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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Jul 26, 2015 19:11:28 GMT -5
July, 2015
It was another Wednesday Night and I, in a decision that I seemingly regret every week I make it, was sitting at home watching TNA Impact. Like written novocaine, the FAN thread helped ease the pain but my struggle was simply suffocating as Storm and Magnus wrestled in a “Loser Must Return to TNA” match. It made me think, “I could book a WAY better television show. If only I had the funding…” No matter how times I rubbed my hands together though, USA wouldn’t accept my offer to buy out Raw’s time slot for some string and a rare Blue Eyes White Dragon card. Freaking racists, always keeping the black wrestling fan down. Anyway, after seeing another match that you read about in the spoilers but will never actually watch because duh, I was pretty fed up. THIS is the best they can do? And based on those hot mess spoilers, it was only gonna get worse over the next two years as the shows air! Forget TV, I could book a better wrestling promotion in my backyard than TNA! Nah, that’s crazy. That’s the type of thing that’d only work in some goofy fantasy story. ...Then, I thought, “Wait. What if this WAS a goofy fantasy story?” Immediately, I wiped the cheeto dust off my fingers and grabbed the nearest pen and paper. If I had a wrestling company, what I would call it? It needed to be different. It needed to represent what we were all about. It needed to pay tribute to the history of this great sport. Suddenly, I had it. I furiously wrote three words on the paper and looked at the words that stared back at me. “Nasty Nati’ Wrestling." At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what it says. I’m having trouble seeing the words because it keeps turning into dollar signs, daddy.
After hustling and picking up extra shifts at the Sunglass Hut (my friend Taylor was nice enough to let me have her shifts), I managed to pool together enough money to rent out a wrestling ring for a day and hire some jabronis to wrestle on the show. You’d be surprised how many wrestlers out there are willing to work for $20 and a cup of freshly squeezed OJ. 2-Face: European guy that moved to the States a couple of years ago hoping to get a gig with ROH or PWG. Obviously, as you can tell by the fact that he’s working for us, that didn’t really work out for him. Not really surprising since his in-ring skills leave a bit to be desired. He’s a decent technician but can’t really do much else. His main asset is his charisma as he plays an effective heel despite not being great in the ring. No point reinventing the wheel here so he’ll be a heel here as well. Earl Huff: This dude looks like Bobby Hill if he watched a lot of WWE, inspiring him to lose a bunch of weight and get into wrestling. I can’t confirm that’s the reason why I hired him but I can’t deny that’s totally the reason why I hired him. He doesn’t look like he’d be much in an actual fight but he’s a decent high-flyer and who doesn’t like flippy shit? Hypnosis: You know how it seems like every micro-indie has to have some skinny white dude pretending to be a luchadore while wearing a Rey Mysterio mask? You now know Hypnosis’ gimmick. Horrible in the ring but hey, he took the $20. Iain Morris: Easily the most talented of the bunch, I’m kind amazed Iain hasn’t been given a shot in one of the bigger indies. He’s charismatic, good looking, and a pretty great high-flyer, especially by our standards. I had to pay Iain $40 dollars and give him some cookies to go along with his OJ but he was worth the added expense. I think he’s from Britain or the UK or something. One of those weird places where they have fish and chips. Jay Knox: Another flippy dude. I noticed that there was a distinct smell of alcohol on his breath when I met up with him for the first time. For some people, that would have drawn red flags but those people wouldn’t be stupid enough to run a wrestling show in their backyard. Scar: What micro-indie would be complete without a garbage wrestler!? I saw Scar in youtube videos of other people’s backyard feds along with his friend and partner (or opponent, depending on whether or not there was another team to face them) Slash and knew I had in bring him here to the Nati. He can not only do flippy shit but he can also do it with weapons!!! Slash: Same thing as Scar, really. Slash seems to be the more laid-back of the two but they are both pretty...high energy, to say the least. Scotty Swift: A good talker, Scotty’s probably one of the better workers we have and easily the most seasoned at the age of 34. Every roster needs a veteran and Scotty’s the closest thing we have to one. Shawn Styles: Here’s a funny story about Shawn. He was actually the first guy “signed” to Nati’ Wrestling. The night I was watching Impact, I ordered a pizza so I could drown my sorrows with cheese and grease. The delivery guy saw that wrestling was on the TV when I let him in and told me that he was also a fan. We sparked up a conversation and he off-handedly mentioned that he wrestled as a side gig. One handshake and cup of OJ later, Shawn Styles was on our roster. No idea if he’s actually any good (I’m guessing not considering he books his wrestling dates around his pizza gig and not the other way around) but he was a cool cat to talk to. With a roster set, I quickly set out to advertise the show. And by advertise, I mean make an event on Facebook and tell everybody on the roster to send an invite to everybody on their friend’s list. Enter the Nati’ (34.6 Chambers)
Date: August 30th, 2015 Location: Magic’s backyard (message Magic if you get lost or want nude pics) Description: The dopest wrestling show on earth!!! Also, John Cena will be here!*
*Cena Subject to Change
So yeah. I’m doing a Backyard game in EWR with the modern data pack. First show will be coming soon.
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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Jul 26, 2015 21:47:59 GMT -5
Enter The Nati' (34.6 Chambers)
Well, that Facebook advertising paid off as a whooping total of 3 people plopped down $10 (more people showed up but immediately left when they found out they actually had to pay to see it) to see the first show by our little promotion. One of them was Shawn Stylez’ grandma but hey, paying customers are paying customers. After convincing my cousin Tragic (I call him that because it’s what I think whenever I see his busted ass hairline) to work as the ref, it was time to show the wrestling world what we got! For some reason, I don’t think it’ll be much but who knows. I received some bad news a couple of days before the show. Remember how I said Slash seemed like the more calm of him and Scar? Yeah, turns out he’s a coke addict. He called me from the rehabilitation facility that he was at to let me know that he couldn’t make the show and that I was basically on my own for finding a replacement. Wonderful. Slash was supposed to wrestle in the main event of this show. Thankfully, Hypnosis had a buddy that was also willing to work for our usual price on short notice or I don’t know what I would have done. - We start off the show with a promo by Nati Wrestling’s antisocial Europrick, 2-Face. I totally forgot to stop by Walmart and pick up a mic so the guys just have to yell out their promos and hope the fans hear them. 2-Face buries the US for our “foolish and outdated customs”, including not using the metric system and “our loud, ignorant hip-hop music. I can talk over a beat!” 2 fans boo the America bashing but Grandma Stylez cheers because she also hates the hip-hop. Decent little promo, all things considered. Match #1 Hypnosis vs. 2-Face
What was not decent was this match. Total styles clash here as the match consists of 2-Face controlling the white boy Luchadore on the mat with his superior wrestling skills and size advantage. Every now and then, Hypnosis would do a sloppy ass high spot but was quickly cut-off and put in another rest hold. I run this place and I thought this was a boring piece of shit. Literally the only person that cared was Grandma Stylez, who cheered 2-Face despite him being in the heel. Eventually, the match was mercifully put to bed after a Belly to Belly Suplex from 2-Face. What a horrible note to start out on. At least the bar’s been set so low that it can’t possibly get worse from here. [-*]Match #2 Scotty Swift vs. Liberty Kid
Liberty Kid is the replacement for Slash. His gimmick appears to be that he carries a sign to the ring. The one he carried for this match says “Liberty Kid > Your Dad.” I’ll have you know my father was a saint, you sonuva bitch! Scotty Swift, on the other hand, comes out in classic smiling babyface mode, slapping hands with all three fans and even the ref. What a great guy. You know how I said it couldn’t possibly get worse than our opener? ...Well, it turns out I was right but goddamn if these two didn’t try. I should have expected it since he’s a friend of Hypnosis but Kid is pretty bad. Swift tries to do what he can but Kid keeps blowing spots left and rights, looking greener than a blade of grass in springtime. It’s so bad that I know it reached a point where it could only get worse so I called an audible, walked out to the ring, and told the ref to make them go home early. I’m sure you’re thinking “but Magic, isn’t that horribly unprofessional?” Trust me, you didn’t see a man miss a Missle Dropkick despite his opponent not moving a single inch. This match wasn’t getting any better. Swift won with a Tiger Driver that looked messed up and damn near killed Kid. Oh well, that $20 can buy him some aspirin. [-*]- Out next is “Stylish” Shawn Stylez. Dressed in his best knock-off low-rent Ric Flair robe, he tells the crowd that they wish they could be as handsome and good looking as he is. “Look at these abs! This is what's called ‘dedication’, you geeks!”, he screamed while pointing to his incredibly flat and undefined abdomen. Of course, G-Ma Stylez supported her baby boy but the other two fans weren’t happy at being called geeks. Stylez says that everybody else in the next match might as well foreit because they can’t possibly measure up to “The Stylish One.” Generic cocky cocky heel promo but hey, it worked. [48%]Match #3 3-Way Dance Scar vs. Shawn Stylez vs. Jay Knox
Knox’s pre-match ritual consists of downing a shot of alcohol with a fan. That fan looked really young, hope he’s not underage or we might be in some trouble. Scar’s character is that of a crazy mofo and he tries to convey that by pulling at his hair and muttering to himself as he comes out to the ring. This match was better than the first two but that’s really not saying much. The fans liked it though as it was pretty much all action with Knox running wild on both Stylez and Scar to start out the match. The two heels quickly cut him off and take turns beating on him. Like most 3-ways where heels form an alliance, it totally breaks down when Stylez goes for a pin and Scar angrily yanks him off. A slap from Stylez causes Scar to let out a loud roar and tackle the Stylish One to the ground, laying into him with punches and essentially making the match a free-for-all. After a bunch of nearfalls, Scar winds up getting the win with a Brainbuster on Stylez while Knox was drinking from a flask that he produced out of his tights. G-Ma Stylez is not pleased. All things considered, not bad. [DUD]Match #4 Earl Huffington III vs. Iain Morris
It’s main event time as our local rich snob Earl Huffington III takes on British Sensation Iain Morris. Morris comes out doing his best rock star impression, doing a wicked air guitar riff for the fans, nearly making a fan faint from pure excitement! Before the match, Earl offers Iain $200 (*Gasp* that’s 10x the wage of a NNW performer!) to lay down for him but Iain has too much pride for that and slaps the money out of his hands, sending it flying into the crowd! A fan excitedly grabs it but drops it when he discovers that it’s actually Monopoly money. What follows is easily the best match on the show. Like, this would be a decent little match by almost any indie’s standard. I knew these two were a notch above pretty much everybody else on the roster as far as their ring work so putting them in the main event paid off here. After lots of flippy doos and dives and Superkicks (because how can you have a spotfest without superkicks?), Morris hits the Die Hard Driver (TKO) for the three count. Yay, a match on our show didn’t suck! [¼*]- After the match, Morris cuts a victory promo thanking the fans for coming and supporting him. “Cincinnati, you’ve been a beautiful crowd. It’s been an honor...to rock your faces!” With that, Morris dropped to a knee and on cue, the ref placed a white bathrobe over him. The fans cheered but Morris stayed perfectly still in that exact same position for the next several minutes so eventually, they just assumed the show was over and went home. When everybody was gone, I told Morris he could get up but he simply responded that he was “living the gimmick, brother.” Whatever, if he wanted to stay in the ring, he could help Tragic put it up and take it back to the rental place. [47%]
Just like that, the first show in NNW’s history was in the book. It...f***ing sucked, quite frankly, but hey. We all gotta start somewhere. Pop of the Night: Morris' post match promo Most Heat of the Night: Shawn Styles bragging about his non-existant abs Worst Match of the Night: Hypnosis/2-Face or Liberty Kid/Scotty Swift; take your pick.
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Post by Fake Jesus on Jul 27, 2015 8:40:15 GMT -5
I'm marking for Grandma Stylez.
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Oak: Certified Jade Hater
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Edgier than Wayne Brady, Harder than Chinese Arithmetic, and Higher than the ratings for Blade: The Series
TOP ROPE CATCH A VIBE YEAH I SWERVE WHEN I DRIVE
Posts: 15,408
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Post by Oak: Certified Jade Hater on Jul 27, 2015 9:19:05 GMT -5
I'm marking for Grandma Stylez. Grandma Stylez for Champion
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lodirulz
Hank Scorpio
Live as the color red in a world of black and white.
Posts: 6,412
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Post by lodirulz on Jul 27, 2015 11:09:58 GMT -5
This... has a ton of potential.
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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Jul 27, 2015 19:27:45 GMT -5
September 27th, 2015 Good Kid, m.A.A.d Nati’
Much to my surprise, the word of mouth from our last of show must have been pretty positive as the attendance for NNW’s second ever show did more than triple the attendance of our last show. Granted, that meant that only 13 people showed up but it was 10 more people that was willing to give us a chance and spend money on us. All the “regulars” from last month’s show were back, including Grandma Stylez. She was even nice to bake some cookies for the boys to enjoy after the show. You da the real MVP, G-Ma Stylez Tragic can suck it. This jabroni had the nerve to ask me for ANOTHER cup of OJ after the show. How greedy can you be!? I fired his ass immediately and said I’d only rehire him when he figured out the slope of his hairline. I searched high and low for a replacement (and by that, I mean asked three people and tried to get my baby sis to do it before Mama Magic stopped it), I had no idea what to do. As I was preparing to do what all great heroes do and quit when shit gets kinda hard, I got a phone call from that kid that took a shot with Jay Knox at our last show. I have no idea how he got my number but honestly? The second he said that he’d ref our shows for free because he “just liked being around the boys”, I didn’t care. God bless childlike innocence and my ability to manipulate it. In addition to that, we also got a ring announcer for this show. Laughing Larry is an old dude I met at the local nursing home during my court-ordered community service. He claims that he used to do ring announcing for WWE & WCW when they came into town on the dark matches because he was so well known for his work on the local indies. I call bullshit but he took that $10 with pride so who am I to judge? - Yeah, we actually lost money on last month’s show (not a lot but enough) so still no mic this month. Thankfully, Larry’s got a booming voice. “Stylish” Shawn Stylez starts off this month’s show with a copy of People Magazine in his hand. Channing Tatum graced the cover of this particular issue. Stylez, being a hater, buries the editors of People’s Magazine for choosing Tatum over him. He’s had it up to here with their discrimination against abs! When a fan taunts him about losing last month (meaning it was the only repeat customer that isn’t related to someone on the roster), Stylez admits that everybody has an off-day but that had to have been the first damn off-day he’s had in his entire career! The Stylish One claims that nobody will remember his loss last month after they see what he does to this dime-store Luchadore, Hypnosis! Pretty big burial of Hypnosis considering that he IS a dime-store Luchadore but is supposed to be a face but hey, it got a lot of heat. Can’t argue with that. [50%]Match #1 Hypnosis vs. “Stylish” Shawn Stylez
So yeah, me and Hypnosis got into a bit of argument via text in the days leading up to the show. Basically, I let Hypnosis know that Liberty Kid was staying on the bench for this show because his match last month was so dookie. He got all mad and threatened not to work this show. Luckily for me, he apparently needs $20 bucks more than I thought as he showed up with his gear. That said, I don’t like wrestlers getting uppity with me so guess who gets to do two jobs in a row? Much like last month, horrible opener. Like, some of the worst stuff you’ll see anywhere. Grandma Stylez was the lone generator of heat as everybody else apparently thought this was a dark match (like we could afford to televise this) and took it as a chance to enjoy some cookies before the real show started. After some dicking around (and that’s the only fair way to describe it), Stylez hit the f*** You, Hypnosis (Hangman’s Neckbreaker). Actually, I have no idea what he calls that but who cares, look at Hypnosis, what a jabroni. [-*]Match #2 2-Face vs. “Too Legit” Scotty Swift
It’s a classic battle of good vs. evil here as the Europrick takes on NNW’s #1 smiling babyface. This was a meat and potatoes match but to both men’s credit, they told it so well that the fans were into it the entire way through. Lots of mat wrestling early on with both guys being decent technicians. Soon enough, 2-Face goes “screw it” and rakes Swift’s eyes to get the advantage. Scotty never fully recovered from that despite making a few comebacks here and there, including hitting a Spinebuster for a close nearfall. In the end, however, 2-Face was able to put down Swift with a Belly-to-Belly Suplex. I probably should have had this be the opener but oh well. [¼*]- Earl Huffington III is out now. Waving around a handful of money (which is actually real this month but he better not lose it because it’s literally the entire roster’s pay), he asks the “peasants” in the crowd if they know what it’s like to wake up to the smell of money every day? “It’s...magnificent. Orgasmic, one would even say. ...Not I, of course! I would never say that! But, you know, someone might.” Good save, there are kiddos in the crowd. Amidst all this flexin’ for the non-existent gram, Huffington is interrupted by the music of Jay Knox. After doing his usual shot with a fan (thankfully, this one looks legal), Knox basically tells Huff in so many words to shut up. Knox says that these fans didn’t come to see some “pompous jerk” like you. “They came to see a hard drinking motherf***er like me kick your ass!” Uh...gonna have to have a talk with Knox since this show was advertised as being PG but the fans popped for it. After the two jaw-jack for a bit, Huffington suddenly tosses the money into Knox’s face, briefly blinding him and allowing him to get in a cheap shot! He puts the boots to Knox as the ref, after collecting all the money laying on that mat and shoving it in his pocket for safe-keeping, calls for the non-existent bell to be rung! [41%]Match #3
Earl Huffington III vs. Jay Knox
This one started out hot thanks to the cheap shot but quickly cooled down into a bit of a mess. By our standards, not horrible. By regular indie standards? Pretty poor wrestling match. The match is basically just spot spot spot spot spot spot spot the entire way through. Knox doesn’t even sell the beating he took at the start as he jumps off with a 450 Splash a minute later. The fans kinda got bored of it in the middle but still popped when Huffington hit the Wayland Destroyer (Canadian Destroyer) for a 3 count. [¼*]Match #4 Scar vs. “British Sensation” Iain Morris
Main event time as the winner of last month’s main event, Iain Morris, takes on the demented Scar. Much like the last match, this was a bit of a spot-fest but at least this one had something of a story. Morris was clearly the faster man but Scar was able to even the playing field with the creative ways that he was able to use the ring and his environment to inflict punishment on his opponent. After a series of nearfalls that had the baker’s dozen of fans rocking, Morris hoisted Scar up for a Die Hard Driver before being tackled to the ground by...2-Face? What the hell is he doing out here!? The ref has no choice but to rule this match as a DQ victory for Morris as Scar and 2-Face double-team the British Sensation! The fans boo their little hearts as they beg someone to save their hero. They beg...longer than they should have because I had to remind Swift’s dumb ass that he had to do a run-in while he was taking a piss inside. To his credit, he paid no mind to the splash stains on his tights as he made the save for Morris! [¼*] The heels flee from the ring but quickly regroup on the outside and challenge Morris and Swift to a tag match right now! The faces are raring to go so the ref shrugs his shoulders and announces that this now a tag match! Match #5 Iain Morris & Scotty Swift vs. Scar & 2-Face
The first tag match in NNW history is actually pretty decent. Not much to say about it other than it was easily the best in our short history so far. After 15 minutes of good action (I’m shocked Old Man Swift was able to keep up with the three young lions), Swift hits his Tiger Driver on 2-Face allowing Morris to pick up the win following a crazy Corkscrew Moonsault that he calls the “Die Hard Destroyer!” The babyfaces head into the crowd and celebrate with fans as the show closes out with Grandma Stylez rocking out on air guitar with the British Sensation. Damn, I wish we could afford to televise this shit. [1/2*] ------------------------------------- All in all, I’m pretty happy with how our second show went. It was easily better than our first and it seemed like our good buzz was only gonna continue to grow. Granted, who knows how long I was gonna continue this before I got bored and went back to roasting TNA on FAN. Right now though, this rasslin’ stuff is kinda cool. Most Heat of the Night: Stylez throwing shade at Channing Tatum Pop of the Night: Morris hitting the Die Hard Destroyer/Knox saying a real naughty word Worst Match of the Night: Hypnosis/Stylez
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Waffel113
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Ain't no Rap Mobile with his Waffels
Posts: 19,020
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Post by Waffel113 on Jul 27, 2015 19:42:19 GMT -5
I eagerly await Straight Outta Cincy.
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Post by Malibu Albino on Jul 27, 2015 22:00:56 GMT -5
This is the greatest EWR diary in the history of the world.
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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Jul 28, 2015 22:23:56 GMT -5
October, 2015
Quite frankly, considering the awful quality of our two shows, I’ve been nothing short of amazed by our company’s success so far. We actually made money off last month’s show! ...Not much money but enough to flex with it on the internet and make it seem like I have way more than I actually do.. Take that, insecurites. Still, if I wanted to keep our momentum going, I knew I had to have a good hook for our next show. I know people like flippy shit and we have plenty of that on our roster. What else do people like? ...Tournaments! That’s it! Look at how much press the G-1 Climax got a couple of months ago. Now, we sure as hell can’t do nothing on that scale (Meltzer wouldn’t even give our matches ** if they were in the Tokyo Dome) but I know of an alternative. Time to make some calls and pull some strings. Well, really just one call but shhh, I want to write off my phone bill as a business expense. All Eyes on Nati’ Date: October 25th, 2015. When: “Bell” Time @ 2 PM Location: “The Unacknowledged Wrestling Capital of the World” Magic’s backyard
Description: Join us for our 3rd ever show as the stars of NNW compete in the “3-Way Spectacular Royal Super Duper Skyline Invitational~!” Three 3-way matches. The winners of those matches will go on to one final ELIMINATION 3-way match. The winner of that match will receive a trophy and a free 3-way from Cincinnati’s own Skyline Chili restaurant.
Qualifying Matches:
"British Sensation" Iain Morris vs. 2-Face vs. Hypnosis
"Too Legit" Scotty Swift vs. “Stylish” Shawn Stylez vs. Earl Huffington III
Jay Knox vs. Scar vs. Liberty Kid
Show will hopefully be up tomorrow. If not, definitely sometime this week.
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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Jul 31, 2015 20:17:58 GMT -5
October 25th, 2015 All Eyes on Nati'
Unfortunately, despite the hook of the tournament, one fan from last month’s show decided that we weren’t worth the time/money this month as only 12 people were huddled around the ring in my backyard. Now, you might be thinking, “Magic, I know your struggle is real almost 24/7. How did you afford a trophy for this show?” Long story short, I didn’t. Turns out our ref used to be a tennis star when he was younger and still had the trophy that he got from winning the tournament. He seemed so proud when he showed me pictures of it one day. I told him immediately to paint that sum’ bitch a different color, take off the nameplate, and bring it to the show. I don’t think he’s realized that his trophy is gonna be given to the winner of the “3-Way Super Whatever the hell I wrote the first time Skyline Invitational” but he can take that up with the winner. Let’s get it on! Match #1 Iain Morris vs. 2-Face vs. Hypnosis
For the first time in NNW history, we actually have a good opener as fan favorite Iain Morris takes on 2-Face and that jabroni Hypnosis. My instruction to Hypnosis before the match started was basically “sell for 90% of the match and don’t screw anything up.” I was initially gonna compliment him on carrying his own weight but then this idiot broke the middle ring rope while attempting his awful version of a Lionsault. Damn it, Hypnosis. Thankfully, the match only goes another 90 seconds or so before Morris hits the TKO that he calls the “Die Hard Driver.” Even with the rope goofiness, pretty good match by our standards. Especially for one that had Hypnosis in it. [½*]- After his win, Morris promises to win the whole she-bang bang tonight. In all the time he had been in Cincinnati, he had never had a 3-way before. “Well, at least not that kind of 3-way.” Lovely. [65%]- So yeah, none of us know how to fix a broken ring rope. I’d figured our announcer Laughing Larry would know how to do it since that dude’s been around forever but he dicked around with it for a minute before just shrugging his shoulders. Useless old man. The show must go on so I just sent out Scotty Swift to cut a promo before the next match and kill some time while me and Larry googled how to fix a ring rope. Swift cuts a rather generic “Rah-Rah” babyface promo. I didn’t hear 99% of it because I was busy dealing with the rope situation but the fans were cheering during it so I guess that’s good. I did notice that he totally forgot what the name of this show is (“To Pimp a Dark Sky Paradise?” Really tho?) but oh well. Years of taking bumps to the head will do that to ya. f*** it, me and Larry can’t figure out this rope. I’m just sending out the other two guys for the next match and they’ll have to “deal with it” as my idol once said. [53%]Match #2 Shawn Stylez vs. Earl Huffington III vs. Scotty Swift
This match is obviously limited by a lack of a ring rope but to their credit, all three guys improvised well and managed to put together a decent little match. A lot of it consisted of Swift using his size advantage to suplex the other two men all around the ring (and, in one case, literally Suplexing Stylez OUT of the ring) which the fans ate up since he’s the only babyface in the match. Huffington wasn’t no slouch, however, as he kept himself alive with his flippy shit. Stylez stayed alive by...playing dead. After getting suplexed to the outside, Stylez sold it like he had bumped his head on the ground and was unconscious. It turns out to be a work, brother, as Stylez “suddenly” comes back to life right after Swift plants Earl with a Tiger Driver and runs into the ring to momentarily dispose of “Too Legit” before picking up the scraps and pinning Earl. “The Stylish One” is going to the finals! [¼*]Match #3 Jay Knox vs. Scar vs. Liberty Kid
Thankfully, by the time the second match was over, we had figured out how to fix the rope and promptly did so. Whew, just in time for this...lame match. Yeah, this was easily the weakest match of the night. Knox is a decent high-flyer, Scar can brawl AND do flippy shit, but it all came down to Liberty Kid. Dude is grade-A dookie butter, to put it nicely. He really messed up the flow of this match with his blown spots, including tripping on the top ring rope while trying to do a Plancha and going SPLAT on the hard ground as the fans laughed at him. He also stiffed the hell out of Scar with a Superkick so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at that particularly brutal Brainbuster that Scar used to win the match. Knox was disappointed at losing but quickly drowned his sorrows by doing a fireball shot with Grandma Stylez. [DUD]After the match, Scar crawled to the bottom turnbuckle and pulled himself up on it. He desperately tried to catch his breath when Larry suddenly announced to the crowd that the finals would be taking place RIGHT NOW! Apparently, Scar didn’t realize that since the tournament was the only thing booked on this show, due to his qualifying match being the last one, he has to wrestle in back to back matches. He gets all uppity with Larry, grabbing the old man by the collar and threatening to “murder him” (stronger wording than I would have liked but eh). Just before he can harm the friendly announcer, Iain Morris runs out to make the save! Match #4 Finals of the “Super Blah Blah Blah Skyline Invitational” Elimination 3-Way Scar vs. Iain Morris vs. Shawn Stylez
Iain and Scar begin brawling as soon the British Sensation gets in the ring and this one is underway! It’s a give and take war in the ring as Shawn Stylez slowly walks out from the back and ligers on the outside, knowing that his opponents are just tiring themselves out. “The Stylish One” spent time bragging to the fans about his abs and berating his grandma for drinking with that “wastey-faced idiot” Jay Knox. Unfortunately, his strategy to just sit back and watch goes out the window as he ends up falling victim to a Suicide Dive from Scar. “Respect your elders, asshole!” is Scar’s response. Don’t beef with G-Ma Stylez or you’ll get rolled on. With Stylez now in the mix, this turned out to be a hell of a match (by our standards, anyway). The star of the match was easily Morris seeing as he was the most popular and had the flashiest moves but Scar got cheered as well whenever he was beating on Stylez. Shawn was universally hated. Even his grandma was telling him that he looked “like a punk bitch.” Finally, the first elimination comes when Stylez tries to hit his signature Stylizer (Hangman’s Neckbreaker) but Morris manages to slip out of it and muscle him up for the Die Hard Destroyer! 3 seconds later, Stylez was outta there. Morris and Scar went back and forth for a few minutes, building off their match at the last show. They appeared to be evenly matched until a mistimed Leg Drop off the top left Scar in position for the DHD. While being lifted up for the move, the garbage wrestler struggled and kicked his legs, inadvertently striking the ref! Scar eventually got out of the move but was quickly drilled by a Pele Kick. Because no f***ing way AJ Styles knows we exist. Scar rolls to the outside as the showman side of Morris gets the better of him as he takes time to flex for the crowds and do a brief air-guitar solo for them. After doing all “I’m a babyface and I’mma do a dive” mannerisms, Morris bounced off the ropes and went soaring through the ropes...as Scar nails him in the head with a lead pipe! He must have pulled that from under the ring! How convenient that it was there… Anyway, Scar drags Morris, who’s practically dead weight at this point, back in the ring and drills him with the Brainbuster. The fans beg their hero to kick out as the ref recovers and counts the pin but alas, all good guys must catch an L eventually. Scar wins the Skyline Invitational! [½*]- There’s so much booing that you’d think AJ Lee was wrestling as Scar demands to be given his trophy. Sure enough, the ref gives it to him and tries to ask when he’s gonna get “his” trophy back. You just worked yourself into a shoot, mark. Scar ignores the geek and starts cutting a promo talking about how the fans could boo him all they want. He didn’t give a crap about them. “In fact, I don’t give a crap about myself. I hate everyone! Especially this piece of crap in the ring!” I’m sure some thought he was talking about the ref at first but his intentions are quickly revealed as he takes the trophy and smashes it over the back of a rising Iain Morris!!! To the ref’s horror, his prized tennis trophy was absolutely destroyed as Scar sneered at The British Sensation’s downed form. Perhaps influenced by the insults being hurled at him from the crowd, he drags Morris up again just so he can plant him with ANOTHER Brainbuster! Spitting on his foe and placing a foot on his chest, Scar addresses the furious crowd one last time. “I’m gonna say this once so all you geeks understand. I am Scar and I am the Angel of Hate. Nasty Nati Wrestling is MY company and if I can’t be happy, nobody can! You’ll all know my pain! Now give me my f***ing 3-Way!” [36%]
Pop of the Night: Iain Morris talking about 3-Way's Most Heat of the Night: Pretty much anytime Shawn Stylez was out there Worst Match of the Night: Jay Knox vs. Scar vs. Liberty Kid
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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Aug 2, 2015 15:39:46 GMT -5
November 29th, 2015 Straight Outta Cincy
“All Eyes on Nati’” ended up being the strongest show we’ve ever done. Our ref (what is his name, anyway? He’s told me like 3 times but I keep forgetting and don’t want to ask again) was pretty mad that his trophy got destroyed with no warning but hey, it made for a good angle. Good enough that six more people decided to take a chance on us this month, bringing this show’s attendance to 18, our most ever! Hopefully, we can keep our momentum going with a good show today. All I can do is rub my hands together and hope for the best now. Match #1 Liberty Kid vs. Hypnosis
Well, our streak of good openers stopped at 1 thanks to these two goobers. I thought that since these two trained together and have supposedly worked together a ton in other feds, this match would actually be alright. Boy, was I wrong. You’d think these guys were Namekian, that’s how green they looked. Several moments where they screwed up a move and then decided to just try the move again seconds later as if the crowd has no short-term memory. After about five minutes of horrible action, I went, “nah, I’m straight brah” and told Scar & 2-Face to do their run-in now. It was the planned finish but the match was supposed to go another 2-3 minutes. For the sake of this great sport, I couldn’t let that happen. Anyway, Scar & 2-Face just destroy the actual competitors (Scar seemed like he was having too much fun stomping on Kid) and leave them laying, forcing the ref to call this a no-contest. A first in Nasty Nati’ Wrestling! [-*]- There’s a bit of a mixed reaction from the crowd as Scar paces the ring while 2-Face says that what they just witnessed was only the beginning. “You see, me and Scar have a few things in common. The biggest thing is that we hate EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!” Boo this man. Scar says that he’s gotta admit. He really got off on destroying the fan’s hero, Iain Morris, last month. “And you know what? It felt so good, I’m in the mood to do it again tonight and invited my good buddy 2-Face to the party!” Scar challenges Morris and his “little sidekick” Scotty Swift to a tag team hardcore match in the main event tonight. “If you two have any balls, you’ll have no problem with us bringing some toys to the party!” Ending sounded a bit...well, gay to me but not bad overall. [45%]- Earl Huffington III cuts a short promo next where he addresses some “rumors” that have been spreading about him recently on social media. Particularly, the rumor that he’s actually not rich and that he rents all of his fancy cars and suits. Earl denies the “scandalous slander” and insists that everything about him is pure, authentic, and genuine. “My cars, my clothes, my money, even my girlfriend’s boobs!” In order to prove how rich he was, Earl said that he wasn’t even gonna bother flaunting his money today. He was gonna beat his opponent like he just filed for bankruptcy! [48%]Match #2 Earl Huffington III vs. Jimmy Moore
I’m sure you’re wondering, “who the hell is Jimmy Moore?” I’ll be honest, I don’t really know either. When I posted the event for this month’s show on Facebook, I got a message from a dude saying “i’m a indie wrestler. can i wrestle on yur show plz???” I was so amazed that someone actively asked to wrestle for us that I said sure without a second glance at the guy’s profile. So, I wasn’t really sure of what to expect when fast-paced EDM began playing as a man walked out wearing body paint & glitter. Gyrating his body to keep pace with the music, you’d think my backyard just turned into a rave as Moore dances his way down to the ring. A befuddled Huffington has no idea what to make of the newcomer and can only react in disgust as Moore blows glitter all over him prior to the match! The match itself is...pretty bad, not gonna lie. Fun gimmick aside, Moore is at about the same level as Hypnosis in the ring. Huffington did what he could but Moore just had trouble keeping up. After several minutes of sloppiness, the Wayward Destroyer mercifully puts this match to bed. Two bad matches in a row but I guess that’s what I get for booking someone through Facebook… [-*]- Another show, another “Stylish” Shawn Stylez promo. Some might argue that it’s overdone by this point but hey, he’s the best talker we got. This month, Shawn’s got some choice words for his opponent tonight, Jay Knox. “Stop drinking with my grandma!” He claims that an old woman drinking is so NOT stylish and and presents a bad image for the youth of America. “They should be striving to be beautiful, just like me. Instead, Jay Knox is gonna have our kids wanting to grow up to be alcoholics. Eventually, all of their faces are gonna look like they just got smashed in by a shovel as they count the three teeth in their mouth just like him!” To her credit, G-Ma Stylez responds to her grandson’s ranting with a single middle finger, which may have gotten the biggest pop of the day. [55%]
Match #3 “Stylish” Shawn Stylez vs. Jay Knox
It’s obvious that Jay heard Stylez’s speech before the match as he specifically grabs Grandma Stylez when he comes out and does his pre-match shot with her right in front of her flustered grandson! G-Ma Stylez is totally down for another shot but “The Stylish One” attacks Jay from behind before he can pour it out! The match more closely resembles a bar room brawl than an actual wrestling match as both men bring the hate in every blow they land on each other. Granted, it’s not like either of these guys are ring wizards so it’s not like this match is any good but it’s not bad and by the standards of this show, that makes it match of the night so far. Stylez actually controlled a good chunk of the match but the tide changed when Knox managed to take a swig from the flask he had hidden in his tights. Like Popeye and his spinach, Knox fired up and made a big comeback, culminating in him hitting a nice Swanton Bomb from the top rope for the win! [DUD]Match #4 Hardcore Match Scar & 2-Face vs. Scotty Swift & Iain Morris
The heels’ request to have a hardcore match was clearly answered when the babyface squad came out with a garbage can filled with plunder and tossed it into the ring, nailing 2-Face right in the head and causing him to bleed hardway a bit. Whoops. This match is pure garbage wrestling. No psychology, no story, just weapon spots and violence. The fans loved it though and that’s all I can really ask for at this stage. Hell, based on crowd heat alone, this was probably the best match in company history. One highlight of the match was when Scar pulled out a bag, presumably thinking that it was full of thumbtacks. SWERVE~! It turned out to be full of LEGO’s as Scar cursed up a storm at the bait and switch. 2-Face may have laughed when he first saw them but he wasn’t laughing when he had to take a Powerbomb into the LEGO’s a couple minutes later. God bless 2-Face but he’s not that good of a seller. That had to suck. Eventually, Scar produced the same lead pipe that he used to knock out Morris last month and did the same this month, taking Morris out of the match for all intents and purposes. Even though it was 2-on-1, Swift fought bravely but was soon taken out by a Spike Piledriver on a chair that was placed on the mat. Scar and 2-Face are heading to the pay windah. [¾*] After the match, the dastardly heels decide that they aren’t finished as they try to hit another Spike Piledriver. They are forced to bail from the ring, however, as Morris comes in with Scar’s own pipe and swings wildly, only hitting air but still saving his friend from more punishment. After checking on Scotty and asking for some medical help (meaning Larry and the ref need to run out to the ring with ice packs), Morris says that he’s still alive and well despite everything that Scar has done to him these past two months. The British Sensation says that if Scar really wants to “destroy” him so bad, how about they have a Last Man Standing match on December 13th!? “No Scotty, no 2-Face. Just you and me, Scarry baby. What do ya say, mate?” With no hesitation, Scar accepts the match and our main event for next month is set! Wow, this is the first time we’ve ever promoted a main event so far in advance. I’m sure nothing could possibly go wrong with this, right? Right? ...Answer me, you imaginary bastard! Pop of the Night: The Spike Piledriver in the main event/G-Ma Stylez flipping off her grandson Most Heat of the Night: Shawn Stylez promo, duh Worst Match of the Night: Hypnosis/Liberty Kid, if you wanna actually that wrestling.
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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Aug 2, 2015 20:37:42 GMT -5
December 2015
Headlined by Scar vs. Iain Morris in a Last Man Standing match, I’m hoping that our show on December 13th (which I still haven’t thought of a name for, should probably get on that) would be our biggest yet and serve as a nice capper to our first year of operation. I was counting on both guys to deliver a great main event. Scar’s probably the hottest heel we have and Morris is practically a mega-star to our fans. Like, it’s crazy how much more over he is than everybody else on the roster. I don’t know if it’s more his natural charisma or his great (by our standards) in-ring work but something about him really clicks with people. Whenever we get a title, he’s got to be our first champion. He’s gonna be The Guy. When you think of Nasty Nati, you’ll think of the British Sensation. We could even make Morris-Mania shirts at some point! Little did I know that one phone call was gonna completely kill my Morris-boner. I was busy sketching out future plans for him when my phone rang and I saw it was the man himself. After we exchanged pleasantries, he quickly explained that he was in the hospital. Immediately, my heart sank. Apparently, Morris had been involved in a serious accident while riding his motorcycle and completely mangled his leg. Great. There’s goes our main event for this month. I asked Iain when he would be back to work and that’s when he dropped the bomb. “Yeah, about that mate...doctor says I probably won’t be cleared for wrestling for a year at the earliest. I’m on the shelf for 18 months at the latest.” My face on the other end looked something like this: I couldn’t believe it. Our most popular AND most talented guy was gone. Just like that, all because of some stupid motorcycle accident. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something. I wanted to do a Flair-flop, blade myself, and shout out “WOOO!!!” Morris tried to tell me what hospital he was at so I could visit but I hung up on him, I was so shocked. After several hours of listening to Drake records to drown my sorrows, I decided that the show must go on and that all I could do was try and fill the huge gap that Morris was leaving. The first step to filling that gap? Bringing in a new wrestler, Michael Avery. Originally from Canada, Avery always dreamed of wrestling here in the States and moved here not long ago. He’s a talented worker (arguably more so than Morris, even if he’s not as charismatic) but he hasn’t really made any connections here yet meaning that his bookings aren’t really consistent. More importantly, it means that he’s willing to stoop down to our level and work for us. It might take some time for him to connect with fans but Avery can at least take over as the company’s workhorse and the guy that can have a decent match with pretty much anybody. Since that’s settled, time to advertise this show. I think I know what I want to call it now… A Tribe Called Untitled Date: December 13th, 2015 Place: Magic’s Backyard, the Madison Square Garden of Cincinnati Description: f*** if I know what happens on this show
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Post by Fake Jesus on Aug 2, 2015 20:59:19 GMT -5
Give Grandma Stylez the title, bookerman.
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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Aug 7, 2015 21:37:09 GMT -5
December 13th, 2015 A Tribe Called Untitled
Good news and bad news this month. The good news is that much to my surprise, even with us having to go back on the main event we advertised last month, we still got four new fans as 22 people had filled my backyard the day of the show. Bad news? Those people were mighty pissed when Laughing Larry announced that the main event was off due to Morris’ leg getting destroyed. Poor Larry was catching a lot of heat when he explained that there would be absolutely no refunds but was suddenly interrupted as Scar and 2-Face came out. Larry knows that there is no such thing as half-way crooks as he is clearly shook by the presence of heels and quickly bails from the ring. Lots of heat as Scar says that he’s gonna tell the fans exactly what happened to that “turd” Iain Morris. “You may have read online that he got in a little...accident. What you didn’t hear is who exactly was driving the car that ran your hero over.” A couple seconds of silence pass before someone in the crowd goes, “hey, wait a minute”, and the entire crowd catches on to the implication. Scar is grinning from ear to ear at all the hate directed towards him before continuing. “Now, I’m not saying I was driving the car but I think it’s pretty obvious who’s the last man standing tonight, isn’t it!?” All the while during this promo, 2-Face stands in the background and makes mean faces. The fans look like they are ready to jump the non-existent rail but thankfully, Jay Knox comes out to confront the dastardly duo. A bottle of Jack Daniels in hand, Knox questions the integrity of Scar’s actions. “Seriously, bitch move bro.” Knox says that if Scar was too scared to face Morris, he should have never accepted the match. The Angel of Hate clearly takes offense to this comment and insists that he was NEVER afraid of Morris. “If that bastard wasn’t laid up in a hospital bed already, I promise you he’d be in one after I was done with him tonight!” In between sips of alcohol, Knox says that Scar talks a big game but if he really means it, he’ll have no problem with Jay taking Morris’ spot in the Last Man Standing match! Both men go eye-to-eye before Scar says, “You want a match with me tonight? Fine, you got it! As long as you can beat my buddy 2-Face right now!” Based on the look of surprise on his face, 2-Face clearly wasn’t expecting to get roped into this but had no real say in the matter before Knox spit some of his liquor right into the Europrick’s face! Knox orders the ref to “get his ass out here” and it looks like we have a match. [EDITOR’S NOTE: Totally forgot to get star ratings for this show so the percentages will have to do] [41%]Match #1 Jay Knox vs. 2-Face
Not a long match nor is it a particularly good one. Real styles clash here as the usually methodical 2-Face does his best to fly around the ring to be in place for all of Knox’s whacky dives. The fans were kinda behind Knox though so I guess that’s good. Eventually, Scar tries to interfere but ends up inadvertently hitting his partner, allowing Knox to hit a Tornado DDT followed by a Swanton Bomb for the win. After the match, Knox promises the fans that was only a taste of what was gonna happen in the main event! ...Yay? [44%]- So, after months of bitching that I wouldn’t let him cut a promo despite his “amazing charisma”, Liberty Kid finally got his chance this month to hype up his upcoming 4-way match . Surely, he must have spit out some fire that would make Dylan jealous, right? RIGHT? Well, I’ll let you be the judge. Below is a transcript of his entire promo. Be ready for greatness. “Uh...um...I, uh, I mean...CHEERFORMEANDGIVEMEYOURMONEY!” Wow. Amazing. Better watch out, Heyman. This young star’s on the rise. [29%]Match #2 4-Way Free For All Shawn Stylez vs. Liberty Kid vs. Jimmy Moore vs. Hypnosis
Ya’ll know I had to change the finish to Liberty Kid getting pinned after that trash ass promo. The match itself is pretty terrible. Nobody in the ring was really any good and Hypnosis in particular was having a real bad night (how the hell do you screw up taking a Russian Leg Sweep?). The only reason why it had any heat is because the fans really don’t like Stylez and made sure that he knew it with all their booing. The fans were caught off-guard when relative newcomer Jimmy Moore hit the Overdrive (oh wow, that’s his finisher? That’s gotta go after this show) on Kid for the win and really didn’t react because of it. Bad match but not even close to being the worst we’ve ever had. [36%]Match #3 Michael Hart vs. Earl Huffington III
Michael Hart is the new handle of Michael Avery. I figure that if nothing else, it might convince some of the dumber fans in the crowd that he’s some unknown member of the Hart Family. I knew Avery was good but I didn’t know just how good he was until I actually saw him in person. God bless Morris but he’s easily the best in-ring worker we’ve ever had. Him and Huffington, who’s pretty decent in his own right, have a kick-ass match. If it’s not the best we’ve ever had, it’s a close second. It had everything an indie wrestling fan could want. Chain wrestling, high spots, lots of big kickouts, all that stuff. Both men traded the advantage back and forth throughout the match but the end came when Hart hit a Double Knee Facebreaker that he calls “Schnozbuster '83” (no idea what it means) while Earl was attempting a Springboard dive into the ring. Just to add the Hart Family implications, he slapped on the Sharpshooter for the almost immediate submission! [51%]- After his hard-earned victory, Hart cuts a promo talking about how much he loves the US and how happy is to be representing his home country in the greatest nation in the world. He said that he hopes to use Nasty Nati Wrestling as a platform to prove himself against the best that America has to offer! Somewhat generic “USA Rah-Rah” promo and some might call what the fans did a “cheap pop” but a pop’s a pop to me, damn it. [49%]Match #4 Last Man Standing Jay Knox vs. Scar
It’s main event time as the replacement for Iain Morris, local drunkard Jay Knox, looks to teach Scar a lesson in humility and give him his receipt for all of his general douchebaggery of late. 2-Face is still selling his loss from earlier in the night so don’t expect to see him again. This is right up Scar’s alley as it’s more of a stunt show than an actual wrestling match, with both men taking crazy looking moves and several weapon shots. At one point, both men were just wailing on each other with kendo sticks, aiming various shots at their opponent’s leg in hopes of making them crumble to the ground. While Scar hitting a Brainbuster off the top rope was pretty spectacular, the most dangerous spot of the night has to go to Knox using a Side Effect while both men were on the apron to send both their bodies crashing down onto two upright chairs on the ground. That earned the company it’s first “Holy Shit!” chant. Amazingly, that big spot wasn’t the finish as both men were barely able to be the 10 count. After some more violence, Knox eventually pulled out a ladder and a table from under the ring. Granted, it was a rickety old 8-foot ladder and the table looks like it’s gonna collapse at any minute but hey, we’re ballin on a budget here. After laying out Scar with a chair shot to the head, Knox placed him on the table and polled the fans to see if he should do a Swanton Bomb off the ladder. After acknowledging the cheers and taking a swig from his flask, he was on his way up the ladder before he was knocked off by...a hooded fan from the crowd? Wasting no time, the fan practically destroys a chair over Knox’s head which accidentally causes his hood to fly up. What da hale? That’s Slash!!! Yes, Scar’s partner is finally out of rehab and he’s here to save his buddy from defeat. After getting helped up by Slash, Scar’s the one directing traffic as he tells Slash to reposition the table and help him deliver a devastating Super Bomb off the top rope through the table! A couple of fans are actually throwing trash in the ring as Knox gets counted out and Scar is declared the winner! [41%]After the match, Scar and Slash cut a promo to close out the show. Scar, in particular, is overjoyed at having tricked both the fans and Knox. “You jackwagons really thought I would fight this idiot without a backup plan?” Scar says that he would like to introduce the man responsible for Morris’ little “accident”, Slash! Not being as talkative as his friend, Slash only has one thing to close out the show. “The Lost Souls are back, bitches!” Pop of the Night: That awesome Huffington/Avery match Most Heat of the Night: The Lost Souls flexing to close out the show Worst Match of the Night: Liberty Kid vs. Hypnosis vs. Jimmy Moore vs. Shawn Stylez
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Brainbustaaah!
Hank Scorpio
Best Damn Finishing Move Period
Posts: 5,600
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Post by Brainbustaaah! on Aug 7, 2015 23:08:34 GMT -5
Putting together a slick little program here, very nice. Can't wait for more.
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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Aug 9, 2015 10:32:58 GMT -5
January 31st, 2016 My Beautiful Dark Nati’ Fantasy
After spending the first five days of the year in a drunken New Year haze, I started putting together our first show of 2016. Not gonna lie, totally didn’t think we’d make it this far. As our fanbase continues to grow and our stories & characters develop, I really needed to seriously consider introducing a title to the company. Not only would the title give guys something fight for (and thus, make my job as booker a bit easier) but it’d also serve to help indicate who’s THE GUY in the company to first time viewers. I’ve got an idea for that but I’m still working out all the kinks. In the meanwhile, say hi to the newest member of the Nasty Nati roster, Chris Cryptic. He was hired on the recommendation of Earl Huffington, who worked with the dude on some Cleveland indie shows shortly before we started up. I’ve never seen him work but according to Huffington, he’s a good high-flyer and has got some some solid mat technique to back up his flashy stuff. As long as he’s not too horrible (and think about what’s considered too horrible for us considering Liberty Kid is on the roster), we got room for him to be a regular roster member.
It looks like the unusually long gap between shows worked out in our favor as 33 people bought tickets for the show, 11 more than last month. The new year’s already off to a good start. To start out the show, Laughing Larry was doing his usual “rah-rah” promo where he tries to get the crowd ready to go for the show. It almost never works but hey, letting him do it makes him feel useful. Much like last month, he gets interrupted here by the trio of Scar, 2-Face, and the newly returned Slash. Once they’re all in the ring and have scared poor Larry out of it, Scar says that together, they are the “Devil’s Advocate.” He puts over 2-Face as being one of the toughest SOB’s he’s ever met. “Especially for a guy from...Sweden. That country is full of pusses. No offense, 2-Face.” The Europrick didn’t seem too happy with the dig at his homeland but shrugged it off and let Scar continue his promo. “Then, you got the Lost Souls. Myself and my partner-in-crime for the past decade, Slash!” Scar passes the metaphorical mic to his partner and lets Slash explain that he had been reluctant on making the trip to Cincinnati for a long time. “I heard the weather here is terrible, the women are ugly, and the sports teams...well, Andy Dalton. Nuff’ said.” Gotta love cheap heat. “But, when Scar told me about how he needed some help taking care of this prissy little pretty boy Iain Morris, I knew I had to help my boy out.” Slash says that what he did to Iain Morris was only a taste of what’s gonna happen to anybody else that tries to step up to Devil’s Advocate. “Actually, you know what? Just by looking at all your faces, I can tell that this is a particularly stupid crowd so I think you all need another demonstration of what I can do. Any man with the balls to face me right now, get out here!” The fans perk up at the open challenge but are quickly deflated as Hypnosis is the one to accept it. The dime store Luchadore hits the ring and we have match! [35%]Match #1 Slash (w/ Scar & 2-Face) vs. Hypnosis
Total squash match here to show off what Slash can do and showcase his moveset. To his credit, Hypnosis takes a good ass-whooping, making lots of wacky faces as Slash chops him to death to corner. After a series of backbreakers leaves Hypnosis practically helpless, he puts the exclamation point on the beating with a brutal Buckle Bomb that causes Hypnosis to slump in the corner unconscious. The three count was academic after that. Afterwards, 2-Face and Scar hit their finishers on Hypnosis just to be dicks before the trio flexes over his downed form and heads to the back. As they are leaving, Larry makes sure to hype up their six man tag match against Michael Hart, Jay Knox, and the returning Scotty Swift (who has been selling the Spike Piledriver he took a couple months back) in the main event later on. [DUD]- “Stylish” Shawn Stylez is out now, claiming that last month, a tragedy took place. “Even though I never got my shoulders pinned, it is now recorded that I have a loss to a guy named... Jimmy Moore? What kind of name is that? What beautiful person has ever been named Jimmy!?” ...I can’t think of any, not gonna lie. Anyway, Stylez challenges Moore to a match right now. Soon enough, the fast paced EDM begins playing and Moore dances his way out to the ring, making sure to blow glitter on the crowd. “That glitter better not have gotten on my grandma!”, screamed Stylez. Once in the ring, Moore looks at Stylez and...nothing. What is he doing? He’s supposed to cut a promo accepting the challenge! Did he forget his lines? Suddenly, my question is answered as Moore begins making several symbols with his hands. ...Oh my god, he’s mute, isn’t he? Huh. That’s why he only nods any time I try to talk to him and kept moving his hands like he was doing a Jutsu. The fans have absolutely no idea what to make of it (except for one fan who can apparently read sign language and thinks what Moore is saying is HILARIOUS) and Stylez is super confused, having no idea how to react since he wasn’t ready for this. Eventually, I just screamed out “punch him!” repeatedly from my position behind the curtain and Shawn thankfully picked up on it, flooring Moore with a punch so they can start their damn match already. [24%]Match #2 Shawn Stylez vs. Jimmy Moore
And what a horrible match it is. Shawn is probably the most charismatic guy we have but he still wrestles exactly like you’d expect a pizza delivery boy to wrestle. Moore’s really not any better. Part of the problem was that Stylez’s offense consists of a very meat-and-potatoes, punchy-kicky style. Add on that the fans do not care about Moore at all, this made for a really boring match. Even Shawn's constant heat couldn’t carry it. Mercifully, it’s over at around the six minute mark after a Stylizer (Hangman’s Neckbreaker) puts Moore away for three. [-*]- Prior to our next match, the debuting Chris Cryptic taking on Earl Huffington III, Huffington tries to get out of the match by offering Cryptic a crisp $100 bill to lay down for him as soon as the match starts. Hey, that can buy a lot of lap dances. Or 20 footlongs from Subway, however you want to look at it. Either way, Cryptic turns down the bribe. “Nah bro, I don’t want your money. All I want is to wrestle and prove that Chris Cryptic is the hottest thing around around right now. To be honest with you, bro, I don’t even think sliced bread has got anything on me.” Disgusted at the idea of someone turning down money, Huffington sneers at Chris and calls him a fool for putting wrestling before money. “I’m rich spiritually, bro. I don’t need that green stuff. ...Well, at least not that kind of green stuff.” That better not have been a reference to what I think it was a reference to or else I’m gonna have a stern talk with that young man. [45%]Match #3 Chris Cryptic vs. Earl Huffington III
I had my doubts about Cryptic because of his laidback attitude but as soon as the match starts, it’s like a switch turns on inside him and he becomes a totally different person, wowing the crowd with his speed and athleticism. While Huffington is no slouch and gets in his own shots here and there, Cryptic is just too fast for him and forces the rich snob to be on the backfoot for a good portion of the bout. In a desperate attempt to slow Cryptic down, he pulled the ref in front of him while Cryptic tried to rush him in the corner. The babyface stops out of fear of hurting the official but Huffington takes advantage of the lull in action, hooking him up for the Wayward Destroyer (Canadian Destroyer) and picking up the win! Really good match, honestly. [*]Match #4 Six Man Tag Devil’s Advocate (Scar, Slash, & 2-Face) vs. Scotty Swift, Michael Hart, & Jay Knox
It’s main event time as three men that all have an issue with the Devil’s Advocate join forces to combat the evil trio. This match is pretty much all action as it starts out with a wild brawl involving all six men fighting in (and outside) the ring. Eventually, the ref is able to restore order and force both teams to follow the rules, being forced to patiently wait on the apron until they are tagged in before they can beat up their enemy. The big story here is Jay Knox badly wanting to get his hands on Slash for screwing him over last month. Slash, on the other hand, seems to take joy in playing mind games with the drunkard, making sure to tag out whenever Jay gets tagged in. Swift also has something to prove in this match since DA is the reason why he was out for two months with a concussion. Perhaps Swift was a bit too focused on revenge as the veteran ended up making a rookie mistake, allowing himself to get isolated from his corner and get worked over by all three heels. After teasing a few comebacks only to get cut off every time, Swift manages to duck under a Big Boot from 2-Face and make the hot tag to the Canadian import, Michael Hart! Hart comes in as a proverbial house of fire, making sure to get in all his flashy shit on the heel trio and rallying the fans behind him. Dude has gotten over like rover on these past two shows. After a pin on Slash gets broken up by Scar, the match breaks down into a chaotic brawl again, forcing the ref to just shrug his shoulders and let the mess sort itself out. Soon enough, the ring clears out until it’s just Hart and 2-Face as the legal men for their team. 2-Face tries to go for a Piledriver but Hart trips him up and slaps on the Sharpshooter. After a few seconds of Hart leaning back on the move, 2-Face is forced to give it up! The babyfaces win! [½*]To close out the show, the faces celebrate in the ring together as Scar and Slash collect 2-Face and drag him to the back, promising their rivals that this feud is far from over. It’s no air guitar solo but Knox convinces his partners to shotgun a beer with him in celebration. Hart seems to handle his alcohol well but Old Man Swift must not be used to it, throwing up almost immediately outside of the ring all over some poor fan’s shoes. Sucks to be that dude. Match of the Night: Earl Huffington III vs. Chris Cryptic Worst Match of the Night: Shawn Stylez vs. Jimmy Moore Pop of the Night: Hart running wild on the heels during the main event tag match
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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Aug 9, 2015 23:26:04 GMT -5
February, 2016
So, we’ve actually got sponsors now. No joke. Granted, they aren’t the most prestigious sponsors around (Carmex? Really?) but money’s money and their money is gonna give us something of an actual budget to work with. No more Ramen Noodle Struggle for me. Also, Ovaltine is one of the sponsors so workers now have their choice between a cup of OJ or a cup of Ovaltine as their pay. I know, I spoil my roster. In other news, Liberty Kid has officially been handed his pink slip via text when he asked me when he was getting a push. “don’t even bother showing up to the next show, brah. You done. Cut. Fired. f*** outta here, boy.” I thought it was easily the most professional way to handle it. I’m so proud to say that we are now too good for that jabroni. We actually have standards now! I made some additions to the roster as well but more on that later. I also made the decision to axe Hypnosis but I decided that I wanted to do this one in person since I really hate Hypnosis. When he showed up at my place (man, he looks weird without his mask), however, he walked in with a smoking hot blonde girl. I mean, this is the type of girl that makes you forget about Eva Marie for a second, you feel me? He explained that this was his sister Nicky and she just recently moved in with him after graduating from Cincinnati State. ...Damn it, Hypnosis. You’re lucky your parents had enough hot genes between them to make Nicky despite making you as well. Since she graduated from Cincy State, I knew she was unemployed so I quickly asked if she’d like to be part of the show. It took a lot of sweet talk from me and Hypnosis but she eventually agreed. Great, our roster’s no longer one big sausage fest. When Hypnosis asked me what the original reason why I asked him to come here was, I had to lie. It wouldn’t be smart to risk losing the only female we had by firing her cornball brother. “Well Hypnosis, my good buddy, I just put the finishing touches on how we are gonna determine the first NNW Champion and I wanted you to be the first one to see it! Starting on February 28th, Nasty Nati Wrestling Presents": The Nasty Nati Classic~!
RULES: 12 competitors will be placed into two different blocks, Block A and Block B. Over the course of five months, each competitor shall wrestle every opponent in their block once. A win will earn the competitor 2 points. A loss only results in a struggle 0. In the rare event of a draw, 1 point will be awarded to both competitors. At the end of these series of matches, the competitor with the most points in Block A will face the competitor with the most points in Block B in a Best 2 out of 3 Falls match. The winner of that match will win the first ever Nasty Nati Classic and become the first ever Nasty Nati Wrestling Champion. BLOCK A
2- Face (29 years old): A member of the Devil’s Advocate, 2-Face is the muscle of the group. A seasoned competitor that started out in Sweden, the Europrick takes no prisoners in the ring and shows no mercy, no matter who is staring across from him in the ring. It seems like the only people he likes are the Lost Souls which makes him being in the same block as Scar a bit interesting. Still, 2-Face has shown that he has tools to go far in this tournament. Chris Cryptic (25 years old): Chis Cryptic is one cool cat, there’s no doubt about that. Don’t let his laid-back attitude fool you, however, as he goes into a completely different zone in the ring. He practically considers the wrestling ring his home away from home. Although a relative newcomer to NNW, he could be a sleeper pick to go all the way. Earl Huffington III (25 years old): Can money buy you talent? Most would say no but thankfully for Earl Huffington, he has plenty of both. A great high-flyer, Huffington makes no bones about his love of money and how he feels like it should be the center of everything. Money won’t buy Earl the Nasty Nati Championship though meaning that Earl will have to do it the old fashioned way and outperform everyone else in the tournament. “Calgary Made” Michael Hart (32 years old): A talented technician that cut his teeth in Canada, Hart has quickly become a fan favorite in NNW. While he mostly relies on his mat technique, he can also fly through the air with ease when need be. One would think that he’s one of the favorites to win the whole she-bang bang. Jimmy “Sweetness” Moore (23 years old): A man of...well, no words, not a whole lot is known about Jimmy Moore. We know he likes glitter. We know he likes EDM. We know he likes dancing. What we don’t know is if he has the drive and determination to rise to the top here in NNW and become the best. The potential is obviously there (not really but shhh, I gotta sell this thing), it’s up to Moore to live up to it in this tournament. “The Angel of Hate” Scar (26 years old): Scar hates everybody. Yes, even you, person reading this. A very violent and slightly unhinged competitor, Scar’s matches often more closely resemble a bar room fight than an actual wrestling match. He also has several high-impact moves that can catch his opponents off guard. Wherever Scar goes, chaos follows. The question is, will that be enough to earn him the Nasty Nati title?
BLOCK B
Michael Diablo (26 years old): The Wildcard (BITCHES~!) entry of the tournament, Diablo has created a buzz for himself in other Cincinnati-based promotions and is now bring his talents to Magic’s backyard. Known for his crowd-pleasing dives, Diablo has been pegged by some wrestling “insiders” as the low-key favorite to win it all. Either way, it should be exciting to see how he does in NNW. Hypnosis (20 years old): ...He’s got a really hot sister. Like, crazy hot guys. “Drunken Fox” Jay Knox (27 years old): Why is Jay Knox called a Drunken Fox? “Because Foxes are f***ing cool, man.”- direct quote from the man himself. One of the more colorful characters in the tournament, Knox has probably never wrestled a match sober in his entire career. Still, perhaps that works out in his favor as it makes his in-ring style unpredictable and almost impossible to prepare for unless you’ve actually experienced it. One of the more popular stars in the company, the fans wouldn’t mind having this drunk as their champion. Slash (26 years old): The other half of the Lost Souls, Slash only recently arrived in NNW to help out his friend Scar take out Iain Morris. A dangerous competitor in his own right, Slash’s style very closely resembles Scar but Slash is a bit more methodical than his partner. It could potentially come down to him vs. Scar in the finals and one would think that these two crazy mofos would have no problem going to war with each other if there is gold on the line. “Stylish” Shawn Stylez (28 years old): No matter where he is, Shawn thinks he’s most the beautiful person in the room. Looks may have gotten Stylez far in life so far but he’s gonna need more than that to be successful in the Nati’ Classic. Stylez’ biggest asset in the ring is his intelligence and his willingness to take advantage of every single opportunity that presents itself, no matter how fair it may or may not be. As much as the NNW fans would hate to admit it, Stylez very well could be the first Nati Wrestling champion. Scotty Swift (35 years old): The “grey beard” of NNW, Swift is easily the most experienced competitor in the tournament. That could work against him in the sense that his opponents will have youth on their side. What he may lack in speed, however, he more than makes up for with experience. Swift can hold his own in a fist fight and on the mat which can only help him in a tournament of this nature where he’ll be facing a wide variety of opponents.
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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Aug 15, 2015 12:03:29 GMT -5
February 28th, 2016 Nasty Nati Classic Night #1 Don't Sweat the Nati'
36 people were in attendance for the first night of the Nasty Nati Classic. Not gonna lie, I was pretty nervous about this show. This was the first time that I spent some real money on advertising, passing out flyers outside of the Smackdown tapings when WWE was in town last week. Douchebag security guys forced me to leave for “trespassing” (boy bye, I run Cincy and I was nice enough to let ya’ll on my turf) but hey, it looks like those flyers convinced three folks to check out the show. Ignoring the money put into the show, the Nati Classic has already hit it’s first road bump. Scar got a really nasty broken nose while working a show a couple of weeks ago so he’s unable to work this show. Thankfully, this is a round robin tournament and he’s only gonna miss one match so it’s not a killer but still, it’s annoying. As the old saying goes, the show must go on! - For the first time ever, a Nasty Nati show opens with a...female? Yes as Nikki Alderton (good thing her brother wrestles under a mask or some people might get suspicious) accompanies Jimmy Moore to the ring, dancing along with him and playing to the crowd. There’s a good amount of whistling and cat calls from the thirst buckets in the audience as well. Covered in glitter from practically head to toe, Nikki introduces herself to the crowd as the “spokesperson” for Moore. The beautiful blonde announced that Moore’s scheduled opponent for this show, Scar, is unable to compete and would therefore forfeit the match (and 2 points) to Moore (which got a LOT of boos. Card’s subject to change, kids). Despite this, she said, Moore still wanted to compete tonight so she had personally invited somebody to wrestle her man. “What you are about to see is a warning to everybody in Block A. Jimmy Moore came to Cincinnati to dance but he also came here to win!” Decent little promo, all things considered. Nikki’s a really natural talker. If you didn’t know any better, you wouldn’t have guessed that this was her very first promo. [55%]Match #1 Jimmy “Sweetness” Moore (w/ Nikki Alderton) vs. Scyther
Scyther’s a local dude that’s only been wrestling for about six months or so. He’s got some decent dives but not a whole lot else. So, how does Jimmy build off his momentum now that he is technically leading his block and has a new hot manager? By having a goddamn terrible match. We’ve had some real stinkers here in NNW but this was, bar none, the worst match we’ve ever had. Nikki did what she could by playing cheerleader at ringside and trying to get the fans into it but everybody knew how dookie it was and booed the hell out of both guys as the match went on. There was a very noticeable “you f***ed up!” chant from a section of the crowd after Scyther somehow screwed up a Stalling Suplex. I didn’t even know that was possible. Poor Jimmy caught it the worst, however, when fans started chanting “please retire!” when the mute wrestler tried to skin the cat like HBK but ended up getting tangled up in the ropes, unable to do anything until both Nikki and the ref helped him get out of it. The dude is 23 years old and already being told to retire. Jesus. By the grace of JBL, the match finally came to an end when Moore hit a Downward Spiral (at least it’s not the Overdrive…) for the win. Wow. Thank god this wasn’t part of the actual Nati’ Classic. [-**]Match #2 Nasty Nati’ Classic Block B Match Michael Diablo (0) vs. Hypnosis (0)
The first actual match of the tournament features the debut of Michael Diablo, who actually gets a decent pop when he comes out since some of the fans are familiar with his work in other local feds. This isn’t quite a squash match but it’s pretty damn close as Hypnosis’ offense is token at best. Diablo gets a chance to showcase what he can do for the fans unfamiliar with his work, busting out a variety of suplexes to drop the white boy luchadore on his head repeatedly. Of course, this prompted “Suplex City!” chants from the crowd. Lesnar better not show up at my door tomorrow. If I never run a show again, Brock probably got to me, just so you all now. Anyway, after what must have been a baker’s dozen of Suplexes, Diablo slaps on a Boston Crab that he calls the “Diablo Lock” for the instant submission. Chalk up two points for the newcomer. [-*]- After the match, Michael Diablo cuts a short but sweet promo saying that he’s gonna win the Nati’ Classic and become the first NNW champion. Not really much else to say about it other than Grandma Stylez booing because he beat one of her “favorites.” Wait, Hypnosis has fans? [56%]Match #3 Nasty Nati’ Classic Block A Match 2-Face (0) vs. Earl Huffington III (0)
A bit of an unusual match here as two guys that the fans dislike go head to head thanks to the way that Block A has been set up. Huffington initially tries to rely on his biggest asset, money, to get him out of the match and convince his opponent to forfeit (“just like your crooked nose friend did earlier”, Earl points out). 2-Face knows that the stakes in this tournament are too high however, and doesn’t even let Earl spit out an actual dollar amount before drilling him with a punch and ordering the ref to start the match. The match itself is far better than I was expecting considering that these two are total opposites style-wise. 2-Face became a de-facto face for the night since he was going up against the cowardly Huffington who does a great job antagonizing the crowd and backing off from his opponent in a bitch-made fashion whenever appropriate. Because he focuses on his money so much and constantly tries to buy his way out of matches, it’s easy to forget that Earl is actually a talented wrestler and that talent is what earns him points tonight as he uses a Shooting Star Press to pick up the win much to the disdain of the fans. Shout out to both these guys, that was exactly the type of quality action that I wanted to see in this tournament. Maybe this thing won’t be a disaster. [¾*]Match #4 Nasty Nati Classic Block B Match “Drunken Fox” Jay Knox (0) vs. “Stylish” Shawn Stylez (0)
These two have a bit of a history together as they faced off at our November show with Jay Knox coming out on top. Knox plays off that history during his entrance as he takes his pre-match shot with Grandma Stylez and even gives her a peck on the cheek just to throw Stylez off his game and make him frustrated. Stylez, to his credit, grits his teeth and doesn’t allow himself to react much visibly to some dude essentially macking on his gram-gram. Despite this show of control prior to the match, he is unable to keep his cool during the match as fans really start getting on his case and chanting “Jay’s your grandpa! *CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP*” at him. He yells back at the crowd but this lack of focus almost costs him as Knox gets a close nearfall off a surprise Schoolboy Rollup. Stylez eventually manages to recover, however, and gets off a low-blow behind the ref’s back. While Knox holds his throbbing sack, Stylez goes behind him and connects with the Stylizer (Hangman’s Neckbreaker) for a three count. “The Stylish One” is on the board! The match was fine, about the same quality as their match last year. I was honestly hoping for a bit better than that but oh well. [DUD]Match #5 Nasty Nati Classic Block A "Calgary Made" Michael Hart (0) vs. Chris Cryptic(0)
Well, we had a rudo vs. rudo match earlier on so we might as well have a babyface vs. babyface match too. Despite their different demeanors as they make their entrance (Hart being focused and somewhat tense while Cryptic is laid-back and looks like he doesn’t have a care in the world), these two actually have a lot in common. Both are relative new-comers to NNW. Both are well-liked by the fans. Most importantly, both men are pretty damn good wrestlers and give it their all as soon as the bell rings. This one is fast and furious from the first lock-up as both guys badly want to start off on the right foot in this tournament. Despite it’s fairly short length (I’d be surprised if it cracked the 10 minute mark), it has the crowd rocking. The crowd was evenly split but Hart is simply the better man on this night as he strings together a combination of moves that leaves Cryptic dazed and in perfect position for the Schnozbuster 83 (Double Knee Facebreaker). Even though he’s walking out here with no points. Cryptic decides to show some sportsmanship and shake Hart’s hand after the match. Another really good match...by our standards, anyway. [¾*]- Before his tournament match against Slash, that will also serve as this show’s main event, Scotty Swift cuts a fiery babyface promo where he talks about Slash’s running buddies Scar & 2-Face gave him a concussion back in November with a Spike Piledriver. Swift admits that he doesn’t remember a lot about that show but he has never forgotten his desire for revenge. Swift says that since Scar isn’t here tonight (or even in his block, for that matter), Slash will have be a suitable replacement until he can get his hands on the real thing! [54%]
Match #6 Nasty Nati Classic Block B Match “Too Legit” Scotty Swift (0) vs. Slash (0)
This wasn’t advertised as a Relaxed Rules match but it might as well be as the ref, perhaps deciding that this tournament is too important to have a DQ finish, lets both men beat the hell out of each other. Closed fists, eye-rakes, hair-pulls, this match had every dirty trick in the book. Some of those tricks were used by Swift as retaliation for something that Slash had previously done earlier in the match. At one point, while Swift was going outside of the ring to attack a resting Slash on the outside, the heel suddenly flung an unused chair from the crowd directly into Scotty’s face. That probably should have been a DQ but the ref shrugged his shoulders and let the match continue. The finish came when Swift tried to go old-school with an O’Connor Roll but Slash somehow transitioned the move into a Rear Naked Choke! The man known as “Too Legit” hung on for as long as he could but eventually passes out in the hold, forcing the ref to award the victory to Slash. Decent little main event to close out the show. [49%][EDITOR’S NOTE: Forgot to get the star rating for this one but does anybody really care?)
I think it was fair to call the first night of the Nasty Nati’ Classic a success. Was it perfect? Absolutely not. Was it on the same level as the G-1 Climax? Hell nah. But, it did serve as a nice opening to the tournament with two of the best matches we’ve ever had. We also had our worst match ever (and what’s probably one of the worst matches of the year in wrestling period) but hey, you can’t win em’ all. Now, I rub my hands together like Birdman and hope nothing else gets screwed up in this tournament. Match of the Night: Michael Hart vs. Chris Cryptic Worst Match of the Night: Jimmy Moore vs. Scyther Most Heat of the Night: Surprisingly, not Shawn Stylez. It was actually Earl Huffington III insulting the crowd during his match.
NASTY NATI’ CLASSIC LEADERBOARD
Block A
Michael Hart (2) Earl Huffington (2) Jimmy Moore (2) 2-Face (0) Chris Cryptic (0) Scar (0)
Block B
Michael Diablo (2) Slash (2) Shawn Stylez (2) Hypnosis (0) Jay Knox (0) Scotty Swift (0)
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Post by Magic knows Black Lives Matter on Aug 22, 2015 19:13:39 GMT -5
March 27th, 2016 2014 Nati' Hills Drive Night 2 of the Nasty Nati' Classic
First things first, RIP Uncle Cheex. Fo’ real. You the only father that I ever knew. Nah but seriously, shout out to the TNA legend who retired earlier this month. I wanted to bring him in for a one-shot here at Nasty Nati but no way was I paying for two plane seats for his fat ass. Also, El Patron re-signed with WWE. Kinda saw it coming after he lost a Loser Leaves AAA match to Rey Mysterio a month or so ago but still, surprised they managed to bury the hatchet. Thank god, now he can finally have that dream match against Sheamus. Anyhoo, onto business. I decided to put some of that sweet sponsorship money to good using by finally getting us a damn mic and a decent speaker system. Hooray for being less ghetto! The Nasty Nati Classic rages on this month as 46 people had come to see the second night of tournament action. Damn, my backyard was actually looking sorta crowded. As insane as this might sound, I might need to look into renting an actual venue soon. Oh well, for the next couple months, I can just make the shows Standing Room Only and these marks can enjoy the show without a seat. It’s hard constantly being a savage but I’m up to the challenge. Match #1 Nasty Nati Classic Block A Match Jimmy “Sweetness” Moore (w/ Nikki Alderton) (2) vs. Chris Cryptic (0)
Following a very competitive loss to Michael Hart last month, the laid-back Chris Cryptic looks to rebound this month with a win over a man that hasn’t even had an actual Nati’ Classic match yet, Jimmy Moore. It just wouldn’t be a Nasty Nati show if we didn’t have a horrible opener. Man, Jimmy Moore...dude makes Mahablialala Shera in TNA look like Cesaro. You could see Cryptic getting visibly frustrated as he screwed up basic lock-ups and chain wrestling sequences that they practiced a bunch before the actual show. The only reason why it had any heat was because there was an attractive female at ringside pounding on the mat. I probably should have fired Moore already considering that we can afford better talent than him now but what can I say? I’d feel like a dick if I fired someone with a disability. Not gonna lie, though. I was seriously considering it after this f***ing awful match. At least it accomplished it’s goal of getting Cryptic on the board with two points as he ends the pain with a GTS for the win. [-*]- After the match, Chris Cryptic does his best to not look flustered as he shakes Jimmy Moore’s hand and congratulates him on a “great match” (lol) and says that he’s got “mad fighting spirit, bro.” A verbal participation trophy, basically. Nobody cared but hey, I tried to do some storytelling. [43%]Match #2 Nasty Nati’ Classic Block B Match Shawn Stylez (2) vs. Michael Diablo (2)
Although both of these men won their matches last month, that will not be the case this month as they are paired up against each other. This was nowhere near as bad as the opener but it really wasn’t any good either. Very clunky match as Stylez seemed to have trouble keeping up with Diablo’s fast paced, high impact style. Like last month, Diablo went all Suplex City here and busted out a variety of dazzling throws, forcing Stylez to take multiple breathers on the outside just to regain his bearings. Still, even though his opponent looked technically superior, it was Stylez that ended up getting the win after a low blow. Yes, again. This time, a quick uppercut to the nuts while the ref was wiping sweat out of his eyes gave “The Stylish One” the chance to hit the Stylizer (Hangman’s Neckbreaker) and get the win. Stylez apparently doesn’t believe in a humble brag as he tells any fan that will listen that he still hasn’t lost a match in the Nati’ Classic. It’s been two months, brah. [DUD]Match #3 Nasty Nati’ Classic Block B Match Hypnosis (0) vs. Scotty Swift (0)
In what is technically another match between two babyfaces (even though it seems like a lot of the crowd don’t really care about Hypnosis and cheer when he gets murked), the veteran Scotty Swift takes on the youngest man in the tournament. The white boy luchadore tries to gain the upper hand early on with some poor lucha arm-drags but Swift soon fights his way back into the match, capitalizing on rookie mistakes made by his opponent. It’s one of those rookie mistakes that ended up costing Hypnosis points as he missed a Moonsault from the top rope leaving him completely vulnerable to a Tiger Driver from Swift, who quickly hooked his leg for three. After a rough submission loss to start off the tournament, Too Legit is on the board. The actual action was pretty bad all around but that’s to be expected from a Hypnosis match. [-*]- Before his upcoming match with Earl Huffington III, Scar decides to share some of his hate with the crowd by cutting a promo. Scar says that because his “pussy-hearted” doctor wouldn’t clear him last month, he had to forfeit two points to that mute freak Jimmy Moore. While some of the geeks in the crowd may have been happy that he lost in such a fashion and think that it’s gonna cost him the tournament, according to Scar, those same geeks are gonna be whining on the Nasty Nati’ Facebook page when he’s the first NNW champion! “Quite frankly, I couldn’t care less about representing this dumpster fire of a company. I just want the belt because I know that all of you don’t want me to have it. Every time you see that belt around my waist, consider it my personal middle finger to you!” They see me trolling… In all seriousness, pretty good promo. Scar’s hit or miss with promos but he brought it this month. [48%]
Match #4 Nasty Nati’ Classic Block A Match Earl Huffington III (2) vs. Scar (0)
True to his word, Scar became one step closer to being the first Nasty Nati Champion as he manages to knock off Earl Huffington here. The match was pretty mediocre due to it being a bit of a styles clash with the reckless style of Scar failing to mesh with the coordinated, clearly choreographed offense of Huffington. In addition to that, the crowd was pretty silent during it since they didn’t like either guy. I kinda saw that part coming but hey, best to get some of the weaker matches in the tournament out of the way now so we can save the good stuff for the finishing stretch. Nasty Nati’ knows how to work, brother. Anyway, Scar won with a Brainbuster. [DUD]Match #5 Nasty Nati’ Classic Block B Match Jay Knox (0) vs. Slash (2)
This one’s a give and take fight right from the start as Knox was not only gunning for some points but for revenge as well as it was Slash that cost him his match against Scar in the main event of the December show. This is kinda the opposite of the previous match as these two gel pretty well together, mixing up stiff strikes with lots of flippy doos to keep the crowd invested. As a result, the crowd was way more into this than pretty much anything on the show so far. The finish came when Slash tried to lift up Knox for a Buckle Bomb but the drunkard managed to counter the move by snapping off a Hurricarana. Slash quickly rose to his feet and tried to attack again but was quickly cut off by a vicious knee to the face! One Tornado DDT later and Knox had picked up his first two points of the tournament. [½*]Match #6 Nasty Nati’ Classic Block A Match Michael Hart (2) vs. 2-Face (0)
Considering that a win here would make Hart the points leader of Block A, it’s fair to say that the stakes were pretty high in this month’s main event. The big reason why I brought Hart into the company was so he could be the workhorse of the company and he lives up that title here as he, once again, has the best match of the night. The first several minutes of this match were actually pretty clean as both men grappled on the mat, fighting for supremacy in a manner that was much less homoerotic than it sounds. Just when it looked Hart was gaining the upper-hand, 2-Face completely changed the tide of the match almost by accident after causing Hart to trip up on a Springboard attempt and land awkwardly on his shoulder. Holding his shoulder in pain, Hart clearly thought there was something wrong with it but demanded that the ref let the match continue as he didn’t want to forfeit any points. The ref tried to check on the Canadian but 2-Face smelled blood in the water and quickly shoved him out of the way so he could go to work on Hart’s shoulder. The Europrick seemed to take pleasure in Hart’s screams of agony as he stomped repeatedly on the shoulder before dragging him up to his feet and hurling him shoulder-first into the ring post! From that point onward, 2-Face was in the driver’s seat and controlled the pace but was unable to put Hart away despite repeated pinfall attempts. The fans did their best to will Hart on with their cheering to rally his way back into the match but his offense was minimal at best for a good portion of the bout, always slowed down by the shoulder injury whenever he looked to be building some momentum. Finally, Hart managed to catch a break as he necked 2-Face on the top ring rope while the villain was going for a Suplex to the outside. The Europrick stood stunned on the apron but wasn’t there for long as he went sailing off it thanks a Running Dropkick from Hart, causing several fans to go scurrying for safety as he crashed into the chairs that used to be their seats! Turns out the Standing Room Policy is being enacted early for a couple of lucky fans. As 2-Face dragged himself out of the wreckage of the destroyed chairs to just barely beat the ref’s 10 count, Hart used the lull in action to shake out some of the soreness in his shoulder and mentally psyche himself up so he can “grown-man” his way through his injury. By the time the Swedish native got back in the ring, Hart was ready to met him with a fiery babyface comeback, relying more on his speed than his technique. Soon enough, 2-Face found himself locked in the Sharpshooter as the crowd begged him to tap out. Having submitted to the move once in January, 2-Face did his best to crawl to the ropes but was forced to succumb to the pain and tap out before he could reach them! Great match to close out the show. [48%]
- Even though he looked exhausted and his shoulder probably hurt like hell, Michael Hart stuck around in the ring after the match to allow the fans to cheer for him and basically appreciate his general awesome-ness. He grabs the mic and starts to cut a promo but only manages to get out a few words before he’s jumped from behind by Scar! There’s enough heat to melt a chocolate bar as Scar plants Hart with a Brainbuster before giving everyone in the crowd the two-finger salute. The Angel of Hate grabs the mic and tells Hart that next month, it’s gonna be the two of them facing off in the Nasty Nati’ Classic. “Since I’m a nice guy, I figured I’d give you a preview of what’s gonna happen then. See you next month, you off-brand Canadian!” Well...looks like we have our main event for the next show. [63%]
Match of the Night: Michael Hart vs. 2-Face Worst Match of the Night: Jimmy Moore vs. Chris Cryptic Most Heat of the Night: Scar laying out Hart to close out the show NASTY NATI’ CLASSIC LEADERBOARD
Block A
Michael Hart (4) Chris Cryptic (2) Earl Huffington (2) Jimmy Moore (2) Scar (2) 2-Face (0)
Block B
Shawn Stylez (4) Michael Diablo (2) Jay Knox (2) Scotty Swift (2) Slash (2) Hypnosis (0)
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Hawk Hart
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Sold his organs.
The Best There Is, the Best There Was, and the Best That There Ever Will Be
Posts: 15,296
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Post by Hawk Hart on Aug 24, 2015 11:36:13 GMT -5
This has been hilarious. Plus, the fact that something I said made it into a Magic post is something to be proud of.
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