Post by thegame415 on Jan 26, 2019 12:48:54 GMT -5
Pre-Show:
Nakamura vs Rusev
Rusev is about to win when Lana appears dressed as a geisha. Nakamura hits a low blow and pins Rusev.
Buddy Murphy vs Akira Tozawa vs Kalisto vs Hideo Itami.
For some reason, Tozawa doesn't come out when he's called. The match is a triple threat when towards the end, another Kalisto appears. He unmasks the one in the ring to reveal Tozawa. The match just ends there.
Throughout the pre-show, there's a random man walking around looking for Finn Balor.
Rumble:
1. Asuka vs Becky Lynch
Asuka moons the crowd during the middle of the match and beats Becky by jumping butt-first off the top rope to her face. She says after the match she is now ASSuka, and will make every woman the butt of her joke.
Backstage, the random man looks around for Balor. He bumps into Paul Heyman, who tells him where Finn's locker room is.
2. The Bar vs Miz and Shane McMahon
Sheamus and Cesaro act drunk during the match.
Graves : "Looks like they took the name bar literally last night"
Cesaro pukes in Miz's face, leading him to not see and accidentally hit Shane. Bar wins.
Backstage, Ronda Rousey is interviewed. She calls Sasha a snowflake and says she's going to be the summer heat tonight.
3. Daniel Bryan vs AJ Styles
Styles comes out in street clothes and "If you're the new Daniel Bryan, this is the real Allen Jones". He lays down and asks Bryan to cover him. Bryan won't, so Jones leaves and Bryan wins by contour. Bryan goes on a rant about how the fans cheer AJ and not him. He holds an open challenge and Kofi accepts. AJ returns during the match and smashes a Whole Foods bag filled with organic foods over Bryan's head. Kofi wins the title.
Backstage, the random man leaves Finn's locker room.
4. Women's Royal Rumble
The final two are Charlotte and Spider Lady. Charlotte is about to toss Spider over when Becky comes out and helps Spider Lady win. After the match, Becky pulls off the mask revealing Stephanie McMahon!
5. Finn Balor vs Brock Lesnar
The random man comes out with Lesnar. Balor continuously looks at him during the match. He gets destroyed in about three minutes. After the match, Brock gets gasoline and pours it all over Finn. The man comes in the ring and covers Finn with his body. Lesnar gives him an F-5, dumps gasoline on him and sets him on fire.
Backstage, Lesnar is asked who the man is. He reveals it's Balors partner, who Finn has been hiding. Finn tries attacking Lesnar, but he's tossed in a closet.
The announcers play up like Brock is a face, but the crowd boos.
6. Ronda Rousey vs Sasha Banks
Ronda wins in about 10 seconds. After the match, Sasha says it's not fair, and everyone deserves a trophy. She's given a replica of the Women's title.
7. Royal Rumble
Jeff Jarrett and Elias have a guitar-off to determine the winner. Jarrett smashes his guitar over Elias and tosses him over to win.
Jarrett grabs a mic and says it's time to party like it's 1999. A bunch of Attitude era and 2000 WCW guys like Val Venis, Godfather, Kwee wee, Chuck Palumbo, etc. and they dance to 1999 by Prince.
Backstage, Vince Russo and Harry Shearer watch the show. Russo looks to Shearer, who says "no, it's the children who are wrong"
Nakamura vs Rusev
Rusev is about to win when Lana appears dressed as a geisha. Nakamura hits a low blow and pins Rusev.
Buddy Murphy vs Akira Tozawa vs Kalisto vs Hideo Itami.
For some reason, Tozawa doesn't come out when he's called. The match is a triple threat when towards the end, another Kalisto appears. He unmasks the one in the ring to reveal Tozawa. The match just ends there.
Throughout the pre-show, there's a random man walking around looking for Finn Balor.
Rumble:
1. Asuka vs Becky Lynch
Asuka moons the crowd during the middle of the match and beats Becky by jumping butt-first off the top rope to her face. She says after the match she is now ASSuka, and will make every woman the butt of her joke.
Backstage, the random man looks around for Balor. He bumps into Paul Heyman, who tells him where Finn's locker room is.
2. The Bar vs Miz and Shane McMahon
Sheamus and Cesaro act drunk during the match.
Graves : "Looks like they took the name bar literally last night"
Cesaro pukes in Miz's face, leading him to not see and accidentally hit Shane. Bar wins.
Backstage, Ronda Rousey is interviewed. She calls Sasha a snowflake and says she's going to be the summer heat tonight.
3. Daniel Bryan vs AJ Styles
Styles comes out in street clothes and "If you're the new Daniel Bryan, this is the real Allen Jones". He lays down and asks Bryan to cover him. Bryan won't, so Jones leaves and Bryan wins by contour. Bryan goes on a rant about how the fans cheer AJ and not him. He holds an open challenge and Kofi accepts. AJ returns during the match and smashes a Whole Foods bag filled with organic foods over Bryan's head. Kofi wins the title.
Backstage, the random man leaves Finn's locker room.
4. Women's Royal Rumble
The final two are Charlotte and Spider Lady. Charlotte is about to toss Spider over when Becky comes out and helps Spider Lady win. After the match, Becky pulls off the mask revealing Stephanie McMahon!
5. Finn Balor vs Brock Lesnar
The random man comes out with Lesnar. Balor continuously looks at him during the match. He gets destroyed in about three minutes. After the match, Brock gets gasoline and pours it all over Finn. The man comes in the ring and covers Finn with his body. Lesnar gives him an F-5, dumps gasoline on him and sets him on fire.
Backstage, Lesnar is asked who the man is. He reveals it's Balors partner, who Finn has been hiding. Finn tries attacking Lesnar, but he's tossed in a closet.
The announcers play up like Brock is a face, but the crowd boos.
6. Ronda Rousey vs Sasha Banks
Ronda wins in about 10 seconds. After the match, Sasha says it's not fair, and everyone deserves a trophy. She's given a replica of the Women's title.
7. Royal Rumble
Jeff Jarrett and Elias have a guitar-off to determine the winner. Jarrett smashes his guitar over Elias and tosses him over to win.
Jarrett grabs a mic and says it's time to party like it's 1999. A bunch of Attitude era and 2000 WCW guys like Val Venis, Godfather, Kwee wee, Chuck Palumbo, etc. and they dance to 1999 by Prince.
Backstage, Vince Russo and Harry Shearer watch the show. Russo looks to Shearer, who says "no, it's the children who are wrong"
