My latest New York vacation sucks... and it's because of me.

[lodirulz]

So here's the deal: Me and my father don't really get along anymore. I don't agree with various opinions of his, and because of that, I don't really talk to him anymore. But we still have this yearly vacation where me, him, and my mom go to New York for around a week. And my father loves to gamble, so he took me and mom to a Horse Racing track.

About 6 races in, I get bored, I'm not into it as much, I ask father if we can head back to the hotel. He says no, because he only gets to go to this track once a year. I say, oh, great, juuuust great, and I tell him that I'm going to be dead silent for the rest of the time that we are here. He says that that is better then nothing.

Well, we got home. Father says, I'm done, I'm sick of this attitude, vacations done. He then proceeded to drive to the casino and lose $300 of our vacation money.

This morning, I told father that he had acted the most childish I've ever seen him in my 18 years of knowing him. Well, here I am, both of my parents don't want to talk to me, and they have said that I've ruined this vacation and ruined this family.

Let me have it, be honest with your opinions and advice.

[Deleted]

Well, for one, a single person can't ruin a family. Families don't get "ruined"; it's far too complicated than that.

You're 18 right? You're an adult. You might have to tolerate doing things you don't like but, honestly, if you don't want to go to a race track and spend hours there, then why should you? Couldn't you do something else and then meet up later?

He might use this as his one day of the year to blow off steam but, if he doesn't care about how you feel and is recklessly spending money like that, then he needs to reevaluate things.

[Alyce: Old Media Enthusiast]

Jul 30, 2015 9:22:23 GMT -5 lodirulz said:

This morning, I told father that he had acted the most childish I've ever seen him in my 18 years of knowing him. Well, here I am, both of my parents don't want to talk to me, and they have said that I've ruined this vacation and ruined this family.

Well, if they're literally going to say you ruined this family, then your claims of them (more specifically your father) acting childish over this are valid.

[Sephiroth]

Is you're last name Griswald?

[Big Poppa Pumpkin]

Hey man maybe you just reached the age where going on holiday with your folks is not a fun thing anymore. I know I did around the same age, probably when my dad wanted to spend most days of a trip to Portugal in some British theme bar. Love the guy but our idea of fun is soooo different. Basically just do your own thing, you're a grown up, they'll have to deal with it. It'll be better for your relationship in the long run.

[MC Blowfish]

This isn't your fault.

[TOO SWEET]

My story is a little bit different because my parents split up when I was young so I had two separate familes, one with my mom and one with my dad but I still think it might help you out, Lodi.

Me and my dad had a very poor relationship too where he used to pick me and my sister up every other weekend and there was usually a 75% chance he and I would get into an argument over the course of those two days. Whether it was about something political or just the various life choices I had been making not lining up with where "he thought I should be". It wasn't fun.

Honestly the reason it changed was when we were finally able to get distance from each other when I went to college. Talking sporadically at first (I only called him every other month), things calmed down because we were both leading very different lives and weren't relying on each other. Over the summer that first year, I visited him once, for a random lunch. But as college went on and things calmed down and the time between our last fight had grown so much it became easier to reach out to him and just have very general conversations about what is going on in our lives. After four years, we've gotten to the point where I call about once a week and visited him a fair amount of times over the summer for a nice meal and get together. I still don't push it and haven't spent a night at his place in years (I feel like we work better in small doses) but the relationship has gotten a lot better and I'm proud of that.


I don't know your exact circumstances but when you have the ability and means to do so (be sure not to just rush out at your first opportunity), I would strongly suggest more independence and a chance to get away from under his thumb. It is hard to rebuild a relationship when there are continual fights tearing down all that progress. At this point where you're currently at, I'd say it sucks but take what he says with a grain of salt and be able to brush off things that annoy you rather than speak out. If I had done that, a lot of the original fights would've been avoided. It certainly isn't going to be perfect but the calmer you can make things now, the easier it will be to repair the relationship when you're away.

[Session Moth is over]

Your father lost $300 of your families money and you are at fault? ?

[abjordans]

You are 18 years old, and sitting at a horse track is a pretty black and white thing. You either enjoy that or you don't. It would be torture to me. Your dad easily could have said go do your own thing and we can meet up later. Kind of selfish of him honestly. I get he is probably footing the bill for the week, but still.

[Deleted]

All I can think about reading this is that I'm 29, and I really, really miss family vacations. The last one we did was 6 years ago, and I was at the beginning a of a downward spiral and I was a real prick about things and didn't enjoy myself. We had this beautiful house on the beach, and our family from California met us, it should've been this glorious week. But it wasn't for me, and it was because of my attitude.

For your dad to get that fed up, it seems like things are worse than you're saying. If it was just you saying "fine I'm not gonna say anything or have any fun til we leave the track" leading to him saying "vacation's over" then I'd say he overreacted. But either way, use this to look inside yourself and gain a better attitude on things. I get horseracing tracks aren't really fun, but let your dad have his fun, you know? You can "suffer" through that for him.

And even if you don't agree with your dad's opinion, don't shut him out of your life.