I'm really starting to enjoy these Polar Vortex headlines
Jan 7, 2014 11:04:21 GMT -5
Amazing Kitsune likes this
Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2014 11:04:21 GMT -5
So apparently the newest global warming/climate change/weather shiftaroo gimmick that the h8ers are trying to get over on us is that there is this thing called the Polar Vortex which is now out of wack.
Apparently this started when a boat full of global warming scientists got stuck in frozen ice up at the Arctic Circle recently (much like Dionne Warwick and her financial problems, they didn't see it coming), and instead of lol'ing about it on Twitter like normal people would do they decided that there was a nefarious human-created reason for it.
Enter the Polar Vortex Collapse: it's now really really cold in places where it shouldn't be so cold, AND IT'S ALL OUR FAULT.
And the media - bless their sycophantic hearts - are starting to report stories of Polar Vortex shenanigans like it's really a thing. The most recent one is about 3 Amtrak trains that were frozen on their tracks overnight - we got headlines like 'Polar vortex traps Amtrak trains from LA, SF overnight in snow', 'Polar vortex in no way disproves climate change', 'Brutal polar vortex threatens to take your breath away', 'Polar vortex giving us the chills not rare at all' (oh snap, how did you get in there?!) and the ever-so-specific 'Polar Vortex Freezes Everything'.
And all the while, I'm sitting here and my mind goes right to GI Joe.
Yes.
Clearly what's happened here is that COBRA - an evil terrorist organization determined to rule the world (for you f***ing newbs) - has developed a weapon, like the Weather Dominator that was used to destroy New Orleans, called the Polar Vortex, and they're doing stuff to society, like making it REALLY REALLY REALLY CHILLY and making nature create a substance that is somehow frozen water which gets on car doors and roads and other places that could devastate human life, and their ultimate plan is to hold the world hostage until our weak willed leaders Paypal them billions of dollars. Then it will stop.
Or not. They're evil. Plus they totally have a bunch of arctic-related soldiers and vehicles, and lots of winter coats to put on the guys who aren't snow-themed.
Alas, because many leaders cannot and do not negotiate with terrorists (so it's their fault, remember this in November or something), we are doomed to remain cold until the weather gets warmer - which can happen at any time because that's how weather works - the frozen water substance.....which I shall call "ice" (weird word, but my heart tells me it works).....will turn back to water and go away, and the gung-ho and mostly American defenders of freedom and liberty somehow burst through the barriers of xenophobia and destroy whatever evil lair that's somehow always in the shape of a giant snake COBRA and its Polar Vortex Collapser are hiding out.
Hey. I'm at work and I'm bored. If you made it this far, you clearly were entertained or are also hideously bored yourself. So no complaining.
Apparently this started when a boat full of global warming scientists got stuck in frozen ice up at the Arctic Circle recently (much like Dionne Warwick and her financial problems, they didn't see it coming), and instead of lol'ing about it on Twitter like normal people would do they decided that there was a nefarious human-created reason for it.
Enter the Polar Vortex Collapse: it's now really really cold in places where it shouldn't be so cold, AND IT'S ALL OUR FAULT.
And the media - bless their sycophantic hearts - are starting to report stories of Polar Vortex shenanigans like it's really a thing. The most recent one is about 3 Amtrak trains that were frozen on their tracks overnight - we got headlines like 'Polar vortex traps Amtrak trains from LA, SF overnight in snow', 'Polar vortex in no way disproves climate change', 'Brutal polar vortex threatens to take your breath away', 'Polar vortex giving us the chills not rare at all' (oh snap, how did you get in there?!) and the ever-so-specific 'Polar Vortex Freezes Everything'.
And all the while, I'm sitting here and my mind goes right to GI Joe.
Yes.
Clearly what's happened here is that COBRA - an evil terrorist organization determined to rule the world (for you f***ing newbs) - has developed a weapon, like the Weather Dominator that was used to destroy New Orleans, called the Polar Vortex, and they're doing stuff to society, like making it REALLY REALLY REALLY CHILLY and making nature create a substance that is somehow frozen water which gets on car doors and roads and other places that could devastate human life, and their ultimate plan is to hold the world hostage until our weak willed leaders Paypal them billions of dollars. Then it will stop.
Or not. They're evil. Plus they totally have a bunch of arctic-related soldiers and vehicles, and lots of winter coats to put on the guys who aren't snow-themed.
Alas, because many leaders cannot and do not negotiate with terrorists (so it's their fault, remember this in November or something), we are doomed to remain cold until the weather gets warmer - which can happen at any time because that's how weather works - the frozen water substance.....which I shall call "ice" (weird word, but my heart tells me it works).....will turn back to water and go away, and the gung-ho and mostly American defenders of freedom and liberty somehow burst through the barriers of xenophobia and destroy whatever evil lair that's somehow always in the shape of a giant snake COBRA and its Polar Vortex Collapser are hiding out.
Hey. I'm at work and I'm bored. If you made it this far, you clearly were entertained or are also hideously bored yourself. So no complaining.