Inspired by this picture, we post Hulk Hogan...

[James Fabiano]

...Nightmare on Elm Street stories!

twitter.com/jfkenney/status/1787122263495496017

"New Line Cinema was the house Freddy Krueger Mr. Nanny built!"

"No brother, I don't know why the Hogan Cut of the series edited out all the kills except for Kincaid, Sheila, Kelly Rowland, and the like, dude..."

"Jason weighed 900 pounds and stood like 10 feet tall, brother..."

"The Sawyer Family wanted me to play lead chainsaw, brother..."

"I would have had the endorsement for the Sawyers' meat business but I missed the phone call, dude..."

"So the producers of Freddy vs. Jason wanted Rey Mysterio and not me to be Freddy's stunt double, I said that vanilla midget? That don't work for me, brother."

"For some reason Ultimate Warrior told me not to let them cast Mark Patton in Nightmare 2, brother."

New Nightmare, starring Hulk Hogan and Vince Russo instead of Robert Englund and Wes Craven...I mean, come on, the "movies are fake except the one you're watching RIGHT NOW" premise, it writes itself :

"That's why this movie series was in the shape it's in, because of bullshit like this!"

Russo responds with a shoot about how Hogan held back Heather Langencamp, Lisa Wilcox, Mark Patton, etc., bro.

[James Fabiano]

One, two, whatcha gonna do?
Three, four, this war will settle the score,
Five, six, Andre tore my crucifix,
Seven, eight, Brooke's boyfriend I hate,
Nine, ten, trying out for Metallica again...

[James Fabiano]

And the one man thread continues...

"I told Robert Englund that my good friend Road Warrior Hawk liked to say 'What a rush' as his catchphrase, brother. So then he included it in Nightmare on Elm Street 3 when he injected Taryn, dude. Not that I know anything about injections, Jack. It was just when I had an injury that one time, brother!"  

[ppl591]

I have nothing to add but this thread is amazing

[Sephiroth]

Don’t you worry Jesse! The Hulkster will totally rub you down with suntan lotion before gym class, jack! You could get sunburned out there brother! There’s nothing gay about it at all dude, I do it with my daughter am the time!

[The Barber]

Gorilla Monsoon: We've come to the main event of WWF Karnage 69, Brain. The whole world has been waiting for this match tonight and I for one can't wait for it to begin. They're literally hanging from the rafters tonight.

Bobby Heenan: They're hanging there because those teenagers went skinny dipping in the lake near the arena and Freddy hung them there.

Monsoon: WILL YOU STOP!?! Hogan's got his hands full tonight. What would you do if you were Freddy? 

Heenan: Freddy can only attack people in their dreams, right?

Monsoon: Yeah.

Heenan: Then it's simple. He needs to put on one of Hulk Hogan's movies and the Hulkster will be asleep in no time. Hey Freddy, if you're watching, may I suggest Thunder In Paradise? 

Monsoon: NO, YOU MAY NOT, BRAIN! Enough of this. Let's go back to ringside! 

[James Fabiano]

I told Jason that if some dude tries to box him if he ever invaded New York City, all he has to do is hulk up and take his head off with the Axe Bomber, brother!

I didn't expect him to take it literally, dude.