Is FAN one big roast beef sandwich?

[Glitch]

It makes a lot sense if you think about.

[Deleted]

Yeah, bitch, and we have cheese and broccoli rabe.

[The Unconquered Sun]

Man, I don’t know about that. I mean I had a aunt that really liked roast beef sandwiches. She would eat them 9 times a day, including a meal she made up at three A.M. called “stuff yo face at three in the damn morning”.
Anyways it didn’t help health any but she didn’t believe in traditional medicine so she went to a voodoo priestess to help her lose weight. The priestess brewed a mixture of computer printer ink, tree bark, and the run off bath water of a magical octopus. At that point I was like “why does an octopus need a bath? It live in the water.” The voodoo priestess looked at me and said some kind of words and ever since that moment I’ve been peeing a neon pink fluid.
But that’s not the point of the story. The point of the story was the voodoo priestess had a receptionist working the front desk. That’s when I met her. My beloved Marisah. Oh, she was so beautiful. She had hair the color of red onions, or as I like to say, purple. She had a face like an angel and voice that always sounded like it was in Auto Tune. I’ll never forget the 1st words she said to me. She said, “hey, you’ve got flaming Tauntauns for hair.”
She was taking part in an LSD experiment at the time.
Oh that magical time of being in love. We were perfect together. We recorded a heavy metal yodeling version of Blame It on the Bossa Nova together. We shared so many laughs as we watched Old Yeller. We even had a day where we had a water park all to ourselves after that kid had an accident.
There was one slight problem. She was already married.
She was married in an online MMORPG to a level 87 cyborg Druid with adamantium quills and a +7 chainsaw with an addiction to the songs of Christopher Cross. His name was Bruno Periwinkle Kinshasa. Not the Bruno Periwinkle Kinshasa, it’s just a very common name as it turns out.
Anyways, Bruno Periwinkle Kinshasa was of course very upset about the infidelity I had caused in his marriage. As retribution he gave me a choice, spend a year chained to a wall in a Calcutta sewer, or listen to Gina G’s Ooh Ahh Just A Little Bit once. I screamed “YOU SICK MONSTER! WHAT KIND OF FREAK MAKES A PERSON DO THAT??? I’LL GO INTO THE SEWER THANK YOU VERY MUCH!”
Still true love and my wiener could not be denied. I needed to be with my Marisah again, no matter the cost. There needed to be a duel to end it. Bruno Periwinkle Kinshasa choose pistols at 10 paces. it was a poor choice on his part as I am a product of the American school system I am very familiar with firearms and can’t count to 10. I turn on the count of 2, aimed, and then my whole world came crashing down. I saw Marisah walking off, arm in arm with a door to door tuba salesman.
I was crushed and hurt, mostly because I stopped in the middle of the road and a truck ran me over.
I tried to keep in touch but we drifted apart. Marisah married a female albino alligator wrestler. The woman she married wrestled albino alligators, you’d be amazed how often I need to clarify that statement. As for Bruno Periwinkle Kinshasa the whole experience pushed him into a part of the sexuality spectrum called “beyond starfish”. He later became a backup dance for the S Club 7 reunion tour.
Life is kind of strange sometimes.
I may have lost my train of thought there for a moment but the point of the story is I hate roast beef.

[BlackoutCreature]

something something Mickie James something.

[Natural Born Farmer]

Just smoked, so if it is I’m about to eat my phone.