What advice would you give a bullied 12 year old boy?

[Kyn]

Thread name says it all.

The boy in question is my nephew, and he has the misfortune of standing out as 'different' (shy, super intelligent, physically clumsy) in his small town primary school.

I have plenty I can say because I went through some vicious bullying at school, but I'm a girl, and I know the way that boy's are bullied is different to the way that girls are bullied.

So I'm hoping some people here might be able to give me some pointers I can pass on to him.

[The Thread Barbi]

Probably not standard advice, but I was a 10 year old boy being bullied for being different.

When my grandfather found out, he told me that there's nothing wrong in showing your hand. I wasn't to attack anyone, but not back off the bully and physically restrain him.

A couple of years of being pushed around came to an immediate halt.

[Limity (BLM)]

I would say fight the bully. It's the only sure fire way to make them stop at that age.

[Deleted]

I say teach the kid a couple punches. Then don't go start a fight, but fight back next time.

A lot of people nowadays would consider this outdated advice though. You are supposed to solve everything now with words and telling teachers and stuff.

[Fade is a CodyCryBaby]

No idea, TBH. Was fat and shy, so I got my share of bullying but through my experience many did for different reasons. 12 should be a good age to try and instill what’s considerably right & wrong and like some have alluded to, to bring prepared to defend one self. The truth is there will always be people like this, so I’d encourage the boy to try and be the opposite, a good kid, while never allowing anyone to belittle him or hurt him physically or otherwise.

[Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill]

If the bullying is physical then teach him to fight back. Never start a fight for obvious reasons but knowing to defend himself is a good idea.
If its verbal? Teach him to give as good as the bully, cause if he can turn the tables it'll be mint.

[agent817]

I was bullied a good amount in the earlier years of elementary school, especially on the bus. It didn't help that it was a smaller bus for Special Ed kids (I was in Special Ed in the earlier elementary school years before I got out). Some of the time you just got to strike back. With the bullies being older and stronger than me, I did what I could to try to fight back. I remember I spit in the face of one of the bullies. It was like a weak point for him. He didn't even try to hit me after it.

[The Summer of Muskrat XVII]

It’s not always the easiest thing to fight back, but as someone who was bullied horrendously as a kid I say nothing gets the point across quite like a solid hook to the jaw

[Evil Homer]

I was bullied at age 12 , I fought the bully . I jumped him in the school
yard , sweeped his leg and put him in a sharp shooter - this was during the attitude era . Never bullied me or anyone else again.

[Hit Girl]

Tell his parents.

The parents should then withdraw him from school, and contact the school and the parents of the bully.

If neither are prepared to take action, ghen the police should be involved if the bullying is physical or being carried out electronically (all harassment posted online or sent via text or email should be recorded and used as evidence)

[lionheart21]

Don't be afraid of acting in Self-defense, but within reason

[Malcolm]

I'm not sure if I'm the right person to be giving advice since none I was given ever really helped me.

Fighting back didn't work. They'd either gang up on me or beat my ass off campus away from faculty(the bullies at my school idolized street gang culture)

Ignoring them didn't work. They didn't seem to care that they were being ignored and they even thought they won. Meanwhile I was still hurting on the inside along with the occasional beating.

Telling the teacher or principal didn't work since I never really knew the bullies' names and if they were in view, they'd run off hopping the fence and the teachers wouldn't(or probably couldn't because of certain sue-happy parents) do anything about it.

I went to a really sucky school that took kids from gang infested inner city neighborhoods. That's not to say that kids from gang hoods don't deserve education, but the assholes who worship other assholes try to ruin things for everyone else by turning the school into another gangbanger hangout.

Middle school was the f***ing worst and that sounds like the age your nephew is in. When I was bullied between then and late high school, I was in a really dark place where I had no real friends, the friends I thought I had turned out to be fake who would go against me if it meant hanging out with the "cool" kids. Couple that with whenever I DID stand up to them I'd get jumped by more than one person and I began to think that I was worthless, nobody cared about me, and I should just do the world a favor and kill myself. Obviously, I didn't, but it was still a pretty bad time for me.

Only advice I can really give is to let your nephew know that there are people out there who still love and care about him. If it weren't for my family, I'd probably wouldn't even be here.

But I'd still teach him how to fight just to be safe.

[Deleted]

Dec 22, 2019 11:12:26 GMT -5 Evil Homer said:

I was bullied at age 12 , I fought the bully . I jumped him in the school
yard , sweeped his leg and put him in a sharp shooter - this was during the attitude era . Never bullied me or anyone else again.

Meltzer gave it two stars.

[The Ichi]

I never really got the "just beat his ass and it'll all stop" thing. Because bullies are misunderstood humble people on the inside and absolutely wouldn't let pride make things even worse.

Not saying it hasn't worked, but there's likely been more cases where things got worse.

[ToyfareMark]

Punch them in the mouth, you may get in trouble, but it'll stop it then and there.

[Deleted]

I was bullied in school and my biggest regret was that I didn’t stand up for myself more often.

I was afraid of getting into a fight with a popular kid cause I knew the entire school would be cheering for him over me. It sounds ridiculous but that’s what happened. And I’ve gotten myself into one or two fights.

My advice would be to get physical. Even if he takes an ass kicking, he would get more respect than being a “doormat”... it sounds harsh but this is the reality.

Violence isn’t the answer but neither is bullying. You have to fight fire with Fire in these situations. He will feel better for it.

[Deleted]

Dec 22, 2019 11:58:42 GMT -5 The Ichi said:

I never really got the "just beat his ass and it'll all stop" thing. Because bullies are misunderstood humble people on the inside and absolutely wouldn't let pride make things even worse.

Not saying it hasn't worked, but there's likely been more cases where things got worse.

Yeah, while I agree that learning to stand up for yourself is VERY important, it's not always so cut and dry that a bully will stop if you do so. What if the bully whoops him easily and things get worse afterwards? What if he gets friends involved? Tough situation, no doubt. Along with teaching the value of standing up for himself, I'd suggest frequent communication with the school -- annoy them, stay on their asses so they keep an eye out for it. If he's receptive to it, getting him involved in some activities that could help to build his confidence might help as well -- perhaps weightlifting or a karate class.

I had to stand up for my friends a lot growing up -- I had a friend who had serious vision problems and some prick kids were less than understanding, to put it mildly -- so this hits close to home. All the best.

[Toilet Paper Roll]

It’s the simplest advice but also the hardest to actually do but standing up for yourself works. If you keep making yourself an easy target than kids will keep picking on you. A tale as old as time.

It’s easy advice, but hard in practice especially if you’re not wired to be the aggressor when needed

[aka Cthulhu]

Tell him to fight, or stand up for himself, or whatever. Or tell him to don't do that. Or something in between. Whatever you choose, I think the most important thing is to tell him that it won't be over with just one action. Action, reaction, consequences. Hardly anything will turn out how you want it to be, so if you're gonna make a choice on what you wanna tell him, then might as well figure out with him on how it could go down. Like I'd be inclined to tell him to defend himself, but at the same time probably should go through on what to do if it doesn't go how he wants it to be.

In the end, when giving advice, it's all about responsibility. Things like this won't usually be solved with just one thing. Tell him to fight, then best be ready to give further advice and support if he gets his ass kicked or get in trouble. If he manages to fight back and be successful at that, make him understand why he had to do it and why he shouldn't resort to that all the time. Once you give advice, get ready for the long haul.

[carp (SPC, Itoh Respect Army)]

I mean, it depends. Is the school the wild west in terms of supervision and rules? How often does this happen? How many people do it? What are the bullies doing to him?