My dog just died

[Deleted]

It was pretty sudden. He was fine until about a week ago when he started walking with a limp. That had happened to him before, so I thought time would heal it like usual.

Then, last night he sort of collapsed at bedtime. I thought he just went down harder than normal because of the hurt leg. He laid awake all night crying and shivering next to my bed which kept me up all night as well. This morning I tried to take him to the bathroom outside (he was very well potty trained) but he couldn't stand up and peed on himself right where he had been laying all night.

I was worried sick as he lay there all day while I waited for my mom to get home (I'm mentally ill so I live with my mom and don't have a car). We took him to the vet and they said he had a neurological problem where his brain wasn't registering his legs. They said he could try pills for a few days but that they probably wouldn't have a high success rate. So at the vet's recommendation I had him put to sleep.

Yesterday I thought he had a limp he needed to walk off, and then today I held him as he died. I have had depression all my life. I've had human family members die. My wife left me unexpectedly about a year and a half ago. And yet never have I felt this sad. I cried a ton, but I think I'm done now. I'm still getting a little misty eyed every few minutes.

The big issue is that I just don't know what to do with myself. Normally I'd be playing with him or walking him or something. Or even if I was just watching tv I'd be petting him at the same time. If I was just messing around with my iPad while I lay on my bed like I'm doing right now, he'd be lying next to me.

We were inseparable. When neighbors bump into me at the grocery store they tell me how weird it is to see me without a dog. He was the most important thing in my life. I love my parents and family, and I've been in love twice, but I never loved anyone as much as I loved that dog.

I just don't know what to do. I mean, I feel like if I watch tv or read comic books or something to make me happy then it's disrespectful that I'm enjoying myself just hours after his death. I also know he wouldn't want me to be sad and miserable. What am I supposed to be doing with my time right now?

Whatever the case, I hope that there is an afterlife, and that when my time comes he's the first thing I see.

Rest in peace Rowdy, I hope you know how much I loved you and I hope I made you at least half as happy as you made me.

Aw shit, I guess I'm not done crying after all.

[The Unconquered Sun]

God, I so sorry man. He was lucky to be loved by you.

[edgestar]

I am so sorry to hear about your dog. It's never easy. My Pete died suddenly, 6 years ago, this upcoming March 9th, and February 21st, will be a year, since we had to put our dog, Jake, down.

You and your dog were lucky to have each other, and I believe that you will see him again. In the days and weeks ahead, cry as often as you need to, and if you want to talk, we're here for you.

[SmashTV]

My sincere condolences, my friend; I've just told my own dog off for making too much noise while nuzzling himself, and feel bad for doing so after reading this. My advice as to what you should do? Remember the good times with Rowdy, and try and take some comfort in the fact that he's at peace now. Also, and this is important, you were there when he passed. He knew he was loved, and he knew you were there looking after him. I know it's small consolation for your loss, but I hope it goes some way to offering some comfort. Hang in there, bud.

[Dr. T is an alien]

I do understand what you are saying. I was very attached to my recently deceased cat and had a hard time getting past it. I don’t think less of you for feeling the way you do, especially since it sounds like he was a comforting presence at a time you needed it. I truly feel for you.

I can also tell you that you should never deprive yourself of anything that helps you cope. Play a video game. Read a book. I guarantee you that Rowdy would rather you have those things than for you to deny yourself out of some sense of obligation to him.

[Kyn]

I'm very sorry, the loss of a beloved pet is incredibly painful. It's not disrespectful at all to try to distract yourself from your grief by doing other things, especially if you suffer from depression. It doesn't mean you loved your dog any less, you just need to do whatever you need to keep yourself going through this difficult time.

[edgestar]

I remember when my Pete died, my brother and I went to a Toys R Us, and I bought myself an amusement park puzzle. Pete always sat with me, while I did puzzles, and I love amusement parks, so I saw it as a sign that he was letting me know that he was okay. (It sure didn't stop me from bawling in the aisle).

I can't remember what I did, the day Jake died. I think I watched wrestling, or the Golden Girls. All I do know, is that I miss them, and, any time my Charlie waits in the window for us to get home, I feel happy. I dread the day when that stops.

[Eunös ✈]

Whatever you look at it, they do become apart of the family, so when their time does come, It does feel like losing a family member.

I remember when we had to have our dog put down, I was pretty much miserable that whole week..Start be on and off crying throughout the day, even had to walk out the office and sit in my car a few days later at work as I felt the water works starting.

Very sorry to hear.