The Chris Jericho Returns to RAW report.
By General Zod.
Last Monday night, 17 seconds of Matrix-like footage changed our world forever. In an event that some would later dub as SAVE_US.222, the world of Sports Entertainment would never….ever…be the same….again.
Happening just before that Monday night’s spectacular main event, which saw Mr. Cena lose to the young, upstart Randy Orton (in what is sure to go down in history as a 5-star classic before John Cena interfered on his father’s part), fans got a glimpse of static on the Titan Tron, followed by a shiny blue text, which seemed to be random flashes of command prompt code, seemingly making a promise for only one thing.
SAVE_US.222But what exactly is SAVE_US.222? Is it an alien warning from a more advanced civilization? Subliminal messaging by Vince McMahon himself urging you to buy the Cyber Sunday PPV?
Or is it something else altogether?
When questioned, local Omaha wrestling fan Daniel Millian said “Git off mah propertee, you Phantom Zone Freak!!” he paid for his defiance with his life!!
Another, more accommodating wrestling fan, Jonathan Simmons said “I thought my TV was busted.” He continues to enjoy my generous protection. In other words, after he gave over his posessions; his very life to me, he was allowed to live.
Indeed, the situation was perplexing. The commentary team never acknowledged the incident. Perhaps they were too pumped up for the “Big Match” feel of the main event that night, or perhaps it simply wasn’t on the call sheet. Or, perhaps Gerald Briscoe just sat on the keyboard in the production truck again.
Whatever the case was, it certainly sparked a unique interest amongst the internet fans, who immediately proclaimed it to be “The Second Coming of Jericho”.
But
who is Chris Jericho? And why would his return make so many people think that he was coming to “save” them?
To answer this, we must first examine who Chris Jericho is.
I recently caught up with Chris Jericho to ask him about his future endeavors, and whether they were boding well for him. The interview speaks for itself.
GZ: Hello, Chris. You may now rise before Zod.
CJ: Thanks. My knees were starting to hurt.
GZ: For the sake of these…humans…let’s start by asking the obvious question. Who is this “SAVE_US.222” and will he kneel before Zod?
CJ: I….uh….I have no idea what you’re talking about?
GZ: Will he take my hand and swear eternal loyalty to Zod? And one day, will his heirs do the same?
CJ: Listen, the only reason I was kneeling in the first place was because this crazy hot chick in the lobby nearly crushed my hand when I shook it. I fell to my knees in pain!! I’ve got a big WWE return to prepare for, and…
GZ: Silence! General Zod does not take orders. He gives them!
CJ: …well, I just thought that this was going to be a legitimate interview, I never said…
GZ: You will bow down before me again! I swear it!!
CJ: Look, do you want to know the story of SAVE_US.222 and my comeback, or not?
GZ: You will pay for your defiance!!
At this point, Jericho ran screaming from the interview room. He was on fire, and badly burned, courtesy of my eye-lasers.
And thus, it is this reporter’s opinion that Chris Jericho is definitely NOT responsible for SAVE_US.222.
Or at least not anymore.
KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!!