Tapout
Hank Scorpio
WWE Creative(TM)
W.W.W.Y.K.I.
Posts: 6,919
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Post by Tapout on Mar 17, 2008 20:11:17 GMT -5
It depends on the circumstances.
There are people who believe that if you give someone everything they need in a relationship, they'll have absolutely no need to cheat because they'll already feel taken care of.
If, in fact, you do try to give someone everything they need and they still cheat, it could be because they weren't entirely honest about what they really needed, or because they just really wanted to cheat. If it's the former, some talking things over and investigating might be warranted if the relationship was otherwise really meaningful.
If it's the latter, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
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Post by HMARK Center on Mar 17, 2008 20:55:44 GMT -5
It depends on the circumstances. There are people who believe that if you give someone everything they need in a relationship, they'll have absolutely no need to cheat because they'll already feel taken care of. If, in fact, you do try to give someone everything they need and they still cheat, it could be because they weren't entirely honest about what they really needed, or because they just really wanted to cheat. If it's the former, some talking things over and investigating might be warranted if the relationship was otherwise really meaningful. If it's the latter, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. That's a pretty reasonable way of looking at it. It's good not to assume the worst in a person merely due to what could simply be a matter of judgment, poor or misguided though said judgment might be, especially if it's somebody you truly, honestly care about. Like I said, I'm usually pretty level-headed about cheating, so long as I know what kind of relationship I'm in, and what the circumstances are surrounding it. In a casual relationship, there's really not much trouble involved with it. In an "open" relationship, its obviously not an issue. In a serious one, if I'm with someone I REALLY want to make things work with, I'll allow for poor judgment and for what could be possible faults in my own personality before condemning them. But like you said, if its a matter of a person just being completely selfish and willing to abuse your trust, and not communicating any kind of reason for what they did, that's a different matter entirely.
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Post by ThereIsNoAbsurdistOnlyZuul on Mar 17, 2008 21:19:22 GMT -5
It depends on the circumstances. There are people who believe that if you give someone everything they need in a relationship, they'll have absolutely no need to cheat because they'll already feel taken care of. If, in fact, you do try to give someone everything they need and they still cheat, it could be because they weren't entirely honest about what they really needed, or because they just really wanted to cheat. If it's the former, some talking things over and investigating might be warranted if the relationship was otherwise really meaningful. If it's the latter, don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. That's a pretty reasonable way of looking at it. It's good not to assume the worst in a person merely due to what could simply be a matter of judgment, poor or misguided though said judgment might be, especially if it's somebody you truly, honestly care about. Like I said, I'm usually pretty level-headed about cheating, so long as I know what kind of relationship I'm in, and what the circumstances are surrounding it. In a casual relationship, there's really not much trouble involved with it. In an "open" relationship, its obviously not an issue. In a serious one, if I'm with someone I REALLY want to make things work with, I'll allow for poor judgment and for what could be possible faults in my own personality before condemning them. But like you said, if its a matter of a person just being completely selfish and willing to abuse your trust, and not communicating any kind of reason for what they did, that's a different matter entirely. See, on a personal level I say smurf them, particularly in a marriag,e where both parties MADE A PROMISE. A person who is willing to abuse your trust, and breach their own word on that level is more likely to do it again. Besides, you may say you've forgiven them, but can you easily forget it everytime you look at them? Yes, we're all flawed, and maybe there is a reason it happened. But then in that logic, we're all flawed so it's just a matter of time before someone smurfs you over.
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Post by That Loser Guy on Mar 17, 2008 21:26:05 GMT -5
"Probably not, but I'd think about it"
Only because change is possible.. yet it can be good or bad.
Meh.
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Post by perpetualn00b on Mar 18, 2008 4:15:02 GMT -5
Yep. I'm strange like that, but I honestly wouldn't see it as that big a deal. I'd be more likely to drag her out to get a blood test then break up with her.
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Mother
Samurai Cop
Possibly a virgin... methinks he doth protest too much
There's no need for this
Posts: 2,437
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Post by Mother on Mar 18, 2008 4:27:48 GMT -5
Not only would I end it, I'd immediately change locks and tell her she has an hour to get her shit or it's out on the street
Needless to say, I've never been cheated on
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Post by HMARK Center on Mar 18, 2008 22:11:45 GMT -5
That's a pretty reasonable way of looking at it. It's good not to assume the worst in a person merely due to what could simply be a matter of judgment, poor or misguided though said judgment might be, especially if it's somebody you truly, honestly care about. Like I said, I'm usually pretty level-headed about cheating, so long as I know what kind of relationship I'm in, and what the circumstances are surrounding it. In a casual relationship, there's really not much trouble involved with it. In an "open" relationship, its obviously not an issue. In a serious one, if I'm with someone I REALLY want to make things work with, I'll allow for poor judgment and for what could be possible faults in my own personality before condemning them. But like you said, if its a matter of a person just being completely selfish and willing to abuse your trust, and not communicating any kind of reason for what they did, that's a different matter entirely. See, on a personal level I say smurf them, particularly in a marriag,e where both parties MADE A PROMISE. A person who is willing to abuse your trust, and breach their own word on that level is more likely to do it again. Besides, you may say you've forgiven them, but can you easily forget it everytime you look at them? Yes, we're all flawed, and maybe there is a reason it happened. But then in that logic, we're all flawed so it's just a matter of time before someone smurfs you over. But what you're doing is applying blanket logic to something that's a very personal matter and often includes unique circumstances for the people it's happening to. Did they break your trust? Sure they did. But its not like you haven't done it at some point, either, albeit in a different capacity. Everybody is flawed, everybody makes mistakes. To condemn a person based on one mistake, even one that bruises your ego, is often short sighted and reactionary. Besides, if you're in a serious relationship, it's kind of your responsibility to make sure you know the other person well enough that you could gauge if it's something they'll do to you regularly, or if it was just poor judgment. Obviously, the burden of the cheating is THEIR responsibility, but that's not what I'm talking about here. As for your last line...that's just life. People are imperfect. People can have fits of selfishness, people can be petty, people can do something they deeply regret soon after, or maybe that person just doesn't give a damn. But part of life is learning to deal with it. Plugging your ears and going "LA LA LA LA LA GO AWAY YOU'RE EVIL LA LA LA LA" isn't going to solve anything or make anybody a better person. I'm not saying stick with a person who cheats on you, but it's much, MUCH more constructive to attempt to actually deal with the issue, rather than just acting like the person never existed anymore.
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Post by ThereIsNoAbsurdistOnlyZuul on Mar 18, 2008 22:43:16 GMT -5
But what you're doing is applying blanket logic to something that's a very personal matter and often includes unique circumstances for the people it's happening to. Besides, if you're in a serious relationship, it's kind of your responsibility to make sure you know the other person well enough that you could gauge if it's something they'll do to you regularly, or if it was just poor judgment. Obviously, the burden of the cheating is THEIR responsibility, but that's not what I'm talking about here. As for your last line...that's just life. People are imperfect. People can have fits of selfishness, people can be petty, people can do something they deeply regret soon after, or maybe that person just doesn't give a damn. But part of life is learning to deal with it. Plugging your ears and going "LA LA LA LA LA GO AWAY YOU'RE EVIL LA LA LA LA" isn't going to solve anything or make anybody a better person. I'm not saying stick with a person who cheats on you, but it's much, MUCH more constructive to attempt to actually deal with the issue, rather than just acting like the person never existed anymore. In reponse to the points: We all make these broad strokes of the mind. It's not good or bad, it just is. We can all lie to ourselves that we don't generalize or judge things around us, but we do. Even if it's subconciously I didn't extol others to follow in my footsteps, I stated how I've felt, and how I feel about it (i.e. when I said "on a personal level). There is right and wrong, and there are consequences. Circumstances can mediate the act, but the act never changes, and while logically I can accept that, it's harder to force down on an emotional level. Probably because emotions don't play by logic's guidelines. This is not a matter of my ego being bruised, this is a matter of implicit trust between people people damaged. All positive relationships are based on implied trust (hence why you never ask people you trust "Can I trust you?"), and as long as that trust remains inviolate then that relationship continues. I failt to see how acknowledging the damage, and the potentiality of that damage happening again is me, or anyone else, being emotionally closed off, or sticking our heads in the sand. I do not appreciate your remark about how I live my life. That is YOUR view of it. I know myself, I know how I react. I responded honestly, though maybe not in the most expansive fashion. My bad. People, like me, who are slow to trust initially, tend to have a hard time reestablishing trust once it is damaged or excised. This doesn't mean I am any less capable of dealing with it on any level, or that somehow my responses are somehow invalid.
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