How to make friends when you're older?

[Allie Kitsune]

I don't want to come off like I'm sadfishing, or anything like that, but basically since 2020, I've lost most of the social contacts that I had previously (no, not for the reasons you're probably wanting to think), and I've not been really able to make any new connections, whether RL (though honestly, where I live, there aren't really any that I'd want to make), or digitally.

And I know that my anxiety (and tbh, probably a good deal of paranoia, too) doesn't help. It's hard when you're convinced that everybody hates you at first sight.

If anyone answers at all, my guess is that they'd want to focus on finding people physically in my general area, but, well, I don't see that happening, especially since I'm not as grown up as I should be.

More pressingly, I just don't feel like I have anywhere to belong to, even online.

[Baldobomb-22-OH-MAN!!!]

It never hurts to try and reconnect with old friends you just sorta lost contact with. Most of my friends worked that way.

Do you work from an office? Never hurts to just glom onto some cool people you eat lunch with.

Some of my friends are women I dated where the romantic stuff didn't work out but they were cool people so I kept them in my life.

Got any hobbies like Magic or D&D or something? Never hurts to join a local gaming group.

[Deleted]

Most of my friends are from hobbies - playing music, cosplay and conventions, Pokemon Go, other local wrestling fans, things like that. I've found that's the best way to meet people.

[Paul]

Try looking into joining group events on www.meetup.com that look interesting to you. That can be a good way to meet new people who are interested in the same things you are.

[Kalmia]

I had a similar problem. I lived abroad for 8 years and when I came back home, all of my old friends had moved on so far with their lives that I didn't really have the courage to reach out to anyone. I work from home now as well, so I don't have office friends to call on.

I managed to make some friends by finding online groups interested in the same things as me (mainly Star Wars.) The conversations started being about Star Wars, but eventually, if you speak to someone enough, you start talking about other topics and your lives. Then we'd meet up at conventions and events and now we're at the stage where we just meet up for random things and have weekends away together that have nothing to do with Star Wars.

It was a slow process and the pandemic didn't help, but I got there.

[Allie Kitsune]

Jun 6, 2023 8:41:28 GMT -5 Baldobomb-22-OH-MAN!!! said:

It never hurts to try and reconnect with old friends you just sorta lost contact with. Most of my friends worked that way.

Do you work from an office? Never hurts to just glom onto some cool people you eat lunch with.

Some of my friends are women I dated where the romantic stuff didn't work out but they were cool people so I kept them in my life.

Got any hobbies like Magic or D&D or something? Never hurts to join a local gaming group.

Nobody in my office likes me.

And the few who don't dislike me avoid me because they know my supervisor hates me and they don't want to incur his wrath.

[Baldobomb-22-OH-MAN!!!]

Jun 6, 2023 9:12:16 GMT -5 Allie Kitsune said:

Jun 6, 2023 8:41:28 GMT -5 Baldobomb-22-OH-MAN!!! said:

It never hurts to try and reconnect with old friends you just sorta lost contact with. Most of my friends worked that way.

Do you work from an office? Never hurts to just glom onto some cool people you eat lunch with.

Some of my friends are women I dated where the romantic stuff didn't work out but they were cool people so I kept them in my life.

Got any hobbies like Magic or D&D or something? Never hurts to join a local gaming group.

Nobody in my office likes me.

And the few who don't dislike me avoid me because they know my supervisor hates me and they don't want to incur his wrath.

That sucks 😞 definitely go looking outside work then

[mc74]

I never had many friends irl. I had a few back in my childhood, but as I entered my high school years, we drifted apart due to differences in lifestyle choices. Also, I wasn't very well liked because I didn't fit in with the crowd and was often bullied for it. As I entered my high school years, I found myself withdrawing from everyone. Didn't see much point in being around anyone when it seems everyone hates you. It's because of those terrible experiences on top of other personal issues I had going on at the time that I struggled badly with depression.

I can't speak for irl. The only friends I have now are a small group of people I've known online for almost a decade. We came together as sports fans, but as time went on, we all got to know one another better and well....here we are.

It's a slow process, and granted good people are very hard to come across, but it's worth it when you do.

[The Legend of Groose]

Find your favorite hobbies and try to join online communities involving said hobbies. Just be yourself and you will get the real friends. Just know that most communities will have their bad apples. If you can toss the bad and keep the good, you should be fine.

[Allie Kitsune]

Jun 6, 2023 10:52:13 GMT -5 mc74 said:

I never had many friends irl. I had a few back in my childhood, but as I entered my high school years, we drifted apart due to differences in lifestyle choices. Also, I wasn't very well liked because I didn't fit in with the crowd and was often bullied for it. As I entered my high school years, I found myself withdrawing from everyone. Didn't see much point in being around anyone when it seems everyone hates you. It's because of those terrible experiences on top of other personal issues I had going on at the time that I struggled badly with depression.

I can't speak for irl. The only friends I have now are a small group of people I've known online for almost a decade. We came together as sports fans, but as time went on, we all got to know one another better and well....here we are.

It's a slow process, and granted good people are very hard to come across, but it's worth it when you do.

I guess I'm not really that worried about RL right now. Like, I know in order to look "normal", I'm supposed to focus on that, but this area I'm from f***ing _SUCKS_. It's oppressively "normal" and I'll never fit in here, even if I'm too old to go somewhere "weird" (even if I could afford to move).

It's hard to find people online because it feels like everyone is looking for reasons to label someone an outsider and Donald Sutherland them.

[mc74]

Jun 6, 2023 10:55:29 GMT -5 Allie Kitsune said:

Jun 6, 2023 10:52:13 GMT -5 mc74 said:

I never had many friends irl. I had a few back in my childhood, but as I entered my high school years, we drifted apart due to differences in lifestyle choices. Also, I wasn't very well liked because I didn't fit in with the crowd and was often bullied for it. As I entered my high school years, I found myself withdrawing from everyone. Didn't see much point in being around anyone when it seems everyone hates you. It's because of those terrible experiences on top of other personal issues I had going on at the time that I struggled badly with depression.

I can't speak for irl. The only friends I have now are a small group of people I've known online for almost a decade. We came together as sports fans, but as time went on, we all got to know one another better and well....here we are.

It's a slow process, and granted good people are very hard to come across, but it's worth it when you do.

I guess I'm not really that worried about RL right now. Like, I know in order to look "normal", I'm supposed to focus on that, but this area I'm from f***ing _SUCKS_. It's oppressively "normal" and I'll never fit in here, even if I'm too old to go somewhere "weird" (even if I could afford to move).

It's hard to find people online because it feels like everyone is looking for reasons to label someone an outsider and Donald Sutherland them.

Sucks that you live in an area that requires you to be a certain way to fit in. I know all about that growing up, not fitting in because you weren't "normal" based on most people's standards. -__-

I hear you on the online part too. Very frustrating.

[Ultimo Gallos]

Like many have said find people into your hobbies,be it locally or online.

When I moved 16 years ago I knew no one locally. But thru the local indie wrestling events I have built up a small but decent circle of friends.

And I get the not fitting in in your area. I live in the rural deep south in a tiny town. I am not religious at all ,dont give two shits about football or most sports. Don't hunt or fish. And I read.

Part of it is being comfortable as yourself. Takes a bit to get that way.

Wish ya luck.

[dirtyoldman]

This is apparently quite a common thing when people get older. I guess I still have my friends but I just don't see them much these days. But if we got together in the pub it'll be just like old times.

[mc74]

Jun 6, 2023 11:18:48 GMT -5 Ultimo Gallos said:

Part of it is being comfortable as yourself. Takes a bit to get that way.

This, very much. Being yourself is just as important here. The standards people have in place are a major pain in the ass, but I've learned over the years not to let it chain me down.

[ARI WOW WOW]

Jun 6, 2023 8:16:23 GMT -5 Allie Kitsune said:

I don't want to come off like I'm sadfishing, or anything like that, but basically since 2020, I've lost most of the social contacts that I had previously (no, not for the reasons you're probably wanting to think), and I've not been really able to make any new connections, whether RL (though honestly, where I live, there aren't really any that I'd want to make), or digitally.

And I know that my anxiety (and tbh, probably a good deal of paranoia, too) doesn't help. It's hard when you're convinced that everybody hates you at first sight.

If anyone answers at all, my guess is that they'd want to focus on finding people physically in my general area, but, well, I don't see that happening, especially since I'm not as grown up as I should be.

More pressingly, I just don't feel like I have anywhere to belong to, even online.

I can relate to that. I ended up making lots of friends via instagram few years pre-covid n then people drifted away or became weird and toxic and now i am too old to try doing that again with new people cuz of the overthinking and not wanting to come off creepy or weird so i cant even make myself initiate and connect like i used to without worrying as much as i would now.

[J is Justice]

I'd say participate in the live show threads here. I've been here since 2007 and didn't really feel like I knew anyone until I started participating in those.

[salz4life]

Jun 6, 2023 11:20:11 GMT -5 dirtyoldman said:

This is apparently quite a common thing when people get older. I guess I still have my friends but I just don't see them much these days. But if we got together in the pub it'll be just like old times.

I have a few good friends and they all live a ways away from me. However, whenever we get together (not often enough, but...) and really is like we had never been apart. We all make fun of each other and have a great time.

[Non Banjoble Tokens]

Friends are just enemies who won't have sex with you.

That's how that saying goes, right?

[mc74]

It's also hard to make friends when you're not much of a people person either. My anxiety goes through the roof when I'm around people in general.