Hogan/Bischoff TNA PPVs I just watched: a thread

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So lately YouTube has been recommending me a lot of Hogan era TNA PPVs that Impact has up from points where I wasn't seeing many of the PPVs at all (Mid 2011-2013 basically) and I wanna talk about them cause dammit I love this company. 

First I watched Sacrifice 2012. I'm gonna make bullet points cause I'm not rewatching it. 

- This dude D-Von Dudley did not have to even try to carry Robbie E and Rob Terry as hard as he did but good god. People don't talk about D-Von on his own enough, dude could work his ass off. 
- Bobby Roode's been so whatever for so long now that it's always great to be reminded how great he was at this point. He was literally the leader of the selfish generation. 
- Mr. Anderson still had the "pro wrestling is real, people are fake" shirt and was still calling his fans assholes like a year after I stopped watching. He beat Jeff Hardy with a botched roll up. Hm. 
- Samoa Joe and Magnus was such a weird ass team I think the only common bond they had was a love of handsigns. 
- AJ Styles and Dixie affair angle had just started so it's all over the show. God bless.
- Crimson vs. Eric Young was not worth money I gotta be honest
- Hearing Facebook poll results mentioned on TV blows my mind even tho that used to be normal. What a time.

I'm now watching Genesis 2013 and so far the highlight has been Joey Ryan deciding that he didn't wanna go up for a Hernandez powerbomb while he was already set up for it and Hernandez punching him directly in the ass like "f***ing go up" before lifting him up and dropping him on his head. Jeeezus. 

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Genesis 2013: Todd Kennelly Is Here, Deliverance Is Near


Match #1 Tag Titles: Chavo Guerrero/Hernandez (c) vs. Matt Morgan/Joey Ryan

- no
- just read the participants and you know how this match was
- Chavo and Hernandez won after Joey Ryan f***ed around and found out

Match #2: Samoa Joe vs. Mr. Anderson

- Samoa Joe wants to kill Mr. Anderson cause he's a lil sneaky snake working for Aces & Eights even tho we don't know that Yet but it was kinda obvious
- 2013 was not a fun year for Mr. Anderson matches and this is a big reminder why. Dude had like a magic aura that made everyone wrestling him go at half speed. Because of Mr. Anderson I can say that the first wrestling match that ever made me fall asleep was an AJ Styles match later in the year. 
- Samoa Joe had zero monster aura left at this point and watching him wrestle as A Good Hand essentially is so jarring. 
- f***ing Mr. Anderson wins after Joe sees Mike Knox.

Match #3 X Division Championship: Kenny King vs. Christian York + Christian York vs. RVD (c)

- The future of the X Division is here and it's fun but very unexciting. Pretty much an OG 205 Live match. Christian York wins with a counter in to a roll up and has to face RVD next but Kenny hits him with a move b4 Rob comes out so he's all f***ed up. 
- Mike Tenay mentions that Kenny was working as a Chippendales dancer at the time and Todd said "you live in Vegas, don't you Mike?". Mike doesn't even respond to him. Genuine "f*** you" silence. Todd wants to be Tenay & Tazz's friend really bad but both of them sound so bothered by his presence. 
- York vs. RVD happens with York as like the ultimate underdog but it doesn't rly work cause he's fighting RVD and the Impact Zone was absolutely not about to boo him on behalf of Mr. Dreads.
- RVD wins with a frogsplash on the injured man and everyone cheers. Rob celebrates for so long that I heard a line in his theme that I haven't before. Shoutouts to "Van kick you in the yams"

Promo: Joseph Park bein Joseph Park

- Abyss might be one of the best wrestling actors of the modern era for this gimmick and no I'm not kidding. Nobody could have pulled this shit off like he did. Dude went out of his way to make Joseph Park the absolute opposite of Abyss and knocked it out of the park in every area. Also he's f***ing hilarious dude literally says he's still a green hornet in this business. 
- Montage of Joseph Park training at OVW that I would inject in to my veins if I could. The cuts between him going like "yeah I think I'm doing great" and Danny Davis saying like "this guy's dumb as f*** he sucks" are great. You can see him doing drills with baby Dexter Lumis. Joseph's also a freak for his own blood cause he bleeds and it makes him work harder.

Match #4 TV Title: Joseph Park vs. D-Von (c)

- D-Von once again one of the MVPs of the night, this time as a heel. Dude is ridiculously good at working the crowd. Why do we never talk about how D-Von had the most 10/10 fundamentals ever?? This dude is a beast.
- Joseph Park is so over. The LET'S GO JOSEPH chant at the start goes for so long that a deeper voiced LET'S GO D-VON counter chant starts up. This dude starts doing chain wrestling and everyone loses their minds. This is honestly way better than every match beforehand lmao. Most basic stuff in the world but it works. 
- Joseph Park starts bleeding and goes wacky Abyss mode but he didn't bleed enough I guess so he reverts back to Joseph mid chokeslam and is like uhh wtf so D-Von rolls him up for the 3. I know TNA was building up to Joseph becoming Abyss again, but honestly I wish they had just given Joseph a TV Title run where the whole time he was slowly learning how to wrestle while not covered in blood. Dude was too good of a character actor to just be Abyss again, but life is unfair. 

Match #5: Knockouts Gauntlet

- Brooke does her crab people twerk, they wrestle, and Gail makes her eat da feet for the 3. ODB comes out and Gail runs in to her on the ramp but goes flying back cause ODB has titty shields. Wrestling happens, Gail rolls her up. Mickie James is out, wrestling happens, Gail rolls her up. Velvet Skye is out, wrestling happens, Gail rolls her up, Velvet kicks out, more wrestling happens, Velvet hits a sitout pedigree thingy and wins. Damn Gail Kim won a lot of matches back in the day. Except this one she didn't win this one. But like she did? 
-  At one point ODB hits a Bronco Buster and Todd says "pretty humid down there in the dirty south". Tazz f***ing hates this and says HOLY COW. SUBTLE, TODD, SUBTLE. BEATING ME RIGHT OVER THE HEAD LIKE A SLEDGEHAMMER -- YOU'RE KILLIN ME. Friendly Todd replies with "oh i'm trying!" and Tazz in the cruelest tone of voice says "you sure are". Poor Todd. It's not like Tazz was even being subtle either, at one point he literally said he wished he had a cookie jar that looked like Velvet Sky?? Bro what the hell does that mean

Promo: Daniels and Kazarian

- Appletini era Christopher Daniels was a different breed. Dude seemed so reinvigorated not having to work religion in to his promos anymore and just going in on people. When he slipped in to a Hank Hill voice to make fun of James Storm I lost my damn mind. 

Match #6: Christopher Daniels vs. James Storm

- The Bad Influence theme is one of those things we should be paying respects to at all times. When that "OH MY GOD" hit I got the biggest smile on my face cause I haven't heard this song in like 9 years and it's so perfect. Also Kazarian is at ringside even tho he wasn't allowed to be because he went to the local commission and got a physical manager's license that the ref couldn't do anything about. Honestly a great way to do it because, in a world where wrestling was 100% real, that is Exactly something a naive athletic commission would do and wonder why ppl are pissed off at them lmao.
- Longnecks & Rednecks was such a goofy ass theme but it's also like exactly how a "okay he's a main eventer now" theme should sound. One of my biggest memories from Lockdown 2013 (a couple months after this i think) was James Storm looking like an absolute megastar coming out to this in front of one of the biggest crowds TNA had ever had. 
- Todd says it's amazing that this is the first time that Christopher Daniels and James Storm have ever faced eachother on PPV and Tazz is on his ass again like "amazing??? isn't that a bit of an overstatement" and Mike actually stands up for Todd with "he likes the factoids!" cause you know damn well Mike Tenay isn't gonna let anyone make fun of somebody that knows their statistics. Even one that accused him of being gay for Kenny King. 
- Daniels wins after Kazarian distracts Storm and Daniels gets a feet on the ropes pin. Limp finish but I can deal with it cause Bad Influence were so hot at this period. 

Promo: Bully Ray and Brooke Hogan

- You can tell Bully Ray is a good guy now because he's wearing a dress shirt but you can tell he's still Bully Ray cause the dress shirt is covered in tribal tats like that one silver Gameboy. 
- Bully Ray won't stop talking about how hot Brooke looks right now even tho she's dressed like a bank teller trying to get on with her life. Starts recording the audience with his brick cellphone and is asking them if they're gonna come to his wedding next week. Doesn't warn anyone that it might get freakin hot in there next week cause he's still evil at his core. Camera gets a closeup shot of Ray's phone and Tazz, without any hesitation, points out that he forgot to hit record. Even Tazz's friends aren't safe from his wrath.

Match #7: Sting vs. DOC 

- Sting's punches looked so good here that it made me think about how many dudes nowadays have garbage looking punches and yet explicitly want you to pay attention to their striking lmao
- This was not PPV worthy at all and you probably guessed that already. Doc looked roughhhh and the crowd didn't care about him or his offense at all. He kicked out of a half Scorpion Deathdrop (he was on his knees) to legit 0 reaction. I wish they had done bald guy twin magic where Doc went under the ring and D-Von emerged from the other side to do the rest of the match.
- Sting wins with a 2nd Deathdrop to hardly any reaction because Doc's offense killed the crowd so hard. Sting's big comeback hardly got a reaction either. I feel bad shitting on Doc but how do you kill a crowd so bad they don't care about Sting hulking up??? Let alone a crowd that's filled with dudes painted like Sting???

Match #8 TNA World Championship: Jeff Hardy (c) vs. Bobby Roode vs. Austin Aries

- Tale of the tape listed Austin Aries as 5'9. This is where trust issues come from.
- Jeff Hardy loved having eyes on his eyelids in this era. 
- Bobby Roode's IT Factor trunks look so much like Law & Order SVU it's f***ed up. Also shoutouts to when Bobby Roode was the absolute f***ing man. Miss this guy.
- The way Mike Tenay calls The Brainbuster is so so underrated. Dude properly winces at head drops and it's great cause me too dude ow. 
- This match f***ing rules. Roode and Aries working together to try and eliminate Jeff while it all slowly falls apart cause Jeff won't stay down. All 3 of them woke the crowd up from their Good Brother induced coma, which was *not* easy because they were still super quiet during the entrances. You can definitely see why Bobby Roode and Austin Aries ended up becoming a team later on, because these two work so great together as two dysfunctional weirdos. Jeff Hardy was definitely reinvigorated around this time too after having such a rough 2011, I actually forgot he could still go This fast by 2013. Everything builds to Roode and Aries finally turning on eachother before Jeff sneaks in while they're in a pretzel predicament after having a rly tense fight with eachother and pins Bobby to eliminate him. Jeff immediately hits the weird lil Twist of Fate stunner on Austin, then goes to hit him with another one but Austin shoves him off in to the corner. Hardy gets flipped on to the apron but manages to hit Aries with a Twist of Fate through the ropes, then wins with the Swanton. Actually go out of yr way to watch this match, especially if you really love Jeff Hardy being a conquering hero.

So overall this show was pretty decent and honestly way better than Sacrifice 2012 was. Bunch of rough moments, specifically Sting/Doc, the opening match which was like the most appalling combo of ppl ever, and that rly boring Joe/Anderson match, but overall I felt good by the end. Hardy/Roode/Aries being as good as it was saved it big time. Also D-Von vs. Joseph Park made me happy. Seriously why does no one talk about what a workhorse D-Von on his own was??? If I were becoming a wrestler I'd want this dude to be my trainer.