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Post by The Lach is very tired on Jun 6, 2005 0:25:02 GMT -5
*Spaz walks up to GM Ape's office & sees the Ape Is Bizy Sign. He takes out a piece of paper & writes a note on it.*
*Spaz slips it under the door & walks off.*
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ape
Unicron
Aunt Blabby Tells All.
bea wants all you sweathogs to take a look at what a REAL man is supposed to look like
Posts: 3,223
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Post by ape on Jun 6, 2005 9:36:25 GMT -5
*psychoapeguy walks out to the ring. he grabs a mic, punches his head a few times with it, and begins to speak.* ape - ...so many requests...suddenly i'm a popular guy...i always wanted to be popular....but......but....hehe....i can only grant one request....moxie.....i grant you your title shot against heiden-dorf....because you are moxie....and i think your name is fun to say...it will happen in a few days....along with a few other matches in a ppv that i call "screaming sausage mayhem"....you can thank me by stealing back that cheese sandwich heiden-drof stole from me back in germany... *the ape punches himself once in the skull then a sinister smile covers his face.* ....spaz....however....i cannot grant you your title shot....you say it's what uncle toomi wants...but i beg to differ...a-bomb hasn't been feeling well lately...and unless he gives me his word that he is cleared to wrestle, i plan on giving him a night off...because i'm a nice guy....however....i do agree....spaz does deserve a main-event push....and to prove that you are main-event material....you will be facing an old friend...an old friend who also wants a chance in the spotlight...hehe....spaz and botchberg.....one more time.... *the ape slowly nods then looks over at the toomitron and points.* ape - ...now...here's the line-up thus-far for screaming sausage mayhem! *a promo begins to air with the old royal rumble theme in the background. the matches are listed off... EWT Tag Team Championship JzBadblood & Ape Love (champs) vs. The Nyrds EWT Tri-State Championship Heiden-Dorf (champ) vs. Moxie Some Sort of Title Match Mystery Opponent (champ) vs. Obi Spaz vs. Botchberg 10-Man Old-School Rules Battle Royal Disqualifications occur from piledrivers, jumping from the top rope, or throwing your opponent over the top the promo ends. and sausages fall from the rafters onto the fans in celebration of the upcoming ppv. psychoapeguy looks around the arena, nods slowly and crawls out of the ring and heads back to his office.*
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Post by viscera on Jun 6, 2005 11:38:46 GMT -5
* Seedy Bar musics starts playing *
Suddenly Cue Paul starts making his way down to the ring... waving his pool stick around menacingly. He quickly rolls into the ring, being tossed a microphone.
" Hello everyone... it is I... Cue Paul! "
The crowd is dead.
" I have come out here tonight because I am announcing the start of the " Cue Paul Pool Challenge! " "
The crowd is still dead... except for a few boos.
" Anyways... I'm offering anyone one-hundred bucks if they can successfully knock me out... with his cue stick! So who's up for the challenge! "
Cue Paul looks around the audience to a dead crowd except for a plant who waving his arms frantically.
" Ok you there... come on into the ring... "
The plant quickly climbs into the ring... looking at Cue Paul.
" And what's your name? "
" My name is I.P. Freely! "
The crowd starts reading newspapers and magazines. A few people actually just get up and leave the arena.
" Well Mr Freely... here's your pool stick... go ahead and break it over my head... see if you can knock me out. "
Mr Freely takes the pool stick and smashes it over Cue Paul's head... snapping it in half... he just stands there... not even flinching.
" Ummm... so did I win? "
Paul looks at him.
" I don't think so... and well, I didn't tell the consequences, but if you lose, this happens! "
He pools out a billiard ball and smashes it over the plant's head, busting him open and knocking him out. Sadly, the crowd still doesn't seem to care.
" Better luck next time... loser!!! "
Cue Paul's theme plays again and he exits the ring... causing the crowd to cheer loudly.
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Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
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Post by Maelstrom on Jun 6, 2005 13:36:26 GMT -5
*backstage Maelstrom is still angry*
Maelstrom: dammed EMT's I demand recognition . .
*He walks up to Ape's office to discuss the problem . . . but only finds the board listing the matches*
M: A Battle Royal , hmm, this could be my ticket to turn the Tide . . . .
*Maelstrom marches off . . . threatening a couple of workers on his way.*
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Post by obi on Jun 6, 2005 14:20:52 GMT -5
*obi is backstage*
alright, a title match, i cant wait. you wont be sorry ape!
*fade*
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Post by Poker Joker on Jun 6, 2005 19:44:16 GMT -5
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Post by THE Dinobot on Jun 6, 2005 23:21:50 GMT -5
David Adams sees the commercial for Screaming Sausage Mayhem and is outraged that his name didn't appear. So, here he comes, storming into the EWT Arena....
Adams: Shut-up.....get out of my way. MOVE!
*He runs to the production truck to cut yet, another bitter promo on GM ape.*
Adams: David Adams here, your Ox Division champion and the single GREATEST wrestler on the face of this planet. I was just at home in my Easy Plateau Mansion and what did I see? What did I see? A commercial for Screaming Sausage Mayhem. Now, I wont go into how redicious the name is, so, I'll digress. You see, all of these matches were announced, and where was I? It seems someone has forgotten the true franchise of this damn organization....ME! I know I may not have been here as long as some of the others, but taht still doesn't take away from the fact that I'm simplely BETTER then everyone else, no if's, and's or but's. Well, some butts, me kicking yours. So, Mister ape, you may be in charge for now, and I may be alone in thinking that is the worse idea since Greedo shooting first, but believe me, I WILL be at Screaming Sausage Mayhem, rather I have an opponent or not. Rather I ruin the show by doing what ever I damn well please, or if I just so happen to compete and stealing the show. I will be there.
See ya, ape.
*To the production team and camera man*
Make sure he gets that, or play it over the air so everyone can see it.
*David then jets out of the arena once again to get some taffy and Wonder bread*
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Post by garyhartsgoatee on Jun 7, 2005 0:43:20 GMT -5
*commercial*
VO: Ladies and gentleman... the DVD collection you have all been waiting for... The best of..... DESTROYER!
----contains such great matches as---- MTWTFSS vs The Comunists and umm... err..... Wow, this guy sucked... Whatever, forget about the DVD, buy the Spaz=Workrate DVD instead...
*commercial over*
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Post by *"@-BoMb" R.I.P Deus/Dinobot on Jun 7, 2005 2:46:16 GMT -5
*A-Bomb walks down to the ring carrying a mic as the fans markout*
A-Bomb: ApeGuy! A-Bomb is feeling great and is ready to take on anybody or a nobody that you want to throw at him. If you want a shot just give me a holla...I'll be waiting in the back.
*drops the mic and exits through the crowd*
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Jun 7, 2005 2:59:13 GMT -5
*After A-Bomb leaves Spaz appears on the Toomitron.*
S: See that Ape. Bomb wants to take me on for the EWT title. He wants to see if he has what it takes to beat me, change the card A-Bomb v Spaz for the EWT Heavyweight Title. I will even let you or A-Bomb pick the type of match we have. Street Fight, Scaffold Match, TLC, Hell In A Cell, whatever I don't care. After the match this *Holds up Title* will legitimately be mine.
*Toomitron goes static.*
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Post by The Lach is very tired on Jun 7, 2005 3:24:26 GMT -5
*The EWT logo comes on the screen & a commercial starts to play.*
Voice Over: He is the fastest rising star in the EWT today. Spaz join him as he takes you on a journey from his humble beginnings in the Western Suburbs of Sydney, Australia to wrestling for the AWF as The White Wolf to the lofty heights of the EWT, it is all here in this DVD Spaz = Workrate.
Bonus Matches:
Australasian Wrestling Federation
AWF Debut The White Wolf v Kid Dynamite
AWF Young Lions Cup Match Kyle Seminoff (c) v The White Wolf
AWF Heavywieght Title Match Mark Hilton (c) v The White Wolf
AWF Heavyweight Title Match, Cage Match The White Wolf (c) v Stillborn
Border City Wrestling
BCW Debut Spaz & Nova v Gutter & Hacker
BCW Telvision Title Ladder Match Chris Sabin v Spaz
BCW Television Title Triple Threat Match Chris Sabin (c) v Alex Shelley v Spaz
BCW Can-Am Heavyweight Title Match, 2/3 Falls Shane Douglas (c) v Spaz
BCW Can-AM Heavyweight Title Match, Street Fight Shane Douglas (c) v Spaz
EWT
Scaffold Tables match Spaz v Botchberg
Spaz v Chris Benoit
Ultimate OX Match, Dave Davies (c) v Amazing Red v Spaz v HM Myles
All or nothing OX Division Title match Dave Davies (c) v Spaz
OX Division Title Match, No DQ Spaz (c) v Norman Smiley.
OX Gaunlet Match Spaz (c) v 10 of the best EWT Superstars.
Spaz v Chris Benoit II
VO: Get this DVD from EWT Robzone or any halfway decent DVD retailer. From Friday, June 10.
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ape
Unicron
Aunt Blabby Tells All.
bea wants all you sweathogs to take a look at what a REAL man is supposed to look like
Posts: 3,223
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Post by ape on Jun 7, 2005 10:09:27 GMT -5
*psychoapeguy is sitting in the office. he's punching the side of the desk. suddenly he looks up...andinto the camera...he looks angry.*
...spaz...you will get no title shot....if i gave you a shot...what would my good friend botchberg do, then?...besides...spaz...i still remember...
*ape puts his hand over his bad eye and chuckles to himself*
....i still remember....that you're part of the reason i lost my eye to begin with...no eye for ape....no title for you, spaz...in fact...for bringing back that awful memory....your match with botchberg will be a special match....weapons are legal....for botchberg.....you touch one....you're disqualified....it's amazing how simple it is to get revenge....when you've got power...hehe isn't it spaz?
now...onto david adams...a man who refused to participate....and is now whining that he wants in....well, mr. adams...you were already in...i was going to face you myself....but i already....hehe i already made your daddy bleed enough for the both of you....so i'll let you slide...besides...i have other plans for that night....anyway, mr. adams....your dad was an old school wrestler...so you'll be in the old-school battle royal....the winner will recieve $10,000....maybe you'll leave $10,000 richer....or maybe someone will prove to you...hehe you snot-nosed little punk....hehe that you're nowhere near as good as your daddy...hehe eventhough your ego has already way surpassed his....
*the ape punches himself in the face.*
....that leads me to a-bomb...our champion....i'm currently looking for a worthy contender for your belt, a-bomb...hehe...though....i might know who it might be...
*the ape makes a somewhat evil grin into the camera and quietly laughs to himself.*
...that's all i have to say...now...hehe...please leave my office....i have paper work to do....
*ape picks up pieces of paper and begins carving away at his arm, putting paper cuts all along his forearm and squealing with joy after each one is created. the camera fades to black along with the ape's screams of joy.*
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Post by foghornleghorn on Jun 7, 2005 15:07:20 GMT -5
A generic looking wrestler (approximately 6' 230 lbs) wearing generic black trousers and boots makes his way down the entrance ramp slowly, with neither the crowd nor the wrestler himself seemingly excited about his debut. The unknown light-heavyweight grabs a microphone and begins to speak in a depressing monotone.
"No reaction at all? Oh, I forgot, you only support the over-the-top colourful personalities - no love for those like me who just want to get down to the basics and wrestle. Well, none of your favourites, or even the poor cretins that you deign to boo, would last a good two hours in the ring - something which most pure wrestlers of fifty years or more ago were expected to do. I respect their memory, and I spit on the graves of those who turned a once-noble profession into this confused mess of flashy characters.Laugh, laugh all you want- I'll just have to show you just how serious I am about this. Roll the footage."
A video plays showing the generic wrestler beating up a flamboyantly dressed sports-entertainment fan with a Doink the clown shirt on. After being graphically busted open with a steel chair, the unfortunate member of the public takes a powerbomb through a McDonalds table before the end.
The wrestler, after stopping the footage, again addresses the crowd "Now do you see what happens to those who defy the old school? No you don't, do you, seeing as you," he points to a teenaged member of the audience sitting near the arena floor "still have that Undertaker shirt on. If you need further proof, then come down to the ring right now. That's it, slide under the ropes and onto the mat."
As soon as the fan stands up in the ring, the still unnamed debutant knees him in the midsection and puts him in a standing headscissors. Then, much to the horror of those in attendance, he piledrives the poor teen and knocks him out cold. Then, finally with a facial expression - albeit that of a satisfied madman-, he struds back up the walkway. Before disappearing behind the curtain, the grinning psycho reveals what everyone had wanted to know from the start: "And by the way, my name's Bob."
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Limey
Unicron
It's been awhile.
Posts: 3,062
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Post by Limey on Jun 7, 2005 15:18:37 GMT -5
*Backstage. Rene Dupree is walking, singing a traditional French song. He is stopped in his tracks and grabbed by the throat by Limey.*
Limey: Your choice in song offends me. You could be listening to anything else! System of a Down would have been a good alternative. Ditto Motorhead. You could have thrashed your head to Disturbed or even Slipknot. But no. You had to fake up this world we live in with a cheery French song that was probably made to celebrate the "lovely, picturesque French hills".
Renee: (Choking) Actually...it was about a pretty little French maid who is sought out by...
Limey: (Loud) DON'T INTERRUPT! (Calm) Now, that kind of love to me is unknown. Innocent, pretty little French maid, you say? Hmph. That sounds like all of the fabricated Hollywood love to me. You know, the type that the media uses to make all of the young ladies out there dress pretty and wear makeup, and be completely subservient to their male friends. I don't follow that kind of love. All around me is despair. The friends I have are my comrades fueled by metal. We are bound by our rock spirits, not by what society wants us to look like. You will never understand me, but luckily for you, I feel that my anger has been properly taken out on Mark Jindrak there.
(Cut to the battered, bloody body of Jindrak, that's wet and looks like it's been partially digested by a gigantic fish.)
Jindrak: (Painfully and weak) Howdy.
(Cut back)
Limey: See, Maelstrom makes me feel fulfilled. He does what he wants, when he wants, and lets no-one stand in his way. That kind of...makes me feel better. Lets me know that no matter how bad society may seem, there will always be some out there that defy. Those that break free from society's expectations, and become true to what they want.
Renee: Like Siren?
Limey: Exactly like Siren. Siren...is perfect. And she could tear your head off if given the opportunity. You know that, don't you?
Renee: Uh...oui?
Limey: Good answer, Renee. That's why I must be managed by her. Together, we could bring metal to the world! NOTHING would be passed in society except for the music that we know and love. With her as my manager, I can finally show the world this metal! Not watered down rock like Avril Lavigne! TRUE...METAL.
Renee: Oui! Uh...Monsieur?
Limey: Yes?
Renee: You are 'urting my neck, and I quite like this neck...
Limey: Oh, sorry. (Drops Renee. He falls to the floor and starts gasping for air.) But I trust you've learnt your lesson. In the future, please never hum anything unless in contains distortion.
Renee: Oui, Monsieur. (Scuttles off).
*Limey walks nonchalantly down the corridor. He pauses to glare at the nearly-dead body of Mark Jindrak.*
Limey: What are YOU staring at? (Sucker punches Mark, and throws him into a hot dog stand. We hear Mark screaming)
Jindrak: Help! The cooking oil is burning my valuable face!!
*Limey shrugs at this*
Limey: Crazy Frog fans... (Walks off, solemnly)
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Post by curtrok on Jun 7, 2005 16:55:02 GMT -5
:Curtrok knocks on APE's door.:
CR: Hey puss eye long time no see. I was reveiwing the card you put together and you forgot one thing. My pupil, the only man in EWT history never to be defeated cleanly. Botchberg. This is horrible. Botchberg deserves to be on this card and we will be in the ring sitting in until you put Botchberg in a match and publicly apologize.
:Curtrok stroms off before ape can respond.::
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Maelstrom
AC Slater
The Tide Will Turn!
Posts: 236
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Post by Maelstrom on Jun 7, 2005 17:43:20 GMT -5
*Maelstrom's music blares around the arena . . as Maelstrom heads to the ring, he grabs the mike*
Maelstrom: All you people should know that I Maelstrom will be winning this upcoming Battle Royal. Not because of my talent and ability . . .even though no one can match up to me . . . but because I am the controller of the current and all will fall into the Vortex. Laughs.
*Maelstrom soaks in the crowds boos*
M: To prove this to you all I am having a little warm up match tonight . . .
*the music of his opponent hits . . . and its Al Snow . . . What does everybody want! . . . a head chant begins around the arena*
*We start with a lock up, and Al Snow is forced into the corner, and gets a punch in the face before Maelstrom is forced to break. They lock up again, and Maelstrom drives his face into the mat, and clubs his head from behind. Maelstrom picks Al Snow up who surprises Maelstrom with a kick to the gut and low dropkick to the knee. Maelstrom staggers. Al Snow then hits a couple of running shoulder barges but fails to knock Maelstrom down. Maelstrom returns the favor with on of his own smashing Al Snow to the mat. In one of the sickest moves of the night Maelstrom Gorilla Presses Al Snow out of the ring & onto the concrete. Maelstrom follows him out and beats the hell out of him. Al Snow tries to use head to take down Maelstrom but misses and gets a big boot for his trouble, throwing him back into the ring Maelstrom beats on Al Snow some more. This massacre of a beating ends with a Vortex Drop from Maelstrom, and Al Snow is out cold.*
M: Your hero is defeated and washed up like all the others in the Battle Royal will be. You may hate me but soon you'll just have to like me! The Tide Will Turn!
*Maelstrom leaves the ring . . . looking angry, but with purpose*
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Post by THE Dinobot on Jun 7, 2005 19:43:42 GMT -5
David makes his way out to the ring, for the first time in several weeks to adress everyone what's on his mind....as if they havn't heard enough already.
Adams: When I first came here to the EWT, it wasn't very long after my fathers passing, and I had no real plans on competing, besides one match for him. Well, I won that one match, and what happened in that same night was that I had two victories and became a champion my first match, so, I know my father would have been proud of that. But guess what, it wasn't MY idea to book myself in a damn title match my first night, it was Toomi's, and because I just so happened be better then everyone involved, I won the thing. So, no disrespect to the title that I know own, but, I didn't come here to win it first match in. I am in an elite list of greats in the history of this sport, from Bruno, Rogers, Flair, McGuinness and my father, there sadly, their aren't any other in the EWT who can go toe-to-toe to me in a WRESTLING match. Some may say I have an ego, and I say 'no'. What I have is confidence in my ability inside this squared-circle. Some say, I may be.....well, the list could go on and on and on, but teh fact of the matter is this my friends, is that I'm just better then everyone else. I grew up watching my father, I was their when he defeated Fritz Von Eric for his first worlds title. I dont mean to brag, and I'm not, I'm just stating the simple facts that all the marks out there in cyber land know, David Adams, he is the future of the business, rather you like it or not. So, you want me in a battle royal? Well, it's the EWT's money that'll be coming to me, so, I'll be glad to take it. Just dont expect to last long, I like to make my cash quick. I don't get paid by the hour. BYE!
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Post by Ultimo Chocula on Jun 7, 2005 21:13:34 GMT -5
(The Toomi-tron replays the the brawl from last week between Ultimo Chocula and PZA. The people at home get a commentary from Jim Ross, who gets fifty bucks per catch phrase.)
JR: "Here you see last week that heinous ($50) Ultimo, who doesn't care about anything ($100) was set to face the veteran ($150) Scotty Riggs but PZA came down instead and we had a slobber knocker ($200) on our hands! PZA really took Ultimo behind the wood shed ($250) and beat him like a government mule ($300). PZA took some shots as well but he's tougher than a two dollar steak ($350) but Ultimo didn't look to good toward the end. (shows a close up of UC's bloody mouth) Bah Gawd! ($400) What could happen next? ($450)"
("Poor And Weird" starts up and UC makes his way down the ramp as Lillian Garcia introduces him. Instead of acting like the pompous jerk he normally is, UC looks serious and a little PO'ed. He gets in the ring and takes the mic.)
UC: "Have any of you ever had to get twelve stitches on the roof of your mouth?"
(The crowd starts chanting "You Got Served! You Got Served!")
UC: "Needless to say, it hurts like a mutha. But I have to hand it to you, PiZzA. I used to think you were just a whiny little cretin. But now you've got my full attention, Sunshine. And that is something you don't want. If you think I'm going to let last week slide, guess again! Soon, you will find out that I'm not the guy you should be messing with. And I'll show everybody why, back in the BFWWOTPNWAT, they called me Ultimo the Magnificent, the greatest Gene Rayburn Memorial champion EVAH!"
("Lodi" by Credence Clearwater Revival (I know, it's pronounced different) plays as Lodi makes his way to the ring with a sign that says "I made my sign from Ultimo's belt". The crowd laughs but UC is none to pleased about it. Lodi is at the foot of the ramp and playing to the crowd but he doesn't notice UC running the ropes and nailing the Cannonball Run, laying him out. UC starts wailing on Lodi with a series of stiff punches. He picks Lodi up and applies the cobra clutch and Lodi starts to flail like mad. After Lodi goes limp a bit UC turns the cobra clutch into a suplex onto the ramp and Lodi lands head first with a sickening clang. UC rolls back in the ring to break the count but steps back outside onto the ring apron. Lodi staggers to his feet but walks right into a split leg moonsault from UC laying him out again. New paragraph.
UC throws Lodi into the ring and starts to kick at his head yelling at him to get up. UC sends Lodi into the ropes and hits an Arn Anderson style spine buster and immediately applies a strangle hold gamma. Lodi struggles but can't get out of it. After a couple minutes in the hold Lodi looks like he's about to tap but UC breaks the hold tells the ref not to ring the bell yet. UC body slams Lodi where he wants him and climbs to the top rope, signals for the crowd to get their cameras out, then performs a Knee-sault (moonsault into a knee drop) right across Lodi's throat. UC gets up and signals the end as Lodi thrashes around on the mat gasping for air. UC picks Lodi up and lays him out for good with the Sugar Fix. One, Two, Three. Ding! Ding!)
Lillian: "Here is your winner....Ultimo Chocula!"
(UC grabs his phony belt and the microphone, smiles for the first time all day, and says...)
UC: "Did anyone order the squash?"
(The crowd is booing loudly as UC holds up his belt, kicks Lodi in the head on general principle, then heads up the ramp and to the back.)
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ape
Unicron
Aunt Blabby Tells All.
bea wants all you sweathogs to take a look at what a REAL man is supposed to look like
Posts: 3,223
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Post by ape on Jun 7, 2005 22:54:02 GMT -5
*ape watches a promo that was aired... :Curtrok knocks on APE's door.: CR: Hey puss eye long time no see. I was reveiwing the card you put together and you forgot one thing. My pupil, the only man in EWT history never to be defeated cleanly. Botchberg. This is horrible. Botchberg deserves to be on this card and we will be in the ring sitting in until you put Botchberg in a match and publicly apologize. :Curtrok stroms off before ape can respond.:: ...ape then looks at the camera with a confused look on his face and begins to speak.* ....uhh....curtok....first off....they heavy usage of drugs that you must be doing to be able to come to my face and call me puss-eye....they probably also effect your seeing...as botchberg was already booked for a match....secondly, calling me puss-eye will get you nowhere...and i mean nowhere...you're banned from ringside for the botchberg/spaz match....and if you decide to get involved....i'll use your blood to paint that ring canvas... *ape pulls out a piece of shattered glass* ...hehe....try me.... *the ape chuckles to himself as the camera cuts to commercial.*
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Post by viscera on Jun 8, 2005 1:07:24 GMT -5
* Commercial *
You've seen EWT dolls... video games... and other stuff, but now straight from their minds... the official Cue Paul Pool Table!
Faceless kid: * forced * Wow!!! It's a Cue Paul Pool Table!
Other faceless kid: * monotone * We can play pool... with Cue Paul's official pool table...
That's right Billy... EWT's pool table comes with pool balls featuring the faces of many of EWT's biggest superstars... like The Super Jobber... Ultimo Chocula... the Nyrds... and of coruse, Cue Paul himself. So order your Cue Paul Pool table today
Cue Paul: It'll make you more popular then me!
To order just send all your money to EWT industries...
Warning... pool table is made of plastic and will probably break after one game of play.
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