STMP
Hank Scorpio
Wild and Only 50
Posts: 5,569
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Post by STMP on Feb 11, 2007 17:44:57 GMT -5
Student: Mr. Jack, could you show us how to do a backbump?
New Jack: Backbump? Aint no waxing backbumps here, that crap is for vaginas. We aint doin no bumpin, wax. Just gotta know how to hit that mutherwaxer upside the head with a roadsign.
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FHgrad99
Vegeta
Never mind that s***, here comes Mongo!
Posts: 9,076
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Post by FHgrad99 on Feb 11, 2007 17:51:07 GMT -5
Here are some of his lessons in order of which he teaches them.
-How to get hit in the head with various weapons. New Jack spends the day cussing and hitting the students in the head with stuff.
-How to get hit in the back with various weapons. New Jack spends the day cussing and hitting the students in the back with stuff.
-How to get hit in the groin with various weapons. New Jack spends the day cussing and hitting the students in the groin with stuff.
-How to jump off of high areas. Students must jump off a spot 20 feet off the gound with no mats. New Jack cusses some more.
-How to take a bump. New Jack cusses and then asks his students to figure it out on their own.
-Blind taste test: Sprite vs. 7 Up. Get it wrong New Jack takes a cheese grater to your head and cusses.
-Graduation: New Jack staples your diploma to your forehead and cusses some more.
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Post by dirtydickraines on Feb 11, 2007 18:20:45 GMT -5
I demand to see students from this wrestling academy.  |
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Post by Hulk With A Mustache on Feb 11, 2007 18:33:35 GMT -5
Now, a new generation of wrestlers who rely on weapons over actually wrestling, who cuss a lot, who get arrested a lot, and who freak out when they get Sprite instead of 7-Up or the other way around is born!!!!
THANK YOU, NEW JACK!!!!
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B.A.
Grimlock
Posts: 13,335
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Post by B.A. on Feb 11, 2007 19:27:35 GMT -5
pretty sure posting stuff like that video is against da rules..
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Post by T Vang is a HO-DADDY~! on Feb 11, 2007 19:51:13 GMT -5
I happen to have found a copy of the release you sign to enter his school:
I, ____________, understand that upon entering this school, I will be subject to injury, harm, and serious physical damage. Also, I may be beaten with an aluminum bat and be thrown off of high objects. Lastly, I may be shot, and our cheese grated to death if I do not deliver the correct clear lemon lime soda to the teacher.
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Post by koldbluddedkilla on Feb 11, 2007 20:38:48 GMT -5
so now you can actually learn how to fall off a 20 ft. Ladder? take that JR!!!!!!
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Joie De Vivre
Hank Scorpio
There's always next year.
Posts: 5,278
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Post by Joie De Vivre on Feb 11, 2007 20:45:45 GMT -5
I demand to see students from this wrestling academy. genius! ;D |
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Post by Can you afford to pay me, Gah on Feb 11, 2007 21:35:05 GMT -5
Aweome Stabing people with a folk 101
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Garee
King Koopa
I miss the old days
Posts: 11,338
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Post by Garee on Feb 11, 2007 23:00:07 GMT -5
I would be afraid he was going to kill me if I looked at him wrong, let alone mess up on a wrestling hold
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Post by odanobunaga on Feb 11, 2007 23:06:43 GMT -5
Indy Wrestler:"Hello, is this the place where we sign up?"
New Jack:"It depends...Wich soda did you brought with you? Seven up or...*spits*Sprite!?"
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Post by angryfan on Feb 11, 2007 23:32:00 GMT -5
New Jack: Listen up, we finished the Hindu squats, so now we're ready for lesson
Student: Bumps?
New Jack: No.
Student: Hip toss?
New Jack: No.
Student: Arm drags?
New Jack: Hell no. Lesson one starts now. (pulls out a knife) Y'all are gonna learn to bleed.
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Post by mysterydriver on Feb 11, 2007 23:36:34 GMT -5
How credible would it be to go to a promoter with this kind of training?
Promoter: Are you trained?
Wrestler: Yeah.
P: By who?
W: Some...some guy.
P: Who?
W:........New.....Jack.
P: What?!
W: New Jack.
P:....would you like a Sprite?
W: I...I can't...remember...which one...I...Yes?
*New Jack pops up from behind a garbage can*
NJ: YOU FAIL!
*New Jack pulls out a knife, Wrestler runs*
P: Third one today...
...
Looks like I went off into a tangent there...
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Post by Hemmeorrhage on Feb 12, 2007 0:07:37 GMT -5
This is how it works.
Students pay a $3,000.00 non refundable fee upfront. Day one consists of multiple guitar shots across the heads followed up by intense New Jack style blading. Then you do pushups and squats till you puke.
Day two...No students return to the academy. None will appear in person to ask for money back out of fear. Many parents of future Wal Mart employees show up demanding a refund. Some lawyers actually call. Of course, New Jack didn't even show up because he knew noone would be there.
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HRH The KING
Bill S. Preston, Esq.
HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS
Posts: 15,079
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Post by HRH The KING on Feb 12, 2007 0:12:41 GMT -5
New Jack can wrestle?
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Post by Deadman Inc. Misses Shawn on Feb 12, 2007 5:20:16 GMT -5
That's awesome I might even try to train there
Seriously
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Post by Feargus McReddit on Feb 12, 2007 7:03:50 GMT -5
That's awesome I might even try to train there Seriously Well, it was nice to know you, friend. |
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midicai
Samurai Cop
Did i mention the porthole defoggers?
Posts: 2,205
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Post by midicai on Feb 12, 2007 9:13:52 GMT -5
That's awesome I might even try to train there Seriously would you like to be buried or cremated? |
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vaderbomb91
ALF
South Park's Mel Gibson > you.
Posts: 1,167
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Post by vaderbomb91 on Feb 12, 2007 11:12:08 GMT -5
-Graduation: New Jack staples your diploma to your forehead... Someone MUST Photoshop that! I might get cracking on it later today. And for the record, you'd probably get better training from Roland Alexander than you would from New Jack. |
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Post by eDemento2099 on Feb 12, 2007 11:52:17 GMT -5
Here are some of his lessons in order of which he teaches them. -How to get hit in the head with various weapons. New Jack spends the day cussing and hitting the students in the head with stuff. -How to get hit in the back with various weapons. New Jack spends the day cussing and hitting the students in the back with stuff. -How to get hit in the groin with various weapons. New Jack spends the day cussing and hitting the students in the groin with stuff. -How to jump off of high areas. Students must jump off a spot 20 feet off the gound with no mats. New Jack cusses some more. -How to take a bump. New Jack cusses and then asks his students to figure it out on their own. -Blind taste test: Sprite vs. 7 Up. Get it wrong New Jack takes a cheese grater to your head and cusses. -Graduation: New Jack staples your diploma to your forehead and cusses some more. You forgot 'how to cut an awesome promo' |
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