So, My Fiance Break Up With Me UPDATE

[Tarik Dee]

Hi guys, I'm sorry for bothering with this, but I need to get this off my chest and this place always felt like a home to me, even if I don't post that much.
Here's the thing: My girlfriend and I got engaged back on July, everything was fine and we were happy, we were looking for a house and started planning the wedding, our relationship didn't change much, we still lived with our parents and still go out in our free time; but in January my fiance revealed to me that she was having doubts about the marriage and told me it was something normal, talking in depth with her made her confess that she doesn't want to marry me and that she doesn't love me anymore, the feelings she had for me weren't romantic, I became like a friend to her, and she wanted to break up, I talk with her, we took the relationship more slow, since then we saw each other less, once every two weeks, she wouldn't like to be hugged or take his hand, everytime I tried to kiss her she would awkwardly move away or just gave me the cheek, that hurt me and she knew it but I still wanted to fight for our love, eight years we've been together and less than two months ago I still tought about our future together, our wedding, our future children, and now all is gone, my future, my plan, is all gone and I just feel so numb, I have to start all over, on my own, no more of her support or her love, eight years of my life and now I'm stuck here; I'm not happy, my job, my life, I'm just not happy and I'm afraid, my anxiety and my depression have been with me since January, and I just don't know what to do, the fantasy of me coming home after working in a job I hate but having my wife with me made my life more bearable, that's why Im still working there, I wanted to give her a happy life with me, not that I'll be alone I don't feel like living right now. She just send me a message, she want to talk with me, I know about what, and I will probably beg and try to talk her out of it, but my fear is that today all ends, I'll be alone.
Im really sorry for this, but I have no one to talk about it and I feel like I'm drowning, any advice would help me right now.

UPDATE: She broke up with me, I'm sad but we are "friends", I'll try to be happy.

[riseofsetian1981]

I'll never understand why some women agree to an engagement if they're not in love in the first place. If you don't want to be in a relationship that's something an individual should know from the start. If this truly is a worst case scenario, the pain will be there for a while, however, even though the phrase itself is cliché and repetitive it's still very true. There are other fish in the sea and she won't be the first nor the last woman in this world.

Just do your best to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on if the situation calls for it.

[Tarik Dee]

Mar 12, 2016 16:42:34 GMT -5 riseofsetian1981 said:

I'll never understand why some women agree to an engagement if they're not in love in the first place. If you don't want to be in a relationship that's something an individual should know from the start. If this truly is a worst case scenario, the pain will be there for a while, however, even though the phrase itself is cliché and repetitive it's still very true. There are other fish in the sea and she won't be the first nor the last woman in this world.

Just do your best to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on if the situation calls for it.

Thank You; about the engagement, she really wanted to get married, we talked about marriage for years and she was the one pushing for it, when I proposed to her she was truly happy, that's why I don't get how in less than a year she lost all love for me.

[Juice]

People change man. Its better that this went the way it has and not her being an unhappy wife who cheats and the kids may not be yours and a divorce is way messier than a break up. And the fact that kids aren't a factor is good to. People can change literally overnight.

Best bet would be to be as adult as possible, understand that it hurts but time heals all wounds. No person is worth wanting to be dead over. No one.

[Tarik Dee]

Mar 12, 2016 17:24:11 GMT -5 Juice said:

People change man. Its better that this went the way it has and not her being an unhappy wife who cheats and the kids may not be yours and a divorce is way messier than a break up. And the fact that kids aren't a factor is good to. People can change literally overnight.

Best bet would be to be as adult as possible, understand that it hurts but time heals all wounds. No person is worth wanting to be dead over. No one.

Thank You, like I said, any advice is helpful.

[Thunderbolt]

Mar 12, 2016 16:59:23 GMT -5 Tarik Dee said:

Mar 12, 2016 16:42:34 GMT -5 riseofsetian1981 said:

I'll never understand why some women agree to an engagement if they're not in love in the first place. If you don't want to be in a relationship that's something an individual should know from the start. If this truly is a worst case scenario, the pain will be there for a while, however, even though the phrase itself is cliché and repetitive it's still very true. There are other fish in the sea and she won't be the first nor the last woman in this world.

Just do your best to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on if the situation calls for it.

Thank You; about the engagement, she really wanted to get married, we talked about marriage for years and she was the one pushing for it, when I proposed to her she was truly happy, that's why I don't get how in less than a year she lost all love for me.

Your fiance is coming across as a cold hearted bitch here.

[The Unconquered Sun]

Your furure is still out there. It may have changed, the detail are a little differant now but it's all still there. And nobody can take that away from you. You still want a family life, awesome, because it can still happen. You're still young, you've got time.
Trust me, this is a bump in a very long road. You'll meet woman that will drive you crazy, some you'll drive crazy, some you can't forget, and some you wish you could. But someday you'll find the right one.
And it will all be worth it. All of it. Keep your heart open, it hurts now, but it will pass.
Wishing you peace and happiness.

[BlackoutCreature]

I'll be honest here, your fiancé sounds like a flake and you're better off without her.

[Ultimo Gallos]

Mar 12, 2016 16:18:34 GMT -5 Tarik Dee said:

Hi guys, I'm sorry for bothering with this, but I need to get this off my chest and this place always felt like a home to me, even if I don't post that much.
Here's the thing: My girlfriend and I got engaged back on July, everything was fine and we were happy, we were looking for a house and started planning the wedding, our relationship didn't change much, we still lived with our parents and still go out in our free time; but in January my fiance revealed to me that she was having doubts about the marriage and told me it was something normal, talking in depth with her made her confess that she doesn't want to marry me and that she doesn't love me anymore, the feelings she had for me weren't romantic, I became like a friend to her, and she wanted to break up, I talk with her, we took the relationship more slow, since then we saw each other less, once every two weeks, she wouldn't like to be hugged or take his hand, everytime I tried to kiss her she would awkwardly move away or just gave me the cheek, that hurt me and she knew it but I still wanted to fight for our love, eight years we've been together and less than two months ago I still tought about our future together, our wedding, our future children, and now all is gone, my future, my plan, is all gone and I just feel so numb, I have to start all over, on my own, no more of her support or her love, eight years of my life and now I'm stuck here; I'm not happy, my job, my life, I'm just not happy and I'm afraid, my anxiety and my depression have been with me since January, and I just don't know what to do, the fantasy of me coming home after working in a job I hate but having my wife with me made my life more bearable, that's why Im still working there, I wanted to give her a happy life with me, not that I'll be alone I don't feel like living right now. She just send me a message, she want to talk with me, I know about what, and I will probably beg and try to talk her out of it, but my fear is that today all ends, I'll be alone.
Im really sorry for this, but I have no one to talk about it and I feel like I'm drowning, any advice would help me right now.

Trust me on this you will find the right person for you. It just might take some time. I thought I had found the right one back when I was getting out of high school. We were together for 5 years and it ended very badly. So bad that I thought it would be the best thing for me to move 2 states away. Met someone out there and we were together for right at 8 years. Then that ended. Partially my fault. Ended up moving back to my home state and when I wasn't looking for someone I found my almost perfect match. Come November 4th it will be 8 years for us and every thing is great. Some people get lucky and meet the right person when they are young. Some like me are in their mid 30s when this happens. With others they might be over 50. Never stop looking.

[Deleted]

Honestly the only advice is only time can cure a heart break of this magnitude and don't do anything stupid or regrettable or anything to hurt yourself more physically or mentally. Of course the best thing to do is move on but unfortunately it's impossible to move on something overnight. There's temporary things to distract yourself like working out or hanging out with buddies or gaming but time is at the essence. I'm very sorry to hear brother .

[Kash Flagg]

Yeah, it sounds like it's over. Take small steps but whatever you do, do NOT embarrass yourself with her. When the breakup happens (and it's going to happen), make a clean break. Anything with her you cut off, social media, phone numbers, etc. Do NOT give yourself the chance to humiliate yourself. Have some confidence in yourself and try to move on slowly. Go do something you like.

[Porky's Butthole]

Honestly, do what I did 16 years ago when I got destroyed...

nail any woman who so much as looks at you. Of course, protect yourself...but yeah..go out and start getting you some strange. Or, if that's not the way you roll for whatever reason; you know who make the best therapists? Strippers. Seriously, go to a good strip club, pay for the champagne room and just sit there and talk to her. She'll listen, offer advice and maybe some insight. You'll get it all out (no pun intended) and you'll feel better. Also, it'll make you more confident in talking to beautiful woman (if that's an issue). And on top (no pun intended) of all that, it beats going to a real therapist because at the strip club, you don't get f***ed.

[Deleted]

Turn heel on women.

I really do wish you could wrestling promo people in life though.

"So Angela tells you that we never went out, huh? Well here's a little something you might not know about Angela. *cue vignette of you trying to be fun and spontaneous and her not having it* Pretty interesting, I'd say. You know, you talk all this shit about life plans and kids, but where are you now? You sit there with that jabroni Todd and you ain't got no one to care for. Well let me tell you this..."

[The Summer of Muskrat XVII]

Could be worse, at least she let you know ahead of time. My ex went through with the marriage, then 6 weeks later confessed to an on going affair and that she wasn't sure if she still loved me. Ended up holding it together for 6 months or so, completely destroying me mentally by the end. So atleast she told you before hand.

That being said, don't let this ruin you. I still haven't properly dealt with everything, and have basically emotionally shut myself off from anyone and anything. Do NOT do that, it doesn't help. But I spent about a year as a shut in, other then work, and the damage was done when I started socialising again. Spend time with friends, meet some people, crush some p****, and don't let this control your life. Trust me, it will eat you alive if you let it.

[Tarik Dee]

Thank you so much for all your replies and advice; yes it happen, we broke up, and yes I beg for one more chance but her mind was already set, this was something already on her head for a time now (ALMOST TWO YEARS!), she doesn't love me and wanted something more of her life, she said she felt caged, not just by me but by everything around her, the thing she was more proud was her freedom and she was losing it, her brother is barely 17 and just days ago went to a space camp in other state, she told me she wanted that, learn things, have more life experience, being successful; I can't blame her, she always was an overachiever but lately she was stuck in a routine, so she told me that she want to live life without pressures or bounded by relationships, in this case, me; after that we talked, we laughed, we made jokes, it was something weird and don't know if it's normal but we ended things in a reasonable way, also she lost the engagement ring months after I give it to her, didn't told me and will pay me for it, we stay as "friends" and probably aren't going to see each other that much, but Im glad neither of us are angry at each other, I'll try to socialize more and go out with friends as much I can, if I find another person, I'll just going to do my best, I'm still sad but I think I will need to overcome it and find some happiness.

[Deleted]

She wanted to go to space camp?

You dodged a bullet dude.

I'm sorry if that was too soon but it was my first thought.

That saying "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" comes to mind. I wish I could get that close to someone, just can't do it. But I can only try to imagine the pain you're feeling, that ache. But it's not all bad. From your posts you seem like a young guy so you've got time to get things right. Maybe look at a change of jobs if you're not happy, look at some other parts of your life to reinvigorate yourself. It sounds like you had a lot of your life staked in this relationship, it'd be good to build up other parts of your life and find meaning in them before getting into another one.

[BRAINFADE]

I'm sorry to hear that, mate. I know exactly what you're going through - I was with a girl who I was completely head over heels for a few years ago, who I thought for sure was the one. She ended up falling out of love with me. Very similar to what happened with you, to be honest, right down to the awkward moving of the head when I'd go to give her a kiss. It hurt like nothing I'd ever felt before, and the fact that it was for no particular reason actually made it hurt more.

The only thing I can say to you is that it takes time to heal a broken heart. That's it. You can do things to distract yourself from the hurt (I personally threw myself into marathon DVD sessions, in particular watching How I Met Your Mother for the first time), but it will be there for a while. But I promise you that, even though there is no time frame on how long, it WILL heal. There is light at the end of the tunnel, eventually.

And it'll happen when you least expect it. It happened to me a year and a half ago when I started drunkenly dancing with a girl I didn't know in a bar, because we were both excited that a Clash song was playing. Now, as I type this, I'm sitting in the house we moved in to last week (first time I've ever lived with a partner), and I'm planning on proposing to her when we go to New York in a couple of months.

Bottom line is, if it happened for me, it can happen for you. This is a diversion in the road, a pretty bad one admittedly, but trust me when I say that when you get to the where you're eventually going, it'll be worth it. Good luck.

[Tarik Dee]

Mar 13, 2016 3:48:29 GMT -5 BRAINFADE said:

I'm sorry to hear that, mate. I know exactly what you're going through - I was with a girl who I was completely head over heels for a few years ago, who I thought for sure was the one. She ended up falling out of love with me. Very similar to what happened with you, to be honest, right down to the awkward moving of the head when I'd go to give her a kiss. It hurt like nothing I'd ever felt before, and the fact that it was for no particular reason actually made it hurt more.

The only thing I can say to you is that it takes time to heal a broken heart. That's it. You can do things to distract yourself from the hurt (I personally threw myself into marathon DVD sessions, in particular watching How I Met Your Mother for the first time), but it will be there for a while. But I promise you that, even though there is no time frame on how long, it WILL heal. There is light at the end of the tunnel, eventually.

And it'll happen when you least expect it. It happened to me a year and a half ago when I started drunkenly dancing with a girl I didn't know in a bar, because we were both excited that a Clash song was playing. Now, as I type this, I'm sitting in the house we moved in to last week (first time I've ever lived with a partner), and I'm planning on proposing to her when we go to New York in a couple of months.

Bottom line is, if it happened for me, it can happen for you. This is a diversion in the road, a pretty bad one admittedly, but trust me when I say that when you get to the where you're eventually going, it'll be worth it. Good luck.

Thank you so much for the advice, you are right, in this kind of situations the only solution is to move on.

[Professor Chaos]

Mar 12, 2016 20:23:16 GMT -5 @lesscra said:

Turn heel on women.

I really do wish you could wrestling promo people in life though.

"So Angela tells you that we never went out, huh? Well here's a little something you might not know about Angela. *cue vignette of you trying to be fun and spontaneous and her not having it* Pretty interesting, I'd say. You know, you talk all this shit about life plans and kids, but where are you now? You sit there with that jabroni Todd and you ain't got no one to care for. Well let me tell you this..."

I've turned heel and cut wrestling promos on ex's all the time. Recently just called RepoMan to take my estranged wife's car a week after I moved across country and left her homeless. Think my last word to her was Pipebomb.

[MC Blowfish]

Do what you have to do to take care of yourself. Look out for you and your feelings. That's fine that she wants to be friends, but if it's painful for you, then get away. Tell her you need time and take it. I've been in that situation where the ex still wanted to be friends and kind of strung me along. All it does is keep you from healing. That's what you need to do right now is to heal.