Calling Someone After A First Date

[Stu]

I just went out with this girl last night, and I think things went quite well. I'm really hoping to see her again, but I'm trying to figure out when to call her next. Not two people I've asked have given me a same answer.
So I'm looking for any advice you all could offer. Should I call her asap or wait a few days? I've been told everything from four days later to the very next night. Help.

[chibidiablo]

I tend to not advertise

['Smart' Mark Poindexter]

2-4 days

[nisi]

Wrong, wrong, wrong unless she's really young--you're 26 and no spring chicken, if she's your age call her the next day and say smooth nothings. No later than 2 days.

[Mad Johnny Maxx]

Don't call her. Have her call you. That's what I keep hearing and apparently keep making the mistake of calling them...but right now I'm even more bitter and jaded because of this weekend.

Soooooooooo...rotsa ruck.

[Kevin Hamilton]

Couple days maybe, if you wanna call her asap just make sure you don't sound like it's a big deal " hey had fun" that kinda thing. Actually, I'd keep the phone time minimum, only setting up future dates and whatnot, cuz about 70% of human interaction is nonverbal if ya think about it, body language that kinda thing.. you miss alot of that if you can't actually see the person, so if it were me, definetely never stay on the phone that long when you can talk face to face. N don't use the answering machine at all. But yeah, least 2 days or so I'd wait.

[grapejellydoesit]

Coming from a female........two days. It gives her just enough time to sit and think about it. What you guys don't realize is that most women are actually waiting for that phone call. It makes us feel a little more secure about ourselves. I know....wierd. I also think the phone calls should last more than 10 minutes and less than 30-40. We women like to think we're worth the call, but don't want to be chained to the phone. That's my take.

[Kevin Hamilton]

I think maybe you can back me up on this too though, if you already like a dude and he doesn't call right away, that's not necessarily gonna lower your interest in him, but may actually heighten it as you wonder when he's gonna call ya. All that hinges of course on you liking said guy in the first place. But I think you'll agree most guys try to move to fast ( not talking just physically here either) and get overeager, and that can end up torpedoing a guy you might've liked more if he'd played it a lil cooler.


Plus playing off what you said about the ' phone call making you more secure' thing.. I don't think a dude that keeps you on your toes and isn't your typical predictable " please like me" guy is gonna necessarily turn you off either.
Or am I just nuts?

[grapejellydoesit]

It really depends. I don't really want him to call me immediately after a date or even the next day. It gives me time to consider things. Whether you guys like it or not, a majority of women are already thinking in future terms. That is slowly changing and women aren't so eager to throw in the towel to relationships. Of course if he doesn't call within a 36-48 hour period, we might think he just wasn't interested enough. Too soon makes him look pathetic. Again, it depends. If the female is one of those "soft, puppy dog loving, everything is stars" type, then yeah....call her the next day. I'm one of those that you can do the whole "keep me on my toes - unpredictable" after we've established some sort of boundries. Course I'm also the type that will turn it back on you and won't call you and keep you on your toes.

[Kevin Hamilton]

fair enough.. I'm jus playin devils advocate with ya. Which is hard when you're the portrait of innocence.

[Deus Ex Machina]

Yeah, I'd go with two days as well.
Too soon will seem clingy and rushed, 3 days, you're already treating her bad and breaking her heart.

If you gotta contact her soon, send her a text the next day with a simple "Hey. Had a great time. Let's do it again soon." type message. Then you also have a way to set up the next date.

But I'm a 29 year old single man, so what do I know?

[eightyeight]

Call her whenever you want, there's no rule you have to abide by.

Just call her, if you had a good time and you like her, then call her.

[Deus Ex Machina]

Ooohhh.... Shiver is waiting for a call ;D

[eightyeight]

Where did these supposed rules start? That you must wait 2-4 days before calling?

If I like someone I'll call them and take it from there. Hasn't done me wrong yet.

[Deus Ex Machina]

Good for you.

I hate the game and the supposed rules, but since everyone else seems to play by them, I feel coerced into playing by the damn rules.
My inability to comprehend the nonsensical rules and to blindly accept them is possibly why I'm still single.

[Toom E. Guci]

Call her as soon as you walk in the door & say, "I miss you already."

I promise, it's not creepy at all.

[The Booty Disciple]

I would offer to say that any such rule of "when to call" or other dating 'rules' are ridonkulous and contrived.

Call when you feel is right. Call when you feel you're comfortable. Call when you feel the call you make will be genuine. Contriving some kind of date rule about it will only complicate your own mind and how to interact, instead of letting your own personality come through...if she's going to be interested, you'll want her interested in the genuine you, not the one who is trying to follow some silly date rule. Be yourself, man...the worst that can happen is she's not interested, and that happens to the best of us.

So...to summarize: Call when you want to call. Don't worry about what she thinks, do what you feel comfortable doing.