My Own Mother Says I'll Never Find Someone

[Deleted]

My wife left me about nine months ago. I'm glad about it, I should have left her years ago because she treated me so badly. So now I'm single but I'm broke. I lost my car because of the split, and I don't have a job because I'm waiting on a social security hearing. If I work, they will deny me.

I have mental health issues, but am still a high functioning human being. A good comparison would be Pat from Silver Linings Playbook. I'm a good guy, I just have issues. I always thought my "Tiffany" was out there, meaning a woman who would understand me because she has problems of her own.

However, my mother says I can't get someone because even though I'm a good looking guy and a sweetheart, women want a man with money that can take care of them.

I don't know what I hope to accomplish with this thread. It just made me feel like shit and now I see no reason to be hopeful in the love department. I just wanted to vent I guess.

[edgestar]

I hope that things work out for you. I hope to find love someday, and I'm not someone that is money obsessed. Yes, it is important, but people are more important.

[Deleted]

Hopefully your mom doesn't really mean it and it's some kind of tough love motivation. Hang in there and don't give up. Hopefully things will get better but keep taking a walk.

[Deleted]

Don't let it get to you Bud, We're all here for ya if you need to talk.

[Reflecto]

My mother said the same thing.

Many times.

Including after I did what she wanted and got a job- she made it clear "Nope, it's not good enough." Not because it's minimum wage- my mother made it clear for decades it would never be enough for her until I work at a supermarket- she even once told me to drop out of high school to work at one when one made me an offer, but it'd be impossible for me to make it from my school to that supermarket for the 3PM starting time. (And even through jobs, she's made it clear that her one goal isn't even the supermarket, or even a discount on food...but to sell me out and be able to befriend while feeling so totally superior to the people who lived across the street from us.)

I even told her flat out- "You want me to work at a supermarket SO BADLY? Fine. Put your money where your mouth is. You set me up with someone, I'll work at a supermarket", and she said "no, not happening, I still don't deserve someone."

The worst part is she's clearly right. If someone was going to love me, it would have happened by now. Anyone who would love me is past "pity" or "money" or "US Citizenship" and into "A sick joke that they took a little bit too far."

[y4j1981]

[prettynami]

Could be worse, I suppose. My mom told me, not too long ago in fact, that I was too ugly an individual (inside and out) and a loser who doesn't make enough money to ever find love. And you know, she was right. Haha. Of course this was preceded by the fact that I proclaimed loudly during one of the romantic movies she watches something to the effect "Why would anyone want any of this garbage?", so it was sorta warranted.

[crabbymelt]

Hi, um...female here. Explain to me again why having a significant other is the epitome of happiness? Because it's never been for me. In fact, I was most miserable in a relationship. I had to be that person's perfect girlfriend all the time, all because I didn't want to be alone. All of my friends who rubbed their happiness in my face are divorced now. My exes are lousy people, so why would I want that for life? As a single person, I can dress and look the way I want to, go traveling where and when I want to, eat what I want to. If I want to spend my money on something frivolous, I do it, because it's my money. Sure I get lonely. But there's literally NOTHING I can't get from somewhere else that a significant other is supposed to be giving me.

[sfvega]

If it makes you feel any better, I was never very good at the Where's Waldo? books either....

[Kevin Hamilton]

My mom took me out for Chinese food earlier in the week as we hadn't seen one another in a while. That lady's awesome.


Keep your heads up guys and ladies, things can work out for ya.

[agent817]

I am lucky that my parents never told me this, but rather that I should work on myself before meeting someone. It was always an old friend who gave me shit about how I was not dating anybody or not "getting any action," like it really mattered to him.

[Annette]

She's wrong. I'm female, super unmaterialistic, with no need to be taken care of. The right woman will understand what you're going through. Sending love! ♡

[xCompackx]

Feb 4, 2017 22:26:04 GMT -5 crabbymelt said:

Hi, um...female here. Explain to me again why having a significant other is the epitome of happiness? Because it's never been for me. In fact, I was most miserable in a relationship. I had to be that person's perfect girlfriend all the time, all because I didn't want to be alone. All of my friends who rubbed their happiness in my face are divorced now. My exes are lousy people, so why would I want that for life? As a single person, I can dress and look the way I want to, go traveling where and when I want to, eat what I want to. If I want to spend my money on something frivolous, I do it, because it's my money. Sure I get lonely. But there's literally NOTHING I can't get from somewhere else that a significant other is supposed to be giving me.

This. If you find the right person, certainly go for it and see what happens. But if you're looking for a relationship as a be-all way of making your life feel complete, you're both going to be disappointed, and you're in it for the wrong reasons. I felt it once, where I felt like I wasn't "normal" if I wasn't in a relationship with someone and it lead to... disappointment. Being with someone can be a great thing, but loving yourself and being happy with yourself is more important; nothing's going to be supplant it.

[The Ichi]

If it makes you feel any better, my mum told me I should just get a mail order bride.

[brody]

I work retail. Everyone has someone no matter how poor or freak like they are.

[abjordans]

Feb 4, 2017 21:37:56 GMT -5 Reflecto said:

My mother said the same thing.

Many times.

Including after I did what she wanted and got a job- she made it clear "Nope, it's not good enough." Not because it's minimum wage- my mother made it clear for decades it would never be enough for her until I work at a supermarket- she even once told me to drop out of high school to work at one when one made me an offer, but it'd be impossible for me to make it from my school to that supermarket for the 3PM starting time. (And even through jobs, she's made it clear that her one goal isn't even the supermarket, or even a discount on food...but to sell me out and be able to befriend while feeling so totally superior to the people who lived across the street from us.)

I even told her flat out- "You want me to work at a supermarket SO BADLY? Fine. Put your money where your mouth is. You set me up with someone, I'll work at a supermarket", and she said "no, not happening, I still don't deserve someone."

The worst part is she's clearly right. If someone was going to love me, it would have happened by now. Anyone who would love me is past "pity" or "money" or "US Citizenship" and into "A sick joke that they took a little bit too far."

I am sorry, I know this isn't the point of this thread, but why does your mom want you to work at a supermarket so bad? What is her deal with supermarkets?

[Deleted]

Feb 4, 2017 22:26:04 GMT -5 crabbymelt said:

Hi, um...female here. Explain to me again why having a significant other is the epitome of happiness? Because it's never been for me. In fact, I was most miserable in a relationship. I had to be that person's perfect girlfriend all the time, all because I didn't want to be alone. All of my friends who rubbed their happiness in my face are divorced now. My exes are lousy people, so why would I want that for life? As a single person, I can dress and look the way I want to, go traveling where and when I want to, eat what I want to. If I want to spend my money on something frivolous, I do it, because it's my money. Sure I get lonely. But there's literally NOTHING I can't get from somewhere else that a significant other is supposed to be giving me.

It's not the epitome of happiness, and I didn't mean for what I said to come across that way. Having someone is nice though.

My point was more of a rant about my mom saying something shitty to me. I always thought moms were supposed to build you up as a human being, not tear you down.

[Susan "Poison" Candy]

The world has changed so much that our perception on happiness has greatly shifted. Now it's all about you can't be happy if you don't have money or love no matter what kind of love it is. It's no longer your working to live comfortably, it's become your killing yourself to try and live comfortably.

[Toilet Paper Roll]

You'll probably be fine. Don't settle out of fear. It's better to be alone and work on yourself than waste away with someone you shouldn't be with.

[The Unconquered Sun]

Feb 5, 2017 13:09:23 GMT -5 @therealoblivion said:

Feb 4, 2017 22:26:04 GMT -5 crabbymelt said:

Hi, um...female here. Explain to me again why having a significant other is the epitome of happiness? Because it's never been for me. In fact, I was most miserable in a relationship. I had to be that person's perfect girlfriend all the time, all because I didn't want to be alone. All of my friends who rubbed their happiness in my face are divorced now. My exes are lousy people, so why would I want that for life? As a single person, I can dress and look the way I want to, go traveling where and when I want to, eat what I want to. If I want to spend my money on something frivolous, I do it, because it's my money. Sure I get lonely. But there's literally NOTHING I can't get from somewhere else that a significant other is supposed to be giving me.

It's not the epitome of happiness, and I didn't mean for what I said to come across that way. Having someone is nice though.

My point was more of a rant about my mom saying something shitty to me. I always thought moms were supposed to build you up as a human being, not tear you down.

my mom and Malory Archer ( who I think is based on my mom) say "hello" 
seriously, feel free to PM/vent to me anytime you need I always have an open ear.