Dealing with grief...what do you do?

[thegame415]

I just had a close family member die (she was like a sister). How do you all deal with grief? I've never dealt with death this close to me, and I'm not sure how to handle it. I've been with family, but it still seems like things are being poured on.

[Push R Truth]

I tend to tell/listen to stories about the good/funny times and try to reflect on why I cared about the person. At least for me it morphs the trying time from pure sadness to a celebration of their life.

[Mozenrath]

I am very sorry for your loss.

Push Val Venis is definitely right in saying that if at all possible, to focus on the positive times you had together and to be thankful for them.

[Grennel]

Don't try to was it away with alcohol. The bite will be deeper once you sober up.

[MC Blowfish]

Dec 12, 2014 11:02:52 GMT -5 Grennel said:

Don't try to was it away with alcohol. The bite will be deeper once you sober up.

I second that.  My Grandmother passed away this summer, and I drank everyday for several weeks straight.

[Juice]

My dad succumbed to Cancer this year. If you ask my wife she will tell you that I haven't dealt with it yet 4 months later. Both of my parents are dead, my grandmother who played a large role in my life has died. I have extensive experiences in this and frankly it never gets easier.

The phrase time heals all wounds is fitting. Nearly ten years after my mothers death I rarely ever think about it. 4 years after my grandmothers death I still tear up from time to time.

There's no real answer here. You'll figure it out.

Sorry for your loss.

[StuntGranny®]

I've had a close friend and an uncle who was like a dad to me pass away. I basically kept everything in, didn't show any emotion in front of anyone, and rarely talk about them to this day.

Don't do that.

[Raskovnik]

I lost my mother and a girlfriend, though that word is not exactly the right term for it, not too far apart from each other. I knew my mother was dying, and honestly I thought it would be the best thing for her because she lost her body and was losing her mind due to MS and complications thereof. I still had loads of regrets though, and I tried telling her that I was sorry for everything, but I never really caught her in a moment of lucidity. That was bad enough, but then I got into a very unhealthy relationship with a certain girl a few months later. It was very strange, intense, and downright apocalyptic. I can't think of a better word for it. Every day it felt like the world was ending. I am sparing the details because it's downright uncomfortable for people to read. That one ended the only way it was possible for it to end. I still don't know how I feel about her about a year later.

I've tried a lot of things to cope. Some good. Most not. I am almost entirely isolated from society and cannot form meaningful relationships with humans anymore because I think I botched absolutely everything, haha. But the thing is, as lousy as I feel now, I'm not as bad as I was then. I didn't think I would ever be okay, and I'm not, but I seem like it. I function fine. No one would even be able to tell unless I specifically told them. There is this theory in human psychology, the hedonic treadmill, that posits humans will return to a certain level of happiness no matter what changes happen, good or bad. If you were happy before this happened, it might take a while, but one day you'll wake up and not feel so bad. And then every day after that will get a little easier.

[The Unconquered Sun]

Allow yourself to grieve. It's ok. Take the time you need to get yourself in a good place mentality.and then move on. Never allow your grief to become an anchor. Soon you'll find yourself laughing, smiling and celebrating again without her, because you'll see that's what she would have wanted.
I'm sorry for your loss. Take care.

[Sephiroth]

Bury myself in work and denial.

[edgestar]

Honestly, my dog's death was very hard to take. I still cry because I miss him, and it will be 3 years in March. What I did to cope, was be with family and friends. I still think of the nice memories we had. He was my little boy his passing was harder to take, than my grandmother's, but she had been in so much pain for so long.

I hope you can reflect on good times with your friend, and I am very sorry for your loss.

[Digital Witness]

Dec 13, 2014 12:26:37 GMT -5 Sephiroth said:

Bury myself in work and denial.

I'm not big on denial, but I definitely find myself a lot more entrenched in my work when shit happens.

Calculus can be strangely therapeutic in bad times.

[SsnakeBite, the No1 Frenchman]

It's probably not the answer you want but all you can really do is wait until it gets better. You really can't force something like that, there's no shortcut to it. Talk about it if it helps and like Push Val Venis suggested, remember the good times. After all, aren't they what you would want to be remembered for?

Keep in mind that the person may be physically gone, but those stories are forever, so cherish and cultivate them, because that's what keeps the ones we love alive.

[Brood Lone Wolf Funker]

For me I find things to distract me from the negatives of it, even though that person is gone physically you still have stories, good times, memories of them focus on them. Find something you enjoy or like and use that to help. Sometimes you need to cry so cry emotions shouldn't be held in, they will just build until you can't take to much more so let them come out write them down if it helps, go for a walk, and remember every thing positive about that person

[67 more]

My dad died of cancer a couple of years ago. I don't really know how you get through the grief process, but I did. I did some things I'm not proud of during that process though, as I bottled everything up until I burst, so don't do that (a lot easier said than done).

There will be no quick "I'm over it", but it will get easier and easier to deal with. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to reminisce, reminisce. If it gets to a point that you can't deal with it anymore, talk to someone (my grief was super destructive for me and I wish I'd seeked help earlier). Don't let this bog you down as you still have your own life to live. Just get through it day to day.

[Deleted]

A pack of smokes, a bottle of jack and, some music take that up to the roof, drink, smoke, listen to music and, watch the stars.

[Amazing Kitsune]

Well you just have to mourn until you stop mourning. If you have trouble sleeping, because that's when I tend to do the most thinking, then you could listen to a podcast until you fall asleep. The Steve Austin show did wonders for me during the mourning process.