Realizing I have no close friends

[psychokiller]

It sucks to know that pretty much anyone I talk to doesn’t view me as a close friend. I really only talk to 2 friends at this point but I’m probably not even in their top 5 or maybe not even top 10 closest people they know. I sometimes just feel like someone they talk to to pass the time when they’re bored or something. One other friend is getting married in a few months & of course I didn’t get invited or even found out until 2 days ago. So obviously they don’t think much of me even after knowing them for many years. I’m also at the age now where pretty much it’s almost impossible to meet new people due to everyone having their own lives with marriage, kids & whatever else. It’s pretty annoying to always feel like you’re just some expendable person that if you stopped talking to them they wouldn’t even care.

[Juice]

I relate. I have 0 friends outside of the girlfriend. Honestly it's just kinda life. I know few people that have that friend life as they age.

[chazraps]

Have you considered being more open and vulnerable with the people you talk to?

[psychokiller]

Feb 3, 2018 14:48:53 GMT -5 chazraps said:

Have you considered being more open and vulnerable with the people you talk to?

It’s just weird where anytime I talked to the one friend through text he would just never respond. I guess he doesn’t like me for some reason anymore. I don’t even want to make new friends really since I feel I’d just get screwed over by them too.

[chazraps]

Feb 3, 2018 15:02:23 GMT -5 psychokiller said:

Feb 3, 2018 14:48:53 GMT -5 chazraps said:

Have you considered being more open and vulnerable with the people you talk to?

It’s just weird where anytime I talked to the one friend through text he would just never respond. I guess he doesn’t like me for some reason anymore. I don’t even want to make new friends really since I feel I’d just get screwed over by them too.

That's no way to be. Just casually start conversations with people and slowly open yourself up.

[riseofsetian1981]

Honestly as you get older the friendship tends to just go in separate ways. I am 36 and while I have some friends, I don't really hang out with any of them. Most of them are still interested in going and staying out all night, partying, and that's just not my scene. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs nor do I participate in any bar or club scenes.

Don't take it as a bad thing in all honesty. Sometimes being a loner can be a good thing and it also means little to no drama.

[Evil Homer]

Life is really funny sometimes . I lost some friends in the last few years ( Im 32 ) since they are married, about to be married or running their own business, & considering the fact that I moved across the country didnt help. Now at a previous job I thought I made 2 new friends around my age and both from the east coast just like me . But after leaving the job , they didnt seem to care too much about hanging out with me and one completely ignored my texts . Now last year a childhood friend happened to visit my area for work . I went to school with this friend , we close as kids . But later drifted apart , never had a falling out or anything. During his visit we went on a 2 day road trip ( which I was a little nervous about , since Im kinda awkward and didnt feel comfortable spending time with an almost stranger ) But we ended up clicking right away and since become close again .

[Feyrhausen]

Same here. I have my wife and that's about it. I'm friendly with lots of people at work, as because my job involves going to different stores I interact with lots of different folks. But other than that it's mostly casual stuff on Facebook. Can't tell you the last time someone visited us or we visited them.

[Deleted]

I could claim that too.

With me doe, It's:

A.) My young friends were pretty much people who enabled each other to drink and drug.

and

B.) I'm curmudgeoney in a lot of ways and have a poor self image due to the fact I..... spent much of my youth surrounding myself with people who were there mainly to enable each other to drink and drug.

I'm stuck with people that knew me before I fell into disrepair and feeling guilty like I don't deserve additional people like I'm just posing now, you know?

My head is f***ed. I just seem to like ridiculous people. I just tend to find the ones that will feed me back into the system. My subconscious is self-defeating.

[TheDieselTrain]

Most people I work with don't interest me. I love my quiet time on the weekends. I've kinda accepted it.

[Kyn]

I have one close friend, and it took 30 years for that to happen, so hang in there. Do you live in a city? You could look into networking events and meetups for people who are looking to meet others, or hobby groups for people with the same interests as you.

[Sam Punk]

You say that like it's a bad thing.

[DSR]

I had friends from high school that I still hung around with for years after the fact. We went to a coffee shop/open mic night and played music together (well, them mostly, but I jumped onstage to sing a few songs here and there). Anyway, while there, I met new people that I liked hanging out with. My high school friends moved out of town, got married, and had kids, but I had a whole new clique to hang out with.

One of my new friends had a boyfriend who invited me to come play GURPS (a D&D-like role playing game) with them and some other people. So I did. Going to those GURPS games, that friend's boyfriend wound up becoming my best friend, while my initial friends who brought me into the GURPS group moved out of town and onto other things.

So, y'know, shit happens. Keep yourself open to things and people will somehow, someway, find you.

[bibboid]

Friends? Having friends was always so much work for me. It always felt like I was chasing friends around to join them in what they were doing. Never what I wanted to do. And if I didn't constantly ask what was going on, my friends would just do stuff without me. I moved a few times and none of my old friends made any effort to keep in touch with me.

Since I moved to California twenty years ago, I haven't made any real friends. I met a girl (now my wife) and I got to know her friends, but the are still more her friends. My wife's brother was my best man at my wedding because I had nobody to stand up for me. My bachelor party was my gardener taking me out for a few beers. When my job let me go after 23 years, how many do-workers called me to find out why? One. At my new job I'm just not bothering to try making friends.

I go to work and get along with people just find but when I punch out I don't even think about them. I go home at night and spend my time with my wife and kids. There are a couple of message boards I post on but if I disappeared, I honestly doubt anybody would notice.

Does it bother me? Meh. It is what it is. I could go and put out a big effort to make friends but that feels like a lot of work. And I just don't feel like it.

[adamclark52]

I can relate OP. I had friends in highschool but while I considered some by "best" friends I don't think they ever saw me the same way. Then I went to college and lived on residence and made friends but everyone there was from all over the place so once school was over we all quickly grew apart. Throughout my twenties I had my girlfriend (who became my wife when I was twenty-five) as my only companion. There have always been people at work but none I ever really wanted to see outside of work, and they felt the same way (I actually found out today that one had Unfriended me on Facebook and I felt a little hurt). When we turned thirty we started having kids and now that they're older they're my friends. But my oldest son is seven and the other day at school he ran off to the playground with his friends and I was left standing there holding his backpack and realized that they're not going to need me for much longer.

My only saving grace is my one apprentice became my friend and we go to shows from time to time. But much like highschool I know he's got other friends who he'd consider his "best friend" before me.

And my wife, because we're not going anywhere.

I did meet up with some highschool friends recently at one's bands show. I hadn't seen them in fifteen years. It was okay. But I got the feeling from one afterwards that he's in the same space that I am. He contacted me afterwards and asked if I wanted to go to some concert with him and I did, even though I didn't want to see the show I could tell that he was in need of someone too. So maybe we'll be friends again? Or maybe he just needed a drive? He gave me the $50 ticket for free.

[EDIT] then there's internet friends from various forums over the years but I'm sure they go out and have real friends away from their keyboards. I consider them friends at least but definitely not "close friends". Most of them I only know as "DummerDave573" or "CheekyMonkey456" and wouldn't know them if they walked into the room.

[GuyOfOwnage]

If we're going by the strict definition of "friend", and not including any family, then I don't think I have any *close* friends. Plenty of people that I'll make friendly conversation with, but I would definitely say my inner circle is almost exclusively family.

[The 1Watcher Experience]

I don’t have that many close friends either. It’s kind of odd that I’ll still get a call from an old friend or make a call to them and we will open right up to each other and catch up on things just like old times. We can still do that after not talking for several months but then we lose contact for several months again. We’ll talk for two hours and we’ll have a great time chatting but that’s it. People just get too busy. Myself included. I’m always working so it doesn’t leave me too much time to plan or do things. I usually use that time to see my girlfriend. We’ve got a long distance situation going on which is tough but we manage. We’re best friends so it’s nice. I was never big on work related friends. I have a handful of friends from high school that I stay in contact with from time to time. I have a few exes that reach out to me. My girlfriend doesn’t like that but she knows I don’t cheat so she’s not too concerned about it. I don’t call them. They call me. I can’t be rude to them. I’m just not like that. I’ll keep the conversation short if my girlfriend is around. I’ll even tell that ex she’s with me, just out of respect to her. I have a few other friends that I rarely see because they got married and had kids. We hang out a few times a year but that’s it really. People just get busy and have responsibilities. That’s just how life is for most people. Seeing friends or talking to them less often sure can make me feel me like we’re not close anymore though. I’d like to hit the lottery, retire and spend my time hanging with my chick and seeing my friends more often but it’s just not going to happen. So I accept that it’s just life.

I lost a handful of friends due to lending them money. I learned not to do that anymore. No matter how much people beg I tell them I value their friendship too much to loan them money. They look at me strangely. I tell them about the times things went sideways over money and how I’d never let that happen with them too. They might push and say they’re different but I tell them how everyone else said that too. With exes it was usually that we just got too busy for each other or grew apart. I’m not into drama so there were only a couple bad break ups. Turned out we were three different people. I was myself and she was two different people. That’s ok. Bad judgment on my part. Live and learn.

I don’t have much time for new friends either but I’ve learned that you attract the energy that you put out there. I’ve seen a lot of bad stuff growing up that should have probably made me a bitter person but I just can’t let it drag me down. I can’t let it take me too. I think about the good things in life. I’m always grateful and appreciative no matter how hard things have gotten. I create my own positive energy. I try to sprinkle kindness everywhere. I try not to judge. Look no further than the forums here to see that many people look for the worst in what others have to say. Think of the person you’d like to meet or the people you’ve liked the most and try to be like them in that respect. Look for people with common interests. That can create bonds too. Smile more. It makes you attractive. It changes your mood. It relieves stress and it helps you stay positive. I find putting out a positive energy, not overly positive or obnoxious in any way, will eventually draw people to you. Usually the type of people that want the same things as you do. One of my casual friends has a quote, “Nobody likes a bitter bitch.” It’s true. Haha. Just throwing that out there. Maybe it could help someone with more time to meet people. Break the ice. Be friendly. It could lead to a close friendship over time. At the end of the day most people want the same things. To be treated kindly and with respect. Even if some people aren’t nice in return, just keep doing you. Good luck out there.

[Blindkarevik]

I really only had about 5-10 years where I could say I had friends and a social life. I'll be honest, I miss it, because it can get very lonely. Especially when all I wanna do is play games and have nobody to go online and play them with.

I'm actually trying to do game streaming right now in hopes to network and connect with like-minded people. It's working a little bit right now and have met a few people I'm planning on doing some sessions with. I mean, granted.. it'd be cool to make some money off it and get some subs, but that's not the main reason I'm doing it. Would rather get a small group of people to play games and chill with... also I do a wrestling wrap-up thing on the channel as well, mostly as a way to get my thoughts on wrestling out of my head since I don't have anybody to talk about it with. Yes, I can type about it on here.. but sometimes you just need to actually SAY it to get it out of your head.