Sephiroth
Wade Wilson
Surviving
Posts: 28,961
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Post by Sephiroth on May 4, 2024 8:19:26 GMT -5
This is one of *those* kind of posts. I’m coming off an intensely stressful situation snd need to vent little.
I’ve lived in my apartment for just shy of 12 years. My lease was up in April, I had until May 1st to make up my mind to renew or not. The latest rent increase pretty much breaks my bank, so I was looking around for options. A (former) friend who I had known for over 20 years proposed a solution: she was in the process of moving out of a house she shares with another friend, so she could move in with her boyfriend, so she suggested I move into this house in her place. The potential rent savings would be significant.
I was agreeable, but I wanted to meet the landlords and see a lease. I called repeatedly over the course of two weeks. When I finally got an answer, it was “we don’t have it but we’ll get you a copy.” They own a rental property but don’t keep a copy of the lease, my misgivings were immediately raised. What’s more, they complained to my friend that I “sounded panicked.” She called me, shouting at me that they are an elderly couple, they can’t do things fast, don’t you have any interpersonal skills? All because I just wanted to see a lease.
As the clock ticked, I did actually begin to get panicky. I was down to the wire and still hadn’t seen any paperwork. She kept assuring me that it wasn’t necessary, it was a formality, I just needed to trust people. She even began accusing me of acting suspicious, don’t you trust me after how long we’ve known each other? Finally one day I told her I was ready to throw in the towel, these landlords just aren’t treating it as any priority and I had almost no time left. She reacted to that as well as could be expected, but it did finally get them to produce a lease. We arranged an evening to get together to sign-not even for me to look it over first, to sign. Putting me on the spot.
I arrived early, as is my habit. The fellow I would have been moving in with is someone I have met several times but am not particularly familiar with. He was instantly confrontational; he said I had “put him near an aneurysm” and that I was making the whole process more stressful than it needed to be. Made me out as the bad guy. My mind was made up immediately. I looked over the papers and asked for 24 hours to sign, went home and signed my renewal and dropped it off the next morning.
When I broke the news to her she said I was being “hurtful.” I do feel bad for leaving this other fellow on the hook to loom for a roommate. Sufficed to say, she hasn’t spoken to me since and I doubt she ever will again. I signed a five month renewal and have had to do what no adult wants to do; turn to my parents. My father is going to help me with the increased rent while look for other options. It sucks to lose a long term friendship over this situation, but I do feel I did the right thing by me, even if that meant alienating her. As my father put it, “sometimes you do have to look out for number one.” I don’t think wanting to just see a lease before I committed to anything was all that unreasonable, and that even though they are elderly, the landlords were being very unprofessional in putting me off. And I resent the way I was villainized, I was the one who didn’t want things to come down to the wire like that and I tried repeatedly to get the ball rolling.
On one band I’m relieved the whole mess is over with, st least for the short term, but it’s probably impossible to walk away from such an outcome without any doubts.
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Gecko
Grimlock
FAN Pyrite Member. Muahahaha
Posts: 13,298
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Post by Gecko on May 4, 2024 9:52:48 GMT -5
I'm completely on your side on this one.
1 - If it's that much hassle to get a copy of the lease, think on what it'd be like if and when you have any issues/need repairs. 2 - It doesn't sound like you would have a good time sharing a living space with this guy, just from that first meeting.
It is a shame that you may have lost a long term friend over this, but "trust me"/"how long have we known each other" doesn't come into it when you're dealing with situations where you are signing contracts.
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Post by TOK Hehe'd Around & Found Out on May 4, 2024 10:38:41 GMT -5
Not at all. A potential landlord slow walking a lease and acting like you're in the wrong for requesting 24 hours to read it is a massive red flag. Not even saying that they'd purposefully be bad landlords, but that they had an issue with giving you one in the first place is a major issue and your friend not understanding that means they care less about your well-being than looking good for other people.
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ayumidah
Wade Wilson
Don't bother pretending I seem fine, I like that I'm a mess
Posts: 27,345
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Post by ayumidah on May 4, 2024 15:47:23 GMT -5
Yeah I would've been put off by it all too, especially everything getting pushed to the last minute. Add in everyone getting annoyed with you for wanting time to actually read and understand what you're about to sign? Eh, yeah. I'd have done the same thing.
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Futureraven: Beelzebruv
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
The Ultimate Arbiter of Right And Wrong
Spent half my life here, God help me
Posts: 15,081
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Post by Futureraven: Beelzebruv on May 4, 2024 17:13:25 GMT -5
I'm completely on your side on this one. 1 - If it's that much hassle to get a copy of the lease, think on what it'd be like if and when you have any issues/need repairs. 2 - It doesn't sound like you would have a good time sharing a living space with this guy, just from that first meeting. It is a shame that you may have lost a long term friend over this, but "trust me"/"how long have we known each other" doesn't come into it when you're dealing with situations where you are signing contracts. Yeah that last bit "trust me" As soon as money comes into it in any way, nah that's different. It's where you live, you need that stuff in black and white soon as possible. This isn't lending someone 5 bucks. A friend should understand how something this big needs to be done properly and might, you know, get you a bit anxious at ending up with nothing or in a bad situation.
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Post by Hurbster on May 4, 2024 17:28:52 GMT -5
Nah, moving is stressful and traumatic enough without a lack of guarantees, contracts and deposit protection. In my opinion, you are 100% in the right on this.
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,950
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on May 4, 2024 17:32:51 GMT -5
Usually when someone asks “Was I wrong?” The answer is yes. 100%. In your case, 100% not wrong.
They were trying to stick you with something and you avoided whatever that was.
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Post by bibboid on May 5, 2024 0:26:45 GMT -5
You did nothing wrong.
Any landlord who knows they will be getting a new tenant but does not have a lease ready and waiting is shady as hell. And the “they are old and slow” defense” just makes it worse. Are they going to pull the same crap if the plumbing goes out or the roof starts leaking? You were wise to run.
And the potential future roommate who acts aggressively and gaslights you before you even move in? That one gets a big “OH HELL NO!!”
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Sephiroth
Wade Wilson
Surviving
Posts: 28,961
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Post by Sephiroth on May 5, 2024 11:31:11 GMT -5
Thanks gang. I might add that she also accused me of having Asperger’s, saying my “untrusting” behavior is a personality disorder.
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Post by The Summer of Muskrat XVII on May 5, 2024 17:47:48 GMT -5
The biggest red flag to me is expecting you to sign a lease site unseen. Would you sign a legally binding offer to purchase a house without viewing the house? Of course not. You weren't in the wrong and quite possibly dodged a bullet
EDIT: And "untrusting behaviour" more often then not isn't a personality disorder, its the result of someone trusting being f***ed over by people until they're broken and head into every situation assuming the worst
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Post by TOK Hehe'd Around & Found Out on May 5, 2024 19:00:17 GMT -5
Thanks gang. I might add that she also accused me of having Asperger’s, saying my “untrusting” behavior is a personality disorder. There's about 15 things wrong with her saying that, I'm so sorry you were ever friends with this person.
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Sephiroth
Wade Wilson
Surviving
Posts: 28,961
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Post by Sephiroth on May 6, 2024 7:55:54 GMT -5
The biggest red flag to me is expecting you to sign a lease site unseen. Would you sign a legally binding offer to purchase a house without viewing the house? Of course not. You weren't in the wrong and quite possibly dodged a bullet EDIT: And "untrusting behaviour" more often then not isn't a personality disorder, its the result of someone trusting being f***ed over by people until they're broken and head into every situation assuming the worst On that note, may as well weave the story of the cat fiasco: Several years ago the fellow I would have moved in with was rooming in another house that was owned by a major slob. I saw the inside of it, total hoarder situation. My friend told me this jerk had a cat locked in a small cage in his basement. She wanted to rescue it from this bad situation and suggested the two of them would smuggle it out while he wasn’t home, would I be able to put the cat up for a few days? That way if he went to the police, they could search them both and there would no sign. He didn’t even have any kind of papers for the cat either, so he had no proof of ownership. Being the cat lover I am, I agreed. But only fit a few days. It ended up dragging over a week, testing my patience. I had a tense conversation with her about how long this was going go take. And she blurted out she has left a letter trying to explain why she had to save the cat. I was absolutely floored. “You left a confession???” She had literally handed this guy evidence so they she could feel like she had gotten the last word in. I even asked “Are you stupid?” She got highly offended. Ultimately the cat was taken in by a shelter and nothing was connected to men. I believe she ended up paying some sort of fine. But I still can’t believe she did something so self sabotaging. Let this give an idea of her personality.
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Post by dirtyoldman on May 6, 2024 8:11:23 GMT -5
The biggest red flag to me is expecting you to sign a lease site unseen. Would you sign a legally binding offer to purchase a house without viewing the house? Of course not. You weren't in the wrong and quite possibly dodged a bullet EDIT: And "untrusting behaviour" more often then not isn't a personality disorder, its the result of someone trusting being f***ed over by people until they're broken and head into every situation assuming the worst On that note, may as well weave the story of the cat fiasco: Several years ago the fellow I would have moved in with was rooming in another house that was owned by a major slob. I saw the inside of it, total hoarder situation. My friend told me this jerk had a cat locked in a small cage in his basement. She wanted to rescue it from this bad situation and suggested the two of them would smuggle it out while he wasn’t home, would I be able to put the cat up for a few days? That way if he went to the police, they could search them both and there would no sign. He didn’t even have any kind of papers for the cat either, so he had no proof of ownership. Being the cat lover I am, I agreed. But only fit a few days. It ended up dragging over a week, testing my patience. I had a tense conversation with her about how long this was going go take. And she blurted out she has left a letter trying to explain why she had to save the cat. I was absolutely floored. “You left a confession???” She had literally handed this guy evidence so they she could feel like she had gotten the last word in. I even asked “Are you stupid?” She got highly offended. Ultimately the cat was taken in by a shelter and nothing was connected to men. I believe she ended up paying some sort of fine. But I still can’t believe she did something so self sabotaging. Let this give an idea of her personality. That sounds kinda familiar. Think you may have posted that at the time?
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Post by The Summer of Muskrat XVII on May 6, 2024 8:11:32 GMT -5
The biggest red flag to me is expecting you to sign a lease site unseen. Would you sign a legally binding offer to purchase a house without viewing the house? Of course not. You weren't in the wrong and quite possibly dodged a bullet EDIT: And "untrusting behaviour" more often then not isn't a personality disorder, its the result of someone trusting being f***ed over by people until they're broken and head into every situation assuming the worst On that note, may as well weave the story of the cat fiasco: Several years ago the fellow I would have moved in with was rooming in another house that was owned by a major slob. I saw the inside of it, total hoarder situation. My friend told me this jerk had a cat locked in a small cage in his basement. She wanted to rescue it from this bad situation and suggested the two of them would smuggle it out while he wasn’t home, would I be able to put the cat up for a few days? That way if he went to the police, they could search them both and there would no sign. He didn’t even have any kind of papers for the cat either, so he had no proof of ownership. Being the cat lover I am, I agreed. But only fit a few days. It ended up dragging over a week, testing my patience. I had a tense conversation with her about how long this was going go take. And she blurted out she has left a letter trying to explain why she had to save the cat. I was absolutely floored. “You left a confession???” She had literally handed this guy evidence so they she could feel like she had gotten the last word in. I even asked “Are you stupid?” She got highly offended. Ultimately the cat was taken in by a shelter and nothing was connected to men. I believe she ended up paying some sort of fine. But I still can’t believe she did something so self sabotaging. Let this give an idea of her personality. This person sounds like an incredibly selfcentred person. A selfcentred person who thinks she's some altruistic hero, which is even worse. Sounds like they aren't actually trying to help anyone out, just trying to make themselves feel good about themself by giving the appearance of being helpful hence the ridiculous "all about me" reaction given in both situations you mentioned.
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Sephiroth
Wade Wilson
Surviving
Posts: 28,961
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Post by Sephiroth on May 6, 2024 8:18:18 GMT -5
On that note, may as well weave the story of the cat fiasco: Several years ago the fellow I would have moved in with was rooming in another house that was owned by a major slob. I saw the inside of it, total hoarder situation. My friend told me this jerk had a cat locked in a small cage in his basement. She wanted to rescue it from this bad situation and suggested the two of them would smuggle it out while he wasn’t home, would I be able to put the cat up for a few days? That way if he went to the police, they could search them both and there would no sign. He didn’t even have any kind of papers for the cat either, so he had no proof of ownership. Being the cat lover I am, I agreed. But only fit a few days. It ended up dragging over a week, testing my patience. I had a tense conversation with her about how long this was going go take. And she blurted out she has left a letter trying to explain why she had to save the cat. I was absolutely floored. “You left a confession???” She had literally handed this guy evidence so they she could feel like she had gotten the last word in. I even asked “Are you stupid?” She got highly offended. Ultimately the cat was taken in by a shelter and nothing was connected to men. I believe she ended up paying some sort of fine. But I still can’t believe she did something so self sabotaging. Let this give an idea of her personality. That sounds kinda familiar. Think you may have posted that at the time? Possibly. It was quite an experience
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Post by Zaq "That Guy" Buzzkill on May 6, 2024 10:40:14 GMT -5
Yes you are.
Or, no you're not. idk I'm not reading that.
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Post by Hernan on May 6, 2024 11:26:49 GMT -5
Thanks gang. I might add that she also accused me of having Asperger’s, saying my “untrusting” behavior is a personality disorder. I was reading the first post and I thought: "I hope this isn't the same person that accused Sephiroth of having Asperger" and after seeing a few posts later, it turned out that person. I am not a fan of people giving diagnosis of things like that as if they were doctors. Maybe I take this thing of "accusing someone of (possibly) having certain medical conditions" too seriously despite not being a doctor. Generally speaking, you're not wrong. Sorry you have gone through this nightmare of a situation.
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Post by "Gizzark" Mike Wronglevenay on May 8, 2024 2:26:18 GMT -5
I haven't read the whole thread but I get the sense the other person is a landlord so yes they're wrong
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