If Orton were to pass away...

[Limey]

...here's how I imagine it may play out...for comic value, taking his infamous finisher in mind.

This is based off one of my favourite sketches of all time...courtesy of The Frantics.


*We are at an office, with John Laurinaitis presiding over a grieving crowd of WWE Superstars.*

Laurinaitis: ...and as the executor of Randall Keith Orton's estate I have been empowered to read his last will and testament.

Carlito: Hey, keep it quick. I need to take whatever he's left me and get the hell outta here, man.

Triple H: *sniff* Poor, poor Randy.

Batista: It's alright, Hunter, let it all out.

Matt Hardy: This is almost as depressing as my myspace page...

Mick Foley: I'm just glad he left behind a legacy...

Laurinaitis: And now I shall proceed with the reading...

Hardy: Whatever...

Laurinaitis: "I Randall Keith Orton, being of sound mind and body..."

Carlito: Could've fooled me, heh heh...

Laurinaitis: "...do hereby divide up my estate as follows...to my mentor, Paul Levesque..."

Batista: Hunter, he's talking about you!

Trips: Ooh, here we go.

Laurinaitis: "...Paul, who along with that obnoxious ass-kisser Dave has leeched off of my rise to fame, burying me, declaring me a transitional champ behind my back before encouraging me half-heartedly to my face..."

Trips: ...huh?

Laurinaitis: "...to Paul I leave...a boot to the head."

Trips: A WHAT?? *SMACK* Ouch!!!

Batista: Whoa! Man, are you alright?

Laurinaitis: "...and another for that no-talent prick, Dave."

Batista: *SMACK* OW!!!!

Trips: What an ungrateful...

Laurinaitis: "Ah, but still you are my mentor, you've still been the driving force behind putting my name forever engraved into the record books as champion...and since you've always admired my Hummer..."

Trips: Now that's more like it...

Laurinaitis: "I bequeath another boot to the head."

Trips: *THUD* OW!! DAMMIT!

Laurinaitis: "...and one more for the prick."

Batista: *BUMP* YOW!!!!

Laurinaitis: "Next...to the lazy, arrogant Carlos Colon..."

Carlito: Hey, man...I don't want a boot to the head...that's not cool...

Laurinaitis: "Carlos...who has never worked a effortful match in his career...who has disgraced the presteige I brought to the Intercontinental Championship..."

Carlito: I'm covering my hair!!!

Laurinaitis: "...I leave fourteen cases of finest Malibu rum."

Carlito: What? Really?

Laurinaitis: "...and a boot to the head."

Carlito: *BAM* ARGH!!! That's not cool!!!

Laurinaitis: "...aaaand another for Paul and the prick!"

Trips: *THUD* OOH!!!

Batista: *HIT* GAAAHH!!!

Laurinaitis: "To that annoying emo kid Matt..."

Hardy: This is soo predictable...

Laurinaitis: "...I leave a boot to the head."

Hardy: *CLONK* Baaah...I knew it.

Laurinaitis: "...and one more for Paul and the prick."

Trips: *WHAM* Aaaiieee!!!

Batista: *BONK* D'ooooh!!!

Laurinaitis: "Now I come to Mick Foley..."

Foley: Naw, I'm good with nothing. It was my pleasure...

Laurinaitis: "Mick...you've given me what many men never gave me...you've gotten me over. It was your match with me...in which I bled...and I cried...and I sweat...and still came out on top, but not before you cemented me as the very next WWE star..."

Foley: It's fine, really.

Laurinaitis: "To Mick I bequeath...a boot to the head."

Foley: *ZING* OOF!!!

Laurinaitis: "...aaaaaand one for Paul and the prick!"

Trips: *BOING* NNNNGH!!!

Batista: *KRUNCH* AAAAARGH!!!!

Laurinaitis: "And to my long-time training buddy and rival John Cena, I leave my entire, vast...bootothehead!!!!"

Cena: *WHOMP* OOOOOH!!!

Laurinaitis: "And to Johnny Ace, who has not only helped me with this will, but my entire career...I leave not a boot to the head...but an 'Orton Surprise' in his gym bag..." *Sniff* OH!!! GYAHH!!! "...and I leave my entire fortune to the people of Orlando, Florida so they can afford to move to somewhere with decent wrestling!!" Hoo...

Hardy: That's it?

Carlito: That was so NOT cool.

Laurinaitis: There is ONE last thing...

Carlito: ...cover your heads, everyone!!!

Laurinaitis: "I leave an entire supply of nice, legal, protein shakes, to help see everyone through the wellness policy."

Batista: Protein shakes?

Foley: Oooh...what flavour?

Laurinaitis: "Boot to the head."

Foley: *BLAM* AAAH!!!

Carlito: *MASH* EEEEEH!!!

Batista: *PUNT* NOOO!!!!!

Trips: *CRUSH* AAAARRGH!!!!

Hardy: *BOOT* Uuuurgh...



Anyways, hope you all enjoyed my bored and tired evening.

[icansleep]

*Golf clap*

[BorneAgain]

If Orton were to pass away, would WWE pass him off as a legend and say he committed suicide, just to say that he really was the ultimate legend killer?

These are the kind of questions that keep me awake at night.

[Bedlam LadyD]

...I laughed. I did. Damn you, Limey..

[Bobafett]

i read that with Laurinaitis haing the voice of the Lawyer in futurama who reads the will of Benders uncle in the Honking "to my Butler..I leave..a pittance"

[SAJ Forth]

This Was funny in a weird way.

[Daveman]

... and now I need to go find my Doctor Demento's 30th Anniversary CD so I can listen to the original again.

[Brick Killed a Guy]

What flavor?

BOOT TO THE HEAD!!

genius.

[Feargus McReddit]

ladydark said:

...I laughed. I did. Damn you, Limey..

[Mr Captain Falcon]

I don't like Orton all that much, but this thread is messed up.

[Fruity Delicious Skittles]

I find this tasteless.

[Mr Captain Falcon]

skittles said:

I find this tasteless.

Yes, I agree. No more threads like this. Completely in bad taste and out of line.

[comahan]

I found it humorous.

[Powder/The Professor]

skittles said:

I find this tasteless.

Agreed

[Gopher Mod]

pdubsworld said:

skittles said:

I find this tasteless.

Agreed

Same deal here. It was quite funny.

For those who seem to not like it, here's the original version:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5kGUW6M7W0

[Ijob2HHH]

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFldBVWFgWo

I prefer this version

[Boku AKA Da Green Guy]

ijob2hhh said:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFldBVWFgWo

I prefer this version

I'm in tears.

XD

[Mark4HBK]

ijob2hhh said:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vFldBVWFgWo

I prefer this version

Even better:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1H1mq7jAck

(Sorry there's no video; it's just the audio track from their album.)

One time at camp a group of us did this for talent night; however, instead of learning the dialogue we just lip-synched it. However, we lip-synched it very, VERY badly. The end result was that it looked like a badly-dubbed Japanese martial arts film (or a Kaientai promo) ... live on stage!

[404error]

I laughed. It was funny.