"Hollywood" Cactus Matt
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
You couldn't ask for a better custom title!
How do you spell "Goddess"? C-H-R-I-S-T-Y!
Posts: 15,300
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Post by "Hollywood" Cactus Matt on Dec 17, 2006 11:24:26 GMT -5
Congrats on the date bro... and to give you good thoughts, I was down and depressed for a long time when my ex left me, but this past thurs I was on a date and it ended with us makin out for a while. Just so you can go in there with a little more confidence buddy. Thanks! Man, the past few weeks have proven one thing: if I'm ever feeling down, all I have to do is sign onto the boards and you guys can cheer me up. [emo] You guys are the best friends a guy could ask for! [/emo]
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Post by Macho Dude Handy Damage on Dec 17, 2006 14:13:10 GMT -5
Some of you may remember my I Got Dumped - Cheer Me Up thread from about a month ago; for those who don't, it's there in the link, but the thread is pretty dead so posting would be pointless and would probably annoy the mods. Anyway, in case you couldn't tell by the thread title ... the time for being sad is over, because I have a date! Now here's the dorky thing: we met on MySpace. I was bored/lonely/being emo one night and decided to just randomly message women in the area; she was the only one who responded that didn't come across as a total b****. So we chatted on Yahoo the next night for about an hour and exchanged numbers; I called her today and we talked again for 20 minutes before I had to get back to work. We talked again on Yahoo tonight and hit it off even better than before. So we set up a date when it's convenient - she works two jobs (manages at one) that take up most of her time, and the past three weeks I've worked six 10- to 12-hour days, so I'm usually pretty beat by the time I'm done. So I hate to be "that guy," because I've always been annoyed by him, too, but I have to ask: having only gone through the biggest heartbreak of my life less than a month ago, am I moving too fast? Am I only really digging this chick because she's not my ex? Don't get me wrong - in no way am I ready to call her my girlfriend after one date that hasn't even happened yet, but I had forgotten how exciting this time in a person's life can be. Now I know what the big deal was back in high school ... As for the plans: we're going to play pool for sure, since she's excited to "kick my ass at something," as she so eloquently put it; got any other suggestions for someone who is broke as hell and hasn't had a "first date" in well over a year? I will now accept your kudos and congratulations. Or your scorn. Whichever works best for you. you got a date? i don't. that's unfair! I just got porn...
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Post by Chris Decker-The Wild Rover on Dec 17, 2006 14:16:41 GMT -5
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Post by Deus Ex Machina on Dec 17, 2006 14:56:56 GMT -5
Well, Matt, let me be the lone voice of concern, as I so often am around these parts. I'll based my stated opinion on my own experiences and attitude towards life. While I am glad you've met someone and you are feeling happy again, I'm a smidgen confused as I was under the impression that your ex was the love of your life and that you were both very much in love still, her father being the only reason you guys were unable to be together. Actually, Deus, both of my ex's parents love me to death. And she is/was the love of my life, in that nothing will ever be as meaningful to me as the first (only?) time I dropped to my knee, held out the shiny diamond ring, and asked her "Will you marry me?" Nothing will top that, even if I live to be 120. That took so much courage and effort on my behalf that I didn't even know I had. And she said yes, and the second she did, it became the happiest moment of my life. But she doesn't want me anymore, for whatever reason. So I have to get on with my life. I'm always going to think about my ex - we shared so much - but to compare the old with the potential new is incredibly foolish, I agree. It is also incredibly foolish to not use negativity to its fullest potential and try your hardest to turn it into a positive. I got sick of being sad a while ago. And if New Girl is going to help me - even if we go on one date and decided it isn't going to work out and part ways forever - it will at least give me the self-esteem to know that I can get dates, some women out there do want me, and if my ex ever realizes her mistake and comes running back, I'll have the strength to tell her no. Thanks for your concern, Deus. I really do mean that, and it does mean a lot to me. And if you end up being right, I'll be the first one to tell you. But I hope against hope that you're not, because then I'll be right back at square one. And, for the record, I like this new girl, but I'm not anywhere near close to saying the big scary L-word (not lesbian) or even, for that matter, putting a couple of "really, really's" in front of "like." Like a recovering addict, I have to go day by day. And if a recovering alcoholic can make it in a world surrounded by beer ads, bars, and liquor stores, I can make it in this city that my ex doesn't even live in. Wow ... that ended up being much longer than it should have been. But there you have it - my thoughts on things after a good night's sleep and a cup of coffee. I didn't mean to judge you or anything, just try to point out some unpleasant truths (which is pretty much my job around here, innit?), so I hope I didn't step on your toes. Getting out is good, I'm just saying don't rush into anything. Both for her sake and your own.
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"Hollywood" Cactus Matt
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
You couldn't ask for a better custom title!
How do you spell "Goddess"? C-H-R-I-S-T-Y!
Posts: 15,300
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Post by "Hollywood" Cactus Matt on Dec 17, 2006 15:07:37 GMT -5
Actually, Deus, both of my ex's parents love me to death. And she is/was the love of my life, in that nothing will ever be as meaningful to me as the first (only?) time I dropped to my knee, held out the shiny diamond ring, and asked her "Will you marry me?" Nothing will top that, even if I live to be 120. That took so much courage and effort on my behalf that I didn't even know I had. And she said yes, and the second she did, it became the happiest moment of my life. But she doesn't want me anymore, for whatever reason. So I have to get on with my life. I'm always going to think about my ex - we shared so much - but to compare the old with the potential new is incredibly foolish, I agree. It is also incredibly foolish to not use negativity to its fullest potential and try your hardest to turn it into a positive. I got sick of being sad a while ago. And if New Girl is going to help me - even if we go on one date and decided it isn't going to work out and part ways forever - it will at least give me the self-esteem to know that I can get dates, some women out there do want me, and if my ex ever realizes her mistake and comes running back, I'll have the strength to tell her no. Thanks for your concern, Deus. I really do mean that, and it does mean a lot to me. And if you end up being right, I'll be the first one to tell you. But I hope against hope that you're not, because then I'll be right back at square one. And, for the record, I like this new girl, but I'm not anywhere near close to saying the big scary L-word (not lesbian) or even, for that matter, putting a couple of "really, really's" in front of "like." Like a recovering addict, I have to go day by day. And if a recovering alcoholic can make it in a world surrounded by beer ads, bars, and liquor stores, I can make it in this city that my ex doesn't even live in. Wow ... that ended up being much longer than it should have been. But there you have it - my thoughts on things after a good night's sleep and a cup of coffee. I didn't mean to judge you or anything, just try to point out some unpleasant truths (which is pretty much my job around here, innit?), so I hope I didn't step on your toes. Getting out is good, I'm just saying don't rush into anything. Both for her sake and your own. I wasn't offended at all. I was just trying to present my version of things. Even when it doesn't seem like it, I do appreciate feedback or I wouldn't make these threads. And, for the record, there will be no rushing into anything. New Girl knows about Old Girl and is cool with just "hanging out and seeing what happens." Nothing will be resolved, though, until I sit down and have a heart-to-heart with my ex. Even if we don't end up back together - which seems less and less likely every day - she deserves to know what I'm feeling, and I deserve to know what she is feeling. Anyway, before I turn this into some nonsensical rant, I'll just end with ... no hard feelings, guy. I dig it.
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Post by Deus Ex Machina on Dec 17, 2006 15:15:06 GMT -5
I didn't mean to judge you or anything, just try to point out some unpleasant truths (which is pretty much my job around here, innit?), so I hope I didn't step on your toes. Getting out is good, I'm just saying don't rush into anything. Both for her sake and your own. I wasn't offended at all. I was just trying to present my version of things. Even when it doesn't seem like it, I do appreciate feedback or I wouldn't make these threads. And, for the record, there will be no rushing into anything. New Girl knows about Old Girl and is cool with just "hanging out and seeing what happens." Nothing will be resolved, though, until I sit down and have a heart-to-heart with my ex. Even if we don't end up back together - which seems less and less likely every day - she deserves to know what I'm feeling, and I deserve to know what she is feeling. Anyway, before I turn this into some nonsensical rant, I'll just end with ... no hard feelings, guy. I dig it. Just trying to help.
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Post by Count Creepyhead on Dec 17, 2006 15:21:22 GMT -5
Boy am I glad I don't have boiling balls anymore do date.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Dec 17, 2006 17:35:08 GMT -5
I can get behind part of this thread, the 'screw being sad'.. but then again I'm smiley boy.
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Post by amsiraK on Dec 17, 2006 17:54:41 GMT -5
I gotta say, Matt, you've got a GREAT attitude about this. Many kudos.
I just want to point one thing out:
That may never happen. And even if it does, it may not be in your best interest. When a girl who breaks up with you wants to have that final closure talk, it's usually a sign that you're about to get your emotional ass kicked around the room. They just basically want to tell you all about the things YOU did wrong. I know you probably want some kind of an explanation about what happened (and who wouldn't. That was crazy out of left field.), but just be prepared for it not to come.
Sometimes, no closure is the best closure. You WILL get over it, in time, with or without a summit with her.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Dec 17, 2006 17:57:35 GMT -5
When it ever comes down to the why they left thing, I err on the side of, what difference does it make? They still left. But that's just me.
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Post by amsiraK on Dec 17, 2006 19:04:56 GMT -5
That's a very good point. Who gives a poop why someone leaves? Is their reason ever going to make you feel better?
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nisi
Vegeta
Da Bears
Posts: 9,868
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Post by nisi on Dec 17, 2006 19:05:17 GMT -5
I gotta say, Matt, you've got a GREAT attitude about this. Many kudos. I just want to point one thing out: That may never happen. And even if it does, it may not be in your best interest. When a girl who breaks up with you wants to have that final closure talk, it's usually a sign that you're about to get your emotional ass kicked around the room. They just basically want to tell you all about the things YOU did wrong. I know you probably want some kind of an explanation about what happened (and who wouldn't. That was crazy out of left field.), but just be prepared for it not to come. Sometimes, no closure is the best closure. You WILL get over it, in time, with or without a summit with her. Congrats Cactus Matt, I don't think casual dating after a month is too fast. But I agree with Karisma that holding out for "closure" with the ex is iffy. Waiting for "closure" in itself tends to give an ex way too much power over you--you can take this power for yourself and make your own closure.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Dec 17, 2006 19:15:41 GMT -5
Closure is a dumb concept anyway. Once you breakup, that's closed. The need for any kind of state of the union thing only needs to happen before the end, any post game analysis will either be lame costanzaesque, "It's not you..." or worse, " Here's all the way you were wrong that I hate that makes you a horrible person, which I only just discovered recently, even though I was with you." Just a waste of time.
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Post by HMARK Center on Dec 17, 2006 20:01:59 GMT -5
When it ever comes down to the why they left thing, I err on the side of, what difference does it make? They still left. But that's just me. Eh, it depends; if you can learn some things about yourself by learning why someone left you, then it's worth it, since it opens the door for self-improvement, or, if the reasons they give are just "you're this way, and I can't take that", then you at least learn a lesson about what personality types you mesh with. Still, I agree that, after a bit of time, there's no point in letting a breakup completely wear you down. Dear sir, I beg to differ.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Dec 17, 2006 21:54:50 GMT -5
I see your point, but I tend to think if you're honest with yourself, you can look at the situation and if you're the one ' in the wrong' you can see the flaws therein and start the kinda growth you're talking about without having to have what would be in all likelihood an unnecessarily melodramatic conversation.
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Post by Deus Ex Machina on Dec 17, 2006 22:30:19 GMT -5
When it ever comes down to the why they left thing, I err on the side of, what difference does it make? They still left. But that's just me. Yeah, that's just you. Me, I go a-uterus punching.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Dec 17, 2006 22:32:01 GMT -5
Careful, you could lose a good watch that way.
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Post by Deus Ex Machina on Dec 17, 2006 22:40:03 GMT -5
Careful, you could lose a good watch that way. Nah, my right is my punching arm and I wear my watch on my left. Did lose a shoe back when I was uterus kicking, though. That was awkward.
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Post by Kevin Hamilton on Dec 17, 2006 22:45:11 GMT -5
Think how she felt... 'million to one shot doc, million to one'
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Post by Deus Ex Machina on Dec 17, 2006 22:53:05 GMT -5
Think how she felt... 'million to one shot doc, million to one' It was a fair trade. She broke my heart, so I broke her ovaries.
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