Post by tnarick on Nov 13, 2007 22:05:55 GMT -5
TNARICK: This is my proudest fantasy show series to date and it is thanks to my old partner Siakalypse that made this all possible. It is about a 3 year reunion here since we last worked together on a fantasy show. We started a couple weeks ago and would continue to bounce ideas off of each other and each time adding onto each others ideas to just make them better and better like we did before until we finally had the ultimate product. I was worried the show wouldn't get produced when his AOL messed up and I had not heard from him but now it is ready and I want you all to read it and give us your honest opinions of what you like and dislike about the show. Marty2Hotty once said "TNARICK's shows edited by someone a little more serious would make fantastic television." This is my present to Marty2Hotty and anyone who actually wants to know what a good wrestling show would be like. Again I cannot thank Siakalypse enough.. Ralph Macchio you are the man. Enjoy the read!
TNA 9 HOUR SPECIAL
COMMERCIAL FREE!
Jim Cornette comes out and introduces the new NWA Champion, Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett cuts an old-school promo, talking about how he has been around for 20 years and he has beat everybody. Jarrett starts saying he is a traditional man who represents traditional wrestling, and it's about time that a traditional company had a traditional champion. Samoa Joe comes out and says he's traditional too, and he's gonna give Jeff Jarrett a traditional ass-kicking. Vince Russo comes out to the ring and says he's got a letter from Dixie Carter that says Cornette is now fired, and that Russo is the new DOA. Russo says that Joe can have a title shot if he wants, he doesn't really care. Lance Hoyt comes out and says he wants a title shot. Russo says they can fight for it.
#1 CONTENDERS MATCH
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
LANCE HOYT VS SAMOA JOE
Hoyt and Joe battle in the ring and go through the crowd, with Joe just beating the @#%$ out of Hoyt. They battle through the crowd and into the backstage area with Joe still beating Hoyt. Out of nowhere, a car driven by Kurt Angle smashes into Christian, who is walking through the parking lot, and then smashes into Samoa Joe. Kurt Angle stumbles out drunk. He keels over and starts to puke on Samoa Joe as Hoyt regains himself. Hoyt rolls over and pins Joe to win the title shot!
WINNER: LANCE HOYT (2:00)
Hoyt walks through the backstage area and goes to the ring and picks up a mic. He says that he wants his title shot right now. He says that he wants to dedicate the match to the memory of his best friend, Mike Awesome. Jarrett comes out and says since he is traditional, he will defend his title.
NWA HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
JEFF JARRETT © VS LANCE HOYT
Hoyt rolls up Jarrett as soon as he enters the ring to win the title.
WINNER AND NEW NWA CHAMPION: LANCE HOYT (0:04)
Hoyt grabs the mic and says that over the years, guys like Eddie Guererro and Chris Benoit have been winning titles, holding big men like Hoyt and Mike Awesome down. He says that technical skill and athleticism aren't all that matters. In fact, they don't matter at all. He says to all the doubters, look where Chris Benoit is now and look where Lance Hoyt is now. One's in hell and the other is the NWA Champion! Hoyt walks to the back
Erik Watts is in the back trying to talk to Russo. Russo doesnt want to talk to him. Watts begs Russo for a job, and Russo says ok. Watts begs Russo for a title match and Russo tells him to get out. Russo slams the door in Watts' face and Watts says hes gonna show everyone..
Kevin Nash is shown in the back with Sonjay Dutt, Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley, and the rest of the X-Division. Nash says that they're all here because they want the results of the test. Nash says that this business is not a business where you can take shortcuts, and the X-Division is no exception. Nash opens up an envelope and pulls out a piece of paper. He says it's from the lab and that every single member of the X-Division tested positive for anabolic steroids. Nash opens up another envelope from Russo and says that the X-Division are hereby fired from TNA. Except Shark Boy. Nash shakes Shark Boy's hand and tells him he's been instructed by Russo to have Shark Boy get to the ring because hes earned his title shot against an opponent that Russo will choose. Shark Boy gets excited and leaves.
Shark Boy is in the ring ready for his match, when Russo's music hits. Out comes Russo from the back with a mic in his hand. He says that Lance Hoyt was inspiring, because just as Hoyt has been held down by guys like Chris Benoit and Eddie Guererro, Russo has been held back by the politics in the back for too long. Russo talks about how it happened in WCW, it happened in TNA, and it happened in WWF. Russo says that he's sick of being held down, and that's why it's gonna be SHARK BOY vs VINCE RUSSO for the X-title.. in a STEEL CAGE MATCH!
STEEL CAGE MATCH
X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
SHARK BOY VS VINCE RUSSO
The cage comes down and Russo and Shark Boy square off in the ring. Shark Boy and Russo lock up, wrasslin' style, and Shark Boy gives Russo a hiptoss. All of the sudden, Jeff Jarrett comes down! Jeff Jarrett walks around the outside of the cage with the guitar, pacing around. Tenay and West wonder what he's doing. Kevin Nash runs down from the back and starts brawling with Jarrett on the outside. Russo and Shark Boy are brawling in the ring. VKM hit the ring, followed by LAX, they start brawling. One by one the entire roster comes down to the ring. Tenay and West have no idea what's going on. LAX fights off VKM and starts shaking the cage, trying to rip the cage down. Russo and Shark Boy still going at it in the ring. Hoyt runs down with the NWA title and starts getting in on the brawl, hitting people left and right with his NWA title. Kurt stumbles down to the ringside drunk and pukes on Hoyt's NWA title! Everybody on the roster is either brawling or trying to take down the cage! Russo is in the ring taking it to Shark Boy. Erik Watts is shown up on the top of the scaffold at the Impact Zone! He has a mic in his hand and says "goodbye cruel world!" and pulls out a noose that is attached to a light. Watts jumps and tries to hang himself, but the rope breaks and Watts 20 feet to the floor below! Watts is on the floor as people start stomping him down. Tenay and West start freaking out as a light has broken from the ceiling and the roof of the impact zone is catching on fire! Russo and Sharkboy are in the ring brawling. Abyss joins trying to take down the cage and the cage starts to shake. The cage begins to fall! The four sides of the cage break apart and fall to the outside onto many of the brawling wrestlers! The rest of the wrestlers hit the ring and start brawling in the ring as the Impact Zone roof continues to burn. Two fat fireman come out from the back with a long hose and start spraying the roof and the ring. Everyone gets soaking wet as the fireman spray water all over the fire to put it out. The fireman start to walk away, but then they stop. The fireman walk down towards the ring and take off their helmets and uniforms to reveal PHI DELTA SLAM. Phi Delta gets in the ring and joins the brawl, giving Shark Boy the SAMURAI SPLASH. Shark Boy is laid out. The ref is knocked out from the brawl, and PDS starts to throw people out of the ring onto the collapsed cage. Bodies are everywhere on the outside of the ring as PDS is taken out by VKM. VKM and PDS brawl on the outside of the ring and its just Russo and Sharkboy inside the ring. Russo goes to pin Sharkboy 1...2.. Sharkboy kicks out! Tenay and West are freaking out. Shark Boy and Russo both get to their feet. Jarrett hits the ring with the guitar and LEVELS Sharkboy in the head with the guitar! Russo covers 1...2...3! Russo is the new X-Division Champ!
WINNER AND NEW X-DIVISION CHAMP: VINCE RUSSO
Russo tells everyone to head out to the back 'cause he's had enough. He says now that he's the X-Champion and the DOA, things are about to change. He says that if everyone doesnt leave to the back now, they're fired from TNA. Everyone leaves to the back, except for Erik Watts, who is knocked out by falling from the top of the building. He says you can't go around sinning, and arguing, and fighting like that. He says Vince Russo is DEAD. Things are about to get real. Russo says from now on, he'll go by his Christian name, RealVince. He says Vince Russo was a sinner. RealVince is gonna make everybody be nice, or else they will be fired. RealVince walks to the back with his X-title, stepping on Erik Watts along the way.
Kurt Angle is in the back with Jeremy Borash. Borash asks Kurt about what happened earlier with Joe. Angle is too drunk to talk and starts mumbling incoherently. Kurt turns to Borash and pukes on him and stumbles off.
Now is time for the TNA womens title match. Gail Kim comes out to the ring followed by Tracy Brooks.
TNA WOMENS TITLE
GAIL KIM VS TRACEY BROOKS
Gail Kim and Tracy Brooks face off in the ring. A couple of people in the crowd start yelling stuff at them like "show us your tits!" and "get back in the kitchen!" They start throwing trash in the ring and chanting "you suck!" at the women. The women stop wrestling and wonder whats going on. Then they start crying and run to the back.
WINNER: NONE.
It's BUCK QUARTERMAINE and LEX LOVETTE. Quartermaine gets on the mic and asks who wants to see women wrestle? He says that this is what TNA has become? Quartermaine says theres nothing more boring than womens wrestling, and that TNA has become a shell of its former self. Lovette gets on the mic and says that they're here to take over. Lovette says that during the glory days of TNA, they wouldnt let b**ches do @#%$ except suck their dicks. Team 3D come out and say that they're gonna defend the honor of Gail and Tracy.
TEAM 3D VS LEX LOVETTE & BUCK QUARTERMAINE
Team 3D runs down to the ring and starts to brawl with Lovette and Quartermain. Team 3D beats up on Lovette and tosses Quartermaine out of the ring. Team 3D waits for Lovette to get on his feet and they hit the 3D! 3D on Quartermaine! Bubba covers 1... Lovette kicks out on one and gets to his feet. Quartermaine back in the ring and they fight off Team 3D, throwing them out of the ring. ABYSS and STING come down to the ring and start brawling with Quartermaine and Lovette. Quartermaine fights off Sting and Lovette fights off Abyss. Lovette takes Abyss to the outside of the ring and smashes him on the ring steps. Lovette rips the ring steps out and throws them down on Abyss, knocking him out cold. In the ring, Quartermaine locks Sting in the SCORPION DEATHLOCK. Sting taps out! Sting taps out to the scorpion deathlock. Team 3D get back in the ring. Quartermaine ducks a clothesline and rolls up Bubba 1...2...3!
WINNERS: QUARTERMAINE & LOVETTE
Quartermaine and Lovette continue to beat down all 4 men, and RealVince comes out and tells security to get Quartermaine and Lovette out of the ring. Security comes down and grabs Lovette and Quartermaine. Security is about to take Lovette and Quartermaine out and they suddenly stop. The security turns to Sting, Abyss and Team 3D and starts beating them down! The security guards take off their black uniforms to reveal RED SHIRTS. RED SHIRT SECURITY and Lovette/Quartermaine beat down Team 3D, Sting, and Abyss! Quartermaine and Lovette take off their shirts to reveal shirts that say FSNWO.
Lovette grabs a mic and says that the FOX SPORTS NET WRESTLING OUTCASTS are gonna take over TNA once and for all. RealVince tells them to get out. FSNWO says theres nothing RealVince can do. RealVince shakes his head and walks to the back. Quartermaine says that they need to go take care of some business as FSNWO heads out through the crowd.
Samoa Joe is in the hospital with Christian. The nurse comes in and asks them if they would like to go on a hospital trip to go fishing? Joe and Christian get excited.
Lance Hoyt is in the back watching on the monitor. RealVince comes in and tells Hoyt that he needs to get out to the ring because he's got a huge announcement.
Hoyt heads out to the ring followed by RealVince. RealVince tells Hoyt that if he can't be nice and stop arguing, he's gonna make him be nice. RealVince says that he's got a major announcement, a mystery opponent that has never set foot in TNA before. RealVince says that Hoyt is gonna have to defend his title against the mystery opponent right now. The mystery opponent is.. ROB VAN DAM! RVD comes out to the ring
NWA CHAMPIONSHIP
LANCE HOYT © VS ROB VAN DAM
RVD runs into the ring and Hoyt hits him with a clothesline. Hoyt covers 1....2.....3!
WINNER: LANCE HOYT (0:05)
Hoyt grabs a mic and says that he couldnt have done it without his best friend's help, and says "I did it for you, Mikey!" Hoyt says that Hoytamania is runnin' wild and starts a Hoytamania chant. RVD is laying down in the ring and Hoyt tells RVD that he has earned his respect for giving him the toughest match of his career. Hoyt extends his hand to RVD and Hoyt shakes it and raises his hand in the air. QUARTERMAINE, LOVETTE, and THE RED SHIRTS hit the ring and Hoyt turns to RVD and gives him a BIG BOOT. The FSNWO starts stomping down on RVD and throws him out of the ring. Hoyt grabs an FSNWO shirt and puts it on. Hoyt gets on the mic and says that he's no longer gonna be known as Lance Hoyt. He says he's now gonna go by his Christian name... HOYT BENOIT. Benoit grabs his NWA title and spraypaints "FSNWO" on it. All the sudden, Jarrett hits the ring and tells Hoyt Benoit and the FSNWO that they need to get out of his ring. MATT BENTLEY hits the ring and squares off against the FSNWO. Then, he turns and hits Jarrett! MATT BENTLEY has joined the FSNWO! Chris Harris and James Storm run out to help Jarrett, but are beaten down by the FSNWO. Security hits the ring to try and clear the ring, but the security guards are TAKEN AWAY BY RED SHIRT SECURITY. Tenay and West freak out as the FSNWO clears the ring.
Erik Watts is in the parking lot sitting in his car with the ignition on and the windows rolled down. Borash runs over and asks him what he's doing. Watts says he doesnt want to live anymore. Borash tells Watts that only works if he's inside a garage or an enclosed area. Watts gets pissed and challenges Borash to a match in the ring.
Video shown earlier today of Truth and Pacman at the airport. Pacman walks through the metal detector and it sounds. Pacman is searched and a GUN is found. Pacman is arrested.
Pacman is in jail. He keeps yelling for someone to get him out. BLACK REIGN shows up and hands the bail bondsman a check and tells Pacman that he and Truth have to help him. Pacman asks with what and Reign says that they need to help him fight the man in TNA, and teach those southern hillbillies that they can't keep the black man down.
Abyss and Sting are shown sitting in a cemetary, acting creepy. Raven shows up and asks why they're sad. Sting says that he's sad because the FSNWO kicked their asses. Raven says he understands. He's sad cause he used to fight for the NWA title and now he's fat. They all act creepy together.
Samoa Joe and Christian are in the back of a van being driven by the nurse with fishing rods in the backseat with them. Joe says he needs to go to the bathroom. The nurse says there's a McDonalds up the road so they will go there. Joe says he needs to go now. The nurse says that she will help Joe in a minute when they can find a bathroom. Christian and the nurse start sniffing the air and they look to Joe. Christian complains that something smells. The nurse asks Joe what happened? Joe says he had an accident. Christian starts freaking out and the nurse says it looks like they have to go to CVS to buy some diapers for Joe.
RealVince is in the back talking with Hoyt Benoit and the FSNWO. He says that they need to cut out their antics or else he's gonna ban them. RealVince says that he's sick of all the arguing and immature fighting in TNA. Benoit says he is on Russo's side, and that during the FSN days, there was no violence or nudity or language. RealVince says that he needs the FSNWO to do him a favor.
Erik Watts comes down to the ring, followed by a scared looking Jeremy Borash.
ERIK WATTS VS JEREMY BORASH
Watts goes for a clothesline and Borash ducks and slides out of the ring to regain himself. BILL WATTS appears at the top of the ramp with a walker and Tenay and West freak out big time. "OH MY GOD, BILL WATTS, THE LIVING LEGEND IS HERE TO HELP HIS SON ERIK!" Watts inches his way down to the ramp. Borash gets scared and slides into the ring. Erik goes for another clothesline on Borash but Borash ducks and kicks Erik in the balls. He puts his foot on Erik's chest and the ref counts 1.....2......3! Borash wins!
WINNER: JEREMY BORASH (0:45)
Bill Watts is only 1/3 of the way down the ramp! Borash kicks Erik in the stomach while hes clutching his balls on the ground and heads up the ramp. Borash takes Bill Watts' walker and smashes him in the balls with the legs, knocking him down. Borash heads to the back as Bill & Erik both lay clutching their balls.
Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles are shown in the back. Daniels is telling Styles that he's too big for wrestling. Daniels says that Styles could be the next Rock and be an actor. Daniels says that he wants to take him to audition for a movie role that some of his old friends are directing. Styles reluctantly agrees.
Black Reign is hanging out with Pacman backstage and Truth comes in. Reign says it's about time that the white man learns from his mistakes. Reign asks if Pacman and Truth have his back. They say they do. Reign says he's gonna kick Hoyt Benoit's ass. Reign tells Pacman and Truth that hes gonna give Benoit a negro style asskicking. Pacman and Truth look kinda pissed but just shrug and walk off.
Rick Steiner and Scott Steiner are walking up to a building. Rick tells Scott he thinks that he's gonna like it and that it will be a nice vacation. Scott sees the sign that says "RETIREMENT HOME" and flips out on Rick, giving him a belly suplex onto the sidewalk and locking him into the steiner recliner before the security guards come out, taze him, and take him into the retirement home.
RealVince is in the back when JERRY LYNN comes in. Jerry Lynn says he respects RealVince's morals and values but he wants a shot at his X Division-title. RealVince tells him no, and that he's fired from TNA.
TRYTAN promo: HE IS COMING (FOR MORE THAN A WEEK THIS TIME)
Daniels welcomes Styles to XXX's porn studio. Styles says that he doesnt wanna be in porn, cause he is a Christian. Daniels tells Styles that this is his only chance to be a real actor. This will be his big break. Elix asks why he cant star in a vid for once? Low-Ki says that he knows why. Elix asks if this is about his small dick? Daniels says that people wanna see a black man in porn for one reason and Elix doesn't have it. Elix gets pissed and walks out. Styles says he'll do it. Daniels turns off the lights and says they're gonna go get ready.
Back in the cemetary, where Abyss, Raven, and Sting are hanging out and acting creepy. Jim Mitchell shows up and asks if he can join them, since RealVince fired him for being too satanic. They say okay. Havok is creeping around and they invite Havok to join them cause he's creepy. Havok comes and hangs out with them.
TRYTAN promo: HE IS COMING (FOR THE 9TH TIME)
Erik Watts is walking around in the back with a bottle of pills in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. Watts says "goodbye cruel world" and puts the pills in his mouth. He opens up the bottle of vodka and goes to put it in his mouth, but Kurt Angle runs up and steals it. Kurt Angle dumps the whole bottle in his mouth and all over his chest and head and turns and pukes in Erik Watts' face. Kurt passes out, knocking Watts over and landing with his head in Watts' crotch. Watts spits out the pills and starts to cry.
Tenay and West inform us that DIXIE CARTER will have a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT at the end of the night!
TRYTAN promo: HE IS COMING (AGAIN)
Joe and Christian are wheeling themselves around CVS while the nurse is walking. The nurse asks Joe what size diaper he wears, and Joe doesnt answer, he just sits in his wheelchair with his arms crossed, pouting. The nurse asks a clerk what the biggest size diaper they have is, and the clerk hands the nurse a bag. The nurse asks if they have a changing station in the bathroom and the clerk points to the bathroom. Joe says he has to go again, and the nurse hurries him into the bathroom while Christian waits outside with a sick smile on his face.
Black Reign, Truth, and Pacman hit the ring. Black Reign says that negroes have been held down in TNA by Southern whitebred hillbillies for the longest time, and it's time for a black man to step up to the plate. Reign calls out Hoyt Benoit and tells him he's gonna stick his jungle fever to Hoyt's Texas ass. Benoit comes out with the FSNWO and says that he's not getting a shot at his title. Reign says that Mike Awesome was a b**ch, and that Black Reign did his wife after the funeral. Benoit gets really pissed and starts grabbing his head like he's being possessed. Benoit says that he has been taken over by the spirit of Mike Awesome, and that Mike Awesome/Hoyt Benoit is gonna give Reign the Jim Crow treatment. Benoit says he didnt mean that, but he's still gonna kick Reign's ass.
NWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
HOYT BENOIT © VS BLACK REIGN
Hoyt Benoit and Black Reign start brawling, with Quartermaine/Lovette and Red Shirt Security taking out Killings/Pacman. Twenty seconds in, PRIME TIME runs down to the ring and hits Hoyt Benoit with a bottle of EXTENDS, the penis growing herb!! Black Reign covers Hoyt Benoit 1....2.....3! BLACK REIGN IS THE NEW NWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
WINNER AND NEW NWA CHAMPION: BLACK REIGN
After the match, Black Reign celebrates as the FSNWO/Skipper, Truth, Pacman brawl around the outside of the ring. THE ARENA GOES COMPLETELY BLACK.
The lights come back on and TRYTAN is in the ring with Black Reign. Trytan EXTENDS HIS ARM to Reign as Reign trembles in fear. Trytan T-3s Reign and covers him. REALVINCE runs down to the ring and counts 1.....2......3! TRYTAN WINS.
TNA 9 HOUR SPECIAL
COMMERCIAL FREE!
Jim Cornette comes out and introduces the new NWA Champion, Jeff Jarrett. Jarrett cuts an old-school promo, talking about how he has been around for 20 years and he has beat everybody. Jarrett starts saying he is a traditional man who represents traditional wrestling, and it's about time that a traditional company had a traditional champion. Samoa Joe comes out and says he's traditional too, and he's gonna give Jeff Jarrett a traditional ass-kicking. Vince Russo comes out to the ring and says he's got a letter from Dixie Carter that says Cornette is now fired, and that Russo is the new DOA. Russo says that Joe can have a title shot if he wants, he doesn't really care. Lance Hoyt comes out and says he wants a title shot. Russo says they can fight for it.
#1 CONTENDERS MATCH
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
LANCE HOYT VS SAMOA JOE
Hoyt and Joe battle in the ring and go through the crowd, with Joe just beating the @#%$ out of Hoyt. They battle through the crowd and into the backstage area with Joe still beating Hoyt. Out of nowhere, a car driven by Kurt Angle smashes into Christian, who is walking through the parking lot, and then smashes into Samoa Joe. Kurt Angle stumbles out drunk. He keels over and starts to puke on Samoa Joe as Hoyt regains himself. Hoyt rolls over and pins Joe to win the title shot!
WINNER: LANCE HOYT (2:00)
Hoyt walks through the backstage area and goes to the ring and picks up a mic. He says that he wants his title shot right now. He says that he wants to dedicate the match to the memory of his best friend, Mike Awesome. Jarrett comes out and says since he is traditional, he will defend his title.
NWA HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
JEFF JARRETT © VS LANCE HOYT
Hoyt rolls up Jarrett as soon as he enters the ring to win the title.
WINNER AND NEW NWA CHAMPION: LANCE HOYT (0:04)
Hoyt grabs the mic and says that over the years, guys like Eddie Guererro and Chris Benoit have been winning titles, holding big men like Hoyt and Mike Awesome down. He says that technical skill and athleticism aren't all that matters. In fact, they don't matter at all. He says to all the doubters, look where Chris Benoit is now and look where Lance Hoyt is now. One's in hell and the other is the NWA Champion! Hoyt walks to the back
Erik Watts is in the back trying to talk to Russo. Russo doesnt want to talk to him. Watts begs Russo for a job, and Russo says ok. Watts begs Russo for a title match and Russo tells him to get out. Russo slams the door in Watts' face and Watts says hes gonna show everyone..
Kevin Nash is shown in the back with Sonjay Dutt, Chris Sabin, Alex Shelley, and the rest of the X-Division. Nash says that they're all here because they want the results of the test. Nash says that this business is not a business where you can take shortcuts, and the X-Division is no exception. Nash opens up an envelope and pulls out a piece of paper. He says it's from the lab and that every single member of the X-Division tested positive for anabolic steroids. Nash opens up another envelope from Russo and says that the X-Division are hereby fired from TNA. Except Shark Boy. Nash shakes Shark Boy's hand and tells him he's been instructed by Russo to have Shark Boy get to the ring because hes earned his title shot against an opponent that Russo will choose. Shark Boy gets excited and leaves.
Shark Boy is in the ring ready for his match, when Russo's music hits. Out comes Russo from the back with a mic in his hand. He says that Lance Hoyt was inspiring, because just as Hoyt has been held down by guys like Chris Benoit and Eddie Guererro, Russo has been held back by the politics in the back for too long. Russo talks about how it happened in WCW, it happened in TNA, and it happened in WWF. Russo says that he's sick of being held down, and that's why it's gonna be SHARK BOY vs VINCE RUSSO for the X-title.. in a STEEL CAGE MATCH!
STEEL CAGE MATCH
X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP
SHARK BOY VS VINCE RUSSO
The cage comes down and Russo and Shark Boy square off in the ring. Shark Boy and Russo lock up, wrasslin' style, and Shark Boy gives Russo a hiptoss. All of the sudden, Jeff Jarrett comes down! Jeff Jarrett walks around the outside of the cage with the guitar, pacing around. Tenay and West wonder what he's doing. Kevin Nash runs down from the back and starts brawling with Jarrett on the outside. Russo and Shark Boy are brawling in the ring. VKM hit the ring, followed by LAX, they start brawling. One by one the entire roster comes down to the ring. Tenay and West have no idea what's going on. LAX fights off VKM and starts shaking the cage, trying to rip the cage down. Russo and Shark Boy still going at it in the ring. Hoyt runs down with the NWA title and starts getting in on the brawl, hitting people left and right with his NWA title. Kurt stumbles down to the ringside drunk and pukes on Hoyt's NWA title! Everybody on the roster is either brawling or trying to take down the cage! Russo is in the ring taking it to Shark Boy. Erik Watts is shown up on the top of the scaffold at the Impact Zone! He has a mic in his hand and says "goodbye cruel world!" and pulls out a noose that is attached to a light. Watts jumps and tries to hang himself, but the rope breaks and Watts 20 feet to the floor below! Watts is on the floor as people start stomping him down. Tenay and West start freaking out as a light has broken from the ceiling and the roof of the impact zone is catching on fire! Russo and Sharkboy are in the ring brawling. Abyss joins trying to take down the cage and the cage starts to shake. The cage begins to fall! The four sides of the cage break apart and fall to the outside onto many of the brawling wrestlers! The rest of the wrestlers hit the ring and start brawling in the ring as the Impact Zone roof continues to burn. Two fat fireman come out from the back with a long hose and start spraying the roof and the ring. Everyone gets soaking wet as the fireman spray water all over the fire to put it out. The fireman start to walk away, but then they stop. The fireman walk down towards the ring and take off their helmets and uniforms to reveal PHI DELTA SLAM. Phi Delta gets in the ring and joins the brawl, giving Shark Boy the SAMURAI SPLASH. Shark Boy is laid out. The ref is knocked out from the brawl, and PDS starts to throw people out of the ring onto the collapsed cage. Bodies are everywhere on the outside of the ring as PDS is taken out by VKM. VKM and PDS brawl on the outside of the ring and its just Russo and Sharkboy inside the ring. Russo goes to pin Sharkboy 1...2.. Sharkboy kicks out! Tenay and West are freaking out. Shark Boy and Russo both get to their feet. Jarrett hits the ring with the guitar and LEVELS Sharkboy in the head with the guitar! Russo covers 1...2...3! Russo is the new X-Division Champ!
WINNER AND NEW X-DIVISION CHAMP: VINCE RUSSO
Russo tells everyone to head out to the back 'cause he's had enough. He says now that he's the X-Champion and the DOA, things are about to change. He says that if everyone doesnt leave to the back now, they're fired from TNA. Everyone leaves to the back, except for Erik Watts, who is knocked out by falling from the top of the building. He says you can't go around sinning, and arguing, and fighting like that. He says Vince Russo is DEAD. Things are about to get real. Russo says from now on, he'll go by his Christian name, RealVince. He says Vince Russo was a sinner. RealVince is gonna make everybody be nice, or else they will be fired. RealVince walks to the back with his X-title, stepping on Erik Watts along the way.
Kurt Angle is in the back with Jeremy Borash. Borash asks Kurt about what happened earlier with Joe. Angle is too drunk to talk and starts mumbling incoherently. Kurt turns to Borash and pukes on him and stumbles off.
Now is time for the TNA womens title match. Gail Kim comes out to the ring followed by Tracy Brooks.
TNA WOMENS TITLE
GAIL KIM VS TRACEY BROOKS
Gail Kim and Tracy Brooks face off in the ring. A couple of people in the crowd start yelling stuff at them like "show us your tits!" and "get back in the kitchen!" They start throwing trash in the ring and chanting "you suck!" at the women. The women stop wrestling and wonder whats going on. Then they start crying and run to the back.
WINNER: NONE.
It's BUCK QUARTERMAINE and LEX LOVETTE. Quartermaine gets on the mic and asks who wants to see women wrestle? He says that this is what TNA has become? Quartermaine says theres nothing more boring than womens wrestling, and that TNA has become a shell of its former self. Lovette gets on the mic and says that they're here to take over. Lovette says that during the glory days of TNA, they wouldnt let b**ches do @#%$ except suck their dicks. Team 3D come out and say that they're gonna defend the honor of Gail and Tracy.
TEAM 3D VS LEX LOVETTE & BUCK QUARTERMAINE
Team 3D runs down to the ring and starts to brawl with Lovette and Quartermain. Team 3D beats up on Lovette and tosses Quartermaine out of the ring. Team 3D waits for Lovette to get on his feet and they hit the 3D! 3D on Quartermaine! Bubba covers 1... Lovette kicks out on one and gets to his feet. Quartermaine back in the ring and they fight off Team 3D, throwing them out of the ring. ABYSS and STING come down to the ring and start brawling with Quartermaine and Lovette. Quartermaine fights off Sting and Lovette fights off Abyss. Lovette takes Abyss to the outside of the ring and smashes him on the ring steps. Lovette rips the ring steps out and throws them down on Abyss, knocking him out cold. In the ring, Quartermaine locks Sting in the SCORPION DEATHLOCK. Sting taps out! Sting taps out to the scorpion deathlock. Team 3D get back in the ring. Quartermaine ducks a clothesline and rolls up Bubba 1...2...3!
WINNERS: QUARTERMAINE & LOVETTE
Quartermaine and Lovette continue to beat down all 4 men, and RealVince comes out and tells security to get Quartermaine and Lovette out of the ring. Security comes down and grabs Lovette and Quartermaine. Security is about to take Lovette and Quartermaine out and they suddenly stop. The security turns to Sting, Abyss and Team 3D and starts beating them down! The security guards take off their black uniforms to reveal RED SHIRTS. RED SHIRT SECURITY and Lovette/Quartermaine beat down Team 3D, Sting, and Abyss! Quartermaine and Lovette take off their shirts to reveal shirts that say FSNWO.
Lovette grabs a mic and says that the FOX SPORTS NET WRESTLING OUTCASTS are gonna take over TNA once and for all. RealVince tells them to get out. FSNWO says theres nothing RealVince can do. RealVince shakes his head and walks to the back. Quartermaine says that they need to go take care of some business as FSNWO heads out through the crowd.
Samoa Joe is in the hospital with Christian. The nurse comes in and asks them if they would like to go on a hospital trip to go fishing? Joe and Christian get excited.
Lance Hoyt is in the back watching on the monitor. RealVince comes in and tells Hoyt that he needs to get out to the ring because he's got a huge announcement.
Hoyt heads out to the ring followed by RealVince. RealVince tells Hoyt that if he can't be nice and stop arguing, he's gonna make him be nice. RealVince says that he's got a major announcement, a mystery opponent that has never set foot in TNA before. RealVince says that Hoyt is gonna have to defend his title against the mystery opponent right now. The mystery opponent is.. ROB VAN DAM! RVD comes out to the ring
NWA CHAMPIONSHIP
LANCE HOYT © VS ROB VAN DAM
RVD runs into the ring and Hoyt hits him with a clothesline. Hoyt covers 1....2.....3!
WINNER: LANCE HOYT (0:05)
Hoyt grabs a mic and says that he couldnt have done it without his best friend's help, and says "I did it for you, Mikey!" Hoyt says that Hoytamania is runnin' wild and starts a Hoytamania chant. RVD is laying down in the ring and Hoyt tells RVD that he has earned his respect for giving him the toughest match of his career. Hoyt extends his hand to RVD and Hoyt shakes it and raises his hand in the air. QUARTERMAINE, LOVETTE, and THE RED SHIRTS hit the ring and Hoyt turns to RVD and gives him a BIG BOOT. The FSNWO starts stomping down on RVD and throws him out of the ring. Hoyt grabs an FSNWO shirt and puts it on. Hoyt gets on the mic and says that he's no longer gonna be known as Lance Hoyt. He says he's now gonna go by his Christian name... HOYT BENOIT. Benoit grabs his NWA title and spraypaints "FSNWO" on it. All the sudden, Jarrett hits the ring and tells Hoyt Benoit and the FSNWO that they need to get out of his ring. MATT BENTLEY hits the ring and squares off against the FSNWO. Then, he turns and hits Jarrett! MATT BENTLEY has joined the FSNWO! Chris Harris and James Storm run out to help Jarrett, but are beaten down by the FSNWO. Security hits the ring to try and clear the ring, but the security guards are TAKEN AWAY BY RED SHIRT SECURITY. Tenay and West freak out as the FSNWO clears the ring.
Erik Watts is in the parking lot sitting in his car with the ignition on and the windows rolled down. Borash runs over and asks him what he's doing. Watts says he doesnt want to live anymore. Borash tells Watts that only works if he's inside a garage or an enclosed area. Watts gets pissed and challenges Borash to a match in the ring.
Video shown earlier today of Truth and Pacman at the airport. Pacman walks through the metal detector and it sounds. Pacman is searched and a GUN is found. Pacman is arrested.
Pacman is in jail. He keeps yelling for someone to get him out. BLACK REIGN shows up and hands the bail bondsman a check and tells Pacman that he and Truth have to help him. Pacman asks with what and Reign says that they need to help him fight the man in TNA, and teach those southern hillbillies that they can't keep the black man down.
Abyss and Sting are shown sitting in a cemetary, acting creepy. Raven shows up and asks why they're sad. Sting says that he's sad because the FSNWO kicked their asses. Raven says he understands. He's sad cause he used to fight for the NWA title and now he's fat. They all act creepy together.
Samoa Joe and Christian are in the back of a van being driven by the nurse with fishing rods in the backseat with them. Joe says he needs to go to the bathroom. The nurse says there's a McDonalds up the road so they will go there. Joe says he needs to go now. The nurse says that she will help Joe in a minute when they can find a bathroom. Christian and the nurse start sniffing the air and they look to Joe. Christian complains that something smells. The nurse asks Joe what happened? Joe says he had an accident. Christian starts freaking out and the nurse says it looks like they have to go to CVS to buy some diapers for Joe.
RealVince is in the back talking with Hoyt Benoit and the FSNWO. He says that they need to cut out their antics or else he's gonna ban them. RealVince says that he's sick of all the arguing and immature fighting in TNA. Benoit says he is on Russo's side, and that during the FSN days, there was no violence or nudity or language. RealVince says that he needs the FSNWO to do him a favor.
Erik Watts comes down to the ring, followed by a scared looking Jeremy Borash.
ERIK WATTS VS JEREMY BORASH
Watts goes for a clothesline and Borash ducks and slides out of the ring to regain himself. BILL WATTS appears at the top of the ramp with a walker and Tenay and West freak out big time. "OH MY GOD, BILL WATTS, THE LIVING LEGEND IS HERE TO HELP HIS SON ERIK!" Watts inches his way down to the ramp. Borash gets scared and slides into the ring. Erik goes for another clothesline on Borash but Borash ducks and kicks Erik in the balls. He puts his foot on Erik's chest and the ref counts 1.....2......3! Borash wins!
WINNER: JEREMY BORASH (0:45)
Bill Watts is only 1/3 of the way down the ramp! Borash kicks Erik in the stomach while hes clutching his balls on the ground and heads up the ramp. Borash takes Bill Watts' walker and smashes him in the balls with the legs, knocking him down. Borash heads to the back as Bill & Erik both lay clutching their balls.
Christopher Daniels and AJ Styles are shown in the back. Daniels is telling Styles that he's too big for wrestling. Daniels says that Styles could be the next Rock and be an actor. Daniels says that he wants to take him to audition for a movie role that some of his old friends are directing. Styles reluctantly agrees.
Black Reign is hanging out with Pacman backstage and Truth comes in. Reign says it's about time that the white man learns from his mistakes. Reign asks if Pacman and Truth have his back. They say they do. Reign says he's gonna kick Hoyt Benoit's ass. Reign tells Pacman and Truth that hes gonna give Benoit a negro style asskicking. Pacman and Truth look kinda pissed but just shrug and walk off.
Rick Steiner and Scott Steiner are walking up to a building. Rick tells Scott he thinks that he's gonna like it and that it will be a nice vacation. Scott sees the sign that says "RETIREMENT HOME" and flips out on Rick, giving him a belly suplex onto the sidewalk and locking him into the steiner recliner before the security guards come out, taze him, and take him into the retirement home.
RealVince is in the back when JERRY LYNN comes in. Jerry Lynn says he respects RealVince's morals and values but he wants a shot at his X Division-title. RealVince tells him no, and that he's fired from TNA.
TRYTAN promo: HE IS COMING (FOR MORE THAN A WEEK THIS TIME)
Daniels welcomes Styles to XXX's porn studio. Styles says that he doesnt wanna be in porn, cause he is a Christian. Daniels tells Styles that this is his only chance to be a real actor. This will be his big break. Elix asks why he cant star in a vid for once? Low-Ki says that he knows why. Elix asks if this is about his small dick? Daniels says that people wanna see a black man in porn for one reason and Elix doesn't have it. Elix gets pissed and walks out. Styles says he'll do it. Daniels turns off the lights and says they're gonna go get ready.
Back in the cemetary, where Abyss, Raven, and Sting are hanging out and acting creepy. Jim Mitchell shows up and asks if he can join them, since RealVince fired him for being too satanic. They say okay. Havok is creeping around and they invite Havok to join them cause he's creepy. Havok comes and hangs out with them.
TRYTAN promo: HE IS COMING (FOR THE 9TH TIME)
Erik Watts is walking around in the back with a bottle of pills in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. Watts says "goodbye cruel world" and puts the pills in his mouth. He opens up the bottle of vodka and goes to put it in his mouth, but Kurt Angle runs up and steals it. Kurt Angle dumps the whole bottle in his mouth and all over his chest and head and turns and pukes in Erik Watts' face. Kurt passes out, knocking Watts over and landing with his head in Watts' crotch. Watts spits out the pills and starts to cry.
Tenay and West inform us that DIXIE CARTER will have a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT at the end of the night!
TRYTAN promo: HE IS COMING (AGAIN)
Joe and Christian are wheeling themselves around CVS while the nurse is walking. The nurse asks Joe what size diaper he wears, and Joe doesnt answer, he just sits in his wheelchair with his arms crossed, pouting. The nurse asks a clerk what the biggest size diaper they have is, and the clerk hands the nurse a bag. The nurse asks if they have a changing station in the bathroom and the clerk points to the bathroom. Joe says he has to go again, and the nurse hurries him into the bathroom while Christian waits outside with a sick smile on his face.
Black Reign, Truth, and Pacman hit the ring. Black Reign says that negroes have been held down in TNA by Southern whitebred hillbillies for the longest time, and it's time for a black man to step up to the plate. Reign calls out Hoyt Benoit and tells him he's gonna stick his jungle fever to Hoyt's Texas ass. Benoit comes out with the FSNWO and says that he's not getting a shot at his title. Reign says that Mike Awesome was a b**ch, and that Black Reign did his wife after the funeral. Benoit gets really pissed and starts grabbing his head like he's being possessed. Benoit says that he has been taken over by the spirit of Mike Awesome, and that Mike Awesome/Hoyt Benoit is gonna give Reign the Jim Crow treatment. Benoit says he didnt mean that, but he's still gonna kick Reign's ass.
NWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP
HOYT BENOIT © VS BLACK REIGN
Hoyt Benoit and Black Reign start brawling, with Quartermaine/Lovette and Red Shirt Security taking out Killings/Pacman. Twenty seconds in, PRIME TIME runs down to the ring and hits Hoyt Benoit with a bottle of EXTENDS, the penis growing herb!! Black Reign covers Hoyt Benoit 1....2.....3! BLACK REIGN IS THE NEW NWA HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION
WINNER AND NEW NWA CHAMPION: BLACK REIGN
After the match, Black Reign celebrates as the FSNWO/Skipper, Truth, Pacman brawl around the outside of the ring. THE ARENA GOES COMPLETELY BLACK.
The lights come back on and TRYTAN is in the ring with Black Reign. Trytan EXTENDS HIS ARM to Reign as Reign trembles in fear. Trytan T-3s Reign and covers him. REALVINCE runs down to the ring and counts 1.....2......3! TRYTAN WINS.
