Dr. T is an alien
Patti Mayonnaise
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I've been found out!
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Post by Dr. T is an alien on May 31, 2014 22:45:28 GMT -5
I think the best thing for this kid would be if he ended up spending time in jail. If he gets busted for drugs or theft and has to do a month or so locked up it might scare the crap out of him and let him think about getting his act together. The only reason I was able to bring him home in January is because he got caught alongside the drug dealer he was giving the truck to (glad I did not spend as much on that truck as I did the first as that truck can't even get reported as stolen right now, but I still could have used that $2000 in my own pocket). He had a joint on him and he was arrested. I refused to post bail for him and his dad went into hiding because he thought the boy would buy his freedom by turning witness against him, so he spent 3 weeks in jail before he had his first hearing (he had the misfortune of getting arrested right before Christmas, so the judge was off most of that time). Unlike his turn in juvie (due to him getting arrested trying to sell drugs in school at 14, something I am more than certain his dad put him up to), I don't think it negatively affected him this time. At 14 going to jail for a month scared him straight. At 19 he came back with stories of good times with his buddies in jail. To be honest, the hearing that let him get out in January required him to pay into his pre-trial diversion program and for the drug counseling program (which he has not attended yet). He has a hearing scheduled for the 24th this month about this all and unless he actually works these next three weeks (he supposedly had a job lined up, but so far this year he quits every single job in 2 weeks or less (the first job, one of the 3 we lined up for him, he quit 2 hours in), so I imagine he will be required to go back to jail (though he may not actually go to his hearing and may go on the run).
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Jun 1, 2014 1:41:13 GMT -5
you did the right thing. the rest of your family needed to be protected from his nonsense. you gave him every chance and he failed to take responsibility for his own life. wishing you and your family the best though the next few weeks.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2014 3:59:50 GMT -5
I didn't know the backstory on this, so knowing FAN, I spent the entirety of the OP trying to figure out what it was a reference to. When there weren't any joke posts, I realized it wasn't a reference.
Tough situation though. Sounds to me like you did the right thing.
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Post by camsamurai06 on Jun 1, 2014 4:24:53 GMT -5
This could not have been easy, but you tried your best with a lost soul and putting his fate in his own hands is a gamble, I hope he conquers his demons and does some soul-searching over what brought everyone to this point. Hang in there and take care of his mother as best you can, it's obviously going to take some toll on her.
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Post by Wolf Hawkfield no1 NZ poster on Jun 1, 2014 4:31:01 GMT -5
You did what you had to do so don't feel bad about it.
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ratetankmark
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RIP Rik Mayall, you blimmen genius - Ria Vandervis on Rik Mayall
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Post by ratetankmark on Jun 1, 2014 4:31:50 GMT -5
I remember when I was a baby, before I was born my parents had a cousin who I've never spoken to or even met live with us and when I was born he left, then he came back and broke into our house and stole everything that could be worth something, to be honest I don't think changing locks will make a difference for people who really want to get back into your house, he could kick the door in or climb through a window but I don't blame you one bit for kicking him out of the house, I'm by no means perfect but I don't disrespect my parents.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2014 8:54:12 GMT -5
He's 19. You don't owe him dick.
He's a grown man who should be able to stand on his own two feet if he wants to act like that.
If he were appreciative, respectful and actively working to better his situation then that'd be different, everyone needs a bit of help sometimes, but "help" only works if they're willing to accept it.
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Dr. T is an alien
Patti Mayonnaise
Knows when to hold them, knows when to fold them
I've been found out!
Posts: 31,400
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Post by Dr. T is an alien on Jun 1, 2014 11:44:38 GMT -5
Sorry, but I need to vent and I need to wait until my wife gets home to do so in my offline life (she is at nursing school today and does not need the distraction).
I had to kick him out of the house again today.
I woke up, look outside, and could see that someone had been in my shed. I presumed that he came and slept in the shed last night when he could not get in with his key anymore. I went out there and his backpack full of stash was back out there and his bike was as well, but he was not. It was at that point that it occurred to me that his mother forgot to lock the door from the garage when she left to go to school this morning and that he probably was back in his bed. He was.
I woke him up and told him that I was serious when I kicked him out yesterday and that his mother was when she kicked him out last month. I told him that if he wanted to stay with us anymore there was a single condition; he had to go to rehab and get help. He said he did not need help because he did not have a problem and I pointed out that he is destroying his relationship with us over drugs and booze and that is a very big problem. I told him that most people would have written him off and kicked him out long ago, but we kept giving him shot after shot as he kept hurting us all with no indication that he cared that he hurt us. I told him we were done with that. I told him he needed to decide if saving his relationship was worth going to rehab.
He responded that nothing was worth going to rehab.
I told him that if he felt that way then he needed to get the f*** out. I told him that I would continue to pay for his cell phone service and that he could call or text us when he changed his mind or if he needed to pick up something that he left behind. He told me that he would probably call his mom or someone he was related to and cared for. Mishearing him, I asked him if he really thought that I did not care about him. He responded that he was saying the opposite. The last thing he said to me was that he did not care if I lived or died because I was not related to him.
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Post by Red Impact on Jun 1, 2014 11:57:06 GMT -5
Honestly, I think Professor Chaos is right. If he wont' go to rehab on his own, then probably the only thing that will help him with his problem is to get busted. Going to rehab might seem better when the only other choice is jail time. And you're a better man than I am for paying his cell phone service, I would have cut him off after that conversation.
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,553
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Jun 1, 2014 12:48:29 GMT -5
I know what it’s like when somebody’s selfishness and foolishness mix to make a family’s life harder. If he’s 19 and thinks he know what’s best then let him go and see what the real world teaches him. And I hope that he learns what a mistake he’s made soon. Stay strong.
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Dr. T is an alien
Patti Mayonnaise
Knows when to hold them, knows when to fold them
I've been found out!
Posts: 31,400
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Post by Dr. T is an alien on Jun 1, 2014 12:52:23 GMT -5
I have an even newer update for you all. I heard him sneak into the house and into the downstairs bathroom. I waited outside the door to confront him but was willing to give him some privacy to go to the bathroom, but after about 5 minutes I asked him (through the door) just what in the hell he was doing in there. He responded that he was texting his mother. I pointed out that the rehab idea was hers so trying to go crying to her about this was not going to work. I then asked after telling him that he was hurting us constantly and showing no concern over doing so and getting a response that he did not care if I lived or died, why would he think I would tolerate him sneaking back into the house like that. He responded that he never told me that (okay, technically he only said that he did not care if I lived, but what is the difference?). He started to say what he "really said" and stopped when he realized even that was far, far too much.
He claimed that he was working the last two days (supposedly he was supposed to have a job starting tomorrow) and all he needed was to have a place to stay at night. I asked why I should be willing to provide that place if he was going to be a colossal asshat when he was here. I then pointed out that he still has not apologized for any of the thefts he has committed against us, including the recent theft of over $100 from his brother. He said he did not know what to say. He made a mistake and asked why we won't get over it (that is not an apology, for those that wonder).
I am letting him wash some clothes (even though I washed all of his clothes Thursday) and I am basically waiting until his mother comes home because he seems to think that she will override me. Considering that she gave me permission to kick him out and said that the only way he gets back in is to go to rehab, she shouldn't. Then again, she is a softy and a small part of me suspects that she might relent and make me the bad guy. God, I hope not.
F***!
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Post by Koda, Master Crunchyroller on Jun 1, 2014 13:26:48 GMT -5
If you kicked him out and yet he keeps sneaking his way in, can't you call the cops on him for trespassing? If you can.....you might just have to......
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 1, 2014 13:43:38 GMT -5
I remember when I was a baby, before I was born my parents had a cousin who I've never spoken to or even met live with us and when I was born he left, then he came back and broke into our house and stole everything that could be worth something, to be honest I don't think changing locks will make a difference for people who really want to get back into your house, he could kick the door in or climb through a window but I don't blame you one bit for kicking him out of the house, I'm by no means perfect but I don't disrespect my parents. I work for a lock smithing company and you couldn't be more wrong. You can get window bars for an instance where the only way you're getting through is with a grinder waking everyone up and a long f***ing extension cord if you can find a plug in. Also there are hinges you can get that won't break and the only way to through is with a f***ing sledge hammer through a thick solid wooden door. Plus alarm systems galore. You wouldn't believe on all the keys and locks that exist. Hell you can literally lock someone inside your own home
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Post by Bob Schlapowitz on Jun 1, 2014 13:50:20 GMT -5
Next time he sneaks in have his sorry ass arrested for trespassing.
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Post by KStrick on Jun 1, 2014 14:00:20 GMT -5
By allowing him to keep a cell phone, do his laundry, use the restroom, he's simply pushing the boundaries of what you will and will not allow. In a situation like this, it's all or nothing. If you kick him out of the house, he has to find his OWN way of letting you know he's in rehab.
From what you've posted, it still shows he isn't interested in doing anything to rekindle the relationship, so my recommendation, you have to cut ALL ties. If he sneaks back in, have him arrested for trespassing.
Anything above that, you're enabling him to continue trying to push your boundaries, and even try to get his biological mother to side with him. You MUST be firm. All ties MUST be cut completely.
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Bang Bang Bart
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Post by Bang Bang Bart on Jun 1, 2014 14:47:53 GMT -5
I have an even newer update for you all. I heard him sneak into the house and into the downstairs bathroom. I waited outside the door to confront him but was willing to give him some privacy to go to the bathroom, but after about 5 minutes I asked him (through the door) just what in the hell he was doing in there. He responded that he was texting his mother. I pointed out that the rehab idea was hers so trying to go crying to her about this was not going to work. I then asked after telling him that he was hurting us constantly and showing no concern over doing so and getting a response that he did not care if I lived or died, why would he think I would tolerate him sneaking back into the house like that. He responded that he never told me that (okay, technically he only said that he did not care if I lived, but what is the difference?). He started to say what he "really said" and stopped when he realized even that was far, far too much. He claimed that he was working the last two days (supposedly he was supposed to have a job starting tomorrow) and all he needed was to have a place to stay at night. I asked why I should be willing to provide that place if he was going to be a colossal asshat when he was here. I then pointed out that he still has not apologized for any of the thefts he has committed against us, including the recent theft of over $100 from his brother. He said he did not know what to say. He made a mistake and asked why we won't get over it (that is not an apology, for those that wonder). I am letting him wash some clothes (even though I washed all of his clothes Thursday) and I am basically waiting until his mother comes home because he seems to think that she will override me. Considering that she gave me permission to kick him out and said that the only way he gets back in is to go to rehab, she shouldn't. Then again, she is a softy and a small part of me suspects that she might relent and make me the bad guy. God, I hope not. F***! I don't see why she should relent, given that this guy apparently committed multiple crimes and technically trespassing on several occasions. This guy is clearly trying to manipulate your wife into feeling sorry for him.
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Dr. T is an alien
Patti Mayonnaise
Knows when to hold them, knows when to fold them
I've been found out!
Posts: 31,400
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Post by Dr. T is an alien on Jun 1, 2014 14:58:55 GMT -5
I'll get on his case about the drugs and booze because he is stealing from us to feed that need. It no longer just is a case of him going and having the wrong kind of fun. He is destroying his relationship with us over that shit.
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Post by SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman on Jun 1, 2014 15:04:38 GMT -5
By allowing him to keep a cell phone, do his laundry, use the restroom, he's simply pushing the boundaries of what you will and will not allow. In a situation like this, it's all or nothing. If you kick him out of the house, he has to find his OWN way of letting you know he's in rehab. From what you've posted, it still shows he isn't interested in doing anything to rekindle the relationship, so my recommendation, you have to cut ALL ties. If he sneaks back in, have him arrested for trespassing. Anything above that, you're enabling him to continue trying to push your boundaries, and even try to get his biological mother to side with him. You MUST be firm. All ties MUST be cut completely. Sadly I have to agree. He's gonna keep exploiting you as long as you remove any possibility for him to do so. I kind of thought that giving him the ability to call you was a good idea, but I think it would actually be a better idea to have him call you from a rehab centre or have them call you, that way you at least know for a fact he's there and don't just have his word. It's obvious you tried everything he could to help him and he just shrugged it off so if he doesn't care about himself, why should you?
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Post by Clash, Never a Meter Maid on Jun 1, 2014 15:04:48 GMT -5
Yeah, I'll echo the "have him arrested for trespassing" sentiment. It sounds like his situation may have escalated to that point, and one way or another he needs to be getting help now. Not in the near future, I mean right now.
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Push R Truth
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Post by Push R Truth on Jun 1, 2014 15:08:19 GMT -5
It hurts like hell to do the right thing sometimes. Hope it ends up for the better.
Good luck!
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