Kyn
Don Corleone
Posts: 1,623
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Post by Kyn on Sept 15, 2019 7:17:56 GMT -5
We share a birthday, and we've always been really close, but the distance I live from my hometown and the myriad family issues we have mean I don't get back there a lot.
Grandma collapsed recently, which combined with her dementia, means she's had to go into an aged care facility. As soon as it happened I quit my job and left my dream city to move closer to my home town so I can visit more often, but this weekend has been the first time I've been able to go and see her in the aged care place.
It was awful. The rooms have hospital beds, the doors don't have locks (some random woman wandered into her room at one point and started taking her clothes). She worries constantly about people taking her things when she's out of the room. She misses home and living with grandpa; we took her out to lunch and she held my hand to cross the road, which immediately made me think of when I was a kid and she would hold my hand crossing the road. I don't want to be the adult now.
Then when it was time to take her back, she said to me, "Are you taking me back to prison?" And that kind of is what it's like. She's in the dementia unit, so the doors are key coded so no one can get out, and she doesn't have any real privacy.
I'm not sure where this is going, I just need to vent. I can't talk to my family about it, and I know she needs to be where she is because she can't live at home anymore, but her dementia's still at the point where she knows exactly what's happening to her, and she's powerless to stop it. So she's sad and angry and *I'm* sad and angry.
Okay. Good chat. Thanks if you read all the way through, I just needed to get that out.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2019 7:58:39 GMT -5
My gf's grandmother is in assisted living and we visited her recently for her birthday. It's in a better place but there was a woman with dementia wandering around saying she was sorry to us. No idea if the caregivers were watching her.
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Kyn
Don Corleone
Posts: 1,623
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Post by Kyn on Sept 15, 2019 8:43:35 GMT -5
My gf's grandmother is in assisted living and we visited her recently for her birthday. It's in a better place but there was a woman with dementia wandering around saying she was sorry to us. No idea if the caregivers were watching her. That's something that worries me too, aged care is so massively understaffed. The staff I all met were pleasant and seemed to be doing their best, but they can't possibly keep an eye on everyone at once. |
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Post by Big BosskMan on Sept 15, 2019 18:46:57 GMT -5
We share a birthday, and we've always been really close, but the distance I live from my hometown and the myriad family issues we have mean I don't get back there a lot. Grandma collapsed recently, which combined with her dementia, means she's had to go into an aged care facility. As soon as it happened I quit my job and left my dream city to move closer to my home town so I can visit more often, but this weekend has been the first time I've been able to go and see her in the aged care place. It was awful. The rooms have hospital beds, the doors don't have locks (some random woman wandered into her room at one point and started taking her clothes). She worries constantly about people taking her things when she's out of the room. She misses home and living with grandpa; we took her out to lunch and she held my hand to cross the road, which immediately made me think of when I was a kid and she would hold my hand crossing the road. I don't want to be the adult now. Then when it was time to take her back, she said to me, "Are you taking me back to prison?" And that kind of is what it's like. She's in the dementia unit, so the doors are key coded so no one can get out, and she doesn't have any real privacy. I'm not sure where this is going, I just need to vent. I can't talk to my family about it, and I know she needs to be where she is because she can't live at home anymore, but her dementia's still at the point where she knows exactly what's happening to her, and she's powerless to stop it. So she's sad and angry and *I'm* sad and angry. Okay. Good chat. Thanks if you read all the way through, I just needed to get that out. Wow, sorry to hear you're going through all that. My grandmother passed at the age of 99 in 1999 and one of my biggest regrets is not having gone through a box of old family photos with her (pics from the early 1900s) and identifying the people in them. At her age, her memory was still very sharp. Now, all I have are faces with no names, with no way to every determine who these people are and why they were significant to her to have kept the photos. In your case, I know it is hard to see her in the residence she is in but I would encourage you to spend as much time with her as you can. That could be at the home or out. The important thing is you provide some grounding to her and I'm certain your visiting her lifts her spirits and yours. Maybe take old photos and talk about family history? She might be able to share some insight into your current strained relationships. It is incredibly hard to witness the passage of time where the child now takes care of the adult in their twilight years. But the critical thing is to be there for her as she was there for you as you are already doing. |
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Post by Fade is a CodyCryBaby on Sept 15, 2019 19:00:00 GMT -5
It’s weird but. For a while, my family and I were frustrated we couldn’t get her into a living situation specifically designed for people with dementia. She lives in an old folks retirement home, down the street, but her dementia causes issues at times. But kinda can’t hold the place responsible because..it’s got a lot of people. And not all of them are sick like her.
Anyway. I read it. I feel what you said, what she said, about “prison” and about her being sorta there/sorta not. My grandmother is near 80, was astonishingly independent and intelligent in her life, and literally today I had to drive over to help her back to her room and calm her down after hearing her plead “I just don’t know. I don’t remember yesterday. And then I’m here. And I don’t know. I’m losing my mind”. And ya just gotta reassure ‘em. Be there.
I have an older friend who went through all this before his grandparents died and his only bit of advice for me was “it never gets easier” and “learn to not take things personally”.
So I’m sorry man. Sending ya good vibes.
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