Blindkarevik
Grimlock
Rock... Paper... Straight-edge!
I Like To <blank>
Posts: 14,343
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Post by Blindkarevik on Jun 1, 2014 15:21:59 GMT -5
On the upside, he's desperate to get back into the house.. so my earlier assessment of him being fine on his own was, happily, incorrect.
Although, you do need to stop enabling him. If you see him by the house, no words, no "But I just gotta...." nothing, if he can't respect the rules if he can't honor the agreement of going to rehab, he's gone. You HAVE to be harsh, you HAVE to break him.... if he's not crying, begging on his hands and knees for every morsel of mercy you grant him, he's not at rock bottom. Rehab is not a place for people who don't want to be there... and they need something to make them want to be there.
Like I said, no secret meetings, no slipping of money.... if he legitimately has a job and he needs clean clothes.... he needs to figure out how he's going to do that himself, without your assistance. You have to treat him as a non-existent entity until he gives in. Would you let a stranger into your house? Would you give them privacy? No, you'd call the cops, or at the very least... grab them by the throat and toss them right back out the door... no time to explain no nothing.
You're not dealing with a dude who just needs a kick in the butt to get motivated... you're dealing with someone with an addiction where the ends ALWAYS justify the means. In addiction, the comfort of a lie is better than reality itself. Honestly, he does need more reality thrown his way.... and it may mean calling the cops on him next time he sneaks in. I know it's hard, and it's so much easier for all of us to say who are not in the situation and don't have to deal with the consequences... but the reality of this situation is, this is a power struggle and right now.... he still feels he has all the power.
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Post by Hurbster on Jun 1, 2014 15:33:21 GMT -5
If you kicked him out, then you need to make sure he stays kicked out. Just point him in the direction of the nearest launderette if he needs clean clothes. Just keep him out of the house.
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Dr. T is an alien
Patti Mayonnaise
Knows when to hold them, knows when to fold them
I've been found out!
Posts: 31,400
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Post by Dr. T is an alien on Jun 1, 2014 16:50:09 GMT -5
Well, he gets what he wanted. He said he needed a place for a week and he is getting it. Joy.
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Post by Piccolo on Jun 1, 2014 18:31:37 GMT -5
And after this week, can it be agreed between you and your wife that any intrusion onto your property or into your home constitutes trespassing and warrants a call to the police?
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Dr. T is an alien
Patti Mayonnaise
Knows when to hold them, knows when to fold them
I've been found out!
Posts: 31,400
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Post by Dr. T is an alien on Jun 1, 2014 20:51:27 GMT -5
And after this week, can it be agreed between you and your wife that any intrusion onto your property or into your home constitutes trespassing and warrants a call to the police? At this point......I don't know. I can't even put into terms what I feel like right now. My wife is deliberately avoiding talking to him so the side effect of that is that she is not actually confirming my stance on everything. I really don't want to talk to him either since he now no longer feels the need to be remotely respectful towards me and the few interactions since our big fight today he has said a bunch of things under his breath. I cannot take much of this shit anymore. I kicked him out for a reason, but yet he still remains.
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Reflecto
Hank Scorpio
The Sorceress' Knight
Posts: 6,847
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Post by Reflecto on Jun 1, 2014 21:29:51 GMT -5
At this point......I don't know. I can't even put into terms what I feel like right now. My wife is deliberately avoiding talking to him so the side effect of that is that she is not actually confirming my stance on everything. I really don't want to talk to him either since he now no longer feels the need to be remotely respectful towards me and the few interactions since our big fight today he has said a bunch of things under his breath. I cannot take much of this shit anymore. I kicked him out for a reason, but yet he still remains. Yeah- the problem is that with things like this, if you give even an inch, then the person will take a mile. The biggest problem is you've given too many inches, and now he's taken it. The only way for kicking someone off would be a completely clean break- outright, no fuss, no muss. Pull them with the clothes on their back, pull them from the bathroom, get a restraining order if you have to, but make sure it's OVER.
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