I'll give you the best advice my father ever gave me

[Vice honcho room temperature]

"On your first day of a job don't go in singing the Pretenders "Back on the Chain Gang" or any song about being in prision"

[lionheart21]

[The Unconquered Sun]

Father, I'll never forget what you said to me on my first day of school. "Comb your hair, you idiot. You look Greek."

[Deleted]

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice
that I've been turning over in my mind ever since.

"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one," he told me, "just
remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages
that you've had."

[Kyn]

If at first you don't succeed, piss on it.

ETA: I actually only remember my father ever giving me one piece of advice. I was crying because my sister wouldn't play with me, he sat me down and gave me a serious talk about how I shouldn't cry because one day she'd need me, and I wouldn't be there for her. Which is a pretty f***ed up thing to say to a four year old. Thanks, dad.

[Kevin Hamilton]

Lord loves a workin man
Don't trust Whitey
See a doctor and get rid of it.

[Joe Neglia]

Wear sunscreen.

[The Summer of Muskrat XVII]

Always tarp your load

[DSR]

I think it's time I had a talk with my kids,
I'll just tell 'em what my daddy told me:
"You ain't never gonna amount to nothin'."

[Nikki Heyman]

"Tell the truth, it's easier to remember."

"All your boss will care about is if you can do the work."

"Life is difficult; you're free to complain, but don't expect anyone to listen."

[Johnny]

"If you ever travel back in time..."

[BorneAgain]

I know I'll never forget the critical words my father would always say to me:

SPOILER: Click to show

{Spoiler}{Spoiler}{Spoiler}{Spoiler}

[Milkman Norm]

Feb 1, 2018 21:38:42 GMT -5 Kevin Hamilton said:

Lord loves a workin man
Don't trust Whitey
See a doctor and get rid of it.

Son this is shit and this is Shinola.


Shit...Shinola


You gonna be alright.

[Deleted]

"Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!"

[Deleted]

"Sweep the leg. No mercy."

[y4j1981]

All my dad said was the usual type stuff:

"son, please I haven't eaten in days.... "

Or

"I prom...promise I won't spill the milk again, please don't go get the baseball bat... please son... nooooo!"

You know the usual stuff. Good times!

[Futureraven: Beelzebruv]

I remember the words my father gave me on my first day of school.

"You're not ours, so don't come back I've changed the locks"

[Vice honcho room temperature]

If you ever travel back in time, don't step on anything. Because even the tiniest change can alter the future in ways you can't imagine.

[Mighty Attack Tribble]

My daddy used to say, "Blah-blebbeh-dah-blebbeh-dah-blah-blebbah-blah-dah-dah."

Oh, he did, did he? Well, wasn't that f***ing enlightening? My daddy used to say, "f*** your daddy! f*** your daddy in his wrinkled, rusted, rural country asshole!"