The trope of parents disapproving of who their children date

[agent817]

This is something that I had thought of. Often times in media and real life, there is always the father who has little-to-no trust in the guy his daughter dates. I could understand something along the lines of the guy being someone who may use the girl for sex or something like that. I get that. Then there is a double standard of the father being proud of his son getting a girl.

However, you also have the mother who doesn't approve of who her son dates. I often wonder what the deal is with that one. Is it usually a "my son can do better" scenario?

That isn't to say that the mother couldn't disapprove of her daughter's boyfriend. It's a common thing in real life because I recall my mom did not like my sister's ex before she met her husband. I wonder if some dads ever had an issue of who his son is with. If she is abusive or anything like that, that could be understandable. I know both of my parents said my last ex was crazy and had issues. I couldn't argue about that even though we split amicably and are still friends.

Has anybody experienced anything like this? Also, what do you think is the reason for guy's mother not liking her son's girlfriend?

[Cranjis McBasketball]

I dunno, my girlfriend's parents always loved me and disapproved of whatever loser she chose next, or so what limited information I had filtered back to me.

[Kalmia]

Some mothers think that their sons are the bestest sons in the world and no woman will ever be good enough for them. They can get just as jealous of a relationship between a son and his partner as a father can of his daughter's relationship with her new partner. It's partly the feeling of being replaced, that they're no longer the most important woman in the son's life and that only the mother knows best.

It's not always the case, but it sometimes makes for some seriously messed up men who don't know how to take care of themselves because mommy always did it. They often expect their partner to be a mother instead of an equal.

[Baldobomb-22-OH-MAN!!!]

I'm glad my parents have never been like this.

[Push R Truth]

I had it once with my parents. My mother heavily disapproved of a girl I dated for two years because "she looked like somebody I hated". Nice reasoning mom.


I also experienced it on my wife's side but only AFTER the marriage. Her mother AND grandmother demanded that I divorce my wife after we found out that I was sterile. Nothing like having a nearly 100 year old lady say you are going to ruin her granddaughter's life after we've been happily married for 20 years. That's one nursing home I'll never see again.

[Sephiroth]

I can count my relationships on one hand. Most of them were long distance and my parents barely knew of them. Only once did my parents disapprove, at the time I was 23 and she was 40, so I totally understand, they knew it wouldn’t last long and they occasionally bust my chops about it to this day. On top of that, one girl I briefly but have remained friend with ever since is and is in contact with my mother, albeit in the loosest sense. Mom sometimes drops “You missed the boat with her.”

[Sephiroth]

I can count my relationships on one hand. Most of them were long distance and my parents barely knew of them. Only once did my parents disapprove, at the time I was 23 and she was 40, so I totally understand, they knew it wouldn’t last long and they occasionally bust my chops about it to this day. On top of that, one girl I briefly but have remained friend with ever since is and is in contact with my mother, albeit in the loosest sense. Mom sometimes drops “You missed the boat with her.”

[Allie Kitsune]

There's literally nobody my father would approve of me being with. He doesn't think I'm good enough for anybody.

[WoodStoner1]

That trope works for the Hulkster, brother.

[Ultimo Gallos]

Hmm

First wife both parent didn't like her.
Second one they liked her

Current GF,Dad has always liked her,took mom years to warm up to her.

[Mighty Attack Tribble]

Back when I found the idea of being in a relationship enticing I never really introduced my girlfriends to my parents, so they really didn't get to form opinions.

All my girlfriends' parents adored me, except for the mother of one of them. Guess which girlfriend I wound up having a kid with?

[An Dog On An Skateboard]

I've never been in that position myself, but I know there were girls my brother went out with that my parents didn't like or didn't think were a positive influence, neither of them said anything to him though. My brother will never be told anything, so perhaps that's why. I think my mum put her foot down once when she thought he was seeing a younger girl - which I don't think he was, as it turns out - and she didn't want him to do anything stupid.

In my family it's my grandmother that worries me, she's wildly racist, xenophobic, homophobic, whatever else; when a distant female cousin had a relationship with another woman my grandmother actually gloated a bit when it ended because she didn't approve of it being a same-sex relationship. It makes me wonder how she would react if one of her grandchildren had a relationship with someone who wasn't white. I've had a mixed race relationship before (although they never met) and the last date I went on was with a Filipino woman, if that was to hypothetically evolve into something more I would worry that my grandmother would behave inappropriately towards her because of her race.

[Ultimo Gallos]

Oct 24, 2023 4:02:57 GMT -5 An Dog On An Skateboard said:

I've never been in that position myself, but I know there were girls my brother went out with that my parents didn't like or didn't think were a positive influence, neither of them said anything to him though. My brother will never be told anything, so perhaps that's why. I think my mum put her foot down once when she thought he was seeing a younger girl - which I don't think he was, as it turns out - and she didn't want him to do anything stupid.

In my family it's my grandmother that worries me, she's wildly racist, xenophobic, homophobic, whatever else; when a distant female cousin had a relationship with another woman my grandmother actually gloated a bit when it ended because she didn't approve of it being a same-sex relationship. It makes me wonder how she would react if one of her grandchildren had a relationship with someone who wasn't white. I've had a mixed race relationship before (although they never met) and the last date I went on was with a Filipino woman, if that was to hypothetically evolve into something more I would worry that my grandmother would behave inappropriately towards her because of her race.

Had that issue with an Uncle on my father's side. But going on 5 years now I haven't seen or heard from that uncle. Oddly his wife is a mixture of a few different races. When asked about this his excuse "well she was raised white"

[An Dog On An Skateboard]

Oct 24, 2023 5:36:40 GMT -5 Ultimo Gallos said:

Oct 24, 2023 4:02:57 GMT -5 An Dog On An Skateboard said:

I've never been in that position myself, but I know there were girls my brother went out with that my parents didn't like or didn't think were a positive influence, neither of them said anything to him though. My brother will never be told anything, so perhaps that's why. I think my mum put her foot down once when she thought he was seeing a younger girl - which I don't think he was, as it turns out - and she didn't want him to do anything stupid.

In my family it's my grandmother that worries me, she's wildly racist, xenophobic, homophobic, whatever else; when a distant female cousin had a relationship with another woman my grandmother actually gloated a bit when it ended because she didn't approve of it being a same-sex relationship. It makes me wonder how she would react if one of her grandchildren had a relationship with someone who wasn't white. I've had a mixed race relationship before (although they never met) and the last date I went on was with a Filipino woman, if that was to hypothetically evolve into something more I would worry that my grandmother would behave inappropriately towards her because of her race.

Had that issue with an Uncle on my father's side. But going on 5 years now I haven't seen or heard from that uncle. Oddly his wife is a mixture of a few different races. When asked about this his excuse "well she was raised white"

Yeah, it can be difficult to know where the line is drawn because as far as old racists are concerned there's "good ones" or people who, like you say, they basically consider honorary white people or whatever, which is pretty gross. My granny holds some ethnicities and nationalities in total contempt but not others, and it's hard to know who's "alright" and who isn't, and which biases override what; my brother's wife is South American but she's light-skinned and Catholic so there's not a problem. I don't know what would happen if my brother or I or one of our cousins had a relationship with someone who very clearly wasn't white, and/or who was a different religion, and I'm not sure I want to find out.

[zrowsdower]

Parent: What do you see in him? Where did you learn to pick a loser like him?

Child: I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU!

Narrator: Children who date losers, have parents who married losers.

[DichEvans]

Oct 23, 2023 7:56:13 GMT -5 Allie Kitsune said:

There's literally nobody my father would approve of me being with. He doesn't think I'm good enough for anybody.

Well i think you're pretty rad 

[King Devitt and the Woke Mob]

Oh god...my ex-husband's parent's HATED me.

But in fairness I was the way he came out to them. So yeah...

And they were southern. Like, SOUTHERN. Those people you'd see on TLC with the confederate flags, deer heads hanging up in the living room, going muddin' on the weekends.

I'm not Southern. I live in Ohio, he lived in Louisiana, we met in 2000 over some MSN worldwide chat page (it's all we had back then...) and holy shit talk about culture shock.

When I went to meet them, we were forbidden to sleep in the same room. My ex's mom wouldn't speak to me directly, but through her son. His younger brother kept trying to call me out to the front yard to kick my ass.

We were together almost 13 years, and it took FIVE of those years to even be put on the Christmas cards. But after that I was invited to family reunions, on vacations, and all around treated like one of the family.

In stark constrast my current partner of almost 9 years his parents loved me immediately. He's mixed race, his Mom is Latina, and I was called Mijo from the very first meeting.

Which is weird because they're the ones who have a bumper sticker on their car of a certain celebrity turned president.

[Ultimo Gallos]

I was worried about meeting her parents. My being 11 years older than her I figured might be an issue to them. Her mother from when she met me liked me. Her dad warmed up to me fast,learning we had both went through BCT at the same base helped.

And what I have met of her extended family seems like me.