Futureraven: Beelzebruv
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
The Ultimate Arbiter of Right And Wrong
Spent half my life here, God help me
Posts: 15,055
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Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on Jan 4, 2020 11:30:07 GMT -5
Never post personal stuff here, but kinda need to.
Well, I lie, I posted here when I got married so this is fitting.
Been with my wife 10 years, married for 5. If anyone looks at what I post in the photo thread, you'll know I'm outlandish, flamboyant, OTT and she's helped me become confident enough to become that person.
Well turns out that person isn't someone she can be attracted to, and she can't unsee all the things I've done like going Pride, doing Drag, strutting around on stage...
Bonus, we bought a place together last year, so we're stuck in a mortgage with 1 bedroom.
Feeling kinda crappy today, can't think I'll ever get the support and love I had from her, and coming up to 35, not sure how long my whole "neon explosion of rainbows"can go before I'm just the sad older guy who never grew up.
On the plus side, we're going to stay friends, but it's not the same.
Also, all my friends moved out of London so I have noone around, can't even think straight right now, not sure why I'm even writing, just had to get things out.
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Post by thechase on Jan 4, 2020 13:46:12 GMT -5
Don't take your friendship for granted. You're very lucky to still have any kind of a positive relationship in a situation like this, it doesn't happen to everyone. Don't feel down about that, she might still be there for you when it counts.
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Post by edgestar on Jan 4, 2020 16:46:00 GMT -5
I hope for the best, for your friendship. I'm sorry that this happened, but you should never stop being you. Please value the friendship, and hopefully both of you, will be happy.
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Post by Clash, Never a Meter Maid on Jan 4, 2020 18:10:17 GMT -5
It’s cool that you’re still friends, but I understand how you feel. Really sorry you’re dealing with this.
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Post by zrowsdower on Jan 4, 2020 18:44:15 GMT -5
I'm sorry for what you're dealing with. And I'm sorry for being selfish for saying this but this is why I'm giving up on finding love. You seem like someone who is good enough and I am no where near being worthwhile like you were. There's just no point in trying to understand and find love. Again, I'm sorry for being selfish in your topic like this.
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Post by Hit Girl on Jan 4, 2020 22:11:35 GMT -5
you'll know I'm outlandish, flamboyant, OTT Well turns out that person isn't someone she can be attracted to, and she can't unsee all the things I've done like going Pride, doing Drag, strutting around on stage... not sure how long my whole "neon explosion of rainbows"can go before I'm just the sad older guy who never grew up. Are you gay, or is this all just a persona you play at events? And did she know about this before you got married? |
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Post by Natural Born Farmer on Jan 4, 2020 22:59:38 GMT -5
Also kind of wondering if you were in a straight marriage and later decided to come out.
All the respect in the world if that was the situation and you did, but I think you had to anticipate this outcome.
You’re respecting her decision and that’s awesome. So do what’s right for you too. Embrace the friendship and go looking for a relationship that’s going to fulfill you.
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Futureraven: Beelzebruv
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
The Ultimate Arbiter of Right And Wrong
Spent half my life here, God help me
Posts: 15,055
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Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on Jan 5, 2020 2:42:10 GMT -5
you'll know I'm outlandish, flamboyant, OTT Well turns out that person isn't someone she can be attracted to, and she can't unsee all the things I've done like going Pride, doing Drag, strutting around on stage... not sure how long my whole "neon explosion of rainbows"can go before I'm just the sad older guy who never grew up. Are you gay, or is this all just a persona you play at events? And did she know about this before you got married? I'm straight, well, like 90%. I've always been a bit like that, love going over the top, dressing up, it's always been there just grown over time. With help and support, hell she's done my makeup on multiple occasions. Gives it a bit more sting to that being the part of me that's caused all this. Thanks everyone who's replied, little calmer this morning, just very very surreal. |
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Futureraven: Beelzebruv
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
The Ultimate Arbiter of Right And Wrong
Spent half my life here, God help me
Posts: 15,055
|
Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on Jan 5, 2020 2:55:20 GMT -5
I'm sorry for what you're dealing with. And I'm sorry for being selfish for saying this but this is why I'm giving up on finding love. You seem like someone who is good enough and I am no where near being worthwhile like you were. There's just no point in trying to understand and find love. Again, I'm sorry for being selfish in your topic like this. It's hard but try not to be like that. You have your situation, this is mine, I have friends who've been together longer, shorter, in various kinds of relationships. You can't understand it, well, ever, but there can be someone. Focus on yourself and taking care of yourself but keep an eye out. You are worthwhile. |
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FinalGwen
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
Particularly fond of muffins.
Posts: 16,434 
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Post by FinalGwen on Jan 5, 2020 9:52:18 GMT -5
I'm so sorry, that's an awful situation to be in, I know from experience. One of the reasons my last relationship (7 years and an engagement) fell apart was that she didn't find me as attractive when femme-presenting, and on top of the other issues it felt like I was going to have to choose between the relationship or constant dysphoria.
All I can say is that you're valid for presenting in a way that makes you happy. There's nothing wrong with flamboyance, there's no age limit on it, and there's people out there who can celebrate it with you. It doesn't necessarily make this any easier, but it's a chapter rather than the end of the book.
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Post by zrowsdower on Jan 5, 2020 11:50:50 GMT -5
I'm sorry for what you're dealing with. And I'm sorry for being selfish for saying this but this is why I'm giving up on finding love. You seem like someone who is good enough and I am no where near being worthwhile like you were. There's just no point in trying to understand and find love. Again, I'm sorry for being selfish in your topic like this. It's hard but try not to be like that. You have your situation, this is mine, I have friends who've been together longer, shorter, in various kinds of relationships. You can't understand it, well, ever, but there can be someone. Focus on yourself and taking care of yourself but keep an eye out. You are worthwhile. Yes, I understand. While it's hard for me to see myself as worthwhile, I will try to keep in mind what you said. I'm sorry for undermining your topic with my struggles. |
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