Re-nationalizing Tolkien

[Sephiroth]

Upon a rewatch of The Rings of Power, I have less quibble with casting choices than I do with the fact that dwarves are always Scottish. Why not some Italian dwarves? “By Aule’s gabbagool! Leave da mithril, take da cannoli!” And elves are the snobs of middle earth, shouldn’t they be pretentious and French?

[Push R Truth]

When I would read LOTR before the movies came out, I envisioned that the Longbeard Dwarves would be like people from the Alps and their cousins in the Iron Hills would be more from Romania or possibly the Caucus Mts. The scottish dwarf thing had me puzzled at first.

[Johnny B. Decent]

I recall Tolkien originally had the Dwarves be more akin to the Jewish Diaspora. Like their language was a closely guarded secret the same way Hebrew was.

[Hit Girl]

Hobbits - Rural English.
Elves - Home Counties English.
Dwarves - Highland Scots.
Rohan - Celts.
Gondor - Northern English.
Mordor - World War I Germans.
Orcs - Foreign Savage Types Of Undetermined Ethnicity Threatening Our Glorious British Empire.
Uruk Hai - Saracens.
Theoden Cured - Anglo-Ireland.
Theoden Cursed - Ireland 1921 Onwards.
Eowyn - Northern Ireland 1921 Onwards.
Wormtongue - Catholicism.
Saruman - The Pope.
Gandalf - Church of England.
Aragorn - Alfred The Great.
Arwen - English Female Purity.
Galadriel - Queen Elizabeth I.
Nazgul - 1930's Nazis.
Nazgul Dragons - Luftwaffe.
Eagles - Americans Arriving Too Late.

[Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill]

Oct 10, 2023 9:55:57 GMT -5 Hit Girl said:

Eagles - Americans Arriving Too Late.

"Make Eyries Great Again"
-Gwaihir probably

[Sephiroth]

Oct 10, 2023 9:55:57 GMT -5 Hit Girl said:

Hobbits - Rural English.
Elves - Home Counties English.
Dwarves - Highland Scots.
Rohan - Celts.
Gondor - Northern English.
Mordor - World War I Germans.
Orcs - Foreign Savage Types Of Undetermined Ethnicity Threatening Our Glorious British Empire.
Uruk Hai - Saracens.
Theoden Cured - Anglo-Ireland.
Theoden Cursed - Ireland 1921 Onwards.
Eowyn - Northern Ireland 1921 Onwards.
Wormtongue - Catholicism.
Saruman - The Pope.
Gandalf - Church of England.
Aragorn - Alfred The Great.
Arwen - English Female Purity.
Galadriel - Queen Elizabeth I.
Nazgul - 1930's Nazis.
Nazgul Dragons - Luftwaffe.
Eagles - Americans Arriving Too Late.

*orcs take over osgiliath*
“Well that was the highlight of our day. Guess we’ll go gamble.”
I’m so going to Mordor.

[YAKMAN is ICHIBAN]

Oct 10, 2023 6:02:48 GMT -5 Sephiroth said:

Upon a rewatch of The Rings of Power, I have less quibble with casting choices than I do with the fact that dwarves are always Scottish. Why not some Italian dwarves? “By Aule’s gabbagool! Leave da mithril, take da cannoli!” And elves are the snobs of middle earth, shouldn’t they be pretentious and French?

I thought this was going to be about the Soviet TV adaptation of Lord of the Rings

variety.com/2021/film/actors/russian-lord-of-the-rings-khraniteli-1234968603/amp/


Or


en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Ringbearer

Macy Halford, in The New Yorker, writes that The Last Ringbearer retells The Lord of the Rings "from the perspective of the bad guys, written by a Russian paleontologist in the late nineties and wildly popular in Russia".[3] The book was written in the context of other Russian reinterpretations of Tolkien's works, such as Natalia Vasilyeva and Natalia Nekrasova's The Black Book of Arda [ru], which treats Melkor as good and the Valar and Eru Ilúvatar as tyrannical rulers.

["Trickster Dogg" James Jesse]

Oct 10, 2023 9:55:57 GMT -5 Hit Girl said:

Eagles - Americans Arriving Too Late.

After The Return of the King, Sauron be like, "I had a rough night, and I hate the f***ing Eagles, man."

[Johnny B. Decent]

Oct 10, 2023 20:09:08 GMT -5 YAKMAN is ICHIBAN said:

Oct 10, 2023 6:02:48 GMT -5 Sephiroth said:

Upon a rewatch of The Rings of Power, I have less quibble with casting choices than I do with the fact that dwarves are always Scottish. Why not some Italian dwarves? “By Aule’s gabbagool! Leave da mithril, take da cannoli!” And elves are the snobs of middle earth, shouldn’t they be pretentious and French?

I thought this was going to be about the Soviet TV adaptation of Lord of the Rings

variety.com/2021/film/actors/russian-lord-of-the-rings-khraniteli-1234968603/amp/


Or


en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Ringbearer

Macy Halford, in The New Yorker, writes that The Last Ringbearer retells The Lord of the Rings "from the perspective of the bad guys, written by a Russian paleontologist in the late nineties and wildly popular in Russia".[3] The book was written in the context of other Russian reinterpretations of Tolkien's works, such as Natalia Vasilyeva and Natalia Nekrasova's The Black Book of Arda [ru], which treats Melkor as good and the Valar and Eru Ilúvatar as tyrannical rulers.

Morgoth: *horribly tortures the first men and elves into orcs, which is a living fate worse then death*

Some Russian Dickhead: Yup, he's the good guy.