Standing up to a toxic bully office manager
Mar 22, 2024 12:07:38 GMT -5
Hassan bin Sober, Hobby Drifter, and 1 more like this
Post by tafkaga on Mar 22, 2024 12:07:38 GMT -5
The office manager just returned to work after 6 months out on medical leave. She's well known for being persistently negative and a bully, even to the degree that she'll have nasty arguments with the boss in front of other staff if she's asked to do something she doesn't like. The boss fights with her like they're on the same level, so there's no one to really hold her accountable. The result is a very anxious office environment anytime she's around, with everyone tiptoing around to avoid her triggers.
I have not been looking forward to her return, but hoping perhaps she'd come back with a different perspective. That didn't happen. Her second day back, she waits until the boss is gone and then comes out into the main office and says some very unkind and unfair things about the boss, because turning people against each other is her thing. Naturally, she's completely oblivious to the fact that everyone is uncomfortable and just cringing and waiting for her to shut up. The next morning we had a staff meeting, where she rolled her eyes, made faces at the boss every time she turned her head, and became defensive and argumentative when she was asked to reevaluate how she did some menial task.
I decided I was done with her behavior, despite the fact that I'm technically underneath her in the heirarchy, and waited for her to approach me and initiate. When she did, I called her out in front of the entire office, told her that she was acting like a baby, that her behavior was completely unreasonable, and that if she wanted respect she needed to behave in a way that was worth my respect. She got belligerent with me, made a number of personal insults toward me, and tried to tell me that I only had my job because of her and how I should be so grateful. I stayed very calm, laughed at her, and turned every one of her attacks back on her. I told her I was tired of her negativity and didn't want her venting to me about my coworkers anymore.
She then called the boss over and told me to repeat everything I'd said to her. I said "You're the one with the grievance so you tell her." She proceeded to tell the boss how I was cruel, called her names, had no compassion for her medical issues, and misrepresented everything I said to her. The three of us went into a room by ourselves where her belligerence turned to tears, and she said she couldn't manage me because I was so disrespectful, and how she thought we were friends and I hurt her so deeply. Again, I repeated that if she wanted me to respect her, she needed to act professionally and not constantly projecting her grievances on the rest of the office. The boss tried to be peacemaker, but basically took my side and didn't assign any blame to me. Nothing was really resolved, but my coworkers were all coming up to me afterward with words of appreciation.
I've felt pretty heavy since this happened yesterday. By any metric, it was a win for me and for the office, but even though I can do confrontation pretty effectively and basically put her in her place anytime I need to, the fact that this situation exists in a persistent state is weighing heavily on my brain. I project carefree confidence, but I wish I felt legit carefree instead of dreading her nasty presence. I've thought about changing jobs, but I've been here more than 15 years and I know there's people like her (and worse) everywhere.
I have not been looking forward to her return, but hoping perhaps she'd come back with a different perspective. That didn't happen. Her second day back, she waits until the boss is gone and then comes out into the main office and says some very unkind and unfair things about the boss, because turning people against each other is her thing. Naturally, she's completely oblivious to the fact that everyone is uncomfortable and just cringing and waiting for her to shut up. The next morning we had a staff meeting, where she rolled her eyes, made faces at the boss every time she turned her head, and became defensive and argumentative when she was asked to reevaluate how she did some menial task.
I decided I was done with her behavior, despite the fact that I'm technically underneath her in the heirarchy, and waited for her to approach me and initiate. When she did, I called her out in front of the entire office, told her that she was acting like a baby, that her behavior was completely unreasonable, and that if she wanted respect she needed to behave in a way that was worth my respect. She got belligerent with me, made a number of personal insults toward me, and tried to tell me that I only had my job because of her and how I should be so grateful. I stayed very calm, laughed at her, and turned every one of her attacks back on her. I told her I was tired of her negativity and didn't want her venting to me about my coworkers anymore.
She then called the boss over and told me to repeat everything I'd said to her. I said "You're the one with the grievance so you tell her." She proceeded to tell the boss how I was cruel, called her names, had no compassion for her medical issues, and misrepresented everything I said to her. The three of us went into a room by ourselves where her belligerence turned to tears, and she said she couldn't manage me because I was so disrespectful, and how she thought we were friends and I hurt her so deeply. Again, I repeated that if she wanted me to respect her, she needed to act professionally and not constantly projecting her grievances on the rest of the office. The boss tried to be peacemaker, but basically took my side and didn't assign any blame to me. Nothing was really resolved, but my coworkers were all coming up to me afterward with words of appreciation.
I've felt pretty heavy since this happened yesterday. By any metric, it was a win for me and for the office, but even though I can do confrontation pretty effectively and basically put her in her place anytime I need to, the fact that this situation exists in a persistent state is weighing heavily on my brain. I project carefree confidence, but I wish I felt legit carefree instead of dreading her nasty presence. I've thought about changing jobs, but I've been here more than 15 years and I know there's people like her (and worse) everywhere.
