Should I continue this relationship?

[karl100589]

Last year I began dating a girl I met through online dating. We'd done a couple of things together like going out for meals, bowling, hiking etc. But I realised how much of the activity side of things was on my end. I was the one asking to hang out, choosing where to go etc.

In January I booked a table for a swanky restaurant, but she had to cancel as she was too busy focusing on her studies. Understable given she's training to be a welfare officer. And I made the decision to wait and see if she tried to arrange something else. No answer.

Recently though I texted her to see how she was and we really started kicking things off again. Maybe it's me being a bit lovelorn and not finding success anywhere else, but I kinda want to give it another try.

Is it something I should go for?

[Deleted]

Only you know for sure really. I don't see any red flags here personally. I'd say go for it what's the harm? Worst case scenario at least you know.

[The Summer of Muskrat XVII]

Personally, I would say if they’re not putting in effort to spend time with you, don’t put in effort to spend time with them. Sounds like you’re a backup plan. But that’s a very broad stroke, doesn’t fit every situation. So, maybe trust your gut.

Just don’t accept being a “convenience boyfriend”. That never ends well

[Cranjis McBasketball]

I wouldn’t but that’s because I spent a lot of time doing what you’re thinking of doing.

Now, any excuse to not go out, I’m done.

[KAMALARAMBO: BOOMSHAKALAKA!!!]

Apr 9, 2022 17:07:41 GMT -5 The Summer of Muskrat XVII said:

Personally, I would say if they’re not putting in effort to spend time with you, don’t put in effort to spend time with them. Sounds like you’re a backup plan. But that’s a very broad stroke, doesn’t fit every situation. So, maybe trust your gut.

Just don’t accept being a “convenience boyfriend”. That never ends well

That’s kind of the modern dating mindset. Everyone is always looking for the bigger better deal.

I agree though with your assessment. From what the OP wrote she doesn’t seem that interested. To the OP, you might grow on her if you put in the work, but remember that bigger better deal thing isn’t one sided. You might just want to find someone who is more into you from the beginning.

[Hit Girl]

End it.

[Limity (BLM)]

You have your previous experience with her to judge your current experience. If she's acting the same way, putting up the same red flags, then you reasonably know how it will end.

[Fade]

Honestly, it may not be anything nefarious on her end. The picture you laid out means she might just be focused and dedicated. But this might not be the best thing for you bud. You’re going through the trouble of doing this and feel the need to ask others. Only you will know for sure.

["Sweet & Sour" ImSoFudginGreat]

For me, a relationship is give and take. My partner and I often say we are teammates. From the information you gave, she is focussing on her studies, which in turn isn’t giving you what you want, which is why I am assuming you created this thread. It may be worth having a conversation along the lines of “how the studies are going? What are your plans for after they are done?”. If her studies are going to lead to a move to a different place, or long shifts, it may be a long time before you are reading the same book, let along on the same page.

[Deleted]

If you aren't sure if you want to be with someone, you probably dont.

[Deleted]

I had a rule when I was dating that if someone cancelled that's fair enough. But if they're not following that up by suggesting alternative plans that's a red flag. Only want to date someone whose actually excited and willing to put work in as well you know?

[Dr. T is an alien]

I would be disinclined to stay, but I don't know her. She may simply be so overwhelmed at the moment that she doesn't look for more things to put on her plate but is interested enough in you to accept your invitations all the same. She may simply be flaky. On the other hand, you might not rate as highly amongst her interests as you would like. I simply don't know. If you can get past the behavior based on your familiarity with the woman, then I don't see the harm.

[Kalmia]

Some people aren't good at making the first move and suggesting things, even if there have been previous dates and things are a bit surer.

Why don't you just ask her? You can phrase it as wondering if she has enough time for a relationship with her studies. This gives both of you an easy out to end it if she wants to.

[floundertime]

I’m shallow and it would depend on a few other things