Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2017 4:17:53 GMT -5
4 minutes? 5 minutes? 7 minutes? You know the point where people start to judge you and wonder if you're okay the moment after you announced you needed to use the washroom and everyone seems to be timing you.
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bob
Backup Wench
The "other" Bob. FOC COURSE!
started the Madness Wars, Proudly the #1 Nana Hater on FAN
Posts: 80,770
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Post by bob on Mar 4, 2017 4:23:36 GMT -5
I knew this was a @supersweetbotch thread
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Mozenrath
FANatic
Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
Posts: 122,116
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Post by Mozenrath on Mar 4, 2017 4:53:22 GMT -5
A friend shaved at my house once. I'd rather you take your time and tidy up, and not leave friggin' blood and hair on my counter.
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Post by arrogantmodel on Mar 4, 2017 6:18:31 GMT -5
In and out. No dillydallying. Wash your hands.
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SmashTV
Dennis Stamp
Big Money, Big Prizes, I Love It!
The Excellence of Allocation
Posts: 4,525 
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Post by SmashTV on Mar 4, 2017 6:20:01 GMT -5
I'd say that the home owner can work it out for themselves - if you're longer than five minutes then it's a number two, so you just need to let nature take its course.
That said, if they take some reading material with them then they're just taking liberties.
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Post by Pooh Carlson on Mar 4, 2017 7:34:15 GMT -5
A friend shaved at my house once. I'd rather you take your time and tidy up, and not leave friggin' blood and hair on my counter. How bad are they at shaving that there was enough blood to be alarmed by? |
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Mozenrath
FANatic
Foppery and Whim
Speedy Speed Boy
Posts: 122,116
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Post by Mozenrath on Mar 4, 2017 7:45:19 GMT -5
A friend shaved at my house once. I'd rather you take your time and tidy up, and not leave friggin' blood and hair on my counter. How bad are they at shaving that there was enough blood to be alarmed by? Just like a few drops, but don't be in such a rush you leave that there in someone else's house |
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The Unconquered Sun
King Koopa
He has no pants! What a heathen!
Lord of Storms and Kittens!
Posts: 11,554
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Post by The Unconquered Sun on Mar 4, 2017 8:02:43 GMT -5
I mean, I'd rather make sure "all the kids got dropped off at the pool" once instead of making a second trip.
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Post by Ryback on a Pole! on Mar 4, 2017 10:04:38 GMT -5
I hate going for a shit at a house that isn't mine.
A, because if you're gone longer everyone knows you've had a dump and b, I always worry it's going to stink or worst case scenario, not flush and I don't realize.
I once did one at my dad's girlfriends that survived 3 flushings and wouldn't go. Hours later when I went for a piss it was still lurking under the pipe, peeking out like a crab under a rock.
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Post by xCompackx on Mar 4, 2017 16:50:33 GMT -5
A friend shaved at my house once. I'd rather you take your time and tidy up, and not leave friggin' blood and hair on my counter. How bad are they at shaving that there was enough blood to be alarmed by? Maybe it's the bathroom from Saw. |
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Urethra Franklin
King Koopa
When Toronto sports teams lose, Alison Brie is sad
Posts: 11,101
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Post by Urethra Franklin on Mar 5, 2017 0:10:28 GMT -5
Here's my "too long" horror story. I will try to be as non-graphic as possible:
Like most, I abhor having to poop at a stranger's home.
I arrived at a house party at a friend of my friend's girlfriend (now wife) and desperately had to poop. I knew the person whose house it was, but not well, so I tried to keep it in and everything is fine.
I'm there for like an hour and there are maybe 30 people there and I see my buddy come out of the washroom. I had mentioned to him earlier that I needed to take a dump and he says, "Dude, just go and use the bathroom if you really need to. Don't be stupid."
So I think, what the hell? I'll go. No sense in holding it in.
(NOTE: I'm fairly drunk at this point)
What happened next was one of the worst evacuations of my bowels that I can remember. It wasn't loose or anything. It was solid and plentiful. It was like an animal had done this.
I was sure that I was going to clog the toilet. Like there wasn't a chance I wouldn't. I give it a flush. Sure as hell, it clogged.
No problem. I'll just plunge it. Okay, where's the plunger? There was no plunger.
Well, I can't leave a mountain of shit in a stranger's toilet.
I go underneath her sink and all I can find is a bottle of Toilet Duck. I use the bottle to plunge the toilet. It was as bad as it sounds.
I run the bottle underneath the tap to rinse it and place it back under the sink. I figure nobody is the wiser.
But wait.
Because I'm drunk, I don't realize that I've been in the bathroom for an ungodly amount of time. People have noticed.
Because I hadn't been to the house before, I didn't know that the walls were paper thin. People really noticed what was happening.
I come out of the washroom and the party has come to a dead stop and everybody is staring at me. I am mortified.
After an awkward silence, all I could think to say was, "Well, I have an early morning. Gotta go!"
I never went back to that house again.
The next time I saw the girl, she very coldly said, "How's your stomach doing these days?"
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Post by prettynami on Mar 5, 2017 1:34:14 GMT -5
^ My goodness. If that happened to me I would probably jump off a bridge before facing the world again. The worst I had is one time I was using a friend's bathroom and the doorknob fell off. The end result was I was up there for like forever fixing it, I think they actually thought I left. Haha.
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nm
Hank Scorpio
Posts: 6,126
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Post by nm on Mar 5, 2017 4:27:26 GMT -5
I was over my cousin's on Christmas when the ol' diarrhea hit. I wasn't gonna go in the downstairs toilet because everyone was down there. I go upstairs and there's no f***ing locks on the door, so I go into his bedroom and use the master bathroom thinking he wouldn't go in there in the duration of my business.
So of course like 5 minutes later his kids start banging on the door. I don't respond hoping they just go away. Then they bring my cousin in there "Daddy somewuhns in the bathwoom!" so I'm forced to admit I'm in there and he just jokingly went "Ahh you're blowing up my bathroom?!?!"
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brody
Don Corleone
Posts: 1,463
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Post by brody on Mar 5, 2017 9:51:56 GMT -5
One of my best friends pisses on my seat nearly every time he's over. I scream at him and he says "BULL SHIT!"
I accidentally gassed out my friends a few months ago by taking a shit in his basement bathroom, which then went into the air vents. I have notoriously smelly shits.
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Magnus the Magnificent
King Koopa
didn't want one.
I could write a book about what you don't know!
Posts: 12,644
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Post by Magnus the Magnificent on Mar 5, 2017 11:31:55 GMT -5
As long as it takes to get the job properly done.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2017 21:32:28 GMT -5
When you've read the ingredients on every bottle within reach and still aren't done.
Then you pinch it off like a good soldier.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2017 21:48:35 GMT -5
How bad are they at shaving that there was enough blood to be alarmed by? Just like a few drops, but don't be in such a rush you leave that there in someone else's house  |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2017 22:03:01 GMT -5
When I gotta poop I gotta poop and if they complain I start pooping in random places in the house for spite they signed the contract they knew the deal.
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Post by Throwback on Mar 6, 2017 18:02:44 GMT -5
When I gotta poop I gotta poop and if they complain I start pooping in random places in the house for spite they signed the contract they knew the deal. I know a guy that used to uproot peoples house plants then after pooping in the pot. He'd put the plant back and pretend nothing happened. |
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Post by Hassan bin Sober on Mar 6, 2017 18:04:45 GMT -5
When I gotta poop I gotta poop and if they complain I start pooping in random places in the house for spite they signed the contract they knew the deal. I know a guy that used to uproot peoples house plants then after pooping in the pot. He'd put the plant back and pretend nothing happened. A guy or a cat? |
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