Post by Sephiroth on Mar 23, 2017 8:26:15 GMT -5
I hate to whine and moan, but you kind folks on FAN have been good receptors and advisers in the past. The key problem I have right no is my grandmother; she is pretty much on death's door, having suffered a minor stroke a couple weeks ago. Her face is almost unrecognizable to me, and she is suffering full blown dementia-when I last saw her on St Patrick's day she was trying to explain to me that her current condition is the result of her being pregnant and having a miscarriage. The whole family is officially in wait mode right now, as ugly as that is to say. When I first saw her a couple weeks ago after the stroke I honestly thought she was done-she looked so wasted away and was barely able to talk. And I wasn't alone in my thoughts, as my aunt, uncle, and one of my cousins who had stopped in all agreed and stated they expected she probably had only days left. But she is a strong woman and always was and has rallied as much as she is capable at this point, but she still goes through phases of refusing to eat or drink.
At the same time as all of this, I have begun trying to find a new job, having gotten worn out on my current position. The job environment has turned negative, I haven't had a raise in two years, and I am sick of working an afternoon into night shift, denying me a chance at a life outside of work. I have also been looking at he possibility of relocating out of New Jersey, most likely to the Charlotte, NC area as my brother and sister in law live there and have stated their door is always open to me for the purposes of needing a place to crash while going on job interviews. However, I am thinking that maybe I should suspend my job search and just grit my teeth for the time being, as it would not be the best first impression to start up with a new employer and then right off the bat tell them I need a week or two off to attend a service and mourn for my grandmother-and it would be even more difficult if I was in the midst of trying to settle in a whole new state, for that matter. But as I said, she is a strong woman and she is going in fits and starts where she gets better and then slips again. Now, I don't want to see like I'm saying I want the poor woman in her grave-anything but. However, the sheer uncertainty of this current situation is maddening, that ever frustrating feeling of my tires spinning in the mud.
On top of all this, I'm experiencing some guilt over a couple of things related to my grandmother. My mom just recently gave me a not small, but not huge sum of money and indicated there is more coming as part of "the inheritance." Apparently my grandmother's will includes no provisions for her several grandchildren, and mother has taken it upon herself to more or less settle up as far as my brother and I go now, before any kind of legal tango emerges. What's more, with the inevitable hanging I actually asked my mother if there was a particular item in my grandmother's home that I could have-a knife that belonged to my grandfather, and that I remember him showing to me and tossing into cardboard boxes across the room in the basement. And in both cases I felt like such a heel, as if I were a vulture just hovering and pecking at the poor woman before she's even gone. I've been told I should feel no guilt at all as I have been there for mom and grandmother and helped out regarding her more than anyone else. But its hard no to feel a little guilt in such circumstances.
Thanks for listening.
At the same time as all of this, I have begun trying to find a new job, having gotten worn out on my current position. The job environment has turned negative, I haven't had a raise in two years, and I am sick of working an afternoon into night shift, denying me a chance at a life outside of work. I have also been looking at he possibility of relocating out of New Jersey, most likely to the Charlotte, NC area as my brother and sister in law live there and have stated their door is always open to me for the purposes of needing a place to crash while going on job interviews. However, I am thinking that maybe I should suspend my job search and just grit my teeth for the time being, as it would not be the best first impression to start up with a new employer and then right off the bat tell them I need a week or two off to attend a service and mourn for my grandmother-and it would be even more difficult if I was in the midst of trying to settle in a whole new state, for that matter. But as I said, she is a strong woman and she is going in fits and starts where she gets better and then slips again. Now, I don't want to see like I'm saying I want the poor woman in her grave-anything but. However, the sheer uncertainty of this current situation is maddening, that ever frustrating feeling of my tires spinning in the mud.
On top of all this, I'm experiencing some guilt over a couple of things related to my grandmother. My mom just recently gave me a not small, but not huge sum of money and indicated there is more coming as part of "the inheritance." Apparently my grandmother's will includes no provisions for her several grandchildren, and mother has taken it upon herself to more or less settle up as far as my brother and I go now, before any kind of legal tango emerges. What's more, with the inevitable hanging I actually asked my mother if there was a particular item in my grandmother's home that I could have-a knife that belonged to my grandfather, and that I remember him showing to me and tossing into cardboard boxes across the room in the basement. And in both cases I felt like such a heel, as if I were a vulture just hovering and pecking at the poor woman before she's even gone. I've been told I should feel no guilt at all as I have been there for mom and grandmother and helped out regarding her more than anyone else. But its hard no to feel a little guilt in such circumstances.
Thanks for listening.
