Post by Stu on Jan 24, 2007 5:09:44 GMT -5
Okay folks, some of you asked for it, and I was bored,so here's the first (and long) chapter of the magical world of WWE, inspired by threads and posts by thefranchise2 and Boku Wa Midori, with other ideas from the guy who does Woooos the Boss. It's cheesy, and I'm not an actual fan of fantasy stuff, but here it is. It may be long, but that's only because of the introductory paragraphs. Okay, enjoy.
Our tale begins in a land once prosperous, but now forgotten. It was once known as the world of Titan, but through a series of unfortunate events that included rampaging pandas and scouts obsessed with talent less and bosomy wenches, the land was soon referred to as parts unknown. No longer was wealth prevalent amongst everyone, and no longer was moral at its highest. Only the fittest would survive, and those who reached the top did all they could to prevent others from reaching through the invisible, glass-like skies.
But through the years of turmoil, two kingdoms survived while other towns and villages also flourished, with hopes of rebuilding what once existed during the great five-year war. One of those kingdoms, the Smackdown Kingdom, had seen its ups and downs, but is currently in a balanced state with possibilities it may flourish once more. At its thrown is the great King Booker, who is aided by his greatest supporter, Prime Minister JBL.
The second kingdom, the Raw Kingdom, is in a state of disarray, though. When its original ruler, King Bischoff, was dethroned by a warrior dressed in spinning gold, a former Raw Knight named Triple H seized the thrown. He took it upon himself to seduce the former ruler of the Smackdown Kingdom into committing carnal relations. This did not please the evil war god, Vincent, who wanted the two kingdoms to continue feuding. He used his genetic jackhammer powers to ban the Smackdown ruler to the depths of hell, while trapping the soul of Triple H inside his trusted weapon, a sledgehammer.
Vincent decided that anyone who could successfully wield the weapon may rule the kingdom. Many tried and failed, until along came a warrior, a warrior who was thought dead after going to battle with an alleged dead man and suffering a back injury several years ago. This warrior successfully wielded the weapon, however, something unexpected occurred. The soul of Triple H was still alive and controlled the sledgehammer, along with anyone who held it. This corrupted the warrior into believing he was truly god, and he entered into a long, drawn-out battle with Vincent that lasts to this day around the entire world. This left the Raw thrown open for a would-be king named Coach to take over. This leads us to our story:
It is a hot, summers Monday. The villagers of the Raw kingdom, overworked and underpaid, are once again doing what they can to survive while being underappreciated.
Carlito: Man, it’s hot and I need to carry all these apples to Coach. I used to be one of his number one servants, but now he seems to have forgotten all about me. Dat’s not cool.
Chris Masters: I know. I used to be on the brink of becoming a top soldier, but now all I do is spend my days sewing sombreros. I sweat all day and hardly eat. I’m skinnier then ever.
Just then, Lord Coach’s two top, and corrupt, knights arrived before the two villagers.
Edge: Hey now, what’s going on? There’s no talking allowed between you peasants. What’ you’re doing is restricted. It’s rated R.
Orton: Yeah, you better shut up. Hey, skinny boy. If you don’t get back to work, you may wake up tomorrow morning with a surprise in your sombrero.
Little was ever done to assist the villagers with their needs. Some needed food, while others needed psychiatric help. The village idiot, Eugene, imitated everyone he approached. The village pervert, Jerry, spent his days searching for puppies while rambling on about once being the ruler of a kingdom called Memphis, which few remember. Good Samaritans were confused; they often offered Jerry their pets for him to play with, only for him to wine incessantly that he didn’t want puppies, but he wanted puppies. People grew even more surprised whenever he would chant puppies at the site of Lord Coach’s maiden servants, Melina, Candice and Mickey.
Knights Edge and Orton continued to mock the so-called peasants just as a mysterious young man wandered into the kingdom. He was tall and slim with dark, wavy hair covering his face. He had letters scribbled across each knuckle and he carried a bagful of empty Pepsi cans. He innocently strolled through the kingdom, appearing to be lost. Many gawked at him, whispering that he didn’t belong in the Raw Kingdom. Others, in an attempt to be polite, would offer him cigarettes, which he declined. While he caught much attention, he did little to acknowledge it and continued on his way. He found himself feet from the entrance of the Coach’s quarters when he was approached by Edge and Orton.
Edge: What do we have here? Another lowly peasant for us to use our folded chairs on? This day reeks of awesomeness.
Orton: Yes it does. Shall I hold his chin up while you take a swing?
Edge: Sure.
Stranger: That won’t be necessary. I’m just passing through for now, hoping to trade in some empty cans for some coins. I would like to bring some money home with me.
Edge: And where exactly is home?
Stranger: I come from the land of Extreme.
Orton: That crap hole? There’s nothing there but a bunch of miscreant vampires and zombies. That used to be where the toughest went to battle, but now it’s totally diminished. I hear there’s some angry old guy who likes to beat people up for no reason, and he lives in a beat-up race car. Imagine that, getting beat up by a homeless old guy.
Stranger: Well, it’s home.
Edge: Not much of one. Nothing like here. We’ll save you the trouble of getting a taste of the good life and throw you out right now.
Orton: Yeah, we’ll send you back to where you belong.
The ruthless knights approach the stranger, who in turn launches a wide array of martial arts kicks and other moves. He holds his own against the two men, knocking one out with a swift kick while locking some kind of move around the neck of the other. After a few moments, during which many onlookers cheered, the stranger released his opponent.
Orton: (flustered)You fool, you’re not going to get away with it. We’re going to get you. I’m going to prepare all my weapons of mass feces and……
Edge: Forget about it. It doesn’t matter, he’s just some nobody. And if anyone here wants to say otherwise, *Edge holds up a folded chair*.
Orton: Yeah, why should we worry? It’s not like he’s our boss.
Stranger: (barely exhausted due to good stamina) Well, maybe one day I will be.
Edge: Yeah, right. That’ll never happen. It took me almost 10 years to get to where I’m at, and even though I’m a multi-time co-black knight, I’m still where I’m at. So good luck, loser.
*Edge and Orton leave, just as a pretty (dumb) young lady walks by*
Girl: That was really nice of you, standing up to Orton and The Edge. None of us have ever been able to do that.
Stranger: Thanks. Mind telling me who you are and what’s going on here?
Girl: Oh, my name is Maria. And those two are just two jerks working for Coach.
*Maria explains to the stranger the kingdom’s current situation. During the discussion, he starts falling for her*
Stranger: I see. Uh, so, who’s supposed to be king?
Maria: Anyone who can carry sledgie, that is, if you can find it.
Stranger: Any idea where I should start?
Maria: Uh, golly, no.
*just then, a man in a studded robe enters.
Man: Woooooo
Stranger: Who the hell are you?
Man: I’m Ric Flair the wise, wooooooo.
Maria: Oh yeah, he’s like the smartest guy here. He knows a lot. I think he’s been to Disneyland. He’s always talking about space mountain.
Flair: Woooooo
Stranger: Okay, so what do you want?
Flair: Man o’ man, do I got something to tell you. If you want to go looking for the sledgehammer, I’ve got the quest for you. Woooo.
Stranger: Okay, so what do I do?
Flair: First, you must travel north of here to the land of the blithering giants. It’s ruled by a guy who likes caramels. The last guy who held the sledgehammer traveled there while on his rampage. They may be able to tell you where to search. The sledgehammer has a living soul in it, a soul that leaves its presence everywhere it goes. It leaves a mark, shaped like a nose with an X under it.
Stranger: I see, well, I don’t have anything else to do. I guess I’ll be off.
Maria. I wish you luck. By the way, you’re cute. What’s your name?
Stranger: You can call me CM Punk.
To be continued.
Our tale begins in a land once prosperous, but now forgotten. It was once known as the world of Titan, but through a series of unfortunate events that included rampaging pandas and scouts obsessed with talent less and bosomy wenches, the land was soon referred to as parts unknown. No longer was wealth prevalent amongst everyone, and no longer was moral at its highest. Only the fittest would survive, and those who reached the top did all they could to prevent others from reaching through the invisible, glass-like skies.
But through the years of turmoil, two kingdoms survived while other towns and villages also flourished, with hopes of rebuilding what once existed during the great five-year war. One of those kingdoms, the Smackdown Kingdom, had seen its ups and downs, but is currently in a balanced state with possibilities it may flourish once more. At its thrown is the great King Booker, who is aided by his greatest supporter, Prime Minister JBL.
The second kingdom, the Raw Kingdom, is in a state of disarray, though. When its original ruler, King Bischoff, was dethroned by a warrior dressed in spinning gold, a former Raw Knight named Triple H seized the thrown. He took it upon himself to seduce the former ruler of the Smackdown Kingdom into committing carnal relations. This did not please the evil war god, Vincent, who wanted the two kingdoms to continue feuding. He used his genetic jackhammer powers to ban the Smackdown ruler to the depths of hell, while trapping the soul of Triple H inside his trusted weapon, a sledgehammer.
Vincent decided that anyone who could successfully wield the weapon may rule the kingdom. Many tried and failed, until along came a warrior, a warrior who was thought dead after going to battle with an alleged dead man and suffering a back injury several years ago. This warrior successfully wielded the weapon, however, something unexpected occurred. The soul of Triple H was still alive and controlled the sledgehammer, along with anyone who held it. This corrupted the warrior into believing he was truly god, and he entered into a long, drawn-out battle with Vincent that lasts to this day around the entire world. This left the Raw thrown open for a would-be king named Coach to take over. This leads us to our story:
It is a hot, summers Monday. The villagers of the Raw kingdom, overworked and underpaid, are once again doing what they can to survive while being underappreciated.
Carlito: Man, it’s hot and I need to carry all these apples to Coach. I used to be one of his number one servants, but now he seems to have forgotten all about me. Dat’s not cool.
Chris Masters: I know. I used to be on the brink of becoming a top soldier, but now all I do is spend my days sewing sombreros. I sweat all day and hardly eat. I’m skinnier then ever.
Just then, Lord Coach’s two top, and corrupt, knights arrived before the two villagers.
Edge: Hey now, what’s going on? There’s no talking allowed between you peasants. What’ you’re doing is restricted. It’s rated R.
Orton: Yeah, you better shut up. Hey, skinny boy. If you don’t get back to work, you may wake up tomorrow morning with a surprise in your sombrero.
Little was ever done to assist the villagers with their needs. Some needed food, while others needed psychiatric help. The village idiot, Eugene, imitated everyone he approached. The village pervert, Jerry, spent his days searching for puppies while rambling on about once being the ruler of a kingdom called Memphis, which few remember. Good Samaritans were confused; they often offered Jerry their pets for him to play with, only for him to wine incessantly that he didn’t want puppies, but he wanted puppies. People grew even more surprised whenever he would chant puppies at the site of Lord Coach’s maiden servants, Melina, Candice and Mickey.
Knights Edge and Orton continued to mock the so-called peasants just as a mysterious young man wandered into the kingdom. He was tall and slim with dark, wavy hair covering his face. He had letters scribbled across each knuckle and he carried a bagful of empty Pepsi cans. He innocently strolled through the kingdom, appearing to be lost. Many gawked at him, whispering that he didn’t belong in the Raw Kingdom. Others, in an attempt to be polite, would offer him cigarettes, which he declined. While he caught much attention, he did little to acknowledge it and continued on his way. He found himself feet from the entrance of the Coach’s quarters when he was approached by Edge and Orton.
Edge: What do we have here? Another lowly peasant for us to use our folded chairs on? This day reeks of awesomeness.
Orton: Yes it does. Shall I hold his chin up while you take a swing?
Edge: Sure.
Stranger: That won’t be necessary. I’m just passing through for now, hoping to trade in some empty cans for some coins. I would like to bring some money home with me.
Edge: And where exactly is home?
Stranger: I come from the land of Extreme.
Orton: That crap hole? There’s nothing there but a bunch of miscreant vampires and zombies. That used to be where the toughest went to battle, but now it’s totally diminished. I hear there’s some angry old guy who likes to beat people up for no reason, and he lives in a beat-up race car. Imagine that, getting beat up by a homeless old guy.
Stranger: Well, it’s home.
Edge: Not much of one. Nothing like here. We’ll save you the trouble of getting a taste of the good life and throw you out right now.
Orton: Yeah, we’ll send you back to where you belong.
The ruthless knights approach the stranger, who in turn launches a wide array of martial arts kicks and other moves. He holds his own against the two men, knocking one out with a swift kick while locking some kind of move around the neck of the other. After a few moments, during which many onlookers cheered, the stranger released his opponent.
Orton: (flustered)You fool, you’re not going to get away with it. We’re going to get you. I’m going to prepare all my weapons of mass feces and……
Edge: Forget about it. It doesn’t matter, he’s just some nobody. And if anyone here wants to say otherwise, *Edge holds up a folded chair*.
Orton: Yeah, why should we worry? It’s not like he’s our boss.
Stranger: (barely exhausted due to good stamina) Well, maybe one day I will be.
Edge: Yeah, right. That’ll never happen. It took me almost 10 years to get to where I’m at, and even though I’m a multi-time co-black knight, I’m still where I’m at. So good luck, loser.
*Edge and Orton leave, just as a pretty (dumb) young lady walks by*
Girl: That was really nice of you, standing up to Orton and The Edge. None of us have ever been able to do that.
Stranger: Thanks. Mind telling me who you are and what’s going on here?
Girl: Oh, my name is Maria. And those two are just two jerks working for Coach.
*Maria explains to the stranger the kingdom’s current situation. During the discussion, he starts falling for her*
Stranger: I see. Uh, so, who’s supposed to be king?
Maria: Anyone who can carry sledgie, that is, if you can find it.
Stranger: Any idea where I should start?
Maria: Uh, golly, no.
*just then, a man in a studded robe enters.
Man: Woooooo
Stranger: Who the hell are you?
Man: I’m Ric Flair the wise, wooooooo.
Maria: Oh yeah, he’s like the smartest guy here. He knows a lot. I think he’s been to Disneyland. He’s always talking about space mountain.
Flair: Woooooo
Stranger: Okay, so what do you want?
Flair: Man o’ man, do I got something to tell you. If you want to go looking for the sledgehammer, I’ve got the quest for you. Woooo.
Stranger: Okay, so what do I do?
Flair: First, you must travel north of here to the land of the blithering giants. It’s ruled by a guy who likes caramels. The last guy who held the sledgehammer traveled there while on his rampage. They may be able to tell you where to search. The sledgehammer has a living soul in it, a soul that leaves its presence everywhere it goes. It leaves a mark, shaped like a nose with an X under it.
Stranger: I see, well, I don’t have anything else to do. I guess I’ll be off.
Maria. I wish you luck. By the way, you’re cute. What’s your name?
Stranger: You can call me CM Punk.
To be continued.