Post by Cypress on Oct 26, 2007 23:29:11 GMT -5
One helluva ride Part Two
By Elijah Burke
Written: October 25, 2007“Mistakes are the portals of discovery!” ~ James Joyce
…“Is everything ok, here?” I hear, to which I reply, “Yeah, all’s cool, wassup?”
The man checks on the mother and child. The mother, who appeared disgusted, mumbled “what a mess” as she was cleaning up the little demon child. The man then turns away from the mother and bastard child, looks at me with a smirk on his face and says,” Elijah Burke, right?”
I reply, “Yes” and he tells me that he’s a part of My congregation, then thanks me for shutting up the little bastard to which he fathered. He claimed his wife (the mother of the demon child) wouldn’t allow him to discipline the little boy because she’s very protective of the little brat. Let that be a lesson to all of you other mothers reading. Either you control your child or they may receive an Experience that they grow up never forgetting.
I’ve had my share of crazy rides this year. I remember once the Elijah Express was steam rolling to the next town to give some folks the Experience of a lifetime.
Scene: Elijah’s Driving. Music’s on. Phone’s to Elijah’s ear as he’s shedding light upon a lost soul.
“Nice day outside,” Elijah thinks to himself as he’s letting down the top on his Mustang convertible. Soon thereafter, he smells a familiar stench of road kill in the air. “PEE-YHEW, that road kill stinks!” Elijah says, only to realize as he drives closer that it’s actually just Balls Mahoney catching some quick zzz’s on the side of the road! Just gawd awful!
The Double E is moving faster than ever. A sign reads 57 miles to my destination. Looks like Elijah will be in town an hour or two ahead of time which will allow for a good workout before tonight‘s match. Suddenly, things get strange. The grass looks greener, the sky looks bluer, the sun looks brighter…? Everything is beginning to look… unreal.
“OMG!” Elijah says. “What’s going on? My skin!” Elijah’s skin is changing. Well, it’s still brown (nothing changed there, sorry MJ), except it’s smoother! Elijah quickly pulls over to a gas station and goes inside to speak with the clerk while trying to make sense of this sudden change.
The clerk, in a very stereotypical accent, says, “Welcome, how may I help you today?” Elijah responds, “Umm, could you help me out with some info?”
“Umm, I don’t believe I understand. Would you like to purchase a slushie?” asks the clerk.
Shaking his head in disbelief, Elijah exits the store. Much to Elijah’s delight, a nice looking black Rolls Royce pulls up (I know, I know, why does it have to be black?).
“Yes! Finally, I’ll get some info,” Elijah mutters to himself. He then taps on the back window of the Royce, not seeing who or what’s inside as he can only see his reflection off the dark tinted glass.
“Excuse me, sir. Do you have any idea as to what’s going on around here?” Elijah asks. “Where the hell am I?!”
As the window lowers, Elijah can see the back of a very pale elder statesman’s bald head.
“Where do you seek to go?” the elder statesman replied in a very gravely voice.
”I’m looking for Springfield,” Elijah replies.
The elder statesman turns toward Elijah with both of his hands intertwined and, with a sinister grin on his face, he responds, “Exxxxxcellent!” [Insert evil laugh here.]
By Elijah Burke
Written: October 25, 2007“Mistakes are the portals of discovery!” ~ James Joyce
…“Is everything ok, here?” I hear, to which I reply, “Yeah, all’s cool, wassup?”
The man checks on the mother and child. The mother, who appeared disgusted, mumbled “what a mess” as she was cleaning up the little demon child. The man then turns away from the mother and bastard child, looks at me with a smirk on his face and says,” Elijah Burke, right?”
I reply, “Yes” and he tells me that he’s a part of My congregation, then thanks me for shutting up the little bastard to which he fathered. He claimed his wife (the mother of the demon child) wouldn’t allow him to discipline the little boy because she’s very protective of the little brat. Let that be a lesson to all of you other mothers reading. Either you control your child or they may receive an Experience that they grow up never forgetting.
I’ve had my share of crazy rides this year. I remember once the Elijah Express was steam rolling to the next town to give some folks the Experience of a lifetime.
Scene: Elijah’s Driving. Music’s on. Phone’s to Elijah’s ear as he’s shedding light upon a lost soul.
“Nice day outside,” Elijah thinks to himself as he’s letting down the top on his Mustang convertible. Soon thereafter, he smells a familiar stench of road kill in the air. “PEE-YHEW, that road kill stinks!” Elijah says, only to realize as he drives closer that it’s actually just Balls Mahoney catching some quick zzz’s on the side of the road! Just gawd awful!
The Double E is moving faster than ever. A sign reads 57 miles to my destination. Looks like Elijah will be in town an hour or two ahead of time which will allow for a good workout before tonight‘s match. Suddenly, things get strange. The grass looks greener, the sky looks bluer, the sun looks brighter…? Everything is beginning to look… unreal.
“OMG!” Elijah says. “What’s going on? My skin!” Elijah’s skin is changing. Well, it’s still brown (nothing changed there, sorry MJ), except it’s smoother! Elijah quickly pulls over to a gas station and goes inside to speak with the clerk while trying to make sense of this sudden change.
The clerk, in a very stereotypical accent, says, “Welcome, how may I help you today?” Elijah responds, “Umm, could you help me out with some info?”
“Umm, I don’t believe I understand. Would you like to purchase a slushie?” asks the clerk.
Shaking his head in disbelief, Elijah exits the store. Much to Elijah’s delight, a nice looking black Rolls Royce pulls up (I know, I know, why does it have to be black?).
“Yes! Finally, I’ll get some info,” Elijah mutters to himself. He then taps on the back window of the Royce, not seeing who or what’s inside as he can only see his reflection off the dark tinted glass.
“Excuse me, sir. Do you have any idea as to what’s going on around here?” Elijah asks. “Where the hell am I?!”
As the window lowers, Elijah can see the back of a very pale elder statesman’s bald head.
“Where do you seek to go?” the elder statesman replied in a very gravely voice.
”I’m looking for Springfield,” Elijah replies.
The elder statesman turns toward Elijah with both of his hands intertwined and, with a sinister grin on his face, he responds, “Exxxxxcellent!” [Insert evil laugh here.]
