Punk's media scrum, Page 54, Muffins, Biting People Bad™

[Chiral]

We at PWInsider can exclusively report that CM Punk (who is 9 inches flaccid if you can believe it!) was unfortunately and rudely beat up by those meanies the Young Bucks, who were defending their stupid friend Hangman Page. Hangman clearly was in the wrong for going into business for himself to the large penised CM Punk, who just tried to get everyone to get along. When Hangman just wouldn't let it go, The Voice of The Voiceless had to show him what for. Because his feelings were hurt big time (though his penis is still very large), Punk reacted like anyone who had their pride wounded would do and is completely in the right. After Punk personally invited the Bucks to speak with him in private, the Bucks had the audacity to speak with him in private immediately and Punk reacted how any sane person would, with fists swinging! Hangman Page is very dumb. Tony Khan is a loser idiot coward for being mean to CM Punk, and has been scheming since AEW's inception to try and take him down with his nefarious wrestling booking schemes. Punk didn't even want to be in AEW but he pitied them for how much they sucked and wanted to give them a shot in the arm (or perhaps a firm smack from his very big dong). Truly you can see the effect with Punk gone, unfairly and meanly fired from AEW. Punk would have been injured and gone anyway, but don't worry about that. Worry instead about a company now lead by an empty headed cowboy named Hangman Page, door kickers The Young Buck, and Kenny Omega, who uh video games or something and is bad. Tony Khan is a big stupid loser doofus and CM Punk is much happier without them, and soon will be getting $1.3 billion dollars from WWE from his next contract $6.2 mil for a new comic line with Marvel, and millions more from his great amounts of Hollywood roles coming up. CM Punk, we salute you!

[The Ichi]

Nov 5, 2022 9:51:04 GMT -5 Heartbreaker said:

When this is all over and done with, can Hollywood PLEASE give us a biopic in the style of I, Tonya?

CM Punk: Jake Gyllenhaal
Tony Khan: Rami Malek
The Young Bucks: Aaron Paul in a dual role
Kenny Omega: Jeremy Allen White
Larry: Christian Bale (as a method actor, he lives with a pack of stray dogs for six months)
Ace Steel: Brendan Fraser
Colt Cabana: Andy Samberg
Hangman Page: Chris Hemsworth

f*** it have Tarantino direct it so we can have a 10 minute scene where Punk talks about muffins.

Brendan Fraser as Ace Steel is genius, but I feel Brendan is too likeable. May I suggest Woody Allen?

[Final Countdown Jones]

Nov 5, 2022 15:31:20 GMT -5 Kalmia said:

Did PW Insider have any news on this thing at all? IIRC, all of the proper updates came from Meltzer and SRS/Fightful Select.

On this story, pretty. Mike Johnson is still that like right-below-Meltzer tier of respectability where he doesn't typically post unhinged garbage and has broken scoops here and there, but that also means that he's a lot more quiet because he usualyl only reports firsthand based on his scoops and I don't think he had any inside track on this story. But where you can have like, Wrestling Observer where there's multiple people under its umbrella other than Meltzer who say reliable stuff, with PWI you kind of just want to overlook anything not written by Mike Johnson. And this shit wasn't Mike Johnson.

[Xxcjb01xX [PIECE OF: SH-]]

Nov 5, 2022 15:44:57 GMT -5 Chiral said:

We at PWInsider can exclusively report that CM Punk (who is 9 inches flaccid if you can believe it!) was unfortunately and rudely beat up by those meanies the Young Bucks, who were defending their stupid friend Hangman Page. Hangman clearly was in the wrong for going into business for himself to the large penised CM Punk, who just tried to get everyone to get along. When Hangman just wouldn't let it go, The Voice of The Voiceless had to show him what for. Because his feelings were hurt big time (though his penis is still very large), Punk reacted like anyone who had their pride wounded would do and is completely in the right. After Punk personally invited the Bucks to speak with him in private, the Bucks had the audacity to speak with him in private immediately and Punk reacted how any sane person would, with fists swinging! Hangman Page is very dumb. Tony Khan is a loser idiot coward for being mean to CM Punk, and has been scheming since AEW's inception to try and take him down with his nefarious wrestling booking schemes. Punk didn't even want to be in AEW but he pitied them for how much they sucked and wanted to give them a shot in the arm (or perhaps a firm smack from his very big dong). Truly you can see the effect with Punk gone, unfairly and meanly fired from AEW. Punk would have been injured and gone anyway, but don't worry about that. Worry instead about a company now lead by an empty headed cowboy named Hangman Page, door kickers The Young Buck, and Kenny Omega, who uh video games or something and is bad. Tony Khan is a big stupid loser doofus and CM Punk is much happier without them, and soon will be getting $1.3 billion dollars from WWE from his next contract $6.2 mil for a new comic line with Marvel, and millions more from his great amounts of Hollywood roles coming up. CM Punk, we salute you!

The PW actually stood for Punk Worshippers this whole time!

[jm]

Nov 5, 2022 15:44:57 GMT -5 Chiral said:

We at PWInsider can exclusively report that CM Punk (who is 9 inches flaccid if you can believe it!) was unfortunately and rudely beat up by those meanies the Young Bucks, who were defending their stupid friend Hangman Page. Hangman clearly was in the wrong for going into business for himself to the large penised CM Punk, who just tried to get everyone to get along. When Hangman just wouldn't let it go, The Voice of The Voiceless had to show him what for. Because his feelings were hurt big time (though his penis is still very large), Punk reacted like anyone who had their pride wounded would do and is completely in the right. After Punk personally invited the Bucks to speak with him in private, the Bucks had the audacity to speak with him in private immediately and Punk reacted how any sane person would, with fists swinging! Hangman Page is very dumb. Tony Khan is a loser idiot coward for being mean to CM Punk, and has been scheming since AEW's inception to try and take him down with his nefarious wrestling booking schemes. Punk didn't even want to be in AEW but he pitied them for how much they sucked and wanted to give them a shot in the arm (or perhaps a firm smack from his very big dong). Truly you can see the effect with Punk gone, unfairly and meanly fired from AEW. Punk would have been injured and gone anyway, but don't worry about that. Worry instead about a company now lead by an empty headed cowboy named Hangman Page, door kickers The Young Buck, and Kenny Omega, who uh video games or something and is bad. Tony Khan is a big stupid loser doofus and CM Punk is much happier without them, and soon will be getting $1.3 billion dollars from WWE from his next contract $6.2 mil for a new comic line with Marvel, and millions more from his great amounts of Hollywood roles coming up. CM Punk, we salute you!

[Final Countdown Jones]

God I'm rereading that PWI article but now not falling asleep, and it actually got so much worse when I discovered he keeps going.

So on Dynamite this week, Colt Cabana was on TV against Jericho. At least one AEW apologist said that “proved” all along that Punk kept Cabana off TV! Good Lord, to be that clueless. I won’t get into how wrong that person was today, but the fact of the matter is that Cabana appearing on TV was an FU to Punk. It can’t be seen any other way by a sane person. Was it Jericho’s idea? Was it Khan’s? If I had to guess, I would say Jericho suggested it and the head booker went with it. It doesn’t matter in the end because it was a “firing him on his wedding day” kind of thing to do

This bit? This bit is like eight kinds of unhinged. The conspiracy theory shit. The idea that booking Colt Cabana is on the same level as rush shipping the guy termination papers on his wedding day. The cognitive dissonance in "this is the greatest affront to Punk but Punk had no part in Colt in any way" is so incredible to witness. And then his claims that The Elite are like ratings poison and killing the show. It's all so much. It's baffling. This is deranged. I know I just said PWI when it's not Mike Johnson is already pretty pointless, but there's some real next level shit in this screed.

[Dub H]

Nov 5, 2022 16:27:14 GMT -5 Final Countdown Jones said:

God I'm rereading that PWI article but now not falling asleep, and it actually got so much worse when I discovered he keeps going.

So on Dynamite this week, Colt Cabana was on TV against Jericho. At least one AEW apologist said that “proved” all along that Punk kept Cabana off TV! Good Lord, to be that clueless. I won’t get into how wrong that person was today, but the fact of the matter is that Cabana appearing on TV was an FU to Punk. It can’t be seen any other way by a sane person. Was it Jericho’s idea? Was it Khan’s? If I had to guess, I would say Jericho suggested it and the head booker went with it. It doesn’t matter in the end because it was a “firing him on his wedding day” kind of thing to do

This bit? This bit is like eight kinds of unhinged. The conspiracy theory shit. The idea that booking Colt Cabana is on the same level as rush shipping the guy termination papers on his wedding day. The cognitive dissonance in "this is the greatest affront to Punk but Punk had no part in Colt in any way" is so incredible to witness. And then his claims that The Elite are like ratings poison and killing the show. It's all so much. It's baffling. This is deranged. I know I just said PWI when it's not Mike Johnson is already pretty pointless, but there's some real next level shit in this screed.

TK is literally Hitler

[jm]

Nov 5, 2022 16:27:14 GMT -5 Final Countdown Jones said:

God I'm rereading that PWI article but now not falling asleep, and it actually got so much worse when I discovered he keeps going.

So on Dynamite this week, Colt Cabana was on TV against Jericho. At least one AEW apologist said that “proved” all along that Punk kept Cabana off TV! Good Lord, to be that clueless. I won’t get into how wrong that person was today, but the fact of the matter is that Cabana appearing on TV was an FU to Punk. It can’t be seen any other way by a sane person. Was it Jericho’s idea? Was it Khan’s? If I had to guess, I would say Jericho suggested it and the head booker went with it. It doesn’t matter in the end because it was a “firing him on his wedding day” kind of thing to do

This bit? This bit is like eight kinds of unhinged. The conspiracy theory shit. The idea that booking Colt Cabana is on the same level as rush shipping the guy termination papers on his wedding day. The cognitive dissonance in "this is the greatest affront to Punk but Punk had no part in Colt in any way" is so incredible to witness. And then his claims that The Elite are like ratings poison and killing the show. It's all so much. It's baffling. This is deranged. I know I just said PWI when it's not Mike Johnson is already pretty pointless, but there's some real next level shit in this screed.

Don't forget the classic line of "I won't get into how wrong that person was today". If that person is so wrong about Punk being the reason that Colt was off TV, wouldn't you want to explain why NOW? Or is it that saying "I won't get into how wrong that person was today" is you pretty much saying "I believe he's wrong, but I can't prove it"?

[Allie Kitsune]

Nov 5, 2022 16:27:14 GMT -5 Final Countdown Jones said:

God I'm rereading that PWI article but now not falling asleep, and it actually got so much worse when I discovered he keeps going.

So on Dynamite this week, Colt Cabana was on TV against Jericho. At least one AEW apologist said that “proved” all along that Punk kept Cabana off TV! Good Lord, to be that clueless. I won’t get into how wrong that person was today, but the fact of the matter is that Cabana appearing on TV was an FU to Punk. It can’t be seen any other way by a sane person. Was it Jericho’s idea? Was it Khan’s? If I had to guess, I would say Jericho suggested it and the head booker went with it. It doesn’t matter in the end because it was a “firing him on his wedding day” kind of thing to do

This bit? This bit is like eight kinds of unhinged. The conspiracy theory shit. The idea that booking Colt Cabana is on the same level as rush shipping the guy termination papers on his wedding day. The cognitive dissonance in "this is the greatest affront to Punk but Punk had no part in Colt in any way" is so incredible to witness. And then his claims that The Elite are like ratings poison and killing the show. It's all so much. It's baffling. This is deranged. I know I just said PWI when it's not Mike Johnson is already pretty pointless, but there's some real next level shit in this screed.

Scherer has been around long enough that he shouldn't fall under Punk's spell.

And yet...

[Kalmia]

Nov 5, 2022 16:27:14 GMT -5 Final Countdown Jones said:

God I'm rereading that PWI article but now not falling asleep, and it actually got so much worse when I discovered he keeps going.

So on Dynamite this week, Colt Cabana was on TV against Jericho. At least one AEW apologist said that “proved” all along that Punk kept Cabana off TV! Good Lord, to be that clueless. I won’t get into how wrong that person was today, but the fact of the matter is that Cabana appearing on TV was an FU to Punk. It can’t be seen any other way by a sane person. Was it Jericho’s idea? Was it Khan’s? If I had to guess, I would say Jericho suggested it and the head booker went with it. It doesn’t matter in the end because it was a “firing him on his wedding day” kind of thing to do

This bit? This bit is like eight kinds of unhinged. The conspiracy theory shit. The idea that booking Colt Cabana is on the same level as rush shipping the guy termination papers on his wedding day. The cognitive dissonance in "this is the greatest affront to Punk but Punk had no part in Colt in any way" is so incredible to witness. And then his claims that The Elite are like ratings poison and killing the show. It's all so much. It's baffling. This is deranged. I know I just said PWI when it's not Mike Johnson is already pretty pointless, but there's some real next level shit in this screed.

Of course the Elite are ratings poison! Kenny Omega has never drawn a dime in his life and you will absolutely not find any ratings, PPV buys/gates, or merchandise sales to contradict that at all /s

[Allie Kitsune]

CM Punk will NEVER Main Event the Tokyo Dome.

[Final Countdown Jones]

"Now that the absence of Punk and The EVPs has set in, a pattern seems to be forming and it’s not good where ticket sales are concerned. I know some “supportive” reporters are blaming the loss of sales on the EVPs not being there (which of course fits their narrative because some of them said from the beginning that if Kenny Omega and The Young Bucks got on national TV, they would pass WWE within a year or so). Well, the EVPs were on TV last week and Baltimore didn’t get a big bump in sales (nor did the Dynamite rating). Atlantic City didn’t get a bump in sales either. And again, let’s not forget that The Bucks and Omega’s segments before they left were losing viewers in a big way. I don’t see any world where people will turn off the free TV when those guys come on, but spend money to go watch them live, but I am not an apologist trying in vain to be “right” about something I was clearly wrong about."

Retroactively Punk was even more right because nobody wants to see The Elite they want to see Punk and it's scientifically proven that even before Punk said what he said the Elite were objectively bad for ratings and draws so now AEW is super f***ed and in real trouble now! If you say the ratings were hurt by the Elite then you're a suppoprtive reporter trying to cover your ass and your own claims, definitely! They're bad draws and bad for TV and Punk is better in every way.

[jm]

Nov 5, 2022 17:12:02 GMT -5 Final Countdown Jones said:

"Now that the absence of Punk and The EVPs has set in, a pattern seems to be forming and it’s not good where ticket sales are concerned. I know some “supportive” reporters are blaming the loss of sales on the EVPs not being there (which of course fits their narrative because some of them said from the beginning that if Kenny Omega and The Young Bucks got on national TV, they would pass WWE within a year or so). Well, the EVPs were on TV last week and Baltimore didn’t get a big bump in sales (nor did the Dynamite rating). Atlantic City didn’t get a bump in sales either. And again, let’s not forget that The Bucks and Omega’s segments before they left were losing viewers in a big way. I don’t see any world where people will turn off the free TV when those guys come on, but spend money to go watch them live, but I am not an apologist trying in vain to be “right” about something I was clearly wrong about."

Retroactively Punk was even more right because nobody wants to see The Elite they want to see Punk and it's scientifically proven that even before Punk said what he said the Elite were objectively bad for ratings and draws so now AEW is super f***ed and in real trouble now! If you say the ratings were hurt by the Elite then you're a suppoprtive reporter trying to cover your ass and your own claims, definitely! They're bad draws and bad for TV and Punk is better in every way.

"Well, the EVPs were on TV last week and Baltimore didn’t get a big bump in sales (nor did the Dynamite rating). Atlantic City didn’t get a bump in sales either."
When were Omega and The Bucks on TV last week?? Is he talking about the video that lasted less than a minute where The Elite never even appeared on camera and wasn't even advertised beforehand?? How can he possibly call that "The EVPs were on TV last week"?
And he does realize that Dynamite this past Wed was on against THE WORLD SERIES right? And that game was also a no-hitter in progress as Dynamite was on?
Finally, how can The Elite be blamed for low ticket sales if they haven't appeared in person on TV yet??
The more and more you read of this article, it truly is Elite Derangement Syndrome in print.

[Facetious]

I vividly remember seeing AEW in local school gymnasiums before CM Punk arrived. They had like 3 people in the crowd. And they couldn't even draw a 100 people to watch the show on Destination America!

Punk lifted them up from poverty!

[The Captain]

Someone tell David Scherer to stop it. He's embarrassing himself and his family. And bringing dishonor to the Empire.

[Gawk Rivers]

Nov 5, 2022 17:23:11 GMT -5 Facetious said:

I vividly remember seeing AEW in local school gymnasiums before CM Punk arrived. They had like 3 people in the crowd. And they couldn't even draw a 100 people to watch the show on Destination America!

Punk lifted them up from poverty!

Who could forget the episode of Dynamite the week before Punk signed where they were just in an empty building full of cats and Excalibur was selling Miracle Breakthrough Oil. 

[Final Countdown Jones]

Nov 5, 2022 17:23:06 GMT -5 jm said:

Nov 5, 2022 17:12:02 GMT -5 Final Countdown Jones said:

"Now that the absence of Punk and The EVPs has set in, a pattern seems to be forming and it’s not good where ticket sales are concerned. I know some “supportive” reporters are blaming the loss of sales on the EVPs not being there (which of course fits their narrative because some of them said from the beginning that if Kenny Omega and The Young Bucks got on national TV, they would pass WWE within a year or so). Well, the EVPs were on TV last week and Baltimore didn’t get a big bump in sales (nor did the Dynamite rating). Atlantic City didn’t get a bump in sales either. And again, let’s not forget that The Bucks and Omega’s segments before they left were losing viewers in a big way. I don’t see any world where people will turn off the free TV when those guys come on, but spend money to go watch them live, but I am not an apologist trying in vain to be “right” about something I was clearly wrong about."

Retroactively Punk was even more right because nobody wants to see The Elite they want to see Punk and it's scientifically proven that even before Punk said what he said the Elite were objectively bad for ratings and draws so now AEW is super f***ed and in real trouble now! If you say the ratings were hurt by the Elite then you're a suppoprtive reporter trying to cover your ass and your own claims, definitely! They're bad draws and bad for TV and Punk is better in every way.

"Well, the EVPs were on TV last week and Baltimore didn’t get a big bump in sales (nor did the Dynamite rating). Atlantic City didn’t get a bump in sales either."
When were Omega and The Bucks on TV last week?? Is he talking about the video that lasted less than a minute where The Elite never even appeared on camera and wasn't even advertised beforehand?? How can he possibly call that "The EVPs were on TV last week"?
And he does realize that Dynamite this past Wed was on against THE WORLD SERIES right? And that game was also a no-hitter in progress as Dynamite was on?
Finally, how can The Elite be blamed for low ticket sales if they haven't appeared in person on TV yet??
The more and more you read of this article, it truly is Elite Derangement Syndrome in print.

The whole thing reads as the sort of bad faith data nitpicking filtered through bizarre opinion that you expect out of like, bottom rung wrestling news websites that deal in sensationalizing offhand Observer Radio comments and clickbaiting comments from toxic old timers on their podcasts. Not Pro Wrestling Insider. The Elite aren't bumping ticket sales for shows that The Elite haven't been billed to, this is proof they won't sell! But Punk would! Also All Out doing worse than last year isn't Punk's fault, you know. It's not Punk's fault, it's Tony's fault for this show centered around CM Punk not selling as well. But CM Punk is their real actual draw! We're the real honest journalists who tell the definite very good truth and don['t pretend The Elite are draws just to try and retroactively cover our asses!

It's embarrassing.

[Final Countdown Jones]

Nov 5, 2022 17:56:09 GMT -5 Gawk Rivers said:

Nov 5, 2022 17:23:11 GMT -5 Facetious said:

I vividly remember seeing AEW in local school gymnasiums before CM Punk arrived. They had like 3 people in the crowd. And they couldn't even draw a 100 people to watch the show on Destination America!

Punk lifted them up from poverty!

Who could forget the episode of Dynamite the week before Punk signed where they were just in an empty building full of cats and Excalibur was selling Miracle Breakthrough Oil. 

Remember when AEW was so strapped for cash that they let an entire episode be sponsored by a guru who claims semen retention gives you psychic powers? It used to be so rough. I hear he almost became AEW's Billy Corgan because of how hard-up for cash Tony was.

[Heartbreaker]

Nov 5, 2022 15:51:42 GMT -5 The Ichi said:

Nov 5, 2022 9:51:04 GMT -5 Heartbreaker said:

When this is all over and done with, can Hollywood PLEASE give us a biopic in the style of I, Tonya?

CM Punk: Jake Gyllenhaal
Tony Khan: Rami Malek
The Young Bucks: Aaron Paul in a dual role
Kenny Omega: Jeremy Allen White
Larry: Christian Bale (as a method actor, he lives with a pack of stray dogs for six months)
Ace Steel: Brendan Fraser
Colt Cabana: Andy Samberg
Hangman Page: Chris Hemsworth

f*** it have Tarantino direct it so we can have a 10 minute scene where Punk talks about muffins.

Brendan Fraser as Ace Steel is genius, but I feel Brendan is too likeable. May I suggest Woody Allen?

It’s the perfect opportunity to showcase Fraser’s talents as a villain. An Oscar winning performance

[The Captain]

I'd say "cast Jared Leto as Punk" but that's way too mean to Punk.