-11, ZA-12= 48 (T-10th)
Teenagers from Mars- The Network (Wake-up)
FW-9, LM-3, RR-7, W-8, ZA-15= 42 (13th)
Maliblue- Darius (Sleep)
FW-3, LM-11, RR-11, W-7, ZA-1= 33 (14th)
5. Orangeutang- 151 pts
Losing My Ego- ASTRA (Wake-up)
FW-7, LM-15, RR-18, W-5, ZA-11= 56 (7th)
The Bull- Philip Sayce (Inspiration) (Language Warning)
FW-5, LM-2, RR-16, W-2, ZA-4= 29 (15th)
Listen To Your Heart- D.H.T Feat. Edmee (Dance Floor)
FW-6, LM-18, RR-12, W-4, ZA-8= 48 (T-10th)
Believe- Cher (Karaoke)
FW-1, LM-6, RR-2, W-3, ZA-6= 18 (16th)
Judges' Rankings by Song:
{Spoiler}{Spoiler}
1. Veda Very Shining- Letters to Cleo (Send Fans Home Happy)
FW-19, LM-13, RR-19, W-12, ZA-19= 82 (Cher Horowitz)
T-2. I Wanna Get Better- Bleachers (Inspiration)
FW-17, LM-19, RR-15, W-18, ZA-10= 79 (Pegasus Warrior)
T-2. She Sells Sanctuary- The Cult (Inspiration)
FW-12, LM-20, RR-17, W-14, ZA-16= 79 (Gus Richlen, Inuyasha Mark)
3. But Anyway- Blues Traveler (Send Them Home Happy)
FW- 20, LM-12, RR-5, W-16, ZA-17= 70 (Pegasus Warrior)
T-4. Roller- April Wine (Road Trip)
FW-18, LM-17, RR-14, W-6, ZA-14= 69 (Cher Horowitz)
T-4. Shark Attack- Grouplove (Signature Sound)
FW- 15, LM-14, RR-20, W-15, ZA-5= 69 (Pegasus Warrior)
5. Bad Boyfriend- Garbage (Signature Sound)
FW-10, LM-10, RR-6, W-20, ZA-18= 64 (Cher Horowitz)
6. AM Radio- Everclear (Send Them Home Happy)
FW-14, LM-16, RR-1, W-19, ZA-13= 63 (suave)
7. Losing My Ego- ASTRA (Wake-up)
FW-7, LM-15, RR-18, W-5, ZA-11= 56 (Orangeutang)
8. True Colors- Phil Collins (Karaoke Song)
FW-2, LM-7, RR-4, W-17, ZA-20= 50 (Gus Richlen, Inuyasha Mark)
9. Minerva- Deftones (Closer)
FW-8, LM-9, RR-10, W-13, ZA-9= 49 (Gus Richlen, Inuyasha Mark)
T-10. Listen To Your Heart- D.H.T Feat. Edmee (Dance Floor)
FW-6, LM-18, RR-12, W-4, ZA-8= 48 (Orangeutang)
T-10. Pure Morning- Placebo (Karaoke Song)
FW-13, LM-4, RR-8, W-11, ZA-12= 48 (suave)
11. Dream a Little Dream of Me- Mama Cass Elliot (Sleep)
FW-11, LM-5, RR-13, W-10, ZA-7= 46 (Cher Horowitz)
12. Hellraiser- Motorhead (Wake-Up)
FW-16, LM-8, RR-9, W-9, ZA-2= 44 (Gus Richlen, Inuyasha Mark)
13. Teenagers from Mars- The Network (Wake-up)
FW-9, LM-3, RR-7, W-8, ZA-15= 42 (suave)
14. Maliblue- Darius (Sleep)
FW-3, LM-11, RR-11, W-7, ZA-1= 33 (suave)
15. The Bull- Philip Sayce (Inspiration) (Language Warning)
FW-5, LM-2, RR-16, W-2, ZA-4= 29 (Orangeutang)
16. Believe- Cher (Karaoke)
FW-1, LM-6, RR-2, W-3, ZA-6= 18 (Orangeutang)
17. Who Was in My Room Last Night?- Butthole Surfers (Wake-up)
FW-4, LM-1, RR-3, W-1, ZA-3= 12 (Pegasus Warrior)