One Night Only: GFW Amped Anthology, Part Four

[Dragonfly]

We are roughly 24 hours away from the moment almost nobody has been waiting for: The fourth and final GFW Amped burn off pay-per-view! Due to the gap caused by last month's "Bound to Pay the Crowd Not to Leave," I figure some of you might have stopped caring forgotten what the hell was going on. So here's a brief recap:

- Trevor Lee and Virgil Flynn have an unironically awesome match.
- Also awesome: Chael Sonnen.
- Tasteless storyline involving Shelton Benjamin getting concussions.
- Karen buried Joey Ryan and Kenny King.
- Kenny King, who by that point had left town for ROH, is replaced by his understudy, a boring white dude (and undercover hipster) named "Austin."
- There was an episode that was 85% pretapes.
- PJ Black won the Nex*Gen title.
- Nick Aldis, Kongo Kong, Chris Mordesky and Kevin Kross all did stuff. And things, if I remember correctly.


On tap for the show:

- ...I honestly don't know, and don't really care enough to look it up. I think Reno Scum and the Bollywood Boys have a match, as will Christina Von Eerie and Amber Gallows. Magnus will probably beat somebody up, Chael Sonnen will bitch that management won't allow him to beat somebody up and Phil Baroni will continue to stand in the crowd for no reason. I also think the Masked Saint, aka "the fictional wrestling superhero from the Roddy Piper Christian movie," has a match against some poor bastard with no dignity left. And pretapes. Don't forget about the pretapes.

And remember: I'm watching this so you don't have to.

[Deleted]

why don't they debut these on Sundays?

[Deleted]

the Masked Saint? El Santo’s non-union American equivalent!

[Final Countdown Jones]

Dragonfly has made more sacrifices on this board than anyone else in 2017

[Oh Cry Me a Screwball]

Welp, you are in uncharted territory from here on out, because I didn't go to the third taping.

[Feargus McReddit]

Dec 7, 2017 20:34:37 GMT -5 Final Countdown Jones said:

Dragonfly has made more sacrifices on this board than anyone else in 2017

He's essentially our Piccolo to this place's Gohan.

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}{Spoiler}Well, besides this past Sunday's Super.

[Dragonfly]

Episode 13:

After a quick hype video for Sonjay Dutt versus Sanada, we are greeted by Chael Sonnen and Cyrus. Cyrus begins his speech with "As you just saw, the Bollywood Boys..." Um... Cyrus? Honey? We didn't see that video. We have no idea what the hell you're talking about. Apparently, said Boys don't want to take the "easy path" to the finals or something. I don't know. At any rate, they are going "against doctor's orders" and taking on The Whirlwind Gentlemen. We also get to see an "exhibition match" featuring The Masked Saint. There is barely anyone there.

Pretape #1: A quick interview with Sanada, talking about how great Sonjay is.

Match #1: Sonjay Dutt vs. Sanada (Nex*Gen #1 contender's match) - Cyrus keeps mentioning how Sanada is now "running with the Bullet Club." That's truly surprising, as he's never been in the Bullet Club. He's aligned with LIJ. Sonnen spends a good amount of time mocking Jeff Jarrett and claiming that Karen has got him by the balls (and calls him "Kurt" on purpose). He then says that "Sanada looks as Asian as Scott Hall looks Cuban." Fantastic. Sonjay wins a decent match. Afterward, he shakes Sanada's hand.

Pretape #2: A Brian Myers video from "earlier this week," talking about how his loss is affecting him.

Match #2: Juicy Joey (w/ Oozing Austin) vs. "The Masked Saint" Grant Grandstaff - There's a ring announcer, but he's not saying anything. The actual introductions are coming from space, I think. The Masked Saint looks terrible in every considerable way. This is seriously one of the worst "celebrity wrestling matches" I have ever seen. Joey Ryan deserves so much better. The Masked Saint wins after hitting the world's shittiest cross body. Chael says the Saint's identity is a mystery. "Shelton Benjamin goes missing and all the sudden this [pale white] guy shows up. You never know." As he's saying this, the announcer clearly says "Grant Grandstaff" in the background. I am not making that up.

[Dragonfly]

Pretape #3: Nick Aldis discusses his upcoming match with Bobby Roode while wearing a ridiculously large pair of headphones. He's speaking in cliches.

Pretape #4: Chael Sonnen talks up his upcoming wrestling match and how his "training partner" Phil Baroni turned on him.

Match #3: The Whirlwind Gentlemen (Jack Manly and Remy Marcel) vs. The Bollywood Boys (Harv and Gurv Shera, w/ dancers) (Tag Team semifinal match) - Full disclosure: I freaking love the Whirlwind Gentlemen. Huge fan. That being said, they were the last-minute replacement for Karl Anderson and Doc Gallows. It's hard not to be a little disappointed. (The crowd sure is.) Chael doesn't know quite what to do with the new team - they have a lightly funky, 70s vibe - but likes how well Marcel "pulls off the Rambo headband." The Gentlemen are most definitely carrying the Shera brothers here. The Bollywood Boys win. After the match, Christina Von Eerie and Reno Scum attack the victors and their dancers. Amber Gallows(!) comes out to save the day.

Pretape #5: Christina Von Eerie and Amber Gallows talk shit about each other. The segment begins with CVE asking if "violence has a heart."

[OVO 40 hunched over like he 80]

Gfw still a thing???

[Dragonfly]

Episode 14:

Pretape #6: A general Amber Gallows/CVE hype video. Both women have Karen's seal of approval.

Pretape #7: Chris Mordesky and his "advocate," Stu Stone, are shown looking for Nick Aldis backstage. Mordesky has flowers.

Cyrus and Sonnen are shown, talking about how great the tag and women title matches will be. Chael also said that "time is running out" for Jeff Jarrett to give him a match. The transition between the shows was shit, by the way. I had no idea the new episode started until about five minutes in.

Pretape #8: Cielo, Enigma and Bestia 666 all hype up their imminent "triple threat lucha match."

Match #4: Cielo vs. Enigma vs. Bestia 666 - Chael claims that "Los Angeles is Spanish for San Diego" and that "Enigma is Spanish for San Francisco." This is heads and shoulders better than those Los Lucha matches from earlier. Enigma wins with a Yoshi Tonic on Bestia.

Chael Sonnen hits the ring for yet another episode of "Bad Words." He's going to moderate a "debate" between Nick Aldis and his "good friend" Bobby Roode. Bobby is coming out to his TNA music. Bobby says that he doesn't need to be there, as he already works for a "real" wrestling company: TNA. The ten people there are chanting "boring." Aldis' promo is not good. It's riddled with cliches. He also keeps stuttering. In the middle of all of this, Stu Stone and Chris Mordesky come out, claiming they want to "fix things with [Nick's] baby mama [Mickie James]." The segment ends with Bobby Roode locking Aldis in a crossface for some reason.

[Dragonfly]

Pretape #9: Christina Von Eerie/Amber Gallows hype. CVE keeps switching from face to heel and back again. It's really weird. Also weird: They are making a big deal that Guns and Gallows came out to celebrate with Amber. Chael is pulling for CVE because she's from Portland; everyone else (Karen and Scott D'Amore) are backing Gallows.

Match #5: Christina Von Eerie vs. Amber Gallows (GFW Women's Title Match) - Karen Jarrett is the first person out. They are going out of their way to make it look like Amber is an integral part of the Bullet Club. This match is really awful. Gallows has no clue what she's doing here. You winner, and new (old) GFW women's champion, Christina Von Eerie. Thank god that's over.

[Dragonfly]

Episode 15:

Pretape #10: GFW tag title match hype video. These videos are starting to get really annoying.

After a brief "talk up the show" segment with the announce team, we get a live recap of the tag tournament. It's as thrilling as it sounds.

Pretape #11: Reno Scum and Christina Von Eerie are shown backstage. We are treated to a close up of Luster the Legend's facial hair.

Pretape #12: The Bollywood Boys get the same treatment, only from a respectable distance.

Jeff and Karen hit the ring. Karen starts the segment and does most of the talking, because life is mean and cruel. Jeff puts over GFW's "four divisions" before dealing with an angry Chael Sonnen. Jeff says that Sonnen's match will happen... eventually. Karen tries to bury him, but Chael shuts her down completely. (He's also being super sexist, if for no other reason than to get people to boo him.) He claims that Jeff will eventually give himself the title, calls him "Kurt" to his face and says that he will "go to the graveyard and take on your old man [Jerry]." The segment ends with Karen slapping Chael, because of course it does.

[Dragonfly]

Pretape #13: Reno Scum and the Bollywood Boys talk about what the tag titles mean to them. The most interesting thing here is watching Adam Thornstowe cook a giant pots of tomatoes. Oh... And this: "No one is embarrassed to wear our shirts. We're not some shirtless guy doing this [makes the Cena "double okay" hand sign]." - Adam Thornstowe, taking a swipe at John Cena while wearing Whirlwind Gentlemen merch.

Match #6: Reno Scum (w/ Christina Von Eerie) vs. The Bollywood Boys (w/ Dancers) for the GFW Tag Team championship - Jeff is out with the tag team belts. This is nearly identical to the earlier match with the Whirlwind Gentlemen - the team from Nevada make the Bollywood Boys look good, only to lose in the most uninspiring way possible. Your winners, and new GFW Tag Team champions, The Bollywood Boys. The two teams shake hands.

[Dragonfly]

Episode 16:

Pretape #14: GFW Heavyweight title hype video.

After a brief "talk up the show" segment with the announce team, we get a live recap of the heavyweight tournament. It's as thrilling as it sounds. (And yes, these two sentences were cut and paste. If they can do it, then why can't I?)

Pretape #15: Bobby Roode is walking backstage alone.

Pretape #16: Nick Aldis is walking outside amongst people! That means something for some reason!

Pretape #17: ANOTHER heavyweight title hype video. They have officially given up. This match has zero stakes. I know there's supposed to be all of this tension around whether or not Bobby Roode will take the title to TNA, but it's just not there. On the plus side, we did get to see a brief second of old BCW footage.

Pretape #18: Another goddamn heavyweight hype video! Dear lord!

[Dragonfly]

Match #7: Bobby Roode vs. Nick Aldis for the GFW Global title - Jeff is out with the title, yet again. Bobby doesn't shake Jeff's hand, but Magnus does. The match is boring, to the point that I stopped paying attention. Nick Aldis wins. Thank god it's over.

...And SWERVE! Here comes Stu Stone and Chris Mordesky. They are beating the shit out of Aldis, eventually opening him the hard way with a steel pipe. Kongo Kong and Harvey Maxwell eventually join in. Magnus is a bloody mess. Jeff came out to check on Aldis, but gets a Masterlock for his troubles. Stu Stone says he's going to take over the company. The show and promotion ends with Kong, Mordesky and their respective managers posing over a fallen Jarrett.

...And that's it for real. Chael Sonnen never got his match, Phil Baroni never got out of the crowd and the show ended on an unresolved cliffhanger. Fitting.

[Dragonfly]

A couple thoughts on GFW as a whole:

- Chael Sonnen was a great pickup. His rationalization as to why Chris Mordesky had Jeff Jarrett in the Adonis Lock at the end of the last episode was Heenan-esque. ("He's not trying to hurt Jeff. He's merely dragging him away from Nick Aldis so he doesn't get his blood on his nice powder blue shirt. He's helping him!") Also, he completely shut down a Karen Jarrett burial while staying a heel. That takes talent.

- The other managers featured - Royal Red, Harvey Maxwell and Stu Stone - were pretty great as well.

- ...And that is where the praise ends. There was a reason why everyone, save for some random channel in New Zealand, ignored this thing. You can't treat the wrestlers like real life athletes (complete with Olympic style human interest packages) while pushing a fat, naked dude in war paint as a top heel. It just doesn't work.

- They were too scared to take chances with gimmicks. Bobby Roode and Nick Aldis clung to TNA for far too long, for example. Especially Aldis, who came off as angry and bitter. Outside of Sonnen and Harvey Maxwell, the only gimmick that felt truly different was Reno Scum. Their unstable "small time team willing to do anything to make it" tweener act was interesting, but started too late. This should have been episode one, not thirteen.

- I like Chris Mordesky and dislike original flavor Kevin Kross. (I will admit his Killer Kross character from FSW is a lot of fun, however.) That said, Kross should have gotten Mordesky's push. At least he would have been something other than "former WWE gets a main event spot because WWE."

- Karen Jarrett is worse than Stephanie in every conceivable way. Not even Steph would try to pull the shit she did. Joey Ryan should have gotten extra for the crap she put him through.

- The Masked Saint stuff should have been edited out. Content aside (which was also really terrible), it was two years out of date. That movie has long since been forgotten.

- Too many pretapes! I realize that half were stand-ins for angles and matches that weren't filmed, but still. They were painful to sit through.

- The Bollywood Boys, Los Luchas and Amber Gallows are all terrible.

- Nex*Gen is easily the dumbest name for a title I have ever heard - and yes, that includes "Ironman Heavymetalweight."

[KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!]

Dec 9, 2017 12:25:53 GMT -5 Dragonfly said:

A couple thoughts on GFW as a whole:

- Chael Sonnen was a great pickup. His rationalization as to why Chris Mordesky had Jeff Jarrett in the Adonis Lock at the end of the last episode was Heenan-esque. ("He's not trying to hurt Jeff. He's merely dragging him away from Nick Aldis so he doesn't get his blood on his nice powder blue shirt. He's helping him!") Also, he completely shut down a Karen Jarrett burial while staying a heel. That takes talent.

- The other managers featured - Royal Red, Harvey Maxwell and Stu Stone - were pretty great as well.

- ...And that is where the praise ends. There was a reason why everyone, save for some random channel in New Zealand, ignored this thing. You can't treat the wrestlers like real life athletes (complete with Olympic style human interest packages) while pushing a fat, naked dude in war paint as a top heel. It just doesn't work.

- They were too scared to take chances with gimmicks. Bobby Roode and Nick Aldis clung to TNA for far too long, for example. Especially Aldis, who came off as angry and bitter. Outside of Sonnen and Harvey Maxwell, the only gimmick that felt truly different was Reno Scum. Their unstable "small time team willing to do anything to make it" tweener act was interesting, but started too late. This should have been episode one, not thirteen.

- I like Chris Mordesky and dislike original flavor Kevin Kross. (I will admit his Killer Kross character from FSW is a lot of fun, however.) That said, Kross should have gotten Mordesky's push. At least he would have been something other than "former WWE gets a main event spot because WWE."

- Karen Jarrett is worse than Stephanie in every conceivable way. Not even Steph would try to pull the shit she did. Joey Ryan should have gotten extra for the crap she put him through.

- The Masked Saint stuff should have been edited out. Content aside (which was also really terrible), it was two years out of date. That movie has long since been forgotten.

- Too many pretapes! I realize that half were stand-ins for angles and matches that weren't filmed, but still. They were painful to sit through.

- The Bollywood Boys, Los Luchas and Amber Gallows are all terrible.

- Nex*Gen is easily the dumbest name for a title I have ever heard - and yes, that includes "Ironman Heavymetalweight."

The New Zealand channel that actually would have aired them was a pretty big channel there. Although they never aired GFW I made a thread on here about how they went with a more high brow show, “I Can’t Stop Farting”

[Deleted]

The best part about all this is knowing Stu Stone was poised to be the top heel in GFW.

And for those of you that don’t know Stu Stone, he was the voice of Ralphie on the Magic School Bus.

[Feargus McReddit]

Dec 9, 2017 19:22:11 GMT -5 @notoriousnd22 said:

The best part about all this is knowing Stu Stone was poised to be the top heel in GFW.

And for those of you that don’t know Stu Stone, he was the voice of Ralphie on the Magic School Bus.

I hope his gimmick is that he begins every promo with “Is it me or...”.

[El Cokehead del Knife Fight]

Dec 9, 2017 12:25:53 GMT -5 Dragonfly said:

- Nex*Gen is easily the dumbest name for a title I have ever heard - and yes, that includes "Ironman Heavymetalweight."

A worse name than a comedy hardcore title held by a cat, multiple referees, a table and a ladder.