"Hollywood" Cactus Matt
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
You couldn't ask for a better custom title!
How do you spell "Goddess"? C-H-R-I-S-T-Y!
Posts: 15,300
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Post by "Hollywood" Cactus Matt on Jan 3, 2007 18:25:18 GMT -5
I was once exposed to the greatness of David Cross. Didn't think it was so great. In fact, I hated it. Still do. No offense. Ah well ... different strokes, different folks, all that. Now we just have to get out and spread the word, so that the rest of the world can know the greatness of Mr. Cross. To the YouTube! My car is broken. Can I get a ride? It's a website? Oh ... yeah, I'll, uh ... I'll meet you there.
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Post by Lair of the Shadow MaDaBa on Jan 3, 2007 19:33:29 GMT -5
From Lewis Black's Black on Broadway:
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"And for all we study abut health, we know nothing. Is milk good or bad?"
*audience stays quiet*
"...I rest my case.
"You know know. You don't know anymore. And a lot of you were sitting there thinking, 'hug, I'm an adult. I don't have to drink that crap anymore!' When I was a kid, you knew milk was good because there was only one kind of milk: moo-cow hug-milk, and that was it. And you had to drink four glasses a day.
"Now, you don't know, because when you go down the...the aisle of the grocery store, the milk--the milk aisle goes on for-hugin'-ever. There's 1%, 2%, low-fat, skim, acidophilus milk--what the hug're you talking about?! "Acidophilus milk"? Milk doesn't need a friend! That crap belongs in the yogurt section!
"Lactose-intolerant milk!? ...KISS MY D**K. If you're lactose-intolerant...you can't drink milk. ...So, what's in the hugin' carton? GET IT OUTTA THERE, get it away from my milk! It is talking to my milk and making it feel bad about itself!!!
"......Soy............milk........................beyond belief. I was in Los Angeles, and I ordered some coffee and they said 'Would you like whole milk, skim milk or soy milk,' and my fist stopped in his face. There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. But you can't sell soy juice, so the called it 'soy milk', because anytime you say 'soy juice', you actually start to gag. And they put soy milk in with my moo-cow hug-milk, and it doesn't belong there, because we all know there's no soy milk, because there's no soy luv pillowy, is there?"
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Post by KrutonTheFirst12YearOldSmark on Jan 3, 2007 20:25:28 GMT -5
From Lewis Black's Black on Broadway: --- "And for all we study abut health, we know nothing. Is milk good or bad?" *audience stays quiet* "...I rest my case. "You know know. You don't know anymore. And a lot of you were sitting there thinking, 'hug, I'm an adult. I don't have to drink that crap anymore!' When I was a kid, you knew milk was good because there was only one kind of milk: moo-cow hug-milk, and that was it. And you had to drink four glasses a day. "Now, you don't know, because when you go down the...the aisle of the grocery store, the milk--the milk aisle goes on for-hugin'-ever. There's 1%, 2%, low-fat, skim, acidophilus milk--what the hug're you talking about?! "Acidophilus milk"? Milk doesn't need a friend! That crap belongs in the yogurt section! "Lactose-intolerant milk!? ...KISS MY D**K. If you're lactose-intolerant...you can't drink milk. ...So, what's in the hugin' carton? GET IT OUTTA THERE, get it away from my milk! It is talking to my milk and making it feel bad about itself!!! "......Soy............milk........................beyond belief. I was in Los Angeles, and I ordered some coffee and they said 'Would you like whole milk, skim milk or soy milk,' and my fist stopped in his face. There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice. But you can't sell soy juice, so the called it 'soy milk', because anytime you say 'soy juice', you actually start to gag. And they put soy milk in with my moo-cow hug-milk, and it doesn't belong there, because we all know there's no soy milk, because there's no soy luv pillowy, is there?" What a hilarious rant. I'm gonna try to find his Candy Korn or Yom Kippur routines. Or his halftime Superbowl stuff. "I stuck the spoon in my ass. Why you might ask? Because if i'm gonna hurt that much, I'm gonna do it to myself." Edit: Only found Candy Corn, but I found an even funnier one. Candy Corn www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXmZOTrRZOgEnd of the Universe www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddG_BTWee4Q
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whothoughtofthis
Don Corleone
set em up country music its party time
Posts: 1,302
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Post by whothoughtofthis on Jan 3, 2007 22:02:25 GMT -5
bill cosby kindergarten
richard pryor super n*****
sam kinison birth of jesus
bob newhart baseball
just a few
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Post by DiBiase is Good on Jan 3, 2007 22:04:09 GMT -5
Billy Connolly and the Incontinence underwear.
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vaderbomb91
ALF
South Park's Mel Gibson > you.
Posts: 1,167
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Post by vaderbomb91 on Jan 3, 2007 22:47:29 GMT -5
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TuneinTokyo
Hank Scorpio
The Mountain from Stone Mountain
Posts: 6,431
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Post by TuneinTokyo on Jan 3, 2007 23:58:51 GMT -5
Eddie Murphy's first album Delirious and RAW
All three shaped my childhood.
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Post by samachine on Jan 4, 2007 0:07:25 GMT -5
Eddie Murphy's first album Delirious and RAW All three shaped my childhood. Delirious is coming out on DVD soon ;D
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Lord Rahl
Dennis Stamp
O-H-I-O!!
Posts: 4,753
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Post by Lord Rahl on Jan 4, 2007 2:59:03 GMT -5
Thats about the 4th time I've seen the Larry bit on here. And everytime I see it and someone dogging about it, I laugh. Here we are, on a wrestling board, giving Larry crap for changing his gimmick to get over. It happens in wrestling all the time, but if a comedian does it, its wrong. Granted, I know its two entirely differant things, it still amuses me though. *end rant* Anyway, everyones posting stuff by Lewis Black....any skit by him is golden. The SuperBowl one's great, the Starbucks is great, his rant on Dick Cheney shooting his friend is golden, hell, like I said, they're all great.
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Post by G✇JI☈A on Jan 4, 2007 3:12:24 GMT -5
Billy Connolly - The Conversation Piece, Sexy Sadie and the Lovely Rachel, The Glasgow Half Marathon.
Ben Elton - The use of 'Farties' in advertising.
Bill Hicks - Drugs have done good things, COPS, the Jay Leno wager, Fevered Egos.
Eddie Murphy - His Momma's burgers that she claims that better than McDonald's burgers.
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Cranjis McBasketball
Crow T. Robot
Knew what the hell that thing was supposed to be
Peace Love and Nothing But
Posts: 41,929
Member is Online
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Post by Cranjis McBasketball on Jan 4, 2007 4:55:58 GMT -5
'Richard Pryor running down the street' Yeah, that's a good one. It's a bit anyone can perform.
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Post by Rapper & Actor Sammy Davis III on Jan 4, 2007 14:45:18 GMT -5
Doug Stanhope- I cant post a like due to language, you know where to look, Doug Stanhope Myspace Pedophiles
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Sajoa Moe
Patti Mayonnaise
Did you get that thing I sent ya?
A man without gimmick.
Posts: 39,683
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Post by Sajoa Moe on Jan 4, 2007 15:06:49 GMT -5
If anybody watched Last Laugh 06 on Comedy Central, I loved the bit that Patton Oswalt did comparing Bush and Cheney tot he Dukes of Hazzard.
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